This is my @k2secretsanta present to @lordjenjen. I hope you like this, and happy holidays!!!!!
When David practically shoved an envelope in his face, Kyle already had a weird feeling. “What’s this?”
“For Hanukah,” David replied with a cheery smile, one that still made Kyle’s heart do flips. He cursed himself; they weren’t together anymore, so he needed to get over himself. David had moved on and was happily engaged now. So why couldn’t he get over him? “Sorry it’s kinda late and all.” His continuation snapped Kyle out of his thoughts.
“Oh no, dude, it’s fine.” Kyle waved his hand nonchalant while the other opened the envelope. “You’re busy all the time, I totally get-”
He paused when he read what was in his gift. “Um…David, what the hell?”
“Oh come on, don’t give me that.” David chuckled. “You of all people need to learn how to relax sometimes. A massage is just the way to do it.”
Kyle gave him an unamused stare. “Are you serious?”
“’Course I am. And the guy I set you up with is a master of his craft, Kyle.”
“Wait, what?” Mortified, Kyle felt himself blush embarrassedly. “You set me up with a guy?”
“What?” David looked far too amused. “I figured you of all people wouldn’t mind.”
Kyle rolled his eyes. “Oh fuck you. That’s seriously not-”
“Yeah yeah.” As much as Kyle wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off his face, he couldn’t bring himself to ruin said face either. That’d just be a damn waste, and David’s current boyfriend would probably come for revenge. Not that he could blame him. “And anyway, it’s a gift, so you can’t say no.”
Kyle sighed. It would be pretty rude to just ignore a gift like this, especially if it was actually being given with good intentions, like David implied…sort of. And if the guy was really as good as advertised, then it would be a pretty big waste not to go as well. “Alright, fine, whatever,” Kyle finally replied with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll go, I guess.”
“Don’t look too torn up about it.” At least he didn’t have to drag him there kicking and screaming, but still…he meant what he said. If anybody needed a minute to relax, it was Kyle.
--
It was a good thing his schedule was freed up that day. Kyle had a feeling David did that on purpose; he did know his crazy schedule pretty well, after all. Luckily it rarely ever changed.
When he walked into the salon, the receptionist smiled at him. “Hi there! How can I help you?”
“Uh, hi,” Kyle replied awkwardly and looked around. “I’m Kyle Broflovski, and I guess I have an appointment here today?”
The girl hummed and typed a few keys into her computer. “Broflovski…ah yes, here you are. A massage with Kenny, right?”
He had no idea, so Kyle shrugged. “Sure, I guess.”
She gave him a bit of a look before smiling again. “I’ll let him know you’ve arrived. Please feel free to relax until then, Mr. Broflovski.” She gestured to the waiting area before moving through a nearby doorway blocked only by a lavender curtain.
Hopefully this guy wouldn’t be long, but as Kyle said down to make himself somewhat comfortable, he had to admit that the place had a nice atmosphere. The walls were a nice calming color, and the air freshener didn’t even make his allergies want to murder him; usually these kinds of places sent his sinuses into overdrive. Even the waiting chairs were comfortable, and Kyle almost found himself nodding off. Fuck, when was the last time he slept? He couldn’t even remember, but it had certainly been at least two days. He probably looked like shit.
It was only a few minutes later when someone else finally showed up. “Hi there! Mr. Broflovski, right?” Kyle snapped to attention, and he realized that the voice was just as sunny as the owner’s hair.
He was more of a night owl himself whenever he did catch some sleep, for obvious reasons. But this man seemed to be the pure embodiment of daytime beauty. Golden hair, sky-blue eyes, a charming smile, a few freckles, a tooth gap… Kyle would be lying if he said he wasn’t gorgeous. “U-um…yeah,” he replied after he caught his breath. “But uh, call me Kyle, please.” Mr. Broflovski was what people called his dad, and he less he was like him, the better.
“Kyle then,” the masseur replied cheerily. “You can call me Kenny. David’s told me a lot about you!”
Oh he has, has he? Kyle wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but he left it be for now. “You two, ah, know each other?”
“Sure, he comes here all the time.” Kenny grinned and handed Kyle a soft white robe that he hadn’t noticed he was holding until now. “There’s a changing room just past the curtain, on your right, and there’s some cubby holes for your clothes. You can put them in whichever one you want. Right across from there is my room. Come in when you’re ready once you’ve changed!”
Blearily, Kyle stared at the robe, before looking back up at Kenny like he’d grown a second head. “Uh…excuse me?”
“Hm? Something wrong?”
“I’m, er…supposed to take my clothes off?”
There was a moment of silence before Kenny let out a few soft laughs, and Kyle felt his face burn with embarrassment. “Ah, I take it you’ve never had a massage before,” he snickered before going back to try to maintain some sort of professionalism. “For the full experience, yes. No worries though, you keep your underwear on if you want, and the parts of your body that aren’t being massaged are covered by a sheet. It’s not as bad as you’re thinking, I promise.”
