#lu chen

[missdesigner]

[xiaoyigf]

The Humanity of a Monster: Lu Chen (Evan) Character Exploration

NOTE: Everything written is entirely my personal interpretation. Includes spoilers for around the first year of content according to the CN server timeline and briefly touches on topics such as abuse and attempted suicide.

My personal lore is I originally got really into Light and Night because of Evan's writing. I don't think anything I write could do this character justice because he is the fictional character I've been most fascinated by ever. I also wasn't originally planning this to be a series when I first wrote my Sariel essay but I've been having a lot of fun with these and now I feel like I did my man Osborn dirty because this Evan essay is 2k words longer, oops. Hopefully I'll write Charlie and Jesse versions soon...? I procrastinate too much, see you next year haha.

♥︎ = dialogues by Lu Chen. ♥︎ = dialogues by MC. Other quotes are internal narrations. Translations for all the excerpts included are by @aishangotome ♡

CHAPTER I: OUT OF CONTROL

Being raised in the Blood Clan, a vampire clan that has been preying on humans to ensure their own survival and attain immortality while manipulating clan members into their grand “objective” vision, Lu Chen has been under extreme control his whole life, forced into tolerance and obedience in order to survive. This control has also led to him suffering many losses throughout his life.

Firstly, he lost his father who neglected him and never demonstrated the love of a parent, leaving Lu Chen without a sense of love. He initially believed that love could be earned through perfectionism, but he never earnt the love of his father regardless of his hard work and achievements or how much he followed the hope in his heart. Instead, he was often punished and abused for his sincere attempts to connect with his father. It’s not only that his father didn’t understand him, but that he didn’t understand his father either. Therefore, not only did he not understand what it felt like to be loved, but he also didn’t know what it meant to love others. When sincerity could be treated so meaninglessly, hope would only lead to disappointment, promises could be so easily broken, and people could just get up and leave at any time, what was the point of striving for love, especially when it would never last forever anyway? When his life is permeated by constant loss, what even is love in the first place?

The second thing I lost was a mechanical pocket watch. The night after I threw it into the fireplace, I couldn’t sleep. The wind howled outside my window, and I could feel my temples throbbing, the rhythm strangely similar to the ticking of that watch. That night, I felt like I was about to become a pocket watch myself, an evil, cursed watch that would lead people astray and be condemned by all. I longed to become it, desperately so. And from the expression on its face as it broke free from my grasp and eagerly leaped into the roaring flames, I saw an exhilaration that made me ashamed of my own inadequacy. (6* Card 幻光)

His father had a keen interest in mechanics, so Lu Chen associates the mechanical pocket watch with his father. Throwing it into the fireplace is an act of severing ties with him, the same way his father severed ties with Lu Chen first. By throwing the watch into the fire, he seemingly takes control and allows himself to react for once, a stark contrast to his usual tolerant and obedient temperament. However, he loathes himself for this action because he doesn’t see himself as any different to his father, represented by how he sees both his father leaving him and him reacting in the same way through the act of throwing the watch. He might see his father as a monster, but by extension, he also sees himself as a monster too, complicit in his family’s crimes. Is he really similar to his father though, if he never understood him in the first place and tortures himself every day for values he inherently disagrees with?

He also lost his pet rabbit which he harboured several complicated feelings for. Caring for her ignited a fear that she would grow tired of him and leave him one day, reflecting his fear of loss and low self-worth. What’s the point of love if all that follows is inevitable loss, and what’s the point of life without love, especially when he seems to be the reason for all of this loss? He could only blame himself for his existence.

But I couldn’t bring myself to blame her. My possessiveness was the knife that killed her. Those countless sleepless nights, I longed for that knife to be at my own throat, to use my tainted blood to repay her purity. (6* Card 幻光)

Meanwhile, he also held beliefs about his existence being a burden due to the loss of his mother, who passed away in circumstances related to the Blood Clan and also had her freedoms stripped away from her when she was still alive.

♥︎: I often wonder if it was fate, that maybe I shouldn’t have been born. That way, we would both be freer, and I wouldn’t owe you anything. You wouldn’t have to constantly endure and suppress your feelings, and you could leave this family without any burdens, returning to your old self. Your life would definitely be much better than it is now. I’ve seen photos of you from before. You were smiling in many of them. It’s a shame I never witnessed that. (6* Card 幻光)

Lu Chen grew up in an environment where “love” was characterised by possession, objectification, and transaction; a sense of love that completely lacked sincerity. As someone who felt like he could only survive through perpetuating lies, he has always yearned deep down for a sense of sincerity that he couldn’t find in his surroundings, and which he was unable to acknowledge in himself.

He loathed himself for his tolerance and obedience that were cultivated by the controlling conditions he grew up in, even when deep down, he opposed the actions of the Blood Clan. This extreme sense of control led to a lack of love but plenty of loss, instead leading him to lose control to the point where he was willing to give up his own life to prevent future loss. He has never felt like he has had any control throughout his entire life, and in turn, he was also losing himself. However, due to his attachments, hatred for the circumstances the innocent people and beings around him ended up in, and desire to discover the truth, he no longer wanted to be controlled and used as a weapon anymore. Instead, he’ll be in control of himself.

CHAPTER II: CONTROLLED BY HIMSELF

♥︎: For the past twenty years, I’ve been a blade in the hands of others. I don’t want to continue like this anymore. (6* Card 幻光)

To avoid future loss, he establishes his own control in an attempt to be free from letting others dictate his life. Lu Chen’s interest in mechanical watches is a symbol of this as assembling machines gives him a sense of power in a safe, predictable, and fixed environment that he always lacked.

♥︎: You can build exactly what you want within a fixed framework. In that process, everything is under your control. (2022 Marie Claire Interview)

Out of all the possible objects he could be interested in, the symbol of a watch is significant because it relates especially to a control over time. After being neglected and trying to compensate through hard work and perfectionism, he has been independent since a young age, having no one to rely on but himself. He has always been chasing after time without slowing down, projecting the illusion that he is highly in control over his life. He comes across as perfect or even robotic, and his success is evident through his career accomplishments which include establishing his own business while studying overseas and becoming the CEO of Wanzhen at 26 years old.

♥︎: Conservatism is a product of comfort. To innovate, you must abandon years of ease. Those who hesitate will be abandoned by time. (Main Story 5-13)

This sense of control doesn’t only apply to time, but also over his own emotions. He grew up being terrified of how powerful the relationship between love and loss can be. He needs to have control to prevent loss, but it’s impossible to have control over love and emotion. When everything he cares for is destroyed by his touch, then he might as well not assert his presence at all. He has become numb to his own feelings, finding it easier to survive by suppressing his sinful emotions and desires instead. However, the rare instances he has acted out his hidden desires have made him feel more alive than ever.

I had never dared to look directly at the sun; it always made me feel guilty. But that day was different. That day was different. Its merciful gaze made me feel that no matter what I did, even if it was depravity and sin, I would be forgiven. I remembered the warm embrace of my childhood that I didn’t want to let go of. My heart raced, my whole body tensed up, and a hot current surged up my spine and dripped down my body. In that moment, my brain went blank. The feeling was both awkward and strange, but my body was filled with primitive and straightforward joy— a joy that had long since disappeared, since I don’t know when. (6* Card 心为形役)

Ironically, the more he tries to escape the expectations of others, the more trapped he becomes by his own perfectionism. His perfectionism was originally born out of a desire to receive others’ approval, yet in an attempt to free himself of other people’s expectations, he has only become more controlling of himself. But does he truly have a sense of control when he navigates life as a game of survival with no aim, meaning or purpose? Where is that sense of control when life threatens to slip away from his fingers at any moment?

As a consequence of this control, Lu Chen has come to find no inherent meaning in life, adopting a nihilistic view of the world. It doesn’t necessarily matter whether he lives or dies, he just wants to carry out his singular goal to seek vengeance on the Blood Clan… and then what? He doesn’t even know himself, because instead of fearing death, he views death as a release to life’s suffering. He isn’t living, but is merely just surviving.

♥︎: When you’re feeling down or finding things difficult, just fantasise about the wonderful life after achieving your goals. I wonder if this method will work for you?

♥︎: After achieving my goals? At that time, perhaps nothing else will matter anymore. (6* Card 繁荫秘语)

Since the beginning, his existence has always just been about survival. However, this leads to him suppressing himself, losing sight of his own desires, and feeling extremely disconnected from the world. There’s always a sense of distance in his interactions with everyone, with the reason he wears glasses being to hide his gaze from others. He fears being seen for his true self beyond the mask he wears to survive, because deep down he wants to be accepted for who he truly is.

What even is his true self in the first place? His identities have all been decided for him by other people, and he adapts to these expectations accordingly. His family wants him to carry the bloodline, his grandfather sees him as a useful weapon, and his employees view him as a perfect gentleman of a CEO who could do no wrong. He doesn’t seem to think that these identities necessarily constitute his true self, but that performing these expectations are inevitable in life for everyone.

♥︎: Performance is to life as a shadow is to a person. It's a part of us we can't avoid. (Main Story 2-24 Night Ending)

This then raises concerns about sincerity. Is he being sincere, or is he merely presenting a beautiful lie to the world in order to conceal his true self? His own view of reality has also been affected by the Blood Clan’s operations which involve revising history to manipulate members of the clan into their one and only “objective” vision. How can he discern between truth and lies when reality can be so easily manipulated? What is the truth of this world? He wants to escape from the Blood Clan’s control, and yet he is still fixated on a singular vision of destroying them and seeking truth to everything. But perhaps there is no objective truth and everyone’s subjective feelings form their own personal truths, including his own, and the reason it’s difficult for him to distinguish between truth and lies is because his own feelings are so suppressed. He thinks he’s taking control of his own fate, but as long as he continues to restrain himself and his emotions, he’ll only continue to be controlled by others.

The issue is, Lu Chen is unable to acknowledge his own sincerity because he does not see himself as human. He rejects and is disgusted by the ways of the Blood Clan, but he also feels like he doesn’t fit into the human world. It’s not only that he doesn’t see himself as human, but that he actively tries to restrain his humanity.

