hello @luciechat ! i'm your gifter this year! happy rcss! i'm so sorry for the last minute arrival of your gift. i have had a very trying month irl, but writing it has been a helpful and welcome distraction for me, even if it was very slow going. <3 the hurt/comfort goes both ways.
summary: Cassian, Jyn, and a bomb. A mission to blow up a quarry ends with injury and a conversation about importance.
rating/word count: t / 5054
She sits in front of him and crosses her arms. "I think we should blow up the munitions factory too."
He blinks, bringing his thoughts back to the moment, and spends a few seconds putting it all together. "I don't disagree," he says, leaning back and crossing his own arms with an absent instinct of a mirror. He’s curious where she’s going with this, if she’s thinking like he is.
"They're just going to raid the factory and take out the town the second the quarry goes up in flames. I'm assuming you told them this already too."
"I did," he says. "They are worried about the civilians."
"So am I," Jyn snaps. "So whether these people agree or not, I think you and I should make our own plan."
Cassian finds himself smiling, faintly. "I might already have some ideas."
Now it's Jyn's turn to grin. "I knew it."
sorry for taking a while to answer! this is my Old West outlaws AU which I posted the first two chapters for here. Jyn is a lone outlaw who mostly runs by herself but seeks out Cassian, an outlaw with a gang, to help her pull off a particular heist. oh, and they're exes
third chapter is finished, just needs to be edited, and I'm in the middle of writing the fourth (although I haven't in a few weeks.... been distracted by all kinds of other things)
here's an excerpt from chapter 4:
I can’t write too much should this journal ever be discovered. I told Draven not to strike a deal with him, but he was desperate. “In times of need, tough choices have to be made, son,” he'd said. I could tell by the forlorn look on his face that he wasn’t too happy about it either. There's truth to what he says, it's been rough out there lately. The law is ever-vigilant, always on our tail - most nights I sleep with my eye half-open. Three of us hanged in the last halfyear, and two left on account of it. Not sure what’s becoming of us, or how much longer it can go on.
Draven’s planning something to get back at Jabba, to get our share of the money. It won’t end well. More will die, more will leave. But if that's what he sees fit, so be it. I will stick by him until the end.
If I don’t make it —
[struck out, illegible scribbles]
Jyn, I miss you
Whoever finds this journal, if I’m no longer living, give it to Jyn Erso.
Another story that's been stalled at 80% finished for way too long! (A common theme with my WIPs because I get mired in doubt and can't finish or post them without an external deadline or a specific person to write for.)
Baze returns to Jedha although he swore he'd never come back because he's heard about the destruction of the Temple and has to find out what happened to the Guardians:
They walked together through the morning bustle. The crowds were quieter and sparser than Baze remembered: fewer shoppers, not nearly as many pilgrims. People seemed to be avoiding the New Market—likely because of the troopers whose glaring white armour stood out everywhere Baze looked.
He turned his attention to Chirrut instead. He had aged, of course. His close-cropped hair had once been dark as a desert night; there was plenty of silver in it now, but he had the same lean strength and calm, self-possessed aura. Baze could almost convince himself it was twenty years ago and the two of them were young Guardians wandering the city. (Looking for trouble, more like.)
I’m not your original RCNSS, but I volunteered to whip up a little something for you when your original SS had irl happenings that prevented them from writing it.
Your prompts honestly sounds very much like something I would like to read. As usual, this almost grew a life of its own and I hope it meets enough of your prompts to make it enjoyable. It's titled <a href=https://archiveofourown.org/works/52791835>Choice</a> and it's also on AO3.
It’s been a heck of a year and I haven’t really written anything for a long time, so I really hope you’ll like this.
Enjoy! (Summary is below; full fic below the cut.
*****
She scoffed, sipping again at her cider. “Cassian, the only reason I’m even here in the first place was because Melshi and the others broke me out of prison. You can’t seriously think I actually would have come if I had been given the choice? With who I was then? Not a chance.”
Nearly a year after Scarif, the surviving crew of Rogue One found themselves fully immersed in the Rebel Alliance’s efforts against the Empire. Not only was the Alliance searching for a more permanent base after evacuating Yavin IV, but they were actively and heavily recruiting to boost their numbers, which is how Cassian Andor and Jyn Erso found themselves on the miserable little world of Agmir.
Cassian had only been fully cleared for all field missions a month previously, finally relieving him of the frustration of being on desk duty and intelligence analysis. During his lengthy recovery (which involved several surgeries and many hours of physical therapy), he and Jyn had grown closer. Jyn’s recovery had taken much less time than his and, as she found her place in the Rebellion, her talents as a fighter and coder had not gone unnoticed. Jyn had already been on a few missions with the Pathfinders and given several (unofficial) sparring lessons, but she always returned to Cassian’s side after each mission.
