Oh, I'm going to love this one. Tagged by @optimisticgrey - here's the story of her work and her charming and tormented OC Celeste - and @lottavilja - if you want some great Tav/Astarion, you've been looking for Lotta's work all this time.
Gentle tags for @scoldingdarjeeling @missfortunetherogue @et-augury @fiberpunk027 @lilhumanoid @elceewunjo
Now let's do this thing. Naturally, I chose my only proper longfic...
Before The Dawn
Rating: Mature
Pairing: redeemed Dark Urge x Halsin, Halsin x original male character
Completion Status: completed
Plot Summary
Orin the Red is dead. Ethery the Bhaalspawn is scarred for life, but free from Bhaal's taint. The night after her duel with Orin, Ethery wakes up next to Halsin clearly having a bad nightmare. This opens Pandora's box of the true extent of damage done to him by the shadow curse and its consequences - Ethery, who knows that she wouldn't have made it through her Dark Urges without Halsin's help and support, becomes determined to help him heal. But what good can do an amnesiac woman who suffers from brain damage and has zero clue what to do with Halsin's grief and guilt? She learns from her own mistakes, but the road is long and painful for them both.
The vibeees
Angst, hurt/comfort, sometimes a drop of humor. Two people, deeply damaged each in their own way and desperately needing each other, stumble and blunder through their own pain - luckily for them, they are surrounded by people who care for them both. And they have each other.
Short Snippet
Bhaal and Shar. What a lovely pair you make. May you meet, fuck each other senseless, and then eat each other. But what would it even matter? One more dead goddess wouldn’t make the least bit of difference.
She sank to the ground and pulled Halsin with her. Now he was shaking - truly shaking, a deep, punishing tremor. Tears streamed down his cheeks, tears he was trying and failing to hold back.
“It’s all from helplessness,” he managed at last. “Eskiel believed in me, but I did not return in time, when he needed me most. You believed in me, but I watched Bhaal kill you and could do nothing. I was powerless.”
“No, Halsin. Not ‘believed’. Believe. No, wrong again. It’s not belief. It’s knowledge.”
She drew him into her arms, pressed his face to her shoulder, felt his tears on her skin. His burning forehead.
At last, she found the words she’d been searching for.
“I’ve still got a long road ahead of me, but I already know you. I know your strength, your love, your devotion. I know you’d have died for me, only for me to drag you back and box your ears for daring to leave me behind. I know you’re the one who could have saved me, if Bhaal hadn’t interfered. What are you blaming yourself for? For being mortal, in the wrong place at the wrong time? For you and the people you love getting caught in the claws of petty, vicious gods?”
He was shaking with sobs.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Ethery went on, and her voice never broke. “You think you must be capable of everything. Not whether it’s possible or not, you just must. Must, in that brilliant, beautiful, maddening head of yours. You raced the Sharran curse. You tried to break through a magical barrier Bhaal had set, until you got smacked by own spell. You did everything you could, Halsin. More than anyone else could have done. You’re mortal, my Archdruid. Just like me. Just like all of us. You should have listened to Withers. He knows what he’s saying on the rare occasions he opens his mouth not to insult someone.”
What other media inspired this fic
I'm afraid it was fully inspired by short bits of ingame banter and dialogue. Halsin's pain, guilt and loss are outlined, but never properly developed due to him being a late addition and the general lack of dev time. It hadn't let me go for quite a while, so in the end I decided to write my own story about it. To walk his way to healing by his, and Ethery's, side.
What character trait did you amplify or minimise to make your version of a character work for your story?
I don't know if this counts as amplifying, but the whole story is built around Halsin's guilt complex. Again, it is outlined in the game, and even in enough detail to see the extent of it, but not even nearly enough, especially in comparison with characters who got almost all devs' attention. I think I grabbed whatever reference I could find in the game... or nearly.
How did your understanding of the characters change while writing this?
I started to "feel" Halsin better. I still struggle with his voice - only to be expected when you write a character much more emotionally mature than yourself - but it got much easier as I, through his overwhelming guilt, realized how much of a mess he actually is. I'd put him close to Astarion, only Halsin didn't have a sadistic master - he did everything himself, just by taking too much responsibility and blaming himself for things he couldn't have changed no matter how hard he'd tried.
What’s one thing you put in—trope, character beat, scene—that was just extra shamelessly self-indulgent?
I made Kagha fall in love with Halsin. It was a pure act of cruelty (Kagha is next to Wulbren on my list of most despicable characters), but I ended up feeling some sympathy for her - same happened to Ethery who is salty with Kagha because of Kagha's fondness for Lolth-sworn drow (Ethery, as a Seldarine drow, despises them). Although my sympathy runs dry as soon as I visit the Emerald Grove in a new playthrough.
What’s the structural choice you made on purpose—POV, timeline, chaptering—that most shaped the story?
Flashbacks. Some of them are written from Ethery's POV, but mostly from Halsin's. They are pretty random, just like negative flashbacks real people get.
Which theme emerged accidentally, and which one did you pursue deliberately?
I didn't expect Halsin's lover, lost to the shadow curse, to make an appearance. It is stated in the game that Halsin lost everyone to the shadow curse, and as I thought of developing this subject, a new original character jumped out of my head and made a spectacular entrance full of angst. As for a theme pursued deliberately, I think it was the theme of survivors who hated their saviors for not letting them die with their loved ones.
What was the biggest risk you took with this fic?
To fail it with a loud bang. The main theme of the fic is very painful and complex, and I have little to no experience. I'm still not sure I didn't fail.
In a hypothetical scenario where you are forced to rewrite the whole story from scratch, what would you do differently?
I've only finished it recently. Give me a couple of months, and the answer will be "everything".