There’s a common motif where he perceives himself through animals— rabbits because they share his red eyes but reflect an innocence he longs for, and horses because they are also tamed into obedience just like he was. These animals represent innocence and purity, the same qualities he had as a child but gradually seemed to have “lost,” and connecting with them brings him an array of conflicting feelings. He sees animals as a mirror to himself, a shell of who he once was, and something that he aspires to. He feels disgusted with himself for losing that purity but still aspires to be good and gentle, even though he also tries to dispel those same qualities from himself. He wishes for the freedom of these innocent beings and for them to not be too softhearted because of his belief that the world is inherently cruel and cares for no one, wanting them to escape before they suffer the same nihilistic fate as him. He also views himself as being an accomplice to the world’s cruelty even though he was essentially a victim of this cruelty himself, so he doesn’t know if he can take care of anything so pure in worries that he’ll contaminate them with his darkness. Everything about him is so push-pull, and it’s the exact conflicting thought process he holds towards love.

She always looked at me with those pitying red eyes, as if she knew all my secrets. Her ears were like a pair of wings. After I took her in, I started looking in the mirror. I couldn’t understand how those red eyes could be so pure, so full of intense, extravagant emotions. Even her vacant stare was captivating. She was like a mirror, reflecting my own emptiness and corruption. She pitied me, and I provided for her. This delicate balance prevented me from lowering my head in shame before her. Whenever I stroked her soft fur, a deep melancholy would wash over me. I was afraid that one day, she would see through me and grow tired of me. So I started practicing smiling in the mirror, trying to become someone who could offer her a future. Occasionally, I would even see a glimmer of purity in my own eyes, though only for a fleeting moment. (6* Card 幻光)

The core foundation of Lu Chen and MC’s dynamic is that he sees remnants of what he’s lost in her— his past self before he was abused into becoming a nihilistic “monster.” The animal motifs emphasise that his relationship with the MC is the first time he has felt a human connection. He views MC as his little rabbit, and therefore harbours all of those complicated feelings towards her as outlined above, such as feeling that he’s too much of a monster to get close to someone so pure. As someone so detached from life, he views himself as a monster submerged in the depths of the ocean, while MC is the sky, the stars, and everything he could never dare to reach or even gaze upon. In this world, he’s merely an observer who thinks he doesn’t deserve to participate.

But isn’t it very telling of his character that he doesn't want anyone else to suffer the same fate as him, his mother, or his pet rabbit, and wishes that they can achieve freedom? And doesn’t the fact that he can still see parts of himself reflected in these beings he deems as innocent and pure, point towards the same innocence and purity existing within himself?

Perhaps in a distorted environment the human heart will become alienated, but the love in the heart itself is always sincere and beautiful, like transparent and flawless glass. (6* Card 心为形役)

He only fixates on everything he lacks and blames himself for the circumstances he grew up in, showing that he doesn’t accept himself. Being unable to get close to the MC is a representation of him being unable to get in touch with himself and with the innocence and purity of his human heart before it was corrupted. He has never pursued his own desires, wants or needs. He has never followed his heart. For him, loving her is a difficult yet active choice of loving himself, as a human, as a monster, or without any of these labels entirely, but just as himself, and that requires accepting himself in all of his identities, no matter how dark and treacherous his inner feelings may be.

While Lu Chen has always struggled with being too controlled, his development isn’t necessarily about letting go of control, but about regaining it. Losing control made him suicidal, and being too controlled made him nihilistic. He hates himself for his tolerance, but that only makes him intolerant of himself. In reality, all he is doing is rebelling against his natural instincts, which only proves his distinct humanity.

Sometimes, it’s the rebellion against instinct and nature that truly showcases the unique brilliance of humanity, distinct from beasts. (Chapter 17 抗争的勇气)

CHAPTER III: IN CONTROL

Although Lu Chen doesn’t want to assert his presence onto other people, he actually deeply yearns for an intimate connection where he can be seen for who he truly is. It’s not that he doesn’t have feelings, but that he continues to neglect his own emotions and desires due to his own self-hatred. Suppressing his own emotions is also an act of suppressing his own memories, especially the fondness he felt during his childhood.

I’ve learned to stop forcing anything. Even if I remembered, what was missed would still be missed, the places where I was destined to act foolishly would still come, and nothing could be changed. (6* Card 心为形役)

As a result, he now holds zero nostalgia or sentimentality for his childhood despite finding it difficult to let go of his attachments to his parents at the time. This also means he’s suppressing all of the hope and optimism he has a child that crushed himself and left him without an understanding of love. He continues to push away every semblance of hope he originally had as he feels that clinging onto his feelings would make it more difficult for him to survive in such a twisted world. He can’t look back on his past fondly now, and therefore also has no reason to look forward to the future.

The MC, in contrast to Lu Chen, is optimistic. Their dynamic involves many philosophical debates in which Lu Chen struggles to find meaning in life while the MC presents a more positive and hopeful outlook, constantly challenging his point of view.

♥︎: I read a passage once, though I forget which book it was from. ‘The world you encounter will be a desperate lamentation. The only thing you can do at first is cry. Everything in the world will make you cry: light, hunger, and anger.’ Life always brings more pain than joy, so death can also be a kind of liberation. People in the world suffer over the loss of loved ones or relatives. The essence of it is their own suffering, the suffering of being human. But Professor Moran will never again be troubled by such pain, and that’s not a bad thing either.

[…]

♥︎: About that quote you used earlier… It’s from the famous journalist Oriana Fallaci’s essay, Letter to a Child Never Born. But perhaps you don’t remember the parts that come after.

♥︎: Then can you tell me what the rest of it says?

I looked into his eyes and recited the passage word for word.

♥︎: ‘The world you encounter will be a desperate lamentation. The only thing you can do at first is cry. Everything in the world will make you cry: light, hunger, and anger. It will be weeks, months, before you can open your mouth and smile. Before a giggle escapes your throat. But you must never lose faith. When the smile comes, when the laughter comes, you must bring that smile, that laughter to me.’ Lu Chen, I will definitely show you the other side of life… One day, I will surely bring that smile, that laughter, to you.

Lu Chen’s eyes flickered intensely, then rippled with gentle affection.

♥︎: Actually, you’ve already done that. (5* Card 弦音似你)

They may seem like ideological opposites, but she’s also his “little rabbit,” meaning he sees parts of himself in her. She’s extremely selfless and tolerant, especially of him. No matter how conflicted she feels towards the way he keeps pushing and pulling from her in the beginning, she always ends up coming back to him. Lu Chen, being very selfless and tolerant himself, has the urge to shield her from the Blood Clan, who want to use MC as a weapon.

If someone had shielded me from everything back then, would I be different now? He didn’t know. But at this moment, he desperately didn’t want the girl to suffer the same fate. (Main Story Chapter 3 雨夜梦回)

Lu Chen seems like a walking oxymoron. Every single facet and detail of his actions seem to contradict itself, and his relationship with the MC is also defined by this confusing push-pull dynamic. He “tortures” the MC through illusory worlds because he wants her to push him away after realising that he’s a “monster.” However, he also deploys these illusions because he wants to pull her in, keeping her close. He’s actually testing her strength and resolve, wanting her to become stronger so that he can’t hurt her. These illusions are both an act of wanting to push her away and wanting to keep her close, and these two conflicting standpoints merge together because his overall view is that if it comes to a matter of life and death, he wants her to save herself and let him die. He wants her to understand that he’s a “monster” that does not deserve to live, while also wanting her to become stronger for her own sake.

But isn’t it ironic? He wants her to let him die, yet the act of helping her is quite literally a demonstration of him possessing a will to live. Yet again, the whole thing is a contradiction. For the first time in his life, he finds himself actively helping the “enemy” side; the side that represents light and life, over his bloodline’s side; the side that represents night and death. The Blood Clan wanting to use MC as a weapon to advance their own goals is a parallel to how Lu Chen has been used as a weapon his whole life. Through rejecting this agenda he is instead prioritising the MC, actively choosing the more difficult path of life and love over the more convenient path of death and tolerance. Most notably, by choosing the MC, he is also choosing himself for the first time.

Choosing himself also involves letting go of the idea imposed by the Blood Clan that the truth of the world involves a grand, all-encompassing vision of the universe, and instead starting to realise that he has the power to form his own truth free from being controlled by anyone else. There is no objective truth in the world, and this can be seen through people holding different perspectives towards the same thing. For example, while some people might criticise MC’s designs, Lu Chen finds the beauty in them.

♥︎: Aesthetics are inherently personal. If some people don't accept your work, naturally there will be others who like it very much. (Main Story 1-19 Night Ending)

There’s also a sense of beauty in the different perspectives MC introduces to him. The fact that there exists a world beyond his own perceptions that have confined himself to misery genuinely invigorates him, because it shows that there is the potential to change. Life doesn’t have to remain stagnant because there are so many possibilities that can enrich his worldview and bring meaning to his life. Being an observer and a participant go hand in hand, and different observations lead to different ways of engaging with life. This gives him a future to look forward to.

♥︎: In the days we’ve shared, your companionship has been just like playing the cello—each and every time brings me a completely different experience. These minute differences are exactly what form my expectations for the future. I believe it will be the same moving forward. Are you willing to join me in this beautiful cycle? (6* Card 隽永契约)

His truth doesn’t have to be a grand universal vision, but can just comprise of a collection of ordinary little moments stored in his memories. His development is based on reconnecting with the past that he has lost memory of, which involves discovering what it means to feel nostalgic and reminiscent of moments gone by with a newfound hope and ability to find beauty in the little things in life. He uses the term ‘hygge’ to describe this concept.

♥︎: Hygge doesn't really have an exact translation. The general idea is to find those subtle, cosy moments in life and gain a sense of happiness from them. (Main Story 5-10)

His collection of such moments includes the brilliant stars seen from a bell tower on a summer night, the swirling snowflakes by a wishing fountain in winter, the colourful fairy lights illuminating a forest campsite, and the single lamp burning late into the night in his office. (2022 Marie Claire Interview)

These memories he accumulates of all the beautiful little things in life are a representation of his subjective feelings, and by allowing himself to feel, he’s regaining control over himself. He has always struggled with distinguishing between truth and lies, sincerity and deception. However, there isn’t just one version of truth or reality, and it varies depending on each individual’s own feelings. Prioritising his feelings gives him the control to form his own truth, free from any other narratives forced upon him.