Once Cassian was cleared for full duty, he made it clear (with Jyn’s permission) to Draven that he would only be taking field assignments with her as his partner. (As much as it pained him to not have K-2SO by his side, Cassian had yet to find a suitable body for the droid’s backup disks.) Draven had then given him the assignment to investigate the planet Agmir for possible Alliance recruits and suppliers. A milk run, really, an easy job that Cassian hadn’t had to do for years, but having a non-life-threatening mission for once had seemed appealing at the time.
If only he had known about the rain.
Agmir was a developed planet, semi-populated, with the standard sector mix of rural and urban, wealthy and less-fortunate, law-abiding and law-breaking. For most of the planet’s rotational period, it was temperate – a few rains here and there to avoid droughts, but mostly pleasant. For the remaining two standard months, however, Agmir received eighty percent of it’s annual rainfall, resulting in daily rain and many destructive storms.
And, of course, Cassian and Jyn arrived a month into that two-month window. They realized very quickly that the rainy season was not prime time for tourists or even off-worlders in general, so they changed their cover stories from a clueless vacationing couple looking to explore the ‘edges of civilization’ to a pair of traveling laborers looking for work who had the poor luck to land on Agmir during the worst time of the year.
The rain would be bearable, Cassian thought as they entered the local bar and shook the rain from their shoulders, if only we were getting results. As Jyn walked to the bar to get drinks and Cassian headed for what had become their customary seats, he reflected on what was likely to be a failed mission. They had visited several cities so far and had currently been in this primarily working-class city for a week now. Typically, those lower on the social rungs of society tended to be more sympathetic to the Rebellion’s cause and more willing to fight for it.
However, it was becoming quite apparent that the people of Agmir were completely uninterested in any of the happenings of the galaxy outside of their little world – no one had even remotely shown any desire to stand against the Empire. And Agmir didn’t produce anything that the Rebellion could use; at least, not that they couldn’t get elsewhere for lower costs and easier shipping.
Jyn returned with two glasses of a simple brewed cider, easily the least alcoholic drink the bar offered and one that had become their go-to. They sat side-by-side on stools against the back wall of the bar, no table in front of them, but two small tables on either side, shared by other stools nearby. He took his with a word of thanks and kept his eyes on a group of five hard-looking laborers that had just walked in – already loud and possibly already drunk.
“So, when do we get to leave here again?” Jyn sipped at her cider, looking askance at his questioning expression as she did so. “Don’t give me that look. You know as well as I do that this place doesn’t offer us anything.”
“True,” Cassian replied. “We should stick it out until the end of the rainy season. Not being cooped up for days on end with nothing other than work to occupy the minds of the people could be helpful.”
Jyn rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen it before, Cassian – I used to be like every person here. Nothing will change their behavior until it affects them personally.”
Cassian’s attention was caught on the men who had walked in after them and he could tell Jyn was watching them, too. They seemed to be the rough and tough sort of folks – bodies large and shaped by decades of manual labor. But their voices were growing in volume, and they kept turning to look towards the rest of the bar. Cassian wasn’t sure if it was true, but he thought they looked toward him and Jyn a little more often than was normal. He kept an eye on them all the same.
Jyn’s words finally registered. He looked at her, lowering his drink from where he had raised it. “I don’t believe that.”
“What, that these people don’t care?”
“That you didn’t.”
She scoffed, sipping again at her cider. “Cassian, the only reason I’m even here in the first place was because Melshi and the others broke me out of prison. You can’t seriously think I actually would have come if I had been given the choice? With who I was then? Not a chance.”
Cassian took a drink of his own cider and watched the room for a moment before answering. “I saw you fight –”
His words were cut off by the sound of raucous shouting coming from the men they had been eyeing. One broke off from the rest and stumbled over towards them. Jyn and Cassian both put their drinks down and their hands drifted to their waists.
“You…girl,” the man slurred.
(Cassian amended his original notion – the men had most certainly been drunk when they arrived.)
“You, you should come over here. With us. We could – could show you a good time.” The man’s breath and words were laden with alcohol as he leered openly at Jyn, who stared stonily back.
“I don’t think that would be a good time,” she deadpanned.
The man scoffed and stepped closer. “How-how will you know if you don’t give us a try? We’ve seen you here, with him,” the man glared at Cassian as if he had been personally offended by the rebel captain.
“Me and my friends could wipe the floor with him in a tick,” he turned back to Jyn and smirked, “Then we could show you what a real man’s like.”
Cassian slid off his stool to his feet at the same time Jyn slid off hers.
“I said no,” Jyn repeated before looking to Cassian. “Time to go?”
He nodded once and they stepped forward, intending to walk past the drunken man and leave the bar. The drunkard had one more trick to try, however, and grabbed Jyn’s wrist as they stepped past.