It didn’t sound that way, but Kyle had committed to this now. There was no going back. “…Okay?” Still, this was just weird to him. David really did this all the time? Why did he think getting almost naked around a guy he didn’t even know would be something he’d like? “I’ll…do that. I guess.”
Kenny seemed a little troubled by his answer. “If you really don’t want to, Kyle, then you don’t have to,” he assured him. “There’s no point in doing this if you aren’t comfortable. It’s just, the whole thing was already paid for, and I’d hate to see it go to waste either. But this is on your terms, so whatever you like.”
“No, no.” He knew he was being stupid about it. It wasn’t that big of a deal; it was just a fucking massage. “I’ll do it. Sorry for being weird about it.” Kyle didn’t wait for Kenny’s answer before ushering himself to the appointed dressing room.
--
Kenny’s smile nearly blinded him as Kyle quietly closed the door. How could someone be some damn cheerful? Or maybe Kyle was just used to dealing (and being) with assholes that having someone so genuinely kind talk to him was throwing him off.
The room was relatively small, but it was only supposed to hold two people so Kyle supposed it was fine. He was surprised to find out that the calming oils in the air weren’t triggering his allergies either. He had no idea that could even exist; his allergies were the worst. All and all, it was a very cozy room, and Kyle found himself relaxing slightly.
He watched Kenny gesture to the cushioned cot in the middle of the room, covered by a silk sheet. “Alright, so we can start with you on your back or your stomach, your choice.” Kenny slid the sheet off. “And you can set the robe on that chair over there.”
Kyle quietly did as he was told, feeling a little awkward. Even still in his boxers, he wanted to cover himself up. He was so fucking pale and had so many freckles all over his skin, and no matter how much he tried to shave his body, his hair grew back in like a week. Truly he got all of the worst genes from his parents and he hated it.
When he glanced at Kenny, he wasn’t even looking his way, instead preparing something on his counter. Kyle was thankful. Maybe he was just being polite, but it was certainly appreciated.
He decided to lie on his stomach first, and quickly covered himself back up with the sheet once he was comfortable. His back was what needed the most attention anyway. “All set?” He heard Kenny say.
After lying his chin in his hands, Kyle finally responded a soft “Mhm.”
He heard Kenny turn around and Kyle shivered involuntarily when the sheet was pulled to expose his bare, speckled back. “Cold? Need me to adjust the temperature?”
Kyle thought about it for a few seconds. “…Sure.”
Kenny hummed in response and did so. Soon enough, Kyle felt an unfamiliar hand ghost across his skin. He shivered again, this time not from the cold. Kenny’s hands were very soft, but he supposed they had to be for this job.
Those fingers slowly began to work. More than a few times Kyle winced in pain. Holy shit, he had no idea how fucking terrible his back was until this very moment. “Ow – hey-!”
“Sorry, sorry.” The hands retracted for a brief moment before resuming, this time much more gentle. “You’re super tense, dude,” Kenny remarked. “I can tell this is your first time getting a massage.”
Kyle didn’t say anything in response, relaxing even more now that it didn’t hurt so damn much. But even despite the pain from before, it was starting to feel really good now. “What’s got you so tense anyway?”
That seemed a little personal, but Kyle decided it was more like explaining himself. “My life,” he replied without thinking. Then he amended, “My job.”
“Oh?” If Kenny noticed his slip-up, he didn’t say anything about it. “What’s your job?”
Ugh. He was prying. Kyle hated talking about himself. Stan called him a recluse for a reason, even if he hated that too. He had just…decided not to get too close to people anymore. “I’m a detective,” he replied simply.
“No kidding?” Kenny’s skilled hands moved to Kyle’s shoulders. “A police detective? That’s pretty sweet. What’s the weirdest case you’ve worked on?”
One easily came to mind, but like hell he would talk about that to a complete stranger. “Aw c’mon,” Kenny teased. “You can’t say that kinda thing and then get so quiet.”
Irritated, Kyle turned his head and glared at Kenny, one of his famous glares that shook even the toughest criminals. For someone so short, Kyle was certainly intimidating. “That’s confidential,” he replied after a minute.
And yet…Kenny didn’t even bat an eye. This guy he just met wasn’t intimidated by him at all, when people twice his height had confessed their crimes to him after that same look. Kyle decided it was because Kenny was seeing him practically naked and super vulnerable, and suddenly he didn’t feel so relaxed.
No, stop. Now wasn’t the time for that.
“Sorry,” Kenny said again with an apologetic smile. “I was just wondering if you were the same Detective Broflovski that worked with Mysterion a few months back. Your name sounded familiar, and it was all over the news back then, so…”
Oh.