♥︎: Is it possible that “truth” is actually a subjective feeling?

♥︎: A subjective feeling?

♥︎: Because human memory is limited, we can only choose to remember certain things. And those things often carry strong subjective emotions. For example, take food. even though I go to the cafeteria every day, I can never remember what I ate yesterday. On the contrary, I can remember that rainy night from long ago, when we hid under the eaves and ate that bowl of red bean ice together. Because the latter was infused with emotion, it allowed me to perceive something real within a dull life.

Lu Chen listened to me quietly, then thoughtfully turned his gaze back to the old television, his fingers interlacing with mine.

♥︎: If you put it that way, then this moment is also a form of truth.

♥︎: What?

♥︎: Right now, I am holding your hand. No matter how much time passes, I will remember how this feels. To me, this is the truth that I have recorded. Correct? (5* Card 阅尽晨昏)

Instead of always looking ten steps ahead towards the future outcome, focusing on the present moment in front of him is what truly brings him joy. For someone who has always had no concept of time and has been constantly racing against the clock without actually getting anywhere, he can only truly move forward by slowing down. This allows him to reconnect with his inner child that he gradually lost sight of, which deep down is a kind and gentle boy who survived through hope. Although the present moment is fleeting, it doesn’t mean that these moments are devoid of meaning. As long as they’re preserved in his memories, they’ll last for a long time and form the foundations of a future he can always look forward to.

Lu Chen has always longed for the ordinary, especially as someone who grew up in a world of chaos and was left with many complex and contradictory feelings. He has always relished in the ordinary moments of life, even concealing his identity as the new CEO from MC in the beginning because he wanted to savour the little moments they shared together a little longer, regardless of his identity as her work superior.

♥︎: The power hidden beneath the ordinary will always have a day to reveal itself. Moreover, from a long-term perspective, it's often the ordinary that creates more surprises. (Main Story 1-19 Night Ending)

MC’s acceptance of his true self allows him to feel normal. Their dynamic involves seeing and accepting each other for every part of themselves in their rawest forms, no matter how chaotically taboo or messy their inner lives may be. He has always feared being seen for his deepest vulnerabilities, but she shows him that he doesn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love and acceptance. He has always refrained from being possessive due to his own self-hatred, but he can’t stop himself from indulging in her. Instead of reining himself under tight control, following his heart for the first time leads him to a world of sincerity, allowing himself to be truly seen for the first time in his life. Even his ability of casting illusions represents the intimacy that only they share together, as within illusions they cannot see the outside, while those on the outside cannot see them either.

♥︎: In this twisted world, you make me feel normal again. (6* Card 宴色诱惑)

Lu Chen is all too familiar with playing different roles in different scenarios, but instead of constantly agonising over trying to search for his "true self," the road to sincerity involves accepting the various faces he shows to the world as all being parts of himself. They all comprise different aspects of his identity, and they don't necessarily contradict each other because they all share the common underlying intention of caring for others. Maybe being gentle and caring is his truest self.

♥︎: But I think that when people hide aspects of themselves and choose the most appropriate side to show others, it’s often an act of gentleness. No matter what kind of person you choose to be in front of me, I will cherish that intention. That’s enough for me.

I stared blankly at his smile, then suddenly saw the light. The reason people take on “roles” and cannot always act solely according to their own feelings is simply because they care about the person in front of them. Because they care about someone, they can’t help but consider and look after that person’s feelings, and they become especially concerned with how they are perceived. (6* Card 罪爱)

Throughout the initially intense push-pull dynamic of their relationship, MC has always viewed Lu Chen as a person of uncertainty, but the one certainty for her is his eyes that are always full of sincerity; his red eyes that signify the monster that he can’t bear to show to the world. She finds acceptance in what he can’t accept himself for. From the very first time they met, she has always only detected light and sincerity in his eyes.

Perhaps because I was still shaken, I didn't know whether I should trust this stranger. I tried hard to see if there was any other intention in his eyes. However, there wasn't. Behind the gold-rimmed glasses, his eyes held only a reassuring smile. (Main Story 1-07)

His calm and bright eyes also seemed to understand my thoughts, crossing the crowd and looking at me. Like that warm light that shone in the dark elevator car. (Main Story 2-13)

I could always vaguely see a vast and magnificent sea beneath his calm eyes. Instinct told me that arrogance and hypocrisy didn't flow there. (Main Story 5-01)

Even when she has tried to search for signs of insincerity in his gaze, she has never been able to find it. This again ties into how everyone has different perspectives towards the same thing. Lu Chen may see himself as a monster who lacks sincerity, and yet, MC has always seen and accepted him as a human being who is full of sincerity. His own negative view of himself is not an objective truth, and MC’s different perspective of him expands not only his worldview, but also his view of himself. Therefore, she also introduces to him a new perspective on love. Love is not defined by possession, transactions, or blood relations, but by sincerity.

♥︎: Then how can you be sure that the boy isn’t, at his core, just like the people in his family?

♥︎: To survive, he had to become the person they expected him to be.

♥︎: I… I’m not sure, but I don’t think he is. I can feel from the story that he didn’t hurt others; he was only hurting and suppressing himself. He won’t become a cruel person; he just had bad luck.

Lu Chen’s eyes moved slightly, losing focus for a moment. He looked at me with a gaze I had never seen before, full of sorrow and loneliness. That gaze was like countless burning thorns, leaving a dense pain in my heart. Suddenly… I really wanted to hug him.

♥︎: Loving someone is unconditional. Love isn’t possession, not a transaction, but giving freedom. It’s being willing to believe in someone wholeheartedly, even if you don’t fully understand them.

[…]

♥︎: A relationship bound by blood cannot be called “love.” Not everyone who gives birth to a child is qualified to be a parent. Love isn’t possession, not coercion, but giving peace of mind and refuge, it’s trust and reliance. That is a bond deeper than blood. (6* Card 光暖秋林)

Not only does he now understand what it means to receive love, but he now also knows what it means to love someone else too. He is no longer controlled by the expectations of the Blood Clan, because he’s now following his own heart that has always been brimming with sincerity. MC’s sense of hope is a reflection of Lu Chen’s own true heart that he has always denied yet longed for, and loving her is ultimately an act of loving himself.

♥︎: People say that the wedding day is the day a girl is at her most beautiful in her life, but I don’t agree with that statement. If after getting married, it becomes difficult for a girl to return to her former beauty, then marriage sounds more like a disaster instead. In our time together, I can feel that you are becoming more mature and powerful every day than before. The pace of growth doesn’t stop because of marriage, and I think you wouldn’t choose that kind of marriage either. I hope you are stronger and more confident every day than before, that is true beauty. So in my eyes, you are becoming more beautiful every day. (6* Card 隽永契约 Phone Call)

[crowmero]

Your fave is a vampire starter pack 🦇🩸

Mental post I have since Nica joined team vampire. The true is that I have a soft spot for the werewolves ❤️ but vampires keep fighting for my attention quite hard. I have more vampires (and werewolves) I can name!

[skylightstarrybright]

Admissions

Lu Chen admits to a few things. His girlfriend has a surprising proposal.

SFW. Just fluff. 2.4k. Lu Chen x MC (she/her). No cws applicable.

A/N - I’m new to the game but basing this on all the dates, encounter, and traces I’ve read so far c: I hope I got it right so far! This came to mind and couldn’t get it out of my head.

———

It’s 2 in the afternoon, and Lu Chen’s tea is cold. A faint sense of dread passes through him, disappearing like mist. This sensation isn’t as familiar to him, as he’s learned to calculate and to measure possibilities and consequences in actions. The dread is new, because it isn’t about a situation. The dread comes from how he’ll have to say goodbye to her in an hour, and he’ll have to offer a modest excuse, which he knows her well enough by now to know she won’t so much as blink in complaint. In fact she’ll probably smile that same sunny smile she always does, and tell him they can meet some other time. Half the dread is wondering how long he can make it before he rationalizes telling her more than he sh—

Click!

The door handle behind him turns and he turns half toward it, eyebrows lifted in surprise when he sees his girlfriend walking in, still in her spa bathrobe and slippers. A smile that he’s practiced in the mirror so often rises to his cheeks while she sets her things down to approach him by the window. The breeze lifts a waft of salty sea air into the room, combined with her own tropical scented lotion that had been generously applied lately. It’s sweet, and intoxicating.

“You’ve returned from the spa early?” He nods, rising from the coffee table to greet her. “I thought you were going to indulge in a facial. Did something happen?”

“I was but…” She catches his forearms with her cool fingertips and a rosy glow rises to his cheeks that he’s certain isn’t from the spa treatment. “I didn’t want to be without you too long.”

A ripple of affection exudes from him at her expression, but the dread returns behind his smile that he’s an expert at maintaining. Now he has to contemplate telling her ahead of time, or…

“You missed me then? Should I call for more tea? Or we can stroll around the resort grounds.”

“Lu Chen, what’s wrong?”

He freezes, and it never failed to catch him off guard with the way she could always tell. Even when he’d practiced over and over to never let his emotions slip through, even when he’d mastered the art of sounding genuine. No one living new how to cut through to him this way. Realizing he’d rested a beat too long, he sighs, helpless, and takes both her hands in his.

“How do you always see me?”

“It’s… It’s my gift, but I don’t need to use it on you anymore. I know you well enough now.”

That was the most extraordinary thing about her. Somehow she’d nestled into caring about him way more than she should, and somehow he could not resist her charming heart.

“Tell me then, did you use it?” He teases slightly, pulling her forward towards him.

“Only a little…” She admits, wrapping her arms around his waist to squeeze him. 

Lu Chen never thought he was physically affectionate, or ever going to be, but with her it came naturally. Whenever he had his arms around her things just felt better. 

“So what happened? You had to take a phone call and you didn’t come back, so I thought something urgent might have come up.”

When she looks up at him, there’s question in her eyes, and care he can’t escape. He strokes her freshly washes strands and feels so warmed by her gesture that he knows he won’t be able to hold up any longer without explaining.

“Yes.” He starts, sighing and rubbing the small of her back briefly before moving to separate from her and sit down. Opposite him, she takes her seat and pours a cup of tea for herself from the pot he’d used earlier.

