‘cause i’m gonna be free and i’m gonna be fine— maybe not tonight.
📅 a cool early evening in early march.
( tw !! violence, asphyxiation )
fuck what lucas says. fuck the fact that he’s always fucking right, that he has to always be fucking right when it feels like the world is collapsing in on her and she just needs ( wants ) someone to hold her hand and tell her everything’s going to be alright. it hadn’t meant to end in an argument, and perhaps it wouldn’t have if she’d have had a shred of maturity and patience about her, but after so many years, yeji’s fight for freedom clouds her judgement. what’s the point in being away from her father if she’s just going to do what everyone else tells her to do anyway? what’s the point in spending all those months planning only to throw it all away to listen to someone else who insists they know what’s best for her? what’s the point in anything anymore? can’t she just be happy?
she thought freedom meant she could have it all, but now it feels like she has nothing at all.
there’s a part of her that doesn’t want to admit it — that he’s right. at first, she’d wondered if it was just another step in a con, like her own. if she’s being played, wouldn’t she know? doesn’t she recognise her own game? but it’s lucas. it’s mid-afternoon naps in each others’ arms, it’s the terror in his eyes at the riots when she found out the truth and all the stupid texts she keeps him up with when she can’t sleep. without his speech, without the mind games, why would she ever trust anyone else? why would she trust someone she calls her family, yet she’s only seen on work, someone who she lures in prey for and exchanges regretful ( in her case, at least ) glances with across the room, over someone who has worn their heart entirely on their sleeve since the moment they saved her life? but it stings, because him being right means that she’s wrong.
corvus are her family. corvus took her in when he had nothing else, nothing but the money she stole from her father and no way to explain it. all she’s ever known is gangs; sneaking her hand into someone’s pocket or running amok in their bank accounts. now he’s asking her to give it all up? but not for him, for her. for her safety, for her youth and her future. she can’t have it all, despite what freedom had always promised her. the question he leaves her with is: is it worth it?
she’s curled up in a ball in her bedroom when it begins; the downward spiral into realising that nothing is as perfect as she’d convinced herself it was. her perfect family, her easy job, the boy of her dreams, even repairing her relationship with her sister... suddenly she can’t breathe and it doesn’t even matter because she’s alone. lucas wouldn’t want to see her, seulgi... she doesn’t know if she’s quite ready yet for that, and corvus... would they care? a week ago, she wouldn’t have hesitated, but now she couldn’t say. certain members, yes, she’s sure of it, but as a collective— as a group that’s supposed to welcome her with open arms, she thinks maybe they’d be crossed tight.
but it doesn’t have to be that way; not for all of them. surely, there’s people that will understand, friends she trusts to help guide her. when she meets shiah at the edge of the city that night, she doesn’t really know what she wants yet, not for certain.
when she leaves, what little is left of her knows there’s no other way.
“you want to what?”
yeji hesitates. “l-leave... you know, I’m so young and I’ve got so many years ahead of me and I’m not... I’m not exactly valuable, right?” her motive never passes her lips. even staring into the face of danger, she would never use him as a shield or a weapon. if they can’t be together, then he can at least be alive. “I bring in a little cash and that’s about it— I’ve only been here a year.”
she scoffs. “it’s not that easy, birdbrain. you think you just pack up and go whenever you fucking want?” yeji flinches, her heart racing.
“I thought you’d understand— I trusted you to at least try to understand where I’m coming fro—”
she never gets to finish her thought, nor any that come after it besides run; besides escape, get away, as far as your legs can carry you and it turns out it isn’t that far, but thankfully it doesn’t have to be. the bus stop is only twenty minutes away, fifteen at this pace. the driver doesn’t say anything, he’s probably used to it, and on the way home, she hovers over his number before scrolling a little further.
he doesn’t want to see you. don’t let him see that you’re too fucking stupid to handle this alone. you’ll only make things worse.
“h-hey, c-could you meet me at my a-apartment, please? o-or the bus stop down the road? outside the convenience store, yeah. n-no, it’s... I d-don’t feel g-good. I’m on the bus right now. yeah, I’ll stay on the p-phone, I promise. hey, seulgi? I... thank you.”