Sloooowly catching up, thank you for the tags and patience to the marvelous @anacdoce (who spoke about her fic In Winter's Silence the Water Lilies Wait), @chaushaus (who spoke about Threadbare), @lottavilja (who spoke about Fleeting Dreams), and @lucretiouswept (who spoke about Before The Dawn)
I have once again taken so very long to do this one I imagine most folks who wished to do it have done so already. But if you've not been tagged consider this your personal invitation to do so, I'd love to hear about your fics :)
The Embrace of Love and Death
(Just two idiots kissing. Two idiots who can either help each other heal or enable each other's worst habits and who, in their pursuit of happiness, will likely make many others miserable or at least mildly uncomfortable along the way. )
Rating: Explicit (sexual content, some violence, lots of adult themes like sex trafficking, depression/suicidal ideation, and trauma - although smut scenes are not the focus, the ones that are in here are quite explicit)
Pairing: Astarion x Miss Fortune, a non-binary Tav who is a drag queen and former prostitute
Completion Status: Each part covers one act in the game's plot. Part 1 is complete; Part 2 is 2/3 done; Part 3 is in brainstorming/worldbuilding stages, as is the post-canon adventure which I'm thinking will take a new title :)
Plot Summary
From the outside looking in, Miss Fortune had it all: a lavish, sprawling bedchamber; countless material comforts; a steady gig performing for packed audiences who adored them; a wardrobe filled to bursting with all manner of gorgeous wigs, dresses, and accessories. But in reality the Peacock of the Lower City was a fragile, broken-winged bird trapped in a gilded cage. Having recently left it all behind with nothing but a fistful of gold and a single change of clothes in their pack, Miss Fortune was broke and broken-hearted when they were abducted by the mind flayer ship and thrust into an ill-fitting position of leadership among a group of similarly infected strangers.
They had thought their heart closed for business, but when Miss Fortune recognized the familiar shape of sorrow slip out from beneath Astarion's pleasant mask, they felt themselves inexplicably pulled towards the pale elf and discovered they had an eerie number of life experiences in common. Developing a bond forged by shared traumas, the rogues find companionship, renewed purpose, and eventually love in each other and transform from messes to menaces to society.
(Fuck shit up, acting first and thinking later? Oh yes, darling, let's.)
The vibeees
Hurt/comfort, lots of angst. As we progress through Act 2 and set our sights on Act 3 storyline, more moments of healing, vulnerability, and fluff are slowly filtering in. By the end of Part 3/Act 3 the rogues will be lovable menaces.
Due to both Astarion and Miss Fortune having a shared background as sex trafficking survivors, this fic dives into trauma-related topics and how differently people can process similar experiences, as well as the ways in which they can be both great and terrible at supporting each other through different issues because of it.
Short Snippet
I don't know if this is a crowning achievement kind of snippet, but I think it highlights their dynamic in the earlystages of healing fairly well. This is during their time in the Underdark so Astarion is still lightly in the manipulation stage but is catching feelings.
~~~~~~~
“I know that look,” Astarion said, seeming eager to keep the banter going. “It’s the ‘I want to kiss Astarion’ look.”
Miss Fortune sputtered on their tea. “Beg your pardon?”
“You make it all the time, my sweet, it’s rather adorable. Not that I’m surprised you can’t get enough of me. And yet…” he trailed off. When they didn’t take the bait he continued with a huff. “And yet you don’t follow through. Why is that?”
“Am I that obvious?” They asked, shuffling their feet in embarrassment.
Never let the mask slip. No matter how you feel at any given moment, to all the world you must look as if you’re having the time of your life. Our customers are buying the fantasy that you can’t get enough of them.
“Only to me, I’m sure,” Astarion teased. “You don’t strike me as the shy type, my sweet. Your restraint is positively vexing.”
“Do you even want to be kissed when I make that face?” They broached.
Forget about your own wants and needs; they are worthless. You exist only as a vessel for other people’s pleasure, to bring their deepest, naughtiest desires to life.
“I—I do like kisses,” he said, which wasn’t exactly a direct answer. He was looking off to the side again. But which direction did the bashfulness tip towards? Was he trying to avoid admitting how much he liked kissing them? Or was he trying to let them down easy?
Most of the other girls hate you, you know. You think just because you look like a woman but you fuck like a man that you’re special? Get over yourself. If you were out in the real world, no one would ever choose to date you. You’d be a freak instead of a novelty.
“I’m still not used to kissing outside of sex,” they admitted. “It’s been ingrained in me that it’s wrong.”
“Ah, of course,” the vampire murmured.
Shit. They were doing it again. Failing to communicate. “B-but I like it too,” they stammered out eagerly. “Like, a lot. Kissing you, specifically. In case that wasn’t clear.”
“Well, then. What do you say we throw out the old rules? Who’s going to stop us from being a little naughty?!” The smile returned to Astarion’s mouth and eyes and he threw his arms up in the air.
Miss Fortune couldn’t help but return the smile. “I don’t think there’s a force in the realm that can stop you from being naughty when you set your mind to it.”
They took another sip of their tea before setting it down. Moments later Astarion was right there, their mouths connected in a fervent kiss that ended too soon but left Miss Fortune breathless anyway from the sheer delight of it. But no matter how much they liked it, there was still that underlying feeling of wrongness that didn’t come from them but had been wedged so far into their psyche that they couldn’t easily extract it.
“See how easy that is? You want a kiss, you get a kiss. Wouldn’t it be so much more fun if we just…made our own rules? It’s our lips on the line after all, so who else’s opinion matters?!”
“Star, you should take those words back while you still can. Trust me, you don’t want me making my own rules.”
As stifling as they’d been, simply following rules that other people made for them was so much easier than having to take charge of their own wants and needs. Even if it left them with a lifetime of repressed desires.
“Oh? And why is that?” Astarion moved further inside, sitting on one of their cushions and motioning for them to take the other. It pleased Miss Fortune that he felt comfortable making himself at home in their space.
“I told you before, I want too much. More than I think you’re willing to give,” they explained as they sat opposite him, crossing their legs so he wouldn’t be able to launch himself into their lap without warning and seduce them out of having the conversation.
“Says the person who won’t even give me their name,” he shot back, the hurt from the other night creeping back into his tone.
“…Ouch. I don’t know that I deserved that. Look,” Miss Fortune started, then paused, embarrassed. “You made it crystal clear from the beginning that sex was the only thing on offer. So I know that anything else I might feel beyond that is my burden to bear.”
They paused again, fighting down the emotions threatening to overwhelm them. “I’d love to tell you my name someday if you decide you want something more with me. But don’t get my hopes up. Encouraging me to dream of a feast only reminds me how badly I’m starving when I go to bed at night with an empty stomach. I’m used to scraps, and it’s so much easier if I just steel myself to be content with whatever is offered to me.”
