#loveabroad

[indianmatchmakingserviceuk]

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[laguanrodgers]

The nerd in me is enjoying this postcard project I'm working on with loved ones abroad. It's fun to sit down and write custom messages to each person, as writing letters and sending real mail is seemingly a dying pastime these days. Check your mailboxes because you never know who is thinking of you at random times. #postcards #travel #loveabroad #buffalony #frommetoyou #taketimetowritealetter #buffalolove

[skyesodyssey]

A- FOR EFFORT

To hell with all this bulls%$#! I keep working my ass off, but for what? I’m broke as hell, I’m not doing what I like, I have no clue where I’m headed or when to take the so called “leap of faith”. Everyone has fancy things to say that are supposed to give you comfort and serve as a means of advice, as if a simple “I totally get what you are going through” is going to make all the problems go away. Have you ever been terrified by the unknown? That proverbial road ahead of you? I’ve reached an age and point in my life where I am totally petrified by it.

As soon as I was able to leave school and start working full time I jumped into it. School was never for me since due to circumstances in my life I always ended up in places that didn’t challenge me. I’ll spare you the boring details, but I just didn’t like it one bit. Now, 15 years later I am standing here with nothing to show for, all that hard work and dedication feels like wasted effort. Even now that is leaving it’s marks. This blog is one fine example, because I started it with the intention of writing a post every other day and already I’ve started slacking. As soon as something seems to end up going nowhere I’m the first in line to throw the towel in the ring.

Yet, here I am in a relationship with a girl I haven’t seen for 98% of our relationship and somehow I have had no problem keeping that up. I know for a fact people have been talking about it behind my back, saying that I must have lost my mind because it would never last. I never proved anyone I could make something last, so I can’t blame them for saying such things (especially when it’s about a girl thousands of miles away). I’ve always been a runner, not a fighter. The problem is that I have the tenacity and spirit of a fighter, I just lack the balls and backbone to be one. Yet, here I am, fighting and clawing my way through all the roadblocks that get put up in front of me. 

So, I have a dead end job, I have no money, I have way to many things I want to do but no patience and strive to keep them going, but I’m doing every damn thing I can to make her happy and to work on a future together, wherever that might be. That alone should give me a A- for effort.

[skyesodyssey]

End of the line

I had just made some coffee and sat across from her at the dinner table. She had been working on her homework all morning, so I had enjoyed a slow start of my day by sleeping in and watching some random gaming-related videos on Youtube. Totally absorbed by writing her first paper of the year she got distracted by movement outside, so she looked up and then looked at me. “It’s your mom” she said while she got a excited expression on her face. I stood up and opened the door and saw my mom standing outside. “Hello! How are you?” I asked and all of a sudden she started tearing up. “Grandma has asked the doctor about getting euthanasia...” my mom replied. 

My grandma has been sick for a long time, suffering from a pretty severe case of Parkinson’s. She has been in a wheelchair for almost equally as long and has been unable to do almost anything herself lately. Mentally she’s all there, but her body is simply giving up. Last Saturday I went to see her and even though I have peace with her decision it didn’t make it any easier to see her, especially since I remember her better days so vividly. When I left she told me to say hi to my girlfriend from her and that really struck a cord in me, because she never even met her, all she knows about her are from stories me and my mom told her. I walked out of the building, got on my scooter and began to drive home with her words echoing through my mind.

To this day I still have a internal struggle after what my grandma said. It might sound silly to someone on the outside, but hear me out because to me it is a difficult subject. I have really good memories to how my grandmother was before she got sick. She was a vibrant, strong and energetic woman who always put other people first. I loved spending nights there when I was little, watching Lucky Luke, playing with their Lego’s, eating freshly fried fish with my grandfather, playing in their backyard with my toy cars, etc. They where always such amazing people to be surrounded by. They always made me feel welcome and at home. I remember her in that way, even when I sit next to her and see her as she is now, because I don’t want to end up remembering her at her worst. Part of my inner struggle is that I really want my girlfriend to meet her, a woman integral to who I am as a person. The other part is that I don’t want her only memory of my grandmother to be how she is now: old, weak and unable to take care of herself. 

[therealitybehindthefront-blog]

Love

When he looks deep into your eyes, smiling and says "I'm so happy"... Never thought I'd find a love this deep ❤️

[alittlethaidup]

                                                             Her.

The first time I met her, I knew I wouldn't forget her. She had long, dark, curly hair and her big brown eyes brightened every time she looked at me. She called me baby like she meant it. So effortless how it rolled off her tongue and eased through her lips. I doubted I could be the one, but I’d be any number for her. She spoke 5 languages; her accent alone could undress you. She was smart, but wouldn't choose logic over affairs of the heart, at least not when it came to me. She could sing the shit out of a song and you’d never guess by looking at her that she loved the likes of The Paper Kites and depressing movies. Our first date, we watched a film about slavery. Held each other while we cried during the scene he was set free. I felt like I was being set free. After the movie, we trapped each other in the elevator. Close. Door. Ding! Clooooose door. Damn, that’s either romance or irony.

She was a native and I was an expat, but god, she felt like home. She’d grab my hand and lead me through obscure alleyways, looking back and smiling as if she was about to reveal a secret. And she did, too. We’d turn a graffiti-laden corner and slip off our shoes before entering into one of her favorite dimly-lit escapes. She’d be greeted by everyone with smiling embraces. Everyone knew her. Everyone loved her. And I was next in line.

We talked every day, had so much in common with enough differences to up the intrigue. She was like a mirror of my better self. She trampled over my walls before I even had a chance to put them up. That must’ve been the Taurus in her. No one saw me the way she did. And when we saw each other, well, it was like the first time every time. The slow boil in your insides, the excitement, the nervousness that still somehow felt comforting; I was lost and found all at once. There were no games, no hesitance, no fear. It was real, raw, transparent and intense. We’d share songs and poetry as frequent as our feelings and plot our way to wealth and success. But we both knew what we were really plotting; our love story.

The reality of our circumstances both halted and progressed our romance in equal measure. Do we stop? Let’s stop before we’re hurt. Do we go ahead? Let’s spend every weekend together, I want to take you everywhere and kiss you forev…as long as I can. Do we forget we ever met? How did you find me?! Put me back this instance! I didn't want to lose her. She didn't want to lose me. I came here with a broken heart and she was putting the pieces back together and removing them repeatedly. And I always came back for more. After all, my favorite thing to do is to live. And she made me feel so alive I could die.

Perhaps it was a daunting foot to start off on - knowing it would end as quickly as it began. Perhaps it was naive and stupid and surely to leave us in more pain than anyone ever wishes on anyone, let alone themselves. Or perhaps it wouldn't end prematurely. Perhaps we’d find a way. Perhaps it was bold and extraordinary and all-conquering; things love should be. Perhaps.

She wasn't a safe bet; the odds were against us, but there I was rolling the dice. Because these things don’t happen every day. And hell, if you don’t take chances, you’ll end up old with a wrinkle for each regret of every un-taken step.

So off we go. And if this turns my heart into stone, at least it will be engraved with footprints from the sweetest love I've ever known.

To Be Continued…

xo.

[victoriafelizz-blog]

Cati mailing out letters she personally wrote for her Papi whom she misses terribly 😊💙💕 #deploymentssuck #militarybrats #loveabroad