❝ rust around the rim
drink it anyway
i cut my lip
isn't what i want
blood is on my tongue
@lucasmi
jaehyun strayed from drugs, that was it. the only thing, he refused to get involved with, was drugs. he saw what it did to his father, to his mother, what it nearly was going to do to him. it made him sick, honestly, to the very core of his being. sure, it wasn’t easy to not get hooked on, he’s tried drugs, it was no lie, that sometimes, you needed that extra push that caffeine didn’t allow you to have. he’s been there, a few times, when needed, but he would never allow himself to actually get hooked onto them.
so seeing lucas around the corner of the hydrus hq makes him sigh so heavy, he is sure the other must have heard him as well. he’s a fucking kid and gets involved in shit jaehyun wished no one ever did, because lucas could run away. make a shitty deal, yeah, and make a run for it. it wasn’t worth it, at least to the hitman, it wasn’t worth doing whatever his gang wanted him to do in order get whatever he wanted. “yo, kid.” he says once he is closer to lucas, lifting his hand up in a lazy wave before shoving it back into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes.
Sometimes, after a long day of serving up ice cream and forging documents, Yuyan just wanted to go to the bar, get herself a fancy cocktail that she would not be able to make herself and see what she could overhear while she unwound. Bars were good places to eavesdrop on people, after all.
However, the universe seemed to not want her to be able to relax, because she had barely had the time to order herself a mango mojito when a man had pulled up a stool uncomfortably close beside her and started chatting. At first she just ignored him, but after a few minutes of that, he seemed to get frustrated and the comments got lewder. She felt a hand on her knee and quickly pushed it away.
She was just about to stand up when someone sat on her other side, and she quickly turned to him. “Took you long enough!” She announced rather loudly, then leaned in close to his ear and added in a whisper: “Hey, um, I don’t mean to be weird, but would you mind pretending to be my date? Just for a minute. This asshole is being a little gross.”
she really should have taken her friends’ warnings more seriously. they’d warned her to be safely home, locked in by eight thirty in preparation for the riots outside and she had listened, really. when she left the house, it was barely eight, so she’d have plenty of time to get to the nearest convenience store and back for milk. except her nearest five convenience stores were all closed and she got caught by her neighbour on the way out, so by the time she spotted a place in the distance that was actually open, it was already twenty-eight past. she could have run back, hoped to make it out of the rush or find an alternative, quieter route, or she could find shelter elsewhere.
in her panic, she did neither. she unknowingly ran headfirst into the open space, only catching a flash of the traitor’s body before king swung his blade and her eyes slammed shut in horror, her own body frozen as the world around her erupted into chaos.
fearful civilians bump into her from every angle, her heart racing in her rib cage but she can’t bring herself to move. she can’t do anything. everything is too scary and why didn’t I listen to them? why did I think milk was more important than my life? to think, she didn’t even get any milk...
i always think of you before i fall asleep, the words you said, the way you looked.
the things we laughed about, the silent moments we shared. and when i dream,
i’ll dream of you. because it’s about you. it’s always about you.
one, midnight.
i. LEAVE A LIGHT ON ( ACOUSTIC ) / TOM WALKER
tell me what's been happening, what's been on your mind. lately you've been searching for a darker place to hide, that's alright. but if you carry on abusing, you'll be robbed from us. I refuse to lose another friend to drugs. just come home, don't let go.
( 💌 ) please. I know I’ve sent over twenty texts but please... just reply. please let me know you’re okay. your grandma said you weren’t home. where are you? come home. come to mine. come to me. please.
DELIVERED 2:33 AM ✔️
ii. BLACKOUT / FREYA RIDINGS
if you would've just let me in, who knows what could've been? they tell me to forget, but I don't want to. your face is all I seem to see. how can I blackout you?
( 💌 ) I can’t stop worrying about you
SAVE TO DRAFTS? NO
( 💌 ) let me in. I know you’re home, I can see your light on. you don’t have to do this alone. I’m always here. let me take care of you.
