🌹hi. this is my main blog. im also active on @/sinisterchaos for my random reblogs and @/ingestiblechaos for ed recovery <3
🌹ok actually making pinned post now:
first thing: situational mutism =/= ‘going nonverbal’. ‘going nonverbal’ is not a thing. being nonverbal is permanent state that affects person All The Time. sm =/= nonverbal. see this post in particular.
post about semiverbality
🌹DNI:
DNI if you're a terf/radfem/'gender critical' and whatever else bigots (racists, nazis etc) call themselves these days. you will be blocked AND reported. also do not reblog if your blog is centred/themed around ed/sh, you may be blocked.
DNI people who support jkr in any which way.
🌹 blog stuff:
you're welcome here
Chaos, adult, he/him
struggle with interacting. do read though, and people on here very nice, hi
reblogs fine unless otherwise stated
can’t with ‘i’ a lot of time. grammar/language may be unusual. tired anxious dissociated. many reasons.
will not post any autoplay videos (makes me anxious when scrolling through a blog)
🌹posts have roses because roses are good and u deserve good things. also remind me of a line of poetry “i’d like to paint you in roses” or something like that🌹
blog used to be more informative. now is more personal with more topics than sm. this is why in process of making tag system. but it’s taking time and busy.
if anyone wants to send ask to talk about sm experience, would love that. great to have many many experiences shown. also can send asks if bored or sad or scared, anything <3
personal sideblog is sinisterchaos
i can delete rbs if requested
[ID: pale pink userbox with a heart icon. text reads: “This user’s blog is their voice.” /End ID] box is by me. don’t fully understand user boxes so i did diy. free to use if u want.no permission or credit needed.
post links: a cool flag, double life of sm, different ways ppl describe sm, what is sm, about parents hiding diagnosis of sm, fuck the school system, traumatic vs situational, history of sm.
tag system far from done on all posts. too sleepy
#sm tag - my posts on sm. more about experiences. haven't fully tagged this. so #situational mutism is more consistent.
#chaos-exhausted - more informational posts on sm
#trauma tag (never any detail, always tw beforehand in my posts; reblogs may only have a tw in the tags of the reblog)
#social anxiety tag - my posts
#not sm/sad - my posts on other mental shit: general words about ‘mental illness’, dissociation etc
i'm sorry for being so inactive, i just got hospitalized and forgot that the blog existed, sadly they didn't give me a diagnosis cause "i'm not bad enough", i really missed ya and yar posts! ily/p
hey 🪦💤 anon! i hope you’re doing okay, being in hospital sucks. plus i have many thoughts on the “not bad enough” for diagnosis thing cause on the one hand i guess it’s useful to have classifcations for what counts as a disorder. but on the other hand it can get really really arbitrary and lead to people not getting the help they need. plus lots of ppl already have cognitive distortions that tell them they’re “not sick enough” to deserve help so it sucks when medical professionals reinforce that belief. you’re always welcome on my blog anon, and i hope you know you’re valid. take care! :) - chaos.
i refound ur blog years after and i think its awesome reading the things i sent here when i was younger
i really hope ure doing the best those days! ur blog bringed a lot of comfort onto my life at a stage, reading them now i think i was very annoying with how often i sent those ^_^;, please forgive my 13 y/o self
I never found it annoying, I just felt happy that you felt safe enough to share what you were going through. Im so glad my blog brought u comfort, i just wanted people with social anxiety and selective mutism to feel less alone when reading it <3🌹🌹
somewhere out there today there’s a depressed person doing their laundry. and they’re doing it incredibly slowly. they’re taking breaks; not because they care about themselves, but because their body just keeps collapsing. this is the only thing they’re doing today. and the whole time, their head is filled with thoughts about how they suck at this, and they shouldve done it weeks ago, and they’d rather just be in bed. but they’re doing it. and they might give up halfway through. their clothes might go mouldy from being left in the washer so long. the fresh laundry might gather dust from being sat in a corner of the room, unfolded. but they tried. and that’s not good or bad; it doesnt make them better or worse than those who didn’t try. it just makes them different than they were a week ago. 🌹🌹
selective mutism has to be up there with the worst named disorders ever. like man i didn't know i selected this. how do i unselect it? where in my settings menu is that?
growing up with selective mutism was hearing "use your words, I can't read your mind." ALL the time, and wanting to cry bc you CAN'T and NOBODY understands you.
i dont hate you. im not judging you. i dont think im better than you. im not bored of you. im not boring. i have emotions. i have opinions. i have things to say.
i just can’t speak. i just can’t show my emotions.
