#Lovelet To: Indefinite stardust
To: Indefinite stardust
From: Vulnerable Mrs.Cold
You were my universe, my wonderwall, my muse, the catastrophe and also the cure. Thanks for the paradoxical memories, sweetheart.
After millions minutes we spent for knowing each others, and ended up almost like strangers, I’d like to share something i’ve never said to you. Things went up and down.
Hectic and unpredictable are the perfect words to describe it.
As our bonds were sinking down, you reel me out then you cut the strings and there’s no distance left to run.
If i could described it as a movie, it’d ended up like the mix between 500 days of summer + he’s just not that into you movies.
You said that you didn’t found what you’ve been searching for to settle down with me after all the time we shared.
it sounds so cliche dude,
c l i c h e. how dare you said that “it’s only love, dear.” while love is really matter here.
you kept saying sorry all the time, for those efforts and memories you left me with. for making me felt like i’m worth it for someone, for making me felt safe whenever you’re around. but as time flew away, you changed.
I already know, boys will be boys.
and all you have to do is make up your mind and be honest to yourself, my dear. Do you know that feels when every words and everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit? you broke my vulnerable heart, the heart of stone belongs to the Mrs.Cold.
I realized that we’re more like a mirror. too much ego. one afraid of commitments and the other afraid of showing feelings and being left and forgotten.
This is me accepting that you’re leaving. It’s my acknowledgment that there’s no further argument to make, no angle left to take, no plea or bargain I could wager that could get you to change your mind and stay.
This is my subtle resignation to our downfall.
This is the crack running between our two hearts that turned into a valley and engulfed us. It’s my acceptance of all I couldn’t.
This is me knowing that we don’t spent time like we used to, don’t share the same frequency and sparks like the first moment i saw you and the first moment I felt us start to drift apart.
I know we don’t always get second chances. I know I do not get to go back in time to love you stronger, linger five extra minutes before sleep and talk to you about literally everything. This is me knowing that I can’t rewind history and ask you what was wrong each evening that you came with a puzzle in your eyes but no answer on your lips.
This is me knowing we don’t get to go back. This is my acceptance that I’m going to miss you a lot. That there are going to be nights where I curl up in bed with a novel and a warm mug of coffee and your absence on the left side of the bed is a chasm that swells and envelopes me.
That for a long time I am going to see you everywhere on my ceiling, in every tunes that makes me think of you, in every sunset, full moon and starry sky, in the faces of strangers, in the photos and memories that tear on my heartstrings for months after you’re gone.
This is the realization that missing you is going to become a second heartbeat in my body, strong and thrumming inside of every place where you lingered and then left. These are my weakened vital signs, beating out of sync with yours for a while.
This is my knowing life goes on. Knowing that someday I will not think of love as a feeling that exclusive to you and I, as crazy as that seems to me right now.
That eventually I’ll meet someone new, someone who loves the foods you hate and laughs at things you don’t find funny and someone who makes me feel that we are meant for each other, someone who found what he’s searching for in me and someone who appreciates the parts of me that you once left undiscovered. That some days, in the early morning hours, I’m going to spend times beside them and forget just for an instant that it is not your presence tangled in my mind.
This is me knowing that those moments will defeat me that I’m going to need to practice standing at the edge of your abyss without falling in completely.
This is my hoping the discrepancy shrivels with time.
This is my acceptance of the finite absurdity of knowing that I’m someday going to promise my life to someone who is not you and that I may even be happy to do so. That one day I’ll see changes and beginnings in a way I never saw them with you.
This is me knowing that we’re going to grow old. That your life is going to be huge and important and chockfull of love but that it’s all going to transpire without me. That I am not going to be there to lay beside you when the world’s weight is too heavy to bear.
This is me knowing that I have to let you go.
That no matter how much I love you or how hard we work at this or how badly we both want each other to be happy, we are never going to be the right partners for each other. This is my acceptance that the best things are never straightforward and that I want you to take whatever crooked, twisted path you need to take if it will lead you towards your dreams. This is me knowing that I have to do what right. That sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is to let them go to do more, feel more, be more than the person they ever could ever have become by your side.
You know, I’ll always be there for you to lean on. The problem is that i love too much but i show too little, then you got misconceive, drifting apart and walk away.
I do hope that you’re happy, happily ever after with someone you’ve been searching for.
Someone who can love you tenderly, not like me who love you awkwardly in weird ways. I’d like to say thank you.
Massive thankyou for made my heartbroken. I’ve been drowning in sadness for this whole time.
But, I realized that sadness is a blessing.
Because of your words and what you’ve done to me, i become a better woman. I fix my own heart. I put the bandage on my own. I fix myself.
I become tougher and colder than before.
The important thing is,
now I realized that World is more than love and relationship between two people.
It’s much much bigger than that.
and if you got ‘the unrequited love’ from someone then go find and share love from the world, from the others who love you equally and whole-heartedly.
So this is me unclasping my fingers. This is my parting, my reluctance, my heartache and my final gift to you.
/This is me letting you go./