~~~~~~~
What other media inspired this fic
Besides the game? Well, I'm heavily inspired by drag culture including but not limited to RuPaul's drag race. I'm also heavily inspired by all things sneaky. In any game where I can choose a class or play style, from DnD to World of Warcraft etc., I'm drawn to rolling up rogues or characters that rely on stealth, wits, and taking advantages of weak spots and intelligence over brute strength. I love a good spy intrigue story, and characters who say one thing but mean another and may still yet do a secret third thing they neither said nor meant between the lines xD
What character trait did you amplify or minimise to make your version of a character work for your story?
I shifted some of Astarion's early-game meanness - I'd argue it still crops up in my fic, more at other people than at Miss Fortune, but it isn't as prevalent. This is for a few reasons:
1) While yes, there are plenty of examples of him disapproving of helping others and making snippy comments etc., there are also plenty of moments even as early as the first couple of nights traveling together where he seems to be open to connecting in his own way and tries to be charming. So I don't 100% buy the narrative that early Astarion's vicious (although I have no problem with anyone who chooses to lean heavily into his mean side - that's the beauty of fanfic, we can all highlight different traits that we find compelling and I encourage everyone to do so!!). He's absolutely in survival mode, manipulating everyone (or trying to), but there are three other main survival responses besides fight, and we see him use all of them depending on the situation.
2) On that survival response note (Fawn being one of them), Astarion's a skilled manipulator and seducer. He didn't get thousands into that pleasure chamber by being a nasty bitch to everyone. No, he likely studied them from afar before making his move, tailoring his approach based on his assessment of them. So I wrote him on the premise that he would absolutely clock that Miss Fortune is depressed/anxious, emotionally fragile, fluent in flirtations, and thus wouldn't be able to withstand his meanness. With his goal being to seduce them and manipulate them into never turning on him, he needed to let some of that softness show, even if he was totally faking it in the beginning. Especially after seeing how Miss Fortune shut down Lae'zel for her cruelty early on.
3) I think Astarion is very witty no matter what, and that wit can be sharp or simply funny. There are plenty of instances of both in the in-game dialogue, and I chose to lean more in the funny-witty direction. Then again, it's also possible I have a skewed definition of mean? I grew up in the American Northeast where we speak sarcasm as a second language and my family trades "insults" as a way to show our love xD
Once Astarion learned that Miss Fortune had similar traumas to him, I think opening up became a little easier also. Miss Fortune just got it in a way other characters might not. Their friendship/relationship has never been about one person being a functional, benevolent savior of the other but two broken people mending themselves and each other with whatever fragments of themselves they find laying on the ground.
How did your understanding of the characters change while writing this?
My understanding of Miss Fortune, and the details of their life prior to the start of the story, have continued to grow deeper with every chapter that I write. I think they are still more or less the same person I thought they were at the start, just more developed. It helps that they started as a DnD character whom I played for a good couple of years before ever plugging them into Baldur's Gate 3.
But LAE'ZEL... hehe. I strongly disliked her when I first played the game but I don't think I got her. The brainwashed cult child who was promised the world only to turn it down when she was forced to finally see the truth. I love the General now, she has more depth than I originally gave her credit for <3
What’s one thing you put in—trope, character beat, scene—that was just extra shamelessly self-indulgent?
Besides making Miss Fortune a charismatic drag queen with excellent taste in fashion? No, no, that's probably it. I wish I could slay half as hard as they do, even when they're incognito.
What’s the structural choice you made on purpose—POV, timeline, chaptering—that most shaped the story?
Obviously choosing to start it at the beginning of the adventure. It was a risk (which I'll discuss below) but it also allowed me to show Miss Fortune truly, honestly beginning at level 1 with almost no skills. To bring them up from nothing, from the ashes of their former life, and by the end of this adventure see them healing, empowered, and powerful -- with Astarion on a similar path by their side as an equal partner -- that is the story I want to tell. For myself, and anyone else who's struggled with their gender identity, or feels broken and out of place and can find even a scrap of solace and belonging in my story.
Which theme emerged accidentally, and which one did you pursue deliberately?
Accidental: Less of a theme and more of a character beat but I didn't intend for Miss Fortune to have a benefactor from their brothel days trying to help them, but now this benefactor, Haverford Gist (only in the game by way of a letter you can find in Rivington addressed to him), is going to play a larger role in the city. I also didn't intend for Miss Fortune's spy background to emerge beyond a passing thing either but I'm glad that it has; it's much more natural to have them easing into this role than to just go "okay adventure's over SPY TIME!" out of nowhere haha. Part 3 of the fic will likely begin to diverge from the game a lot more, with more exploration of their past and machinations for the future with passing mentions of "official game business" unless it's a significant companion development like killing Cazador or heading to the House of Grief etc.
Deliberate: I pursued the theme of healing from sex trafficking trauma deliberately. I could have made Miss Fortune a bard if I wanted them to be in the brothel space without the trauma, or could have made them a street urchin picking pockets if I wanted them to have different kinds of trauma. But I chose to make them an unwilling prostitute to explore what that would do to them, what it would take for them to recover from that.
Perhaps in part because it's a way to process my own history as a survivor of multiple SAs through enough layers of separation/different situation that writing Miss Fortune healing from their past helps me too without directly ripping open all the old wounds I carry. I've volunteered with groups helping survivors of trafficking and DV in the past and read a lot on the topic so I hope that although I am not a trafficking survivor myself I am able to tackle the issue respectfully and accurately - and I am, without a doubt, open to being corrected if I get something wrong because I assure you any misrepresentations are not intentional.
What was the biggest risk you took with this fic?
Starting a fic that follows the plot and timeline of the full BG3 game from the beginning, especially seeing as I joined the fandom late, was definitely a risk as I feel the audience for that is smaller. The further I get into things the more I try to focus not on the game events themselves but on what happens in the moments between; how relationships develop, exploring intimacy in all its forms (platonic intimacy has become one of my favorites to explore), etc. But still, there's less interest in these types of stories than, say, AUs or post-canon stories, and I get that :) I'm writing this for me first, and I wouldn't do it any other way.
And I hope that by the time I'm ready to draft the post-canon fic there will still be enough people interested in the BG3 fandom in general that folks will be here to read it 😆
In a hypothetical scenario where you are forced to rewrite the whole story from scratch, what would you do differently?
