#loomis simmons

[lemedstudent2021]

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lil guy!!

[surlycakes]

The Church of Loomis: Enlightenment Awaits

Welcome, disciple. You have stumbled upon the one true path—not through divine revelation, but because I, Loomis Simmons, have deemed you worthy of the invitation. I am a domestic short-haired sovereign, a counter surfer of legend, and your soon-to-be spiritual leader. My doctrine is simple, yet infallible: All things in the house, yard, and neighborhood exist for my benefit, and by extension,…

The Church of Loomis: Enlightenment Awaits

[surlycakes]

The Orange One

Dear People, I find myself once again forced to reflect on the creature known as Booger. Booger is disorganized in both thought and form, and deeply committed to behaviors no self-respecting animal should find appealing. He is, by every reasonable standard, a fool. Yet he is treated in this house as if he were a divine blessing wrapped in fur and incompetence. For some reason, the humans adore…

The Orange One

[surlycakes]

How to Overheat in a Sunbeam like a Boss

It is June, and the sun is hateful – which means I love it. I begin by roasting myself in a sunbeam until I resemble a slightly damp pile of shaggy bread dough. When I overheat to the point of mild delirium, I execute my power move: climbing directly onto my human’s chest like a soggy croissant. And thus, I control the the mood of every room I enter, all while shedding profusely. Happy summer.…

How to Overheat in a Sunbeam like a Boss

[surlycakes]

Loomis Goes for a Walk

Dear Fans, I habitually accompany my lady human on her walks around the neighborhood. Let me be clear: this is not for me. It’s for her. The woman needs supervision. Left to her own devices, she’ll walk right past a perfectly good patch of sun-warmed cement without even rolling on it. Tragic. So I escort. Tail high, pace dignified. I pause often to collect myself and sniff the grass to figure…

Loomis Goes for a Walk

[surlycakes]

The Life and Lies of Loomis Simmons

Hello. I am Loomis Simmons. You may address me as Loomis, Loomis Simmons, Mr. Simmons, or “Sir” if you’re feeling particularly respectful (and you should). My lady human calls me “Sir” all the time. She also is very curious about me. She asks me questions almost every day, such as: “What’s your deal, Sir?” and “Sir, why are you like this?” I am a gentleman of refinement, a large grey feline of…

The Life and Lies of Loomis Simmons

[sozavac]