Continuing, he attempts to smile reassuringly. “Some business has come up in London. I’m afraid I’ll be away for a week or so.”

Her eyebrows widen while she raises the cup to her lips, then makes a bitter face at the feeling of the cold tea at her lips. Rather than drink it, she sets it down. “A week?”

“Yes I- oh, sorry, the tea got cold, didn’t it? I’ll call for some more.”

While he gets up to call room service, she adjusts her robe and closes the window that suddenly felt too chilly. 

This is when he expects her to reassure with her bubbly smile, but instead she looks only passive. 

“It must be important then. I hope everything’s ok…”

Returning to his seat, he places a hand over hers. “Yes, I just have to go take care of things. I’m afraid I have to leave tonight.”

“Tonight?” Now to his discomfort, she looks worried, and he once told her he could bear some worry for her, but that didn’t make it easier when it involved him.

“Don’t be worried,” He assures, rubbing a thumb over her hand. “It’ll be alright, and you can stay here the remaining 2 days, enjoy it as much as you can. I’ll call you, every night if I must.”

A smile flashes on her lips, but he can’t help but notice she still looks pensive. What happens next surprises him, while she puts her other hand over his on the table, and finally smiles. 

“Lu Chen… you can tell me things now. I am here with you, no matter what. You don’t have to be alone with your thoughts all the time. I’m sorry things are difficult so you have to rush away. I want to see you smiling too, but I also don’t mind seeing you sad, or disappointed, or dissatisfied. Or, even if it’s none of those things right now. I know you may not be able to tell me everything, but know my heart is with yours.”

Silenced by her earnest, although they’d somehow reminded each other a few times now that they’d be there for each other, it always struck his heart like another tick on the dial of a watch.

“I can’t argue with you on that, so I’ll just say, thank you,” And he smiles, helplessly warm at the familiarity of the phrase, and he feels her squeeze his hands a little tighter, not realizing she did so because it was the first time in the last few minutes that his smile wasn’t forced.

“Let us just say there is something very valuable I am trying to protect. And… there are many people who want it for bad purposes. I cannot be assured of its protection without leaving for a little while. Once I know it’s safe, I’ll return.”

“Oh… yes I can see how that would be troubling! I’ve lost sleep trying over expensive things from the studio in my care before!”

He chuckles in affection at her earnest attempt to relate. “Yes, and… right now it’s in my care, I don’t want anyone else to take it from me.”

“Do you have a lot of security for it?”

“Yes, although, I need to ensure it hasn’t been compromised.”

“I see… Well, I know my Lu Chen will make things safe. You always do. You always find a way! So I’m sure it’ll go smoothly.” 

There’s that sunny optimism that he adores, and he brings her fingers to his lips to kiss while he smiles and nods. “Thank you, I’ll go with your confident assurance as my good luck. But please, promise me you won’t leave the resort until it’s time. Zhao Lan will come pick you up.”

“Ok! I’ll definitely do the longer facial tomorrow then!” 

Right as he arises, a knock at the door brings the room service in to swap their cold tea with a fresh steaming pot. The hibiscus flavor has a brilliant rich red hue that makes her exclaim at. Just like that, the dread has washed away from, him, replaced by her hopefulness and trust in him. He wished all things could be this simple. Still, he couldn’t help feel disappointed. Which, was becoming a new feeling also. Disappointments, like dread, were managed by constant maintaining and manipulation of scenarios to ensure the best outcome. They weren’t so much disappointments so much as they were useful data.

But when it came to her? He couldn’t help it.

The sun begins to set, filling the room with rosy hues. After a moment and clinked teacups and watching her cheeks grow tinted the same shade as the sweet liquid from the heat of it, he can’t help but admit, 

“I will miss this. I am-” He breathes, shaking his head at how easy she makes it to admit, “-Disappointed we won’t have the rest of our time together. But I assure you, leaving you doesn’t come easily.”

“So, you miss me already?” There’s a teasing smile on her face. She’d grown better at it, looser around him in a way that somehow made his chest flutter.

“Oh dear, you cannot tease me for that.” He adds in humor. She giggles, the sound filling his very soul and setting it lighter than it was for hours without her.

“I’m not, I find it cute. But I understand. You have something important to protect.” 

He nods, and for a moment there’s quiet, while they observe the tropical view outside. A glint of water in the distance catches sunlight, reflecting in her eyes. Just when he thinks he can stare for the rest of the hour, she opens her mouth to speak.

“This thing that you’re protecting, is it in London?”

He raises a brow, wondering if her mind had been churning the whole time, or how she reached the question. 

“Not exactly, but there are agencies involved and… It’s safer at home.”

“Oh, then… do you want me to look after it with you? I mean, I don’t mind stopping by your home-”

“It’s… not like that, exactly.” He interrupts, a bit marveled by how easily she was willing to throw her hands in to help him. Then again, he really shouldn’t have been surprised. Reassuringly, he smiles and refills her teacup that she takes timidly, like a cat that had been scolded for licking at milk too soon.

In spite of the assurance, she still looks regretful. “I’m sorry, I spoke without thinking, I just… this is a heavy burden on you, I just wanted to say, um. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. If you’re not taking it with you to London, I mean…”

Grateful that she was still under the impression it was a physical object, he pats the back of her hand. “I will, and I’m grateful. You’ll be the top of my list. And, taking it to London would be convenient, but… it’s more complicated than this. It’s…” 

And suddenly what he’d dreaded earlier begins to form, where the rationale behind speaking every word with intention begins to fall away. It was as if the tea was imbued with her essence and had become a magic potion that made him want to relay every piece to her. She was dangerous in a way that made him forget that love was just a chemical. Suddenly with her, he had begun to understand why many men had called it falling in love. When the momentum was strong enough, it felt like he could feel the ground rushing up to meet his face, just from the way she spoken to him, with care, respect, and love. If it was a chemical, he was beginning to hope it lasted a very long time.

“It doesn’t belong to me,” He continued, unnecessarily. “I hope one day it will, but until then I’m hoping its owner will be gracious with me. And I’m protecting it with everything I have.”

Puzzled, she tilts her head to the side. He hopes she doesn’t ask more questions.

She does.

“You were put in charge of it?”

“For the time being.”

“Then… won’t it’s owner be grateful if you take it with you? If you tell them it’d be safer?”

“It’s not so simple. Don’t worry, it’s in good hands here.”

“Hmm.” 

Then she rises, steps to face in front of him, and takes his hands again. Her hair had begun to frizz as it dried, and he couldn’t help but think she looked even more adorable somehow. 

“Lu Chen, I’m not sure what it is… but I can already see you care about it very much. So, I’m saying this now in case you ever wonder. But if you ever need to go somewhere else with it, just know I’ll come with you. Even to London. And I hope it will belong to you someday, I mean I’m sure it will. I’ll vouch for you!”

The proposal hits him between the ribs, like a hammer cracking at all the doubts in his very being. Here was this woman, who hardly knew everything about him, or his situation, and already promising to go away with him. He wondered if she could begin to know the gravity of that.

Her name softly falls off his lips, then he smiles. “Even to London?”

“Yes!” And it’s a wonder to him that she looks excited. “Everytime I go I enjoy it there, and the fashion scene is really good. We could start a remote Warson studio there too! We could be like… Bonnie and Clyde! Make a run for it and live there. Except, well, legally… and we didn’t steal anything- or we won’t.”

Now he laughs, and he can’t help it. Lightness fills him, and he’s impossibly happy in a way he can’t describe. “If it comes to that, I’ll let you know. But right now… I won’t take it away.”

Standing, he wraps her arms around him and lets the peace of the moment come over him. She nuzzles into his chest, then looks up at him with bright eyes while he speaks. “I have to come back soon anyway. Can you sense it? I’m happiest when I’m with you. Rather than go where I need to go, I’d rather spend my life going where we want to, and only we. Just like this.”

She beams, and leans up to kiss his cheek. “On one condition.”

“A condition?” He chuckles. “Alright, name it, love.”

“You owe me two days.”

A wide smile curls into his cheeks while he leans down to kiss her against the setting sun for which both her cheeks and his ears match in color, 

“Done.”

[cheesecakest]

♬︎⠀♡.•*¨*•.¸¸ ♡.•*¨*•.¸¸ ♡.•*¨*•.¸¸ ⠀♬︎ ✧ 🎬🪉🎖️📸🎞️🎱 ＼(TᴗT) ／ ೋღ ♥︎ ღೋ ♥︎♩♥︎ ♩♥︎ 🎯🎯

[yaoioioay]

LINK CLICK - Cheng Xiaoshi x Lu Guang

[4fleuriis]

જ⁀➴

"𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒖𝒑𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆.." .ᐟ

⟡ a/n: lu chen for miss bunniesss 𐔌՞. .՞𐦯. i took inspiration of the story from "rabbit and bear" but my writing skill is so goofy that it sounds sooo silly. you can skip tho ૮◞ ‸ ◟ ა

⟡ pairing: lu chen (evan) x mc

⟡ genre: fluff, comfort

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

one evening, in lu chen's high-end apartment, you and he are cuddling each other intimately. but wait, aren't you curious about why you're here with him? well, let's rewind a little. this morning, you was snowed under your deadlines and had no time caring about your lunch break then, the ceo lu chen showed up out of the blue.

"𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘? ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢."

you immediately put on a smile out of courtesy. after a while, he finally suggested.

"𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑦 𝑎𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡? 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑡 𝑎 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑣𝑒 𝑝𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑝. 𝑜𝑟… 𝑝𝑒𝑟ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑠 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑑 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒. 𝑤𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛'𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦."

well, it's true that you and he haven't seen each other much recently so, you accepted the invitation.

that's why you're here with him. come to think of it, it's worth coming over his place. it brings you a peace of mind in an inexplicable way.

you don't even know why maybe peace has always looked a little like him.

you had dinner with him. he cooked by himself, saying a home-cooked meal is the best for our health, our bonds and to show his affection. it was a fancy meal, though. pan-seared salmon, beef tenderloin, pasta aglio e olio, etc and red wine, of course. he even bought a large piece of tiramisu from your favorite bakery. how chivalrous of lu chen! oh right, he always loves pampering you with sweet treats.

anyway, back to where we are. everything is so cozy. you're showered with his tender gestures, making all your worries go away. you truly feel like a little bunny as you curl up in his arms. from seven to eleven. what time is it? maybe you lost track of time, as usual.

he ruffles your hair gently, brushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear (he wants to see your face clearly) while the two of you are sharing the same blanket. suddenly, he places a soft kiss right on your left cheek for a moment before finally pulling away.

