massive credit to the nsfae anon for these wonderful headcanons that i have to adopt now laskfal you thought your family is weird? check these out!:
William is the type of person to meet someone once and use the term "friend" to refer to them. Like, you know in elementary school how call your schoolmates are "my friend xyz"? He never really learned how to, like, not do that, unless he actively doesn't like someone. If he uses the term "acquaintance" or "colleague" to refer to you, you're fucked
Elizabeth absolutely one of the snarkiest of the Aftons, which no one really expects because she's young. One time when she was younger, she made Michael cry during a disagreement because she implied he was adopted because he was ugly, though he would never admit he was crying. ( Michael later asked Charlie if she thought he might have been adopted, to which she said "No, you look exactly like your dad", and since this was before he felt attracted to William and was at an age where he was generally repulsed by how adults look, he felt worse for like a week. Elizabeth also apologized at some point soon after that. )
Louis ( the crying child ) is physically incapable of insulting people unless you make him really mad, but when he is angry, he'll insult you by pointing out the things you didn't even know you were sensitive about.
Michael is bad at insults at first, but gets better at insulting people in accurate ways when he's in middle school. He prefers to solve problems by fighting physically, but will happily egg people on.
Elizabeth knows exactly what your weaknesses are, and exactly how to poke at them, and will do so unintentionally. She gets better at having a filter as she grows up, but she didn't get invited to a whole lot of sleepovers when she was younger.
Michael: *accidentally pushes Louis over the edge just a bit too far* Louis: You are mean to people to stroke your own ego, because you are at a point in your development as a person where you feel like you can never relate to anyone, and you've spent so long pushing people away that you don't know how to connect with them in a geniune way. Ultimately, you feel like you're not worthy of affection as a human being, but when people give you any attention whatsoever, you immediately push them away in a misguided attempt to communicate. Really, you start making problems on purpose so you'll get attention, and then, you get attention, so you push them away. Then, when no one is paying attention to you again, you create more problems, causing a vicious cycle, and ultimately, it's one you can't break out of. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why can't you at least try to communicate your needs like the average person? Have you given up on yourself, so you force yourself to start fights at school to feel *something*? What will happen when you grow up? Will your coping mechanisms grow up with you, or will you end up in prison for assault? Michael, who doesn't know what Louis just said, but who feels really attacked and hurt, choking back tears: shUT uP, nERd!!