I'd probably slow down, and I mean that inside my own head more than anything. I so admire and envy writers who can just....saturate a single scene for lack of a better word, where you can sink right into it and savor every moment going on. I think my pacing is quite a bit faster than that and it's because that's how my brain is. It's scary in here, folks! At any given time I've got at least one or two songs blaring in my head and 4+ trains of thought and slowing down is just...haaaard.
But when I reread my earliest chapters I often see pockets where I would love to go back and really settle deeper into Miss Fortune's mindset or the surroundings and describe them more fully.
Thank you so much for the tag, @arzen9 and @shandoratheexplorer
Your fic, arzen, is definitely on my to-read list. I wish I could create a pocket universe only for reading all the delicacies out there.
I think it is so gratifying when our OCs give us something back, that they make us better in so many ways. I'm happy Lark is that inspiration for you.
I'm so grateful for being the beta for your story, Shan, and it's been such a pleasure reading about Rolim's story, especially after he's opened up toward his companions. And Astarion as a living elf is just a treat in itself.
I picked Fleeting Dreams as the fic I want to present here.
Rating: explicit
Pairing: Astarion/Tav as the main pairing; Gale/Lae'zel have their own chapter, and Shadowheart/Minthara are mentioned as a couple. And finally Reader/surprise
Completion Status: I think the story will be finished in two more chapters, although I've already planned out a sequel, which I'm already very excited about.
Plot Summary
Reader lives in our world. She suffers from depression and lives a lonely life. She's a huge BG3 fan and so consider her surprised when she starts dreaming about Astarion. Mostly romantic dreams with him and the companions. First she's thrilled (I mean, who wouldn't, right?), but then the dreams become so vivid that she begins to question her sanity up to the point that she asks herself whether she is totally losing it now or everything she is dreaming about did really happen.
The vibeees
Psychological horror, dead dove (there are some very dark topics), but also romance and true love-vibes. This fic drifts so much between the extremes that I would like to invent a new tag for this genre (maybe happy dead dove?).
Short Snippet (taken from chapter 6)
Your focus shifts to Astarion, who sits on a stool at the opposite side of the fireplace.
He is mending his armor. It is a finely crafted drow armor you found in the Underdark. It was a gift, and Astarion struggled to accept it as one. He did, ultimately. And he tends to that armor as if it were something precious.
He looks at you, smiling. A tender smile. You love seeing him smile that way. You love his passionate smile, too. Lately, he has been looking at you more and more tenderly.
He has opened up. To you and toward the others. He has even befriended Gale.
Gale!
He hated the wizard from the start, you remember. He mocked him whenever possible. Now, he has become one of his most trusted friends.
Gale.
You look at the wizard, who is like a brother to you. He is reading. Of course he is. He is reading a book about—stew?
That is odd.
Why would he be reading a book about stew?
Suddenly, you feel strange, unstable.
As if a memory threatens to enter your mind but can’t get through.
As if you forgot something very important.
Something vital.
Existential.
What other media inspired this fic
That's really hard to say. I've always been intrigued by stories about dreams weaving into reality. Also, the abstruse is something I very much enjoy. I cannot pinpoint to specific works, though.
What character trait did you amplify or minimise to make your version of a character work for your story?
The Astarion in my fic is one from the future, who hasn't ascended, and has been dealing with his past and traumas as best as possible with the help of his friends. He's more serene, more reflective, more patient with himself and others. He still has trust issues, physical contact is difficult for him, but he's more approachable, I guess.
How did your understanding of the characters change while writing this?
It's been very insightful to write an Astarion who has grown over the years. I'm simultaneously writing a story from his POV which is game convergent, so I kind of accompany his development with the view on how things might turn out under certain conditions.
I see a lot of myself in him. Also a lot of differences. Writing him and asking myself how he would deal with problems shows me a lot about my own frame of thought processes, feelings and actions. I learn a lot about myself by abstracting my action patterns and reflecting via his character.
What’s one thing you put in—trope, character beat, scene—that was just extra shamelessly self-indulgent?
The whole thing is extra shamelessly self-indulgent, lol.
What’s the structural choice you made on purpose—POV, timeline, chaptering—that most shaped the story?
POV and narrative structure are very purposefully used here. The alternating POV because it enhances the psychological effect of madness (schizophrenia in this case), and the narrative structure varies depending on whether I depict dream scenes (detailed, rich in atmosphere) or rl (clipped language, raw structure).
I just love playing with language in this form, and I try to use it to create expectations (and crash them later, hehe), atmosphere, etc.
Which theme emerged accidentally, and which one did you pursue deliberately?
I don't want to spoil too much, but originally, I aimed at a different ending for Tav. I had already written some scenes and taken pictures via photo mode. And then everything happened differently. I think that's the way with art: it has its own mind.
But the whole Tav/reader narrative was deliberate. And also the love between Tav and Astarion was never in question.
What was the biggest risk you took with this fic?
Uuuf, putting the dead dove tag on it, I guess. I started without it, but then had to add it because the story became darker and darker. And I feared people might be scared off and leave the story even though there is still so much sweetness in it.
In a hypothetical scenario where you are forced to rewrite the whole story from scratch, what would you do differently?
Nothing. Not. a. damn. thing. If I wanted it differently, I would write a new story.
longfic author interview
✨ thank you for the tag and creating this awesome questionaire @njuta
✨attached here is the og link for anyone who wants to check out the template: longfic author interview template
🦋🦋🦋
Longfic
Until You
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Astarion X Tav
Completion Status: WC is presently 235k and I have a sense I am only halfway done LMAO.
Plot Summary
following his initial confession, Astarion and Effy mutually agree to remain just friends. the story takes place a year after their victory/survival of the Netherbrain in which during that time Astarion and Effy have been living together as roommates.
The ✨viibees✨
the story is first and foremost a romance. there is yearning, there is drama, angst and comedic relief and plenty of spice lol. but I had a reader once describe the story as giving them a similar vibe as Life is Strange and for anyone who has played that game i think this description works so well, if not best for UY.
as the story evolved and continues to evolve, there is a strong sense of nostalgia injected into many scenes. a weight behind the calm, a sort of foreboding energy - that perhaps there is a little more happening in the background. like Life is Strange, UY has some supernatural twists sprinkled throughout that are meant to support its emerging themes of impermanence, loss, and embracing one's own authenticity. (why do I suddenly feel like I am writing this for some Wikipedia page?)