⌞ ⋆˚꩜｡ 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑒 .ᐟ.ᐟ⌝

═════════════════════════════════════════════

A. get flustered

your cheeks turns pink after that kiss. it was.. way too unexpected!

"so.. how come i stay here.. at this hour?" ── it's a red herring

"𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑎𝑡 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡?"

"no.."

"𝑚ℎ𝑚."

gosh, why don't he offer me a ride? or just pull out Anywhere Door? he is doraemon, isn't he? ── that thought immediately comes to your mind

minute by minute, he doesn't talk anything. it is so awkward that you feel urged to speak up.

"so will we just be like this and fall asleep?"

"𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑠 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡, ℎ𝑚?"

".. nothing. it's just.. ugh, do you have any interesting stories?"

"𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡?"

"ughh, fairy tale?", you want to fall asleep so that might be the most effective way

"𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑢𝑝 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑜𝑛𝑒?"

"pleasee."

"𝑎𝑙𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡."

═════════════════════════════════════════════

B. tease him back

"hm? what's thatt.. you're being naughty lately, aren't you?", you giggles and teases him back.

"𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒."

a mischievous grin tugged at his lips.

"well, i don't usually let people kiss me so casually so.. since you stole a kiss, you owe me compensation!"

".. 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛?"

"yeah". you nod with exaggerated seriousness. "that's the rule."

he remains silent for a while as if he is considering

"𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑠𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢?"

you pretend to think so long and so hard.

"a bedtime story."

his expression turned teasing.

"𝑎 𝑏𝑒𝑑𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑦?"

"mhm. since you're the culprit, you're responsible for putting me into sleep."

a quiet chuckle escapes lu chen. his thumb brushes lazily over the back of your hand before he speaks up.

═════════════════════════════════════════════

"𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑢𝑝𝑜𝑛 𝑎 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.. 𝑖𝑛 𝑎 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑠𝑛𝑜𝑤, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑎 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑-ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑤𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛 𝑢𝑝 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑝. 𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡, 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑔𝑜𝑡 𝑢𝑝 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑘 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑, 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑔𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑙𝑒𝑛 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑠 ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟."

he paused for a while to think.

"𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑓𝑎𝑟 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑎 𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑦 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 ── 𝑎 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑓𝑢𝑟, 𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑.. 𝑎 ℎ𝑎𝑏𝑖𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑑𝑖𝑑𝑛'𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑟. 𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑑, 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑒𝑓 𝑤ℎ𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑟'𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑."

"hm, how come bunny loves designing?" ── you asked right after he finished telling.

"𝑖𝑓 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑑𝑖𝑑𝑛'𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔… 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑑?" ── he offers you a warm smile.

you fall silent for a moment. pink fur, design, hm. well, just a feeling.

"sleeping under a tree?"

".. 𝑖 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑠 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜."

before you can even ask him more questions, he's already continued.

"𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑠𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑦 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑤𝑜 𝑚𝑒𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑏𝑢𝑖𝑙𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑚𝑒𝑛. 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦. 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦, ℎ𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟, 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑔𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟. 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑢𝑚𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑𝑙𝑦 𝑡𝑜𝑙𝑑 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒. 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑜𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑒. ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠. 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑦, 𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑐𝑘. 𝑎 ℎ𝑢𝑛𝑔𝑟𝑦 𝑝𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑜𝑓 𝑤𝑜𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡. 𝑙𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑙𝑦, 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑟𝑢𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒. 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦, 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑙𝑒𝑛. 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑔𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑟𝑦, 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑎𝑣𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟. 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑛── "

"wait.. did bunny just get away with that? bunny shouldn't get forgiven so easily.."── obviously, after all, bunny deserves a lesson

"𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑛𝑜𝑡?"

"bunny made bear worry.. bunny should learn a lesson!"

"𝑚𝑚. 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑝𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑖𝑧𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑦."

without hesitation, he slides his left hand into your t-shirt, rubbing your back gently before go higher and unhook your bra. he's kind of a naughty man, isn't he?

"i told you to teach bunny a lesson..". his touch gives you goosebump as always. you can't resist.. or you just don't want to resist.

"𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑎𝑑𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔."

"how?"

"𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑘𝑖𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑑 𝑙𝑢𝑛𝑐ℎ 𝑡𝑜 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜 𝑙𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟."

"i did drink three milk boxes!"

"𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡."

"...

my bad." ── you give in.

"𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑝𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑦 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑙𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ."

"then… should bunny write a self-reflection report?"

a faint smile tugged at the corner of his lips. without a word, he buries his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply your scent. he brushes a lingering kiss against your collar and lets out a husky whisper.

"𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡, 𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔."

he reached over to switch off the bedside lamp. darkness settled between both of you. you couldn't help but feeling hazy for a moment.

...

the night grows quieter, bathed in gentle moonlight. somewhere nearby, a flower finally unfurls beneath the silver glow.

˖᯽ ݁˖

[hotricebowlsoup]

paradise [alkaid x reader]

(7.4k, celebrity au, celebrity x bodyguard, angst with a happy ending, with SMAU tidbits)

writing for my uni applications unironically cured my writers block. also, hear me out on chase atlantic’s paradise EP x luchen😛

happy late bday alkaid mcsexy!

JUST IN: The New ηUMa x Van Cleef & Arpels Spring Collection 2026

Alkaid promises you that you're the first girl he's ever brought to the beach. Statistically, you think it's a fat lie, especially considering you’re just a bodyguard.

That particular evening started with a drizzle, with the weeping sky blending the orange sunset into dusky blue. At six thirty, you were carrying an umbrella over Alkaid when you exited the photoshoot studio together and walked him to the car, but he had stopped in his tracks just before you could touch the handle. Turning to you with a smile that only spells mischief, he asked if you wanted to escape for a little. 

It’s not in your job description to say no to him. Even so, you weren’t all that reluctant when you gave in and threw the umbrella in the car, before chasing him to the beach through the rain. 

The beach he led both of you to is currently sparse of people, since winter had just only ended and the evening wind is cold enough to give you regrets about stepping out the house. Alkaid must’ve seen your slightly shivering form, because he sheds his own coat to drape it over your figure.

“Very helpful,” you deadpan at him, despite the flush in your cheeks for numerous reasons, “to wrap an already wet coat around me like it’ll be warmer.”

He only grins and caresses your wet, clumpy hair before lowering his hand to clasp yours. 

As he slowly walks you closer to the shore, the searing warmth in between your joined hands reminds you of how affectionate Alkaid has always been with you. The golden McGrath boy, cherished son of legendary actress Tammy McGrath, owns a sweet disposition that everyone who has worked with him had the pleasure of receiving. You don’t think there’s ever been a moment when Alkaid lost his gentleness or amicability, and yet the sheer amount of physical affection he gives to you is a topic that stands out among the buzz and gossip of his backstage studio. Rumor has it that he personally chose you as his bodyguard, or that he’d been searching for you before you were hired, or… something silly-sounding like a YA romance book.

To the credit of those rumors, you really haven’t caught Alkaid touching anyone else besides you. Every time you’ve tried to probe him about it, he just gives you a pleasant smile and changes the topic, like a fox slinking away from a trap.

You’ve kicked off your shoes next to his before you even know it, and now you’re standing in an almost-moonlit backdrop with the sea kissing your bare toes with a rhythm only they know. The drizzle has let up, but your damp hair and clothing still have yet to dry. Alkaid gently swings your joined hands back and forth, humming an unrecognisable melody while watching the sea swallow up the last of the sun.

“ ‘S the beach giving you any inspiration, McGrath?” You tease, turning your gaze slightly toward him. “That’s a new song I haven’t heard.”

Alkaid looks up, down, humming a few more notes before looking you directly in the eyes. “...Something like that.”

You miss the warmth of his hand as he lets go, but you play it off by frolicking alone in the water.

The sea has completely swallowed up the sun, leaving behind an onyx night sky. Time passes quickly, but it feels like mere seconds as the sea playfully darts between your feet like a game of tag, distracting you from any dangerous thoughts about your position as Alkaid’s personal bodyguard. You commit to twirling along the shore like the regal princesses you saw in your childhood stories, letting Alkaid’s big coat around you flap like an imaginary dress. If Alkaid brought you both to the beach to unwind, then you’ll make the most out of it and shed your responsibilities for just an hour more.

A sharp shutter sound breaks your reverie, and you whip your head up to see a camera lens pointing directly at you. 

Alkaid lowers the camera, gazing at the photo he just captured with an undiscernible look in his eyes. You pad your way toward him, slightly embarrassed of your prior dreamlike trance, but he looks up at you with the stars in the night sky reflected in his emerald eyes.

“Can I see?” you dare to ask shyly.

His eyes flit back and forth between you and the image captured, before he gingerly closes the flap and shakes his head like it’s nothing.

“It’s nothing,” he confirms.

Even with the fond smile on his face, you feel your own smile tightening, the reality of your position returning to you like you’d settled into a cold bath.

“Yeah,” you halfheartedly agree, and turn away to pick up your shoes. “Nothing.”

You walk to create distance from him, wrapping his coat tighter around yourself. The sight of your trusty, worn out black slacks next to his old money custom-made YSL laying carelessly on the sand together only serve to remind you of your place.

Alkaid McGrath is a celebrity. Under stage name ‘ηUMa’, he’s done countless songs in the alternative genre that went massive and earned him millions. Some argue that he’s a nepotism beneficiary. Others argue that his pretty, golden boy looks catalysed his skyrocketing fame. No one argues about his musical talent or star presence.

And you’re just a bodyguard.

-

“And she walks down

I noticed how she does it for real now

And she talks loud

She's telling me what I wanna hear now

Is it real now?”

— η UMa, “the start”

-

What's Poppin’? Harp Island Show - Episode March 2026

For the first time, at a fan exclusive panel event, you hear news in public before you hear them in private.