CAS IS TYPING...
iii. HUMAN / DODIE FEAT. TOM WALKER
I want to give you your grin. so tell me you can't bear a room that I'm not in. paint me in trust, I'll be your best friend. call me the one. this night just can't end.
( 📞 ) “you can’t call me your best friend for the first time over text, asshole! I want to hear you say it out lo—”
DISCONNECTED ❌
iv. LET YOU LOVE ME ( ACOUSTIC ) / RITA ORA
I should've stayed with you last night instead of going out to find trouble. that's just trouble (yeah). I think I run away sometimes, whenever I get too vulnerable. that's not your fault.
( 💌 ) are you pushing me away? am I too annoying? don’t you want to spend time with me anymore? why do you always stand me up...
SAVE TO DRAFTS? NO
v. SOS ( ACOUSTIC ) / COREY GRAY
can you hear me? s.o.s. help me put my mind to rest.
( 📞 ) “just talk to me, cas. keep talking to me while I come to you. don’t disappear on me or I swear to god...”
ACCEPT VIDEO CALL? YES
two, dawn.
i. ONE / LEWIS CAPALDI
you don't know what you got till it's gone, know when it's right till it's wrong. in search of perfect when you had it with you all along. you broke her heart down with ease. now I'm pickin' up every piece. you must be so hard to please.
( 💌 ) I’m so glad I told you about everything — about seulgi, about my dad, about how I felt. you always seem to have the right words to make everything better. I always thought he loved me and even when I didn’t, a part of me still couldn’t accept it. you have no idea how much it meant to hear it from someone else. from you. thank you. goodnight, cas. sleep well ❤️
DELIVERED 1:56 AM ✔️
ii. DON’T DESERVE YOU / PLUMB
I don't deserve your love, but you give it to me anyway. can't get enough, you're everything I need. and when I walk away, take off running and come right after me. it's what you do, and I don't deserve you.
( 📞 ) “sounds like a shitty day... wanna get pizza and watch a movie? today doesn’t have to be all bad, you know. what do you want? I’ll order while you ride over here. safely. don’t you dare go fast or get distracted.”
CALL DURATION: 23 MINUTES
iii. BROKEN / JESS GLYNNE
you always have the words that never let me down, let me down. always make me laugh somehow. you tell me don't worry when I've done wrong. it's something that I'll never know; how you can love someone so broken, so right? 'cause all I ever wanted was a little bit of paradise.
( 📞 ) “you know you’re not as bad as you seem to think you are, right? you think I don’t know you help the elderly cross the street and I bet you even save kittens, too. you can’t fool me. don’t give me none of this ‘bad to be around’ shit; we’ve been over this, cas. I’m right beside you, no matter what.”
VIDEO CALL DURATION: 1 HOUR, 6 MINUTES
iv. HERE WITH ME ( ACOUSTIC ) / DANIEL ROBINSON
can I tell you something just between you and me? when I hear your voice, I know I'm finally free. every single word is perfect as it can be and I need you here with me. when you lift me up, I know that I'll never fall. I can speak to you by saying nothing at all. every single time, I find it harder to breathe, 'cause I need you here with me.
( 💌 ) are you busy? can you call me? I’m sorry I’m a pain. I had a nightmare... don’t come over. it’s too late and too far, but... I need you.
BIG BIRD IS CALLING... 📞
v. INTERTWINED / DODIE
skin, heat, hair in your mouth. feet touching feet. oh, you and I, safe from the world, though the world will try. oh, I'm afraid of the things in my brain, but we can stay here and laugh away the fear.
( 💌 ) when you’re with me, I feel like I can take on the world.
BAD BOI IS TYPING...
vi. SAY YOU WON’T LET GO / CHLARA
I met you in the dark, you lit me up. you made me feel as though I was enough. we danced the night away, we drank too much. I held your hair back when you were throwing up.
( 📞 ) “hey. this is... a voicemail. you’re asleep in the next room but I want you to hear this when you wake up before you think about leaving or... feeling bad. I’d do this a million times over to know you’re safe. the only hard part of this for me is seeing the sadness in your eyes but the joy when it’s all over... it’s so worth it. so don’t you dare worry about me. you’re everything I need. I hope you slept well. your snores give me the impression that you are, but... heh. see you soon.”