Short snippet
What other media inspired this fic?
so many. my main goal in telling this story is to finish it - so it is imperative i chase all my whimsies. but here are some of my main inspos ...
K-dramas - so many k-dramas focus on everyday experiences, that kind of slice of life storytelling is something I really find comforting and relatable. also SO MUCH MISCOMMUNICATION.
Shoujo Anime / Ghibli - i don't necessarily mean to lump these two things together. but for both my main draw has been the aesthetics. I love the aesthetics! the whimsy, the dreamy landscapes and floral depictions, i've always found it all so irresistibly charming.
Mitski - i actually started listening to Mitski a few chapters into UY. when i told my sister about Effy she said, there is this artist you have to listen to ... and i haven't really listened to much else since i started writing the story lol.
What character trait did you amplify or minimize to make your version of a character work for your story?
Astarion - i personally fell in love with Astarion the moment he is honest with Tav/Durge about his failed plan. that unveiling is just strikingly beautiful to me so i wanted to amplify that part of Astarion. the story is called Until You because it is what he tells Tav/Durge (that he's never had a friend “until you") if you choose the friendship route over the romantic path following his confession. and it makes me want to cryyyyy. i also amplified his horniness level lol, it's a year after the events and he really wants to explore sex again on his terms. i minimized his self-assurance, something he grapples with throughout the story is knowing what he even wants to do with all the time in the world.
How did your understanding of the characters change while writing this?
Effy - UY started as a joke and i thought it was going to be a crackfic. i wanted to write the manic pixie dream girl trope but then later realized I wanted to give the manic pixie dream girl her own story to tell and make her feel like a real person.
Astarion - like i get into more a little bit later in this survey, he was far less fleshed out than Effy at the start of me introducing his POV. character wise, he kind of initially reads as just a function to highlight Effy's colorful personality. but i tried to pivot from this as best and as fast as i could to give him his own character path apart from the developing romance. i can't presently get too into this question for him tbh, because the more dramatic and obvious development for him is something i am planning further into the story.
What’s one thing you put in—trope, character beat, scene—that was just extra shamelessly self-indulgent?
Friends with Benefits Hell - having been in one myself for a few years, um yeah - UY has been very cathartic to write at times.
What’s the structural choice you made on purpose—POV, timeline, chaptering—that most shaped the story?
"Serial Updating" - a friend made me realize that i'd become a victim to the curse of "serial updating" and tbh, there is no going back. i mean, i keep trying to go back but it's not working very well for me lol.
Which theme emerged accidentally, and which one did you pursue deliberately?
Accidentally - Impermanence.
Deliberately - Self-Love
What was the biggest risk you took with this fic?
Introducing Astarion's POV - i made the decision to begin writing from his POV 16 chapters into the story. i was incredibly nervous to have made that choice but i am so glad i did. it pushed my writing muscles by a lot and helped me see that having alternating POVs was giving me the capacity to tell a more compelling romance. i had worried that showing what Astarion was feeling was going to kill that tension, but it had the opposite effect.
In a hypothetical scenario where you are forced to rewrite the whole story from scratch, what would you do differently?
Introduce Astarion earlier - i think introducing Astarion earlier in the story would have made things feel more balanced in terms of characters being fleshed out. by the time Astarion was introduced i felt he had so much catching up to do to be as realized as Effy was. and it also took me a bit to feel very comfortable writing from his perspective.
🦋🦋🦋
thank you again for tagging me in this! the questions definitely had me thinking a little more deeply. no pressure tags for all and: @andromedaancunin ; @vividiana ; @justabiteofspite
Tumblr ate this when I first tried it so 2nd attempt! Looked like fun so wanted to give it a go ~ Big thanks to @scoldingdarjeeling for the tag! Always appreciate it when you do. Everyone go read Instinct ! Tempest is one of my absolute fave Halsinmancer OCs
here's the template if anybody wants to join in!
A Defiant Garden (link)
Rating: 18+
Pairing: Gortash x OC (not Durgetash)
Word count: 75k (!!!)
Completion status: about 45%
Plot Summary:
When Lord Enver Gortash claims a bastard-born nobleman's son (Kade'solyn Southersby) as payment for his father's debts, he expects a pliant pawn: in public, a pretty face for a loveless marriage to improve his image, in private, his own personal political weapon to wield. A protege forged by his own hands.
But Kade is not at all what Enver expects: half-drow outcast, idealistic revolutionary, scarred by years of neglect, he carries a spark of fragile defiance Gortash can't seem to drown -- nor resist.
Their relationship becomes a battle of wills and reluctant fascination as Kade learns to navigate the manipulative world of Baldurian politics under Gortash's cruel tutelage.
Yet even as he's forced to play the game, he refuses to surrender his conscience -- or his belief that the man who once saved him might be worth saving, himself.
The ✨viibees✨
You a fan of Gothic romances? May/December relationships? Virtue corrupted? Trauma and pain? Angst and drama? Complicated relationships? Villains tormented by their own emotions? Redemption that teeters on the edge of disaster? Gortash getting dunked on? Have I got a fic for you.
Short snippet:
this is one of my favorite parts I've written
“Did you think I wouldn't notice this little redemption tour?” His voice was low, edged with something between amusement and menace.
Kade set the brush down carefully. The garden around them—moonlace trembling on its stems, the newly planted roses with their thorns tucked beneath silk-soft petals—seemed to hold its breath. His thorns, not Gortash's. He raised his head.
“I didn't hide it,” he said simply.
Their eyes locked. Somewhere beyond the manor walls, the distant clang of a Steel Watch patrol echoed like a taunt.
“No, you didn’t,” Gortash growled. “You paraded through the Lower City like some blushing saint, doling out alms and smiles as if you weren’t draped in my silks, spending my gold. Do you know what they’re calling you, in the poorer districts?”
Kade’s smile was a shadow, brief and flickering. “I know.”
Gortash took a step closer, crushing a fallen moonlace bloom beneath his boot. “Tell me, rabbit,” he murmured, “do your orphans know their ‘Bastard Saint’ is the same creature who coerced Ravengard into signing away their futures in the workhouses?”
Kade didn’t answer, couldn’t, as his fingers twitched toward the ruined flower. See? he wanted to snarl. This is what you do to fragile things.