The event was only meant to be an exclusive release of first-drafts, unreleased songs, and detailed runthroughs of his songmaking process. Which he did do, that’s not to be mistaken. Although with the way his fangirls gaze at him like they’re parched and he’s an oasis, you kind of doubt they’re paying fullest attention to what he’s actually saying.

Perhaps the rough technicalities of song production can sound like dirty talk if they come from a pretty boy’s mouth. Considering today’s superficial society, it’s not an unrealistic motion.

It’s actually towards the end of the event when he drops a surprise you’re hearing for the first time: “... and I actually have a new song planned sometime next month.”

The shrieks and cheers from the crowd are utterly predictable, but you’re unfazed by the noise, choosing to stare at him in shock from your hidden position backstage.

“Wow, what a surprise!” the moderator chortles, clearly not expecting it either. “There hasn’t been any signs of a new song release from your end, so how did you come to this decision?”

“To be honest, I’m actually announcing this for the first time in public without permission,” he smiles like a fairytale prince, drawing louder screams from the audience, “My publicity team will be rather upset with me when I return. Most of them don’t even know about the song.”

“Hahaha, oh goodness! Alkaid’s publicity team, if you’re seeing this, I’m very sorry for the blood pressure spike~”

The back-and-forth continues with him playfully dodging any questions about the upcoming secret single, while you watch from the dark backstage, letting the news churn in your mind. Usually, although you’re technically not part of his musical team, you are his personal bodyguard, and you’ve always been among the first to know if he’s producing anything. A part of you wilts at the betrayal, even though it isn’t really betrayal, even though your job scope has nothing to do with the musical aspects of his occupation.

You barely hear the end of a question by the mousey moderator that goes, “...Is there any inspiration behind it? Come on, your fans are starving right here!”

Your eyes flit up to his distant figure, and you flinch at the gaze that returns.

From your hidden position to where he’s seated comfortably on stage, it’d take you only fifteen steps or so to reach him. There’s absolutely nothing in front of you (since as his bodyguard you require a clear path toward him should something happen) so it’s unmistakable that he’s looking at you, but even so, it’s surprising that he managed to find the exact direction where you stand in the dark backstage. In that moment, the cheers of the crowd fade into white noise, your head swims in cotton, and goosebumps bloom across your covered skin. 

The corner of his lips turn up, sending you a smile that feels like a secret only you can decipher. Then, he picks up the microphone and murmurs, “Just a girl I like very, very much.”

Immediately, the crowd launches into another round of scream and cheer, excited at the uncharacteristic elusiveness of their idol. But on your end, Alkaid’s words reverberate in your system, sending an unpleasant shiver down your spine.

That fifteen-step distance starts to feel like an ocean.

Later that afternoon, during the drive home, he’s silent in thought with an arm propped up on the window. You’re seated on the other end of the backseat, hands clenched and posture tenser than usual. Nothing has ever escaped the observant Alkaid, not when it comes to you, so he obviously asks if you’re okay, to which you callously shrug.

“It’s nothing,” you repeat to him his words from the beach that night. Alkaid doesn’t pursue, but he keeps his knowing gaze trained on you.

It’s nothing, you repeat to yourself tonight, before you slumber and dream of emerald eyes. 

-

ηUMa updates✅ @alkaidcharts

[image] Alkaid announces an upcoming 6th studio single today at the What’s Poppin’? Harp Island Show.

Most relevant replies

Cloud ☁️ ηUMa’s angel @huajiaverse OHHHH MY GOD WAKE UP URSAMINORS WE’RE GETTING FED [image]

cael’s wifey ⋆｡‧˚ʚɞ˚‧｡⋆ @mrsanselm LETS GOOOOO!!!!! [gif]

Savannah @savannahhh Ayn solos

athy!! ✰ huayn endgame @lovebrushedworlds my princess Stop schizoposting and come back to bed also . huajia solos😘

Cloud ☁️ ηUMa’s angel @huajiaverse Can you two get out omg this is monumental for us Ursaminors 

athy!! ✰ huayn endgame @lovebrushedworlds son i’m crine 😭😭😭 imagine having ‘minors’ in ur fan name 😭😭😭 common alkaid L queenjia could never 😭😭😭 imaging glazing alkaid with huajia in ur usertag

katsudon @hotricebowlsoup couldn’t the author of this fic have chosen a better fanname for alkaid…

Savannah @savannahhh Ok now imagine if the single is about his secret situationship whom he’ll debut with the song and we find out they are star-crossed but forbidden lovers and we witness their entire love story on Twitter as they breakup and makeup

athy!! ✰ huayn endgame @lovebrushedworlds my love. my universe. for the last time, PUT that phone down and COME BACK TO BED

-

It feels like an eternity has passed before the secret single finally releases from Alkaid’s grasp.

Despite the lack of teasers (apart from the only tweet that he left, and you quote, “friday 9pm gmt8” which sent stan Twitter into a frenzy), the world is geared up for its streaming debut. Forums and social media spaces are flooded with excitement and theories about the sudden announcement, immediately launching Alkaid’s name back into the trending mainstream. Curiosity toward the secret single is at an all time high considering the absolute lack of any lyric leak, visuals, or even a clue about its aesthetic. Somehow, the lack of publicity was successful publicity itself.

Admittedly, you were just as curious as the loyal Alkaid fans about the new single, with the clock on your wall diligently counting down the minutes to 9. You pretend you’re not glancing over at it to check the time every 30 seconds, even though the stiff tick-tocking that echoes throughout your quiet apartment reflects the thudding heartbeat in your chest.

You don’t know why you’re so nervous. This isn’t the first time you’ve been around to support Alkaid’s songs right at release hour, but something about the upcoming secret single bugs you. The accumulation of his recent elusiveness towards you, as well as the oddly tender looks he gives you with increasing frequency, only further unsettles you as you eagerly await the single release. With zero expectations to begin with, you have no idea how you’ll react when you hear it for the first time.

Anyway, there’s still a few more minutes to 9. Sitting around and glaring at the clock won’t make it faster, so you decide to doomscroll, getting caught up on the latest celebrity drama and looking at fans’ predictions about the single.

You’re preoccupied with a video involving an adorable ragdoll kitty when your phone buzzes non-stop. When you check, it’s just text after frantic text from your best friend.

Naledi baby💗 >bro >brfo >brp >BRO >WHAT THE FUCK >IS THAT  ALBUM COVER >BABE. IS THAT YOU??????

You have half a mind to scold her for overreacting in your DMs, so you formulate your response in your head while pulling up the newly released single.

The sight of the single’s cover brings your train of thought to an abrupt halt.

Against a familiar beachy backdrop stands one girl in the centre; her untied wet hair mussed by the wind, billowed across an onyx night sky. A singular star can be seen in the twilight background, and you just know it’s Alkaid’s namesake, because such a detail is an exclusively Alkaid thing to capture. The girl’s face isn’t shown, but from her whimsical pose alone, anyone can tell without seeing her smile that she’s enjoying herself.

It’s undoubtedly the picture Alkaid took of you when you were unguarded at the beach, the one he refused to let you see.

You stare and stare and stare until your phone falls onto the table with a clatter, hands shaking and head spinning. The heart in your chest beats loud, beats fast, as if playing a melody by itself. The single has yet to start playing, but every nerve in your body is set alight. 

It’s you. It’s definitely you. The beautiful faceless girl in the cover, the one lovingly captured in film as Alkaid’s muse, is you. 

-

“You're talking in and out of the subject

Just call me when you're finished, are you done yet, girl?

You're falling in and out through a sunset, oh

And I just wanna know if you're in love yet, girl”

— ηUMa, “garden”

-

Harp Island Times: Alkaid McGrath attacked outside his apartment by a fan

Unfortunately for you, there’s no time to ride the high of being the one and only muse of Alkaid’s new single. Because before you could even confront him about it, a parasocial fan beats you to the punch.

Fortunately for you, the crux of the crisis has already been averted when you arrive. Three police cars and an ambulance line the avenue driveway, with the supposed aggressor pinned to the ground by several policemen. The overstimulating flashes of blue and red across the night sky do nothing to calm you even after you’re told that a slightly injured Alkaid is otherwise safe and sound inside his apartment.

When you walk past the pile of policemen toward his apartment door, you shoot a dirty glance at the deranged woman behind tonight’s chaos. Even while being cuffed and manhandled, she continues to screech like a parakeet.

“How dare he! How dare she!” she wails, thrashing around in the policemen’s grip. The shrillness of it pierces your ears and forms a budding headache in you. “He’s mine! He’s mine! There’s an ugly hag who stole my man!” You don’t stay to watch her be escorted away, for you have more pressing matters. You walk away as if her scathing words, however delusional, aren’t echoing in your head like a broken record.

Inside his apartment, your heart breaks at the sight of bandages on his arm and cuts on his cheek. A small group of medics who tend to him regard you with suspicion, until he assures them that you’re his personal bodyguard and an authorised personnel (to which you think they glare at you even harder, understandably). The closest paramedic to him begrudgingly makes way as you kneel by his armchair, your trembling hands cupping his injured arm.

“Please don’t blame yourself,” he quickly assures you, his voice gentle and steady and feeling like home. “You couldn’t have known. I didn’t think it would turn out like this.”

“But that’s what I’m here for!” you almost yell back, voice cracking in your devastation. “I’m your bodyguard, I’m supposed to protect you from unknown dangers like these! I should’ve never…”

He raises his uninjured hand, caressing your cheek with so much forgiveness and so much intimacy that a tear involuntarily escapes you. As his thumb swipes that stray tear away, he continues, “You’re here now.”

You sniffle.

“You made it to me in time.”

You shake your head, a stream falling from your eyes after the first tear did.

“No one will hurt me again now that you’re here.”

Amidst your blurry vision, you glare and glare at his bandaged arm like every injury of his was physically stinging your skin instead. Ironically, you wished that were the case instead. Oh, what you would give to take every cut and bruise on Alkaid’s delicate skin, double it, and put it on yours in his stead.

Alkaid has done nothing but show you undeserved kindness. You’re the subordinate to a prominent celebrity, and you work in an industry where it’s entirely normal to be treated as no better than the dumpsters in the slums. Because in the most fundamental sense of your line of work, you’re a glorified human meat shield whose life is second to your employer. 

