Are you proud of me? :
Being told I was gifted in school when I was 8 is all I can remember from when I was younger. But I also remember you telling me it wasn’t enough. I felt that the harder I tried the more disappointed you were in me. Will you ever be proud of me?
I won awards in middle school but you never acknowledged them. Instead compared me to the other students who had more awards. I felt lost and I felt useless. Will you ever be proud of me?
In high school I gave up on trying and I gave up on myself. You told me you were embarrassed of me. You told me I would be nothing. Will you ever be proud of me?
It’s years later, I feel like I’m running around in a vast empty space with no start and no end. Not knowing what to do because I never that I would make it this far. But you never noticed when I was drowning and I sank further in my thoughts alone. But still now I try my best to stay afloat. Will you ever be proud of me?
But still I ask myself everyday: Will I ever be enough for you? Will you ever love unconditionally like parents should? Will you care like parents should? When will I stop being your biggest disappointment?
But really the only one I want answered is-
Are you proud of me?