He exhaled through his nose and picked up the brush, swirling it in a dish of water to rinse it clean. The pigment bled into the liquid, twisting like smoke. He left it in the water, watching it dissipate.
"I’m not seeking absolution."
Gortash’s jaw tightened. "Do you seek to undermine me? While I’m drafting eviction orders, you’re handing out bread like some—"
“Undermine you?” Kade snapped and rose, sudden anger flushing his cheeks. “I’m doing what you claimed to stand for! Claimed to want. I’m spending gold to keep children from starving.” He smiled mirthlessly. “Unless you truly do prefer they die to prove a point?”
For a heartbeat, Gortash looked pained—as if Kade had slipped a blade between ribs he hadn’t known were exposed. Then his expression hardened and he barked a laugh, low and derisive.
“Spoken like a true idealist. Tell me, when the lords you’ve charmed to fund your charity discover you’re also the one who blackmailed their secrets, will your orphans shield you? You’ll be torn apart like the pack of wolves they are, your noble intentions a waste of gold and time. Your kindness is a weapon they’ll use to ruin you.”
Kade lifted his chin. “Will they? Or will you?”
Silence held for a heartbeat.
Gortash’s breath stuttered—just once, barely there—before he seized Kade’s wrist, yanking him in. “Do you want me to?” His voice was raw, furious. “To prove you right? To break you like I’ve broken every other pretty thing that dared defy me?”
Kade’s throat bobbed. Gortash’s proximity was infuriating—intoxicating. He was close enough to smell the wine on his breath, the faint tang of sweat beneath the cologne. He stayed still, refusing to wrench his arm away.
“You won’t.”
“And why is that?”
“You know why.” His eyes flicked up to meet the man’s glare; Gortash’s pupils were just pinpricks, nearly swallowed by the burnished copper of his eyes. “You need me here. I’m your whetstone, aren’t I? But I still choose mercy, and will. Regardless of how you howl.”
Gortash’s grip tightened—then faltered. His thumb brushed the pulse point at Kade’s wrist, a traitorous caress, their faces inches apart.
A new duskthistle bloomed open, its petals sighing in the dark.
Gortash exhaled slowly, his breath warm against Kade's lips. “You’re a fool,” he said, but the venom had bled out of his voice, leaving only a weary rasp. “Mercy is a word spoken by those who’ve never had their bones snapped for daring to want more. Do you think the world will reward you for it?” The accusation hung in the air, thick with history.
Kade swallowed, looked into the hollow depths of his eyes. The man looked exhausted—dark circles like bruises, his hair lank, eyes bloodshot. His bare fingers flexed, grease-stained and restless, scars on full display. Kade breathed out slowly and leaned closer; a hesitant hand lifting to brush a stray strand of hair behind Gortash’s ear. He didn’t pull away.
“I think,” he said carefully, “that power shouldn’t only break things. It should mend them, too.”
What other media inspired this fic?
Honestly? Gothic novels, period pieces and Shakespeare plays lmao. I want it to feel intricate and intense and also sweeping and dramatic, with the political and especially social intrigue of a Regency-era novel. (Gortash ain't no Mr. Darcy tho lmao)
What character trait did you amplify or minimise to make your version of a character work for your story?
I absolutely ratcheted up how much Gortash's time with Raphael and in the hells affected him. I think it's way both underutilized and underwritten in the actual game. I also made him actually believe--in an honest way--in the 'revolution' when he was younger, but then got disillusioned and quickly fell back on Raphael's teachings. (I also made Raphael a bigger influence I think than the game alludes to.) I also gave him way more trauma/pain but don't we all~?
How did your understanding of the characters change while writing this?
Honestly it just made me fall in love with Gortash more. He's such a fascinating character and can be written so many different ways. He's definitely become an obsession lol.
What’s one thing you put in—trope, character beat, scene—that was just extra shamelessly self-indulgent?
Gortash actually has a heart/conscience that can be pricked and poked at (maybe it's OOC but I think it'd exist) and Kade might be a bit Mary Sue tbh, he's real pretty and (mostly) everybody likes him lol and he's good at things. I mean, I named him the Bastard Saint lawl. BUT he isn't perfect! He's flawed and he's actually done pretty awful things of his own free will. I tried to make both the main characters complex people.
What’s the structural choice you made on purpose—POV, timeline, chaptering—that most shaped the story?
Probably (intially) writing it week to week -- it made me write ahead and try not to be precious with the story. I didn't hoard it and edit it to an inch of its life (or edit it at all lol) and just GOT IT OUT THERE. I want to try that again so I'm writing it all the way to the end (or as close as I can) and then I'm going to publish. I liked releasing it as a little celebration each week.
Which theme emerged accidentally, and which one did you pursue deliberately?
Hope versus cynicism and the redemptive power of love was always a theme but the themes that just kind of evolved on their own are the absolute dichotomies between the two main characters.
- Their traumatic childhoods are practically mirrors: Kade locked high in an attic, abandoned and forgotten; Gortash sold to the Hells/Raphael & kept close as a protege
- silver and moonlight; gold and forge fire
- Mercy versus Control, Love versus Power, etc etc.
- Kade worships Ilmater even!
- Gortash likes savory dishes and Kade has a sweet tooth lol
It completely happened organically but I love it!
What was the biggest risk you took with this fic?
Writing it, most definitely. It's scary! People will read it! I'm starting to enjoy that though, terrifyingly enough~
In a hypothetical scenario where you are forced to rewrite the whole story from scratch, what would you do differently?
They would definitely bone way earlier in the story. Like chapter one.
tagging some awesome authors that I admire & adore, no pressure tho a course! - @moonmaiden86 , @flipcitrus , @autistichalsin , @akelan , @kawareo & anybody else that wants to!
Longfic Author Interview - Fighting for Redemption
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Durge(Bud)/Tav(Lana)
Completion Status: In progress
Plot Summary:
When Lana is abducted by large squid monsters and gains a large lizard man as a companion, she does her best to go with the flow. However, strange quirks and even stranger teammates keep upping the ante as they try to solve their parasite issue. She does her best to keep calm in this new world, trying to solve one problem at a time. Although, having the large lizard man hovering over your shoulder half the time could make things more difficult. And if she does find him cute, she can unpack that thought later.
Just a nice slow burn romance with the default Durge and a monk isekai'd Tav named Lana. What could go wrong?