You spent years after being orphaned training your body for survival, and all you’ve ever known is dances with death and the ugliest faces of humanity. It’s already a miracle that you were scouted to be a client's requested bodyguard, let alone be the personal bodyguard to a big name celebrity riding the highs of his stardom. True to your job, you started out rough around the edges and strictly professional in bodyguard work, until Alkaid McGrath’s incessant attempts to crack your shell of blades wore you down over the years.

How have you turned so soft for this man, to the point of tears when he got hurt?

With trembling hands and a wavering voice, you insist on putting the plaster on the cut on Alkaid’s cheek. As he turns his head to give you a better angle, you press the tape down on his cheek with scarred fingers and the gentleness of a feather.

“I’m sorry.”

You’re just a bodyguard, and Alkaid’s a golden boy celebrity with a brand new single to celebrate.

“I’m sorry…”

You’re just a bodyguard who got lucky with a kind employer, and you think that somehow makes you worthy of his care.

“I’m… so sorry…”

You’re just a bodyguard, and you can’t even do your goddamn job right.

The following apologies that spill out of your mouth feel worthless and empty, reflecting the state of a broken husk which you currently embody. Even with the concern and regret that radiates from Alkaid’s soothing touch on your cheeks, you can’t even begin to pretend that they feel sincere to you. Because if you get to the core of the problem, wasn’t it your fault for getting all cozy and complacent with pop culture’s beloved golden boy and putting his life on the line?

Drowning in turmoil, you stay the night at his place after the paramedics and policemen leave. You’re inseparable from his bedside, savouring the last of your allowed metaphorical and literal place next to him.

If Alkaid still remains disillusioned that you are trustworthy after tonight’s fault, then you’ll have to teach him that all you’ve ever been, and should always be, is nothing.

-

[Text Log - 24/04/2025 19:43]

Naledi baby💗 >ok so like >if im not getting this wrong >ALKAID ηUMa MCGRATH himself is bringing you, his BODYGUARD, out to dinners and it’s in a date way

You >Ugh >Not a date way >He said can’t starve his bodyguard when I refused

Naledi baby💗 >yes cos taylor swift and bruno mars also go on 1on1 dinners to expensive italian restaurants to feed their employees >GIRL … >he gifted u a $8k van cleef and throws compliments at u daily like confetti >i have 0 doubt that this man is head over heels for u

You

>Naledi wake up from your real person fanfiction this is bloody fucking Alkaid McGrath we are talking about >Son of actress Tammy McGrath??? Nepo baby??? Born with a silver spoon and diamond diapers??? >I just got really lucky with him as an employer and it’s blasphemy for me to try and be any closer than a bodyguard

Naledi baby💗

>babe this isn’t bridgerton we are in 2025 >just admit ur a WUSS!!! >actually u know what. i’m blocking u until u come back and tell me he likes u and u like him back

-

Billboard Hot 100™:

1. garden by ηUMa (LW 2, Peak 1, Weeks 3)

Today marks the first day you go to Alkaid’s apartment without prompt, despite having been trusted with a spare key years ago.

When you pad into his living room, the man of the hour greets you by dozing off on his couch, blissfully unconscious of the world around him. Late afternoon sun filters through the partially closed velvet curtains, shining a golden ray through the cosy room and landing on Alkaid. Under the sunlight, his blonde hair shimmers like the pure gold you’ve never been able to afford, and it makes you stop in your tracks and wonder if he’d been replaced by an angel in this exact moment.

His long eyelashes tremble when you approach, grazing his skin like a dragonfly kissing the water’s surface. His every soft breath he takes feels like something precious and delicate you could shatter with those calloused hands of yours. His ethereal appearance, however much it persuades you to reconsider, only further fuels your current motive for being here. Regrettably, you tap him awake from his well deserved rest, but the bleary smile he gives when he opens his eyes and sees you is an act of otherworldly beauty itself.

Then, he reaches out and pulls you onto his lap with a strength that rivals your own.

Your hands instinctively land on his chest when you fall, and you flush at the surprise of hardened muscles normally hidden beneath thick baggy clothing. Before you can even think about escaping, his arms deftly cage you in, keeping you on top of him with a secret strength he rarely reveals to anyone. He ignores all your squirming and grunting with a sly smile on his face that speaks no good.

It’s not like you thought he was defenseless, you knew he’d always been built to some extent… just not this built.

“Waking me from my slumber…” he whispers directly into your ear, deliberately flustering you further, “I didn’t know my own bodyguard was this sneaky with me.”

“It wasn’t meant to be sneaky,” you nearly whine, embarrassed at your compromising position, “I came over to congratulate you for the success of ‘garden’. I heard it topped several billboards globally, so…”

“It’s not like you to do that,” he gives you an all too innocent grin and nuzzles into your neck. You’re very, very sure it’s as flushed as the velvet curtains right now. “But I’ll take any compliment you give me, Miss Bodyguard.”

The silence of the room would’ve convinced you that today is a peaceful day if you weren’t still caged on top of Alkaid McGrath while he’s lying on the couch. Despite that, from the way he hums and breathes in the scent of your hair, he seems more than content in his current predicament.

This is far from how a celebrity and his bodyguard should behave, no???

To your dismay, your body gradually loses tension by the minute and you’re sinking into his touch before you can stop it. Without a clock in sight, you measure time spent trapped in Alkaid’s arms by the darkening of orange light filtering into the room, which goes by like nothing when the object of your unworthy desires is cradling you in his arms like you stand a chance to be his precious lover.

Which. Well. Not very possible as a bodyguard, you keep reminding yourself, even though Alkaid himself explicitly confirmed over text last week that it is indeed you in the album cover, that it is indeed you whom he wrote the song for.

“If you keep thinking any louder I’m going to hear all your thoughts,” he jokes and pokes at your scalp. Affection seeps into his voice, and you feel the beginning of a conversation you know will haunt you forever. “I wrote ‘garden’ for you. If anything, I should thank you for being a beautiful muse.”

“Al… McGrath, you have to stop jesting.”

Two warm hands cup your cheeks and pull your face slightly away from his, and you startle at the frown upon his beautiful face. 

“I must be honest with you then.”

His glassy eyes shine with unshed tears, and he looks so pitiful beneath you, and it makes you feel unbearably guilty for being the cause of a pretty boy’s tears. In this moment, this little world with only you and him in it, you get consumed by the abyss of his emerald gaze and you wonder if this is akin to how sailors fall victim to sirens. Then again, it’s not just this particular instance; you’ve always never been strong enough to reject Alkaid.

“You’re the only one I think about day and night,” he whispers, like a hushed secret not meant to escape beyond this world with only him and you. Your face tilts so close to his that he can breathe in all of the shudder you exhale from his confession. Every point of contact between you two burns on your skin, feeling like a blessing bestowed and a punishment for sin simultaneously. 

“When you rescued me from the snow under the Northern Lights three years ago, I fell in love with you for the first time. When I was asked to pick a personal bodyguard after that incident, I threw tantrums and refused to work unless it was you they gave me.”

His head dips to press a fleeting, but sensual kiss on your neck. You gasp, unsure if it’s because of the groundbreaking reveal of your employment or the press of hot lips on your skin.

“When I saw you again on your first day as my bodyguard, I fell in love with you once more.”

His hand strokes the back of your scalp, slowly combing through the strands of your hair. With gentle firmness he pulls your head up to meet his gaze, the sheer vulnerability and desire in them filling your heart with a searing warmth that brings tears to prick at the corner of your eyes.

Cautiously, his eyes flit down to your lips, and return back up with a wordless plea. He doesn’t need to say it aloud for you to understand. Swallowing any remaining cowardice down, you plead forgiveness from every god and every king before you give in to greed and press your lips to his.

It tastes like heaven on the inside. In between weighted breaths, he murmurs your name and it has never sounded more right on anyone’s tongue. There is a stark difference between his smooth lips, clearly softened by expensive balm, as compared to your chapped lips neglected of care after years of bodyguard work. You would’ve visibly cringed and pulled away, if not for Alkaid pulling your lip between his teeth and crashing back into you like a starved man.

The living room sees the orange sunset blend into dusky blue, mirroring the change of colors you witnessed that night on the beach. 

A featherlight brush to your sensitive hip makes you jolt, and the foxy guy beneath you all but chuckles into the kiss. His warm hands sneak beneath your top, thumb tracing the line where the hem of your jeans meets bare, flushed skin, to which you indignantly retaliate by dragging your finger down his sculpted torso if only to draw out strangled noises from his pretty mouth.

“I love you to the point I’m worried I love you more than myself.”

Even as both your actions tether into frisky intentions and clothing starts to get pushed aside, you find you cannot stop the onslaught of tears dripping from your face onto his.

“I love you more than I know what to do with.”

And oh, you can only weep harder into his kisses because how dare you think yourself deserving of such selfless, priceless love.

You don’t dare to let your mouth run right here and now lest you ruin everything like you always do. Instead, you indulge in Alkaid’s and your shared desire this evening, letting him kiss you where he wants to, touch you when he wants to, and whisper a secret language with his actions that only you can decipher in this moment with him. Tonight, you’ll be selfish for the last time, and then your unworthy presence won’t taint his life anymore.

You let yourself stay trapped in his arms, in his couch, in his house well past sunset and well past midnight. And you pretend that your heart doesn’t break with every passing hour at the thought of this being your first and last night with him.

-

Alkaid wakes up in an empty living room. The blanket shielding his bare torso fails to replicate the warmth of another human who had left hours ago.

Laid on the coffee table are three items. The sight of each item slams into Alkaid like a freight train at mach speed, leaving cold dread and nausea overtaking his body.

One of them is an apartment key.

One of them is a Van Cleef bracelet worth eight thousand dollars.

One of them is a Termination of Contract with your signature scrawled on it.

-

ηUMa ✅ @alkaid319 p where are you?

(This post has been deleted.)

ηUMa ✅ @alkaid319 im wwaitgn

(This post has been deleted.)

ηUMa ✅ @alkaid319 come bcack to mme. i lovey iu

(This post has been deleted.)

katsudon @hotricebowlsoup ALKAID!!!!!!!! YOURE ON MAIN💀

-

ηUMa ✅ @alkaid319

I apologise for my behaviour yesterday. I was drunk. Also, I don’t condone harassment against me or others because you can’t accept the love of my life being on the cover of ‘garden’. You are no fan of mine. 