DISCONNECTED ❌
vii. WALK IN THE SUN / MCFLY
I wonder what it's like to fly so high, or to breathe under the sea. I wonder if some day I'll be good with goodbyes. but I'll be okay if you come along with me.
( 💌 ) if you went away, would you take me with you?
L(OSER)OML IS CALLING... 📞
viii. TIGHTROPE / MICHELLE WILLIAMS
hand in my hand and we promised to never let go. we're walking the tightrope. high in the sky, we can see the whole world down below. we're walking the tightrope. never sure, never know how far we could fall. but it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view. walking the tightrope.
( 💌 ) are you doing it? are you looking at the stars? aren’t they pretty? next time we can’t sleep, we should go out on your bike somewhere quiet and watch the stars. is that okay? is it too much?
DELIVERED 2:07 AM ✔️
ix. DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF / NATALIE & BEN WOODWARD
don't be so hard on yourself, no. learn to forgive, learn to let go. everyone trips, everyone falls. so don't be so hard on yourself, no.
( 📞 ) “you always tell me all the shit I went through wasn’t my fault, so when are you going to see that yours wasn’t your fault either? what happened with your family... that’s not on you, cas. just like mine. we both have to learn to be kinder to ourselves. you taught me that.”
CALL DURATION: 1 HOUR, 37 MINUTES
x. HERE COMES THE SUN / JACOB COLLIER FEAT. DODIE
little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting. little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear. here comes the sun. here comes the sun, and I say it's all right.
( 💌 ) my heart skips a beat when you call me sunshine.
SAVE TO DRAFTS? YES
three, daylight.
i. WOULD YOU BE SO KIND / DODIE
oh would you be so kind, as to fall in love with me, you see, I'm trying. I know you know that I like you, but that's not enough. so if you will, please fall in love. I think it's only fair, there's gotta be some butterflies somewhere. wanna share? 'cause I like you, but that's not enough. so if you will, please fall in love with me.
( 💌 ) when are you going to fall in love with me, huh? asshole...
DELIVERED 7:18 PM ✔️
PHONE SHUTTING DOWN... ARE YOU SURE? YES
ii. KISS ME ( LIVE ACOUSTIC ) / THE MACARONS PROJECT
kiss me out of the bearded barley. nightly, beside the green, green grass. swing, swing, swing the spinning step. you'll wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
( 📞 ) “did you really mean it? about my first kiss? you’re sure it’s not weird that I haven’t had it yet? isn’t it corny wanting to wait for the right guy?”
ACCEPT VIDEO CALL? YES
iii. I DON’T CARE ( ACOUSTIC ) / ED SHEERAN
'cause I don't care when I'm with my baby, yeah. all the bad things disappear and you're making me feel like maybe I am somebody. I can deal with the bad nights when I'm with my baby, yeah.
( 📞 ) “well, of course I make you happy. I’m me. but... hearing it makes me happy, too. I was always so trapped, but you make me feel free. it’s good to know that you feel the same.”
CALL DURATION: 57 MINUTES
iv. NEVER SEEN ANYTHING “QUITE LIKE YOU” ( ACOUSTIC ) / THE SCRIPT
when it's right it's more than right, ‘cause you feel it more than feel. I could take this moment now right into the grave with me.
( 💌 ) I know we did... basically nothing all day but... today was perfect. more than perfect. thank you ❤️
SWEETER THAN HONEY IS CALLING... 📞
v. ALL MY LOVE / GEORGE EZRA
all my love is yours. all my time is ours. all my reckless dreams and all my restless hours. no matter where you go, baby, I'll be there. no matter where you go, baby, I'll be there, I'll be there.
( 💌 ) so about that summer wedding...
BEACH BABE IS TYPING...
vi. I REALLY LIKE YOU / CARLY RAE JEPSEN
who gave you eyes like that, said you could keep them? I don’t know how to act or if I should be leavin'. I'm running outta time, going outta my mind. I need to tell you something, yeah, I need to tell you something, yeah. I really really really really really really like you, and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?