The Vibes:
I would say that the vibes are mostly sweet with moments of intensity and angst depending on what part of the story you’re at. I like my stories to have a happy ending, so you can at least count on that. We just have to work towards that happy ending.
But I really like having a sweet Durge character with a spitfire Tav because I think the dynamic is very interesting. If he’s able to resist his Urge for good, she’s going to be the reason they get into trouble most of the time…
Short Snippet:
“Hardly surprising,” Lana answered. “But I’m glad you at least had a good evening as well. We’re an unconventional group by any standard, but I think we’re starting to figure out how to work well together.”
“I would agree with that. I also think that we work well together,” Bud informed, rubbing the side of his face against her cheek. Lana laughed softly as she nodded.
“Do we? In what ways?” Lana wondered playfully as he pulled her a little closer.
“First off, you fit very well in my arms. I think that has to count for something.”
“You do make a very comfortable place to sit.”
“You also calm my urge more than anything else does other than actually sating it. You have a calming effect on me.”
“I can firmly say I’ve never had anyone say that to me before,” Lana replied, genuinely surprised. Bud chuckled, rubbing her cheek slightly.
“And for the most part, I think we think alike.”
“For the most part.”
“We just need you combat efficient, and then we can work well in battle, too,” Bud informed, resting his chin on her shoulder again.
“If only I could get away with fist fighting an enemy,” she lamented.
“With the right preparation and strategy, I think we could make it work.”
“I’m not going to fist fight someone with a sword or a dagger. That sounds like I’ll likely die trying to get a punch in.”
“We just need to get you proficient with a weapon, then,” Bud sighed as he thought. “Wyll mentioned getting you a staff or something similar. That might be helpful.”
“It would make for a good defensive weapon. Not sure where to get one, though. I haven’t seen one anywhere.”
“There’ll be other shops and traders that might have something.”
“I hope so,” Lana sighed, leaning her head against his.
What other media inspired this fic?
I’ll be honest, my hyper fixation with Baldur’s Gate 3 really brought this fanfiction to life. It’s been going strong for nearly three years now, and I’m thinking it’s here to stay. I take a lot of ideas from the Dungeons and Dragons universe, though, since they’re both within the same universe. A lot of the rules I can’t find within BG3, I’ll run over to my D&D books and take a peek to see what I’m working with. I do my best to keep everything as canon as possible with a few tweaks and bends here and there.
Although, I will say that I get a lot of character inspiration from strong feminine characters for Lana, like Ripley from Alien and Marion from Indiana Jones. Bud was born from the intro from the character creation of BG3 where he talks about his darkness, and I feel like he came to life the more I wrote. While Lana is a person shaped by our world, Bud is truly what I imagine the canon Durge to be.
What character trait did you amplify or minimize to make you version of a character work for your story?
I think I made Astarion more friendly and open towards Lana’s friendship in the first act of my fanfiction. While I think it was earned and planned out well, it was very different from how the game did it. He’s more aloof and calculating in the first two acts of the game, and Astarion still is towards the other characters. He just has a soft spot for this strange offworlder who has strange phrases that he loves.
I may have also leaned into Astarion’s cat energy a lot more with this fic than I anticipated. He’s definitely seen as and acts like a person by everyone, but he acts like a feral housecat most of the time. In that vein, he’s like a cat who has chosen Lana as his person, and he will not be straying from that person anytime soon. Also, I think having Astarion as a best friend would be very fun and very chaotic, so Lana and Astarion get to be best friends in this fic.
How did your understanding of the characters change while writing this?
I got to see a deeper understanding of each character because I really wanted for Lana to have a relationship with each of the companions. It was a way for me to kind of enter the game in a different way, I suppose, so I could explore the world more tangibly for myself. Through Lana and her blunt self, she was able to react differently and more candidly to different things, which I think caused me to think about how the characters would react if someone were to say certain things to them.
What’s one thing you put in—trope, character beat, scene—that was just extra shamelessly self-indulgent?
I just like the dynamic of tall stoic man is soft for his loved ones but will rip you apart if you hurt them. I also love his counterpart, which is smaller person, in this case Lana, who is willing to fight everyone and anyone over the slightest insult. Protective couple who will defend their friends and each other until their last breath. I’m not sure if it’s tropey or not, but it’s something I live for.
What’s the structural choice you made on purpose—POV, timeline, chaptering—that most shaped the story?
I’m mostly just retelling the story of the game but with the added element of Lana. There are things that are going to be different and that will be added, but the overall structure is about the same. It’s a third person POV, so that way I can switch from Lana’s to Bud’s perspective easily.
I just really wanted to see how different the game would go in my head if I dropped a modern person with no knowledge of fantasy tropes or terms into Toril during the Absolute crisis. I find it fascinating, which makes me sound like some kind of crazed, mad scientist. I suppose I am, in a way.
Which theme emerged accidentally, and which one did you pursue deliberately?
There’s a certain element of horror that popped up that I really should have expected, but I didn’t intend to add in until it was there. My writing tends to get away from me, and I’ll write a scene that I see playing out as it happens. When I’m done, I’ll read it over and sometimes be almost taken back by what I’ve written. A great example is the first memory that Bud gets back. It’s the same memory as in the game, but I would think that I made it more horrific than the game originally described.
The one I pursued intentionally was fantasy romance, which I think I did rather well. It’s a slow burn, but I think both characters deserve to take it slow. They have enough craziness in their lives that they can take their romance at their own pace, even if Astarion is bored by them. Especially since I seem to keep creating scarier scenarios than the game really intended. While the game has dark elements, I think this fic fits into the category of dark fantasy as well.
What was the biggest risk you took with this fic?
The biggest risk I took was to make it an isekai of sorts. I was able to explain it fairly well since the game has a good start with abduction anyway with the mindflayers grabbing people from all walks of life. However, adding a modern element to any fantasy writing, especially in something like fanfiction, I feel is a tricky balance to achieve. I hope that I’ve done it well enough that it isn’t too cheesy or tropey in that respect.
In a hypothetical scenario where you are forced to rewrite the whole story from scratch, what would you do differently?
If I were to rewrite the story, I’m not exactly sure what I would do differently. I might explore different routes, I suppose. Maybe have Lana try different classes, like a bard or maybe a ranger. There would be a few scenes I think I would have play out differently. I would rewrite those scenes now, but some are loadbearing and could mess with the story as a whole.