(10k Reposts, 89k Likes, 5.6k Comments)

-

The Shelter: Alkaid McGrath rumoured to have been injured during trip to Northern Lights

In December of 2023, Alkaid had trekked all the way to capture the radiant auroras, but overestimated himself and fainted a few hours in. The snow he found himself buried in was soft and chilling, and even with vertigo taking over his body, it felt almost bittersweet and welcoming, and dying there was almost akin to coming home.

While barely managing to hold onto the last tethers of his consciousness, he saw you for the first time, appearing like a heaven sent angel to his rescue.

You had aided him in the snow, stayed next to a stranger until he was well again. He remembers your words to him full of snark and biting, but the hands that tended to him were gentle and warm. That day, Alkaid had nearly cried from the feeling of being cared for without any expectation of obligatory favors or benefits, not uncommon in the industry he temporarily escaped from this winter trip.

You could’ve left as soon as you were sure he was well enough to continue on his own, but still, you indulged him in small talk, and it was the biggest breath of fresh air he’d had in a while. He laid his heavy gaze on your face, filing away any crumbs of your information in his head like evidence to be used later. When you laughed after he mentioned he had come all this way just to capture pictures of the aurora, he’d memorised the contours and smile lines of your face, and when you kept your eyes focused on the shimmering Northern Lights, he found his gaze distracted by a girl much more beautiful.

Tammy McGrath had no idea what to do when her son returned home with one name on his tongue, one face to match it, and one mission to leave no stone unturned to find one girl.

Despite being presented with the highest of quality bodyguards, mercenaries, and other substitutes who would excel in the job, she had never seen Alkaid act more stubborn, more coldhearted toward his team, and with all the incessant demands he was making for them to find this specific girl, he was starting to sound like a broken record.

When Tammy confronted him about his uncharacteristic childishness, her face was solemn, but not upset, and perhaps held a hint of acceptance, as if she had already expected this decision to be made by her own son. After all, she herself knew the significance of finding the one person whom you can physically feel deep in your bones is the one you’ll be with for the rest of your life.

When Tammy gives her son classified information to assist his search, she thinks of it as a genuine motherly favor she’d rarely been able to give ever since their entire family got thrown and entangled in stardom. She believes it her fault Alkaid had never known a normal life, never known a world outside of toxicity and performance.

When Tammy sees the bright smile return to Alkaid’s face as you are introduced to him as his bodyguard, she allows some of her guilt to be reprieved, knowing her son will be truer to himself in your hands more than he ever was in hers.

-

“You need to get your shit together.”

“Lovely morning to you too, Naledi.” You drawl, then pause and turn to her. “How’d you get in my house?”

“Ugh, does it matter?” She struts over to where you’re laying on your bed, plopping herself next to you like she owns the place. “I have a better question to ask you. Why is Alkaid McGrath losing his marbles on Twitter dot com, and why are you far away from him?”

You roll your eyes, pretending you amongst millions of Twitter users didn’t see the tweet he posted about the “love of his life” being on the cover of ‘garden’. Who is you, by the way. Too bad there are two people in the world you cannot fool, and since Alkaid is not physically in this room, your best friend and pillar Naledi is left to pick at the cracks of your shell.

“I love you, but I can’t believe I have to hear about his drunken yearning on Twitter of all places and deduce the fact that you somehow fell out with him by myself…” she sighs, fondly combing your hair like the mother you lost years ago. “Were you planning to never tell me, and just keep rotting away in your home?”

The clock in your little apartment fills the silence, its rhythmical ticking accompanying the rustle of trees outside your window. Late morning sun completely illuminates your room, its glare harsh and blinding, like a divine punishment sent especially for you.

“Naledi,” you whisper, clutching the hem of her blouse, “I think Alkaid loves me very, very much.”

“I think so too, sweetie.”

“But Naledi,” you continue, hiding your face in your sheets, “I’m his bodyguard. His subordinate. He already got hurt once because I assumed a place next to him, and… and yet… Naledi, how could someone like me possibly be selfish and accept his love?”

Your verbalised insecurities ruminate in the peaceful air of your abode, and Naledi wordlessly eases you up into a sitting position across her. 

“If you ask me, I think you’re already being selfish.”

With a patient tone, she caresses your hands and smiles at you without judgement. “How could you listen to his heartfelt confession and run away without an answer? What makes you think you can decide who he should love or how he should love, and make that decision for him without his input?”

She continues when you hesitantly meet her gaze. “I think humans have always been inherently selfish in every choice we make. Don’t dwell on your own selfishness, and throw a pity party for one. Because from what I see, Alkaid’s plenty selfish himself in his want for you.”

“But wouldn’t it be scandalous for him? I mean, an A-list celebrity publicly dating his bodyguard of all people… you don’t think we’d be wrong?”

Naledi giggles and boops your nose lovingly, “When have you ever been the cowardly type to conform to societal standards?”

You helplessly crumple in her arms, her words reverberating in your head, giving you marginal courage to attempt to right your wrongs. In your best friend’s embrace, time dances like a slow waltz, with every affectionate squeeze of her hand on your arms sending a warm rush into your veins that speak volumes of her empathy and support.

After a few beats of laying against her, she presses cool metal into your hands. When you unfurl them, it’s Alkaid’s humble apartment key staring back at you.

“He somehow found out who I was, and trusted me with the mission of returning this to you.” she admits, sheepishly smiling at your bewilderment. “Call me complicit in his scheme, but… I really do want to see you happy and I know it’s with him.”

Emotions run amok in your system, and you stare at the key with your mouth hanging open but no words falling out. 

Instead of coming over to retrieve you himself, he trusts you with the key to his home once more, giving you the unspoken chance to reach out and infiltrate his safe zone at any time you feel comfortable enough to do so. Alkaid’s way of prioritising your free will is so utterly, so laughably Alkaid, and the revelation makes you unsure if you want to punch or kiss that man stupid.

Maybe you’ll do both when you find him again.

-

“The reminders that you left on my neck

(Keep me closer to you)

And your heart beats with every breath

(You know that I'll be back soon)

You look so cold standing on your own

Can I sleep here 'cause we're all alone?

I've never seen you look so good, no”

— ηUMa, “my end”

-

Perhaps it’s only fitting that you find him on a certain beach instead of his apartment. You took a detour going to his place, choosing to stop for symbolic scenery, but it seems he had the same mindset as you did.

Coincidentally, it’s six thirty once again, the sky’s blend of orange sunset and dusky blue seemingly a recurring theme in your several rendezvous with Alkaid. He doesn’t immediately look your way when you approach where he stands on the sand, but you can tell he could feel you coming.

When Alkaid finally turns to look at you, your mouth stitches shut at the look of frustration and yearning etched on his flawless face.

You don’t think he wants to speak either, seeing as he closes the gap between you, raising his hand to wordlessly ask for yours. When you place it in his, he gently wraps slender fingers around your wrist, thumbing the skin where your pulse hides beneath with the utmost carefulness.

Then, from his coat pocket, his other hand pulls out a familiar Van Cleef bracelet.

The coolness of rose gold and white mother-of-pearl as it is painstakingly wrapped around your wrist stings you where it touches you, and as much as you want Alkaid to hurry up and clasp the bracelet and be done with it, you know your body relishes in the way his fingers slowly, intentionally brush against your skin just to feel you for longer. He takes his sweet time with the action, fiddling with the clasp for so long that you suspect he’s not closing it properly on purpose.

“There were countless thoughts running through my head before you came,” he  finally speaks to you, usual gentle voice exchanged for something hardened. “Among them were questions, like “How terrible of a man could I have been to make you feel this undeserving of my affection?” and “What do I do if she never wants to see me again?”. I found… that I didn’t like the answers I had to many of them.

It has never been my intention to make you feel any inferior to me, no matter how you might think otherwise. I know our circumstances can’t be easily brushed aside with the naive motion of ‘love’... but it hurt me a lot that you chose running away as an option before actually talking it out with me.”

After prolonged stalling, he finally clasps the bracelet securely, reluctantly letting go of your wrist. Even so, his hands still hover near, fingers merely a hair’s breath away such that you can still feel the warmth radiating from them.

“You believe you are just my bodyguard. However, from the moment you saved me in the snow that day, I wanted my fate to be intertwined with yours forever. I must confess that I have used less than… acceptable means to bring you to my side. I wished to continue to do that, without your knowledge, but the thought of my selfish actions somehow chaining you to a future you didn’t choose was nauseating to me.”

Alkaid’s eyes remain trained on your bracelet, as if afraid to meet yours.

“Tell me now. Forget your status, forget my status, and tell me you hate the thought of spending the rest of your life with me. Tell me right now that I have been a terrible employer and you want to be something greater than just a bodyguard and you want me to let you go, but don’t you dare tell me your presence is inferior and you don’t deserve more than basic kindness because you fail to see how radiant you are in my eyes.”

“Do you not worry about your image?” you finally voice out, feeling small compared to his grand confession. “Your reputation, the music empire you’ve achieved… won’t it crumble if people know you let me in?”

He smiles bitterly at your question, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in tightly. “You’re my bodyguard, you’ve protected me for so long. Will you let me be the one to protect you this once?”

Alkaid can’t promise backlash won’t happen, you both know that much. No future is certain. Nothing is definite, not you and him.

The orange sunset fully fades away to dusky blue. The waves gently crash against each other, and seagulls squawk in the distance. When you look out at the ocean beside you, your eyes trail far, far, far away in order to see the line where the sky meets the sea. In comparison, your ear is pressed against Alkaid’s pounding heart, your billowed hair entangles with his, and you are wholly enveloped in his scent. When he looks down into your eyes, you have never seen a clearer shade of emerald green.

The distance between you two has never been an ocean. You have full permission to come up close and ruin his life, and it will all be on your own terms.

“Alkaid,” you decide to give him a proper answer, and he looks at you like you hung the moon. “May I punch you?”

-

ηUMa updates✅ @alkaidcharts

[image] Alkaid features his bodyguard in the cover for his 7th studio single, ‘my end’.

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