( 💌 ) I really!!! like you!!! really like!!! I want to marry you one day kind of like!!! and I don’t know how much longer I can hold it in!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! please kill or kiss me!!! I don’t mind either way!!!!!!!!
SAVE TO DRAFTS? YES
vii. I BELIEVE / JONAS BROTHERS
every night, every day, how about every lifetime? yeah, I know what they say, and that's fine. 'cause I'm here to stay through the good and the bad times. babe, you send me to space and you're mine, yeah.
( 📞 ) “you and me? forever? you’re sure? you know that means you’re stuck with me, right? no matter what? you definitely want that?”
CALL DURATION: 2 HOURS, 14 MINUTES
viii. ALL ABOUT YOU / MCFLY
yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew. so I told you with a smile its all about you. then you whispered in my ear and you told me, too. said you made my life worthwhile, it’s all about you.
( 📞 ) “why are you laughing? it’s just a question! what if you have other girls you want to spend time with! I m-mean— other friends!”
ACCEPT VIDEO CALL? YES
ix. ANYWHERE WITH YOU IS HOME / KHS, SAM TSUI & ALYSON STONER
oh and I'll go wherever the wind blows, just as long as you are by my side. and I'll be wherever this road leads, just as long as you are here tonight. anywhere with you is home.
( 💌 ) you would? you’d take me with you? just say the word. where do you want to go first?
MR WORLDWIDE 🌍 IS TYPING...
x. ABSOLUTELY SMITTEN / DODIE
did you just whisper in her ear? words she only dreamed to hear? pretty lady, look at how he's smiling, I think he likes you! and it's too late, you believe in fate, you're absolutely smitten, you'll never let her go.
( 📞 ) “yeah, I’m smitten with you. so what? it’s not like you can blame me. hang on, someone’s at the door... who’s knocking at this time of ni— cas?”
DISCONNECTED ❌
maybe it’s a little dramatic to come all the way out here to bimil just to buy snacks from the convenience store when she passes too many of them to count on the way out of the city. bimil doesn’t stock anything different to any of those city stores, really, but none of them have lucas and that’s what makes the difference. the store nearest to her house has that gross juha boy who probably hasn’t even graduated high school ( and hasn’t showered since he started in the first year either ) who only makes her skin crawl and her nose wrinkle. lucas makes her laugh, lets her talk his ear off without a complaint and yeji is like putty in his hands, coming back despite the distance just to sit at the counter with him and take so long to eat her instant noodles that they’re cold by the time she gets to the last few mouthfuls.
“the condition is that you have to eat with me. I’m gonna grab noodles from the machine, enough for two. let’s eat together. my treat.” she offers— well, orders, really. she’s barely moving away from the counter when she calls back over her shoulder, “after all, you’ve been working so hard today, you must be famished, right?” with a playful grin. he doesn’t have much choice, yeji already having put in the money before he can protest, but even if he had, she wouldn’t have been stopped. it’s the least she can do for the honour of his company.
“not if I can help it.” it’s the cliche thing to say, as if they’re in a blockbuster action movie with little more plot than whatever allows the directors to get in as many explosions and billion dollar cars as possible. he can’t help but cringe a little once the words leave his mouth, but they’re not dishonest even if they are embarrassing. he will get them out of this sticky situation alive — whatever this showdown even is. he’s not sure he’s even the real target here for the frustrated hydrus members, which is a new experience for him but not all that unpleasant. maybe once upon a time he’d have been insulted, but nowadays, he just wants to get home and nurse a hot cup of tea and cuddle with his boyfriend.
scanning his surroundings, he spots an alleyway a desperately far twenty foot away and makes a break for it only after tapping the other man’s wrist and exclaiming, “follow me,” just loud enough for him to hear and not their company. he isn’t the fastest runner in the world, nor the stealthiest, but he’s good at hiding in the shadows once they reach the secluded area. a finger to his lips to signal for the other to keep quiet, he peeks out into the street to find themselves alone. hydrus have always been humiliatingly easy to outsmart — at least to him.
“you good? god, I feel like I’ve ran a marathon, were we really only trying to shake those assholes for three minutes? fuck.”