As someone who suffers from selective mutism, I feel like a lot of people don't have it can't understand how to communicate with someone who does or think that they maybe even don't care. So, let me give an easier way to look at it.
Think about cats, they show you affection by just hanging out with you. They may not be able to speak and say "I love you!" but they show their trust for you through things like bringing you dead mice and kneading their paws on you. They always think about you too, they get upset when you come home late and meow at you to pay attention after getting off work.
Now, I feel the need to say that I am NOT grouping people with selective mutism, or who are fully nonvocal in with animals. What I am saying is that animals can't talk, but they still love you and want to spend time with you. It's the same for people who can't talk, we have out own ways of showing affection, even if some of us hate physical touch we still have fun hanging out with our friends.
I sometimes struggle to talk to my parents because of selective mutism, and they're understanding. Usually we'll hang out and watch tv and if they ask me a question sometimes I'll just nod or shake my head, and they understand that doesn't mean I'm not showing affection. The fact that I go out of my way to find a way to communicate alone is a form of affection.
So please remember, just because people can't speak doesn't mean they aren't trying to communicate, and don't force them to speak if you can't understand them. They're trying really hard, it's just different for them than it is for neurotypical people is all.
For anyone who is semi verbal, nonverbal, or otherwise struggles with speech, please know that there are people who will accept your methods of communication. There are people who won't infantilize you for using AAC, communication cards, making noises instead of words, etc. There are people who won't expect you to pick the mask up again when you stop being so 'talkative'. There are people who don't mind waiting for you to sort your thoughts, and are happy to include you in the conversation.
There are people who accept you as yourself, and I don't just mean toleration.
I love you adults who use AAC, I love you people with selective mutism that use AAC and non-verbal people who use AAC. I love you if you use communication cards, I love you if you text in person I love you if you use a separate device for your AAC or if you have an app on your phone. I love you if you take a long time to communicate, I love you if you use sign language,
Everyone deserves to communicate and I'm so grateful for how available it's become
i had my first appointment for gender-affirming treatment!! i was so anxious and i could only give really short answers but the psychologist understood that and sort of accommodated around it by asking more questions. i was really scared that he was gonna get frustrated with me for not being detailed enough, or that he was gonna think i was being rude. but he was actually really friendly and supportive!🌹🌹
Many of you know this is something I’ve struggled with throughout my life, and I’ve heard all of these things so many times. I actually love being social, but sometimes my anxiety makes it impossible for me to speak or join in the way I want to. 🥺
It’s not that I don’t care or don’t want to be part of the moment. I do, more than anything. But sometimes my voice just disappears, even when my heart is full of things I wish I could say. 💭
If you know someone with selective mutism (or any kind of social anxiety), please be patient and kind. We’re listening, we care deeply, and we’re trying our best, even if the words don’t always come out. We’re not being rude or distant; we’re just quietly fighting a battle you might not see. 💕
Selective mutism is still so misunderstood, and many people don’t realise how deeply it can affect someone’s life. That’s why raising awareness means so much to me, the more people that understand, the easier it becomes for others to feel seen, safe, and supported. 🫶🏻
i wanna be seen i am tired of inventing *a loud and fun version of myself* over and over again in order to temporarily achieve that i wanna be accepted for who I *myself* am not that mask
sometimes the person who didn't say please or thank you isn't trying to be rude or inconsiderate - for some people the words don't work, or they aren't loud enough for you to hear - even if they've spoken to you before, the expectation to say a specific phrase (especially quickly and suddenly) can be anxiety inducing, or even impossible