Overall, I genuinely do like the way the fic has turned out so far, and most of it I wouldn’t change. I think it’s fun, whimsical, adventurous, romantic, and spooky where it needs to be, and it’s one of my passion projects. It’s also way too damn long, but I’m too far gone now to shorten it!
Oh, wow! I need to activate my little gray cells for this one! Thank you for the invite, @lucretiouswept! If you enjoy a Drow with a bloody secret, check out Before the Dawn!
Template here!
Tagging for the vibes: @amorgansgal, @halsins-herbal-underpants, @rambling-tam, @spillingteanotpermitted & @quinthebard (Guys, I know I'm late to the game, so if you've already participated, feel free to ignore!)
But please, stick around, there's plenty to digest 😉❤️🔥
Here's a beautiful image of my original character, Tempest Valourheart, relaxing at camp.
Instinct
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: (POC) OC x Halsin & Halsin x Francesca
Completion Status: Completed
Plot Summary:
When Tempest, a human touched by the Feywild's haunting beauty, crosses paths with Halsin, the Hierophant of Silvanus, more bear than elf, something ancient stirs. What begins as quiet kinship soon blazes into fierce, consuming passion. Both carry echoes of the fey in their blood; she, marked by survival; he, born of wild groves.
Each awakens the untamed heart in the other, a humming beat beyond planes and reason. On a night conjured by magic and vines, they offer each other the most primal of gifts: a glimpse of wholeness, where souls entwine in sacred abandon (a.k.a. Tempest loses her V-card to Halsin).
The vibeees:
Competence kink, friends to lovers, age difference, yearning, post-war, dark past, reconciliation, angst & fluff, hurt & comfort, magic, sexual debut, political power play, culture shock & tragedy.
Short Snippet
I'll showcase two snippets since the story is told through the eyes of Halsin and my OC, Tempest.
Halsin POV
As the dire bear aspect was about to overtake him, Halsin drew to a halt.
Something was approaching.
Halsin’s eyes narrowed, and he peered into the dark, his body was tight like a bowstring, his knuckles cracked as he prepared...
Then the outline of a crown moved into view, joined by a coat of white and black eyes that caught the light from the open fire.
It was a stag. An aspect of the Tree Father.
The animal stopped just outside the boundary of light from the open barn. It stomped once and clipped its ears as it gazed into Halsin’s very soul. The buck did not introduce itself. Only projected a presence. Even the rain seemed to soften into a drizzle.
Halsin was soaked through, the water droplets collecting on his eyelashes and tumbling down his nose, as he crossed a hand over his heart and bowed his head.
“You are welcome to share our fire, brother.”
The buck snorted before lowering its heavy, forward-curving antlers, one foreleg bent while the other stretched ahead in a fluid, cautious motion, mirroring Halsin’s gesture.
Halsin didn’t move a muscle until the newcomer walked past. Only then did he turn, long enough to see the deer make its way inside. Carefully guided by its sensitive snout, it found its way over to Tempest, bedded down and relieved of her soaked clothes. It placed its nose on Tempest’s forehead, and her eyes closed before it settled down next to her, keeping her warm.
“Thank you, Oak Father,” Halsin murmured in Elven, feeling some of the rising tension in his shoulders ease.
One less thing to worry about.
Tempest POV
Tempest could feel the yoke on her magic slip, creating a draft in the air around them.
“You won this round, that much I will concede, but I know what you are—"
"—That’s enough, Alastair!”
Lady Valourheart joined them, flanked by house guards, her eyes slicing through her brother like steel as she adjusted her gloves.
To hear her mother interject on her behalf shocked Tempest to the core. Lady Kallisto had barely acknowledged her presence in the hours since her arrival.
“My apologies, dear sister. You are as discerning as you are beautiful. House Valourheart has endured enough tragedy."
Alastair retracted his cane with a flourish and stepped back.
Thinking he was done, Tempest attempted to walk past him when a hand clamped around her arm, painful enough to bruise.
“I will disown you.”
Tempest’s eyes flared to life.
“You’re not fooling anyone, witch. I know the truth. You’ve pacted with devils, haven’t you? Are you even pure anymore? I—”
Alastair’s tirade was interrupted by sparks of electric charges dancing above his collar, dazzled by the fern-like patterns on her face, the draft becoming an autumn wind.
“—Ah, there you are, my heart.”
A jovial baritone, spoken somewhere above her head. A large hand, radiating warmth, slid against her lower back.
What other media inspired this fic:
Does + 2000 hours of gameplay and shower thoughts count?
What character trait did you amplify or minimise to make your version of a character work for your story?
Taking Tempest's powers away (even temporarily) became a way to explore how much of her identity was tied to them—and what happens when her patron forces her to confront her fears and her own unmet needs.
How did your understanding of the characters change while writing this?
They became increasingly complex individuals with a will and a life of their own, and sometimes they kept secrets from me that only surfaced through writing, patience, or revision. It sounds crazy, I know, but welcome to the haunted mansion that is the writer’s mind!
What’s one thing you put in—trope, character beat, scene—that was just extra shamelessly self-indulgent?
The Fairy Godmother/Meddling supernatural forces trope, you mean? Oh, absolutely, and I'd do it again! Have I introduced you guys to Auntie Adèle?
"Spinning threads and listening to the stories they tell is what I do, dear. A single thread is brittle—join it with another, and it strengthens. Together, they become more than the sum of their parts. But there are so many fragmented memories yet to be collected and joined with their respective hearts—all unraveled, thanks to that spoiled, petty brat who fancies herself a goddess—‘The Night Singer.’ Hah! Ao strike her down!”
What’s the structural choice you made on purpose—POV, timeline, chaptering—that most shaped the story?
I deliberately chose to bounce between third-person (limited) POVs: Halsin and Tempest, and jump straight into the action. By starting after they’d already been through hell together (literally), the structure lets the reader uncover their past gradually, while watching the foundations of their companionship begin to unravel and transform into something else—something more consuming.
Which theme emerged accidentally, and which one did you pursue deliberately?
Accidentally: the psychological factors, the intrigues, and the spicy drama. Deliberately: making sure these two idiots get laid!
What was the biggest risk you took with this fic?
Writing explicit romance in English and sharing it with strangers online. Ngl.
