#lonelyasacloud

[poetrythreesixfive]

That Obvious

Sometimes I run into a neighbor I barely know

and they ask me things they have no business

knowing, like, When is your car going to be fixed?

or, Did your niece like the guitar you bought her

for her birthday? or, Why did you switch to sugar-

free toothpaste? Does it have anything to do with

you going to the dentist last Tuesday? And I realize

they are either spying on me through a telescope

or they have bugged my house, or both, and that is

how it felt when you looked into my eyes for the

first time ever and asked me, What was her name?

[poetrythreesixfive]

Existential

Love adds meaning to life

the way God adds meaning

to the universe.

Without it, you’re just there.

[poetrythreesixfive]

The Waiting

Wait until you’re really hungry:

food will taste much better.

Wait until you’re really thirsty:

water tastes much wetter.

Wait until you’re really tired:

your bed will feel swell.

But waiting years to find someone

to love is simply hell.

[poetrythreesixfive]

Ouroboros

Ever been so tired

even sleeping doesn’t do it?

ever been so hungry

you don’t have strength to chew it?

ever been so crazy

you don’t recognize the madness?

ever been so lonely

you begin to love the sadness?

[poetrythreesixfive]

If, You, Ever

If you ever came back to me,

I don’t know what I’d do—

most likely just break into tears

and not let go of you

I’ve dreamed of such a moment,

of finding you at last

of leaving all the agony

and heartache in the past.

You’d ask for my forgiveness,

and I would ask for yours,

we’d hold each other, remembering

the love we had before.

But that will never happen,

and that I truly know—

you never will come back to me,

so I must let you go.

[poetrythreesixfive]

Past Life

Every so often

I catch a fleeting glimpse of happiness

like a face from the past vaguely recognized

that vanishes like a reflection

on the subway train, clattering off into

that one-way tunnel from which

nothing ever reverses.

[youdontknowwhatpoetryis-blog]

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud By William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed—and gazed—but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils.

[holly-go-pouty-blog]

Update on my life?

In the editing process of my final graduate film!!! Finishing uni is so close, its terrifying an exciting. Means I have to have a plan for whats next. Thinking practically I might go ask my dad to stay with him for the summer to learn to drive/get a job just save some money so hopefully maybe might move in with the boyfriend somewhere afterwards. Or travel. Travelling will always be an alternate plan for me. 

Boyfriend is still wonderful. His film went well and I’m looking forward to seeing it finished. Been like 9 months now (??) and I still getting that silly excited feeling about him and it’s just great. We still bicker and argue sometimes about stupid things but I never doubt that I love him or that I don’t want to be with him. I get all excited sometimes about the first house that we move in together, how we’ll decorate and kinda stupid normal crap like that but it’s nice. 

I feel like after uni I’ll be able to actually concentrate on and give time to the people I like and love, see my sister more and my family, be more ‘there’ for my friends, more connected - rather than worrying about uni crap and being considerate for people who don’t care. Though I hope I will always be considerate of people-  even if they don’t care. 

Finally and actually sorting through all the mounds! of paper and notebooks with crap in!! The bedroom is getting organised, things are being thrown away or sorted. 

Looking through all my all notebooks and things though interesting thing. Found so many lovely and funny little doodles from boyfriend and friends from when we must have been sat next to each other in lectures and things. 

So far I have found two from my ex. One is the repetition of ‘willy bum poo’ (idek??) the other is ‘a last will and testament To anyone I bequeath: Absolutely nothing. fuck you, people’ 

Feels great each time i find something like this or something reassures me that we were not suited. It was never meant to be. And we’re both much happier now and that isn't a bad thing. 

Trying to plan a big solstice thing, need to ask my friends and trying to get the boyfriends friends from home down. Would be a fun way to end the year :D