Right. He probably should have guessed. This wasn’t the first time someone had recognized him off duty, thanks to that very case. “…Yeah that’s me,” Kyle replied with a sigh.
“That’s pretty awesome.” Kenny sounded cheerful again, and Kyle relaxed again. “What was it like? Working with the hero of South Park?”
“Technically he’s not a hero, he’s a vigilante.” Kyle immediately went into detective mode, something Stan chastised him a lot for as well. He really had to work on that. “…But to answer your question, it was annoying. He’s kind of an asshole.”
Kenny snorted with laughter. “Yeah I could see it. My friend’s talked to him too, and he said the same thing. He does the right thing and all but not exactly a great person to talk to.”
“Or work with.”
--
The longer they talked, the more Kyle began to realize that Kenny was as innocent as they came. He seemed so open and had a laugh that could melt even the iciest hearts.
He would know, because it was melting his.
Kenny’s voice was soft and soothing and Kyle had to fight himself multiple times to stop himself from falling asleep.
“Nice to see you’ve loosened up,” Kenny teased, and Kyle rolled his eyes. Normally he’d be pissed at dirty jokes directed at him, but from Kenny, it didn’t feel like maliciousness. Just playfulness.
And he had a point. Talking had helped him relax a little… Kyle wondered if Kenny had done that on purpose. He wouldn’t be surprised. And he was amazed at how much he enjoyed talking to him, despite the rocky topic at the start.
Once the hour and a half was up, Kyle didn’t want to leave. He hadn’t felt this relaxed in years. David hadn’t been kidding when he said Kenny was a master of his craft.
“It was really nice to meet you,” Kenny told him with one of his award-winning smiles.
“Y-yeah…” Kyle swallowed nervously. “Um…I feel fantastic. Better than I have in way too long.”
“Glad to hear it!”
Kyle shuffled on his feet. “Could I, ah…schedule another one?”
For a moment, Kenny looked a little shocked. But soon enough he beamed. “Yeah! Of course!” He took a seat at the front desk and typed a few things into the computer. “When would you like?”
“I’m, er, I’ve got some time next Thursday.”
“Perfect!” Kenny typed a few more things. “Same time next Thursday?”
Kyle nodded. Hopefully they’d get to talk a little more then. It was nice to talk to someone that made him feel relaxed in more than a few ways. Kenny was one of those guys that you just meet, but you feel like you’ve known him for years.
--
As Kyle left, Kenny pulled out his phone. He grinned at the text message.
[So? How did it go?]
Kenny quickly sent another text back to David. [Went awesome, just like you said. I think we’re gonna get along pretty well, dude.]
Hey, I don't really know you and I don't really need to know you to know you don't deserve that kind of bullshit. I'm sorry that this fandom and this website in general is becoming such a toxic place. I hope it gets better for you from here and that those assholes that are causing most of the problems are removed from interacting with you. Just block, ignore, and if you want to talk to someone, because sometimes times talking to a lot of people is nice, you can always hit me up.
Thanks a lot for this dude, it means a lot!
I’m really doing a lot better today tho, the worst thing was definitly the r*** support accusations, and the feeling of being trapped and forced to read without being able to answer since she blocked me and continued to message me these horrible things...
The death threaths were just a confirmation that these people are fucking bonkers and not to ever be taken seriously lmao
Realist: Average? Ugh, nothing about this town is "average".
Tecton: Well, I still live with my parents unfortunately, so I usually do normal people stuff all day and then fight crime at night.
Guardian: I kinda like flyin' around, with my, heh, supacool angel wings...
[A soft light appears on Guardian's back, and huge feathery angelic wings extend from him.]
Guardian: Makin' sure our quiet little mountain town is safe. Even if it's daytime! My costume looks kickass in the day- the sun reflects off the golden armor parts and makes it look all-
Realist: Ahem. Could you put those away? They're in my face.
[Realist sneezes, knocking a few glowing feathers off Guardian's wing. Guardian mumbles an apology, and his wings dissipate.]
Flagitio: I just do whatever unless some douchebag decides to go mess stuff up. Then I sneak up behind him, kick his ass, and go home.
Realist: How heroic and noble...
Flagitio: Heh, thanks!
Realist: As for me, I tend to spend a lot of my time figuring out uses for my powers. For example, energy- I'm still not certain what exactly reality energy is, but it's obvious it holds considerable power. So I've been trying to determine if it could be used to power things.
Tecton: But if it can, wouldn't they just tie you up somewhere and make you blast energy into things all day?
[Guardian snickers.]
Guardian: I'd sure like to tie you up and blast-
[Realist glares and punches Guardian in the arm. Guardian winces, rubs the injury, and stops talking.]
Happy birthday! I think it's great not only do you have the same birthday as my friend, but are both the same age. XD don't forget to update your Tumblr about me thing!
aww thank you !! <3 and oh !! happy birthday to ur friend as well ! and dw I wont ;D