Jyn’s other hand whipped out and caught the drunk on the chin, forcing his head up and back hard enough that the man released his hold on her. Howling in pain, the man stumbled back and held a hand to his face.
“You bitch! Forget a good time – I’m gonna kill you now for that.”
“Try it and you’ll regret every second,” Jyn hissed. Cassian looked around and saw that the commotion had roused the other bar patrons. Most were simply watching the altercation, but the man’s drinking buddies had risen from their seats now and were stalking in their direction.
Cassian slipped next to Jyn and placed a hand at her elbow. “We should go,” he muttered, low enough for her ears only, “We don’t need a scene.”
He felt her stiffen and saw a raised eyebrow. “It wasn’t me that started it,” she responded.
“I know,” Cassian smiled slightly.
Jyn followed his lead and turned to continue their path out of the bar, but they were stopped by the drunk man’s also drunken friends.
One of the bigger and burlier looking ones stepped closer. “You hurt our friend.”
“What of it?” Jyn asked, defiant.
Another spoke. “We want payback.”
“I don’t think you do. We certainly don’t want a fight.” Cassian knew his attempt at pacifying the men would likely fail, but he had to try.
“Oh, but we do,” said the man Jyn hit. The other men closed in.
Cassian saw Jyn reach just under the edge of her rain coat, where he knew her favorite set of truncheons lay.
Oh well, he thought and set himself into a defensive stance just as the men lurched forward.
---
Twenty minutes later found a drenched Jyn and Cassian opening the door to their rented room. As the door closed behind them, they peeled off their soaked outerwear and hung it to dry. Though given the chill in the room, their clothes weren’t likely to dry much.
The bar fight had not been a hard one. The drunks were easy enough to incapacitate; a few bottles had been broken (and maybe a wooden stool or two). Jyn and Cassian had maneuvered the fight out of the bar and away from the other patrons, but what had made it worse was that the moment they had succeeded in luring the men outside, the skies opened up, turning what had been a steady, if heavy, shower into an absolute downpour.
Cassian wasn’t sure if he had ever been this wet, even after Eadu.
He glanced over at Jyn, who looked back, just as soaked to the skin as he was. “You can clean up first. I’ll see about what’s wrong with the heater.”
“Thanks.” Jyn grabbed her pack and walked across the room to the small, attached refresher, closing the door behind her.
Ten minutes later, Jyn emerged, now in clean clothes with a towel across her shoulders to prevent her wet hair from soaking into her dry shirt. “Your turn,” she said, coming to stand beside where he knelt in front of the room’s heater. “Any luck?”
Cassian leaned back on his heels and shook his head. “No. I can reprogram droids without a thought, but this heater? Nothing I’ve tried has worked.”
Jyn reached out a hand and pulled him to his feet. “Go get changed – I’ll give it a shot.”
He flashed her a grateful smile before grabbing his own pack and heading for the ‘fresher.
When he emerged a few moments later, a second towel around his own shoulders, it was to the sound of low cursing coming from the area around the heater.
Jyn was kneeling by it, forcibly replacing the outer cover and cursing quite brilliantly under her breath as she did so.
“No luck?”
Jyn easily rose to her feet. “No,” she sighed, “At least it’s not cold enough to turn this rain to snow.”
Cassian hummed in acknowledgement as he stowed his bag next to hers by the door. The rainy season here wasn’t cold by most sentients’ estimations, but the dampness seemed to seep into the bones and make even a moderately cool ambient temperature feel much colder.
Body heat would likely be their best option for a safe sleep. Given how close he and Jyn had become, it wasn’t unusual for them to share a bed, though all they ever did was sleep. The comfort of knowing someone was near, was next to you – someone you could trust to have your back and protect you, should you need it – had given them a respite on the nights when their past became a little too prominent in their thoughts.
Jyn’s ease around him was obvious when she unerringly stepped forward and pulled down the covers on one side of the bed. “Are you coming?” she asked.
He smiled slightly and followed her lead, laying their towels across a nearby desk chair. As they settled into bed and dimmed the lights, a flash of red on Jyn’s arm caught Cassian’s eye. Her shirt sleeve had gotten pushed up enough to bare her forearm and he saw an angry red slash across it. He immediately sat up from the pillow.
“Jyn – what happened?”
She sat up as well. “What?”
“Your arm.” He reached for the injured limb and it was a testament to their familiarity with each other that she didn’t flinch away from his touch. He held her wrist gently as he turned her arm to see the mark on her outer forearm – a defensive wound, then.
Jyn stared at her arm. “Oh, it’s fine. It had stopped bleeding by the time I got changed.”
Cassian released her hand and slid back out of the bed.
“Where are you going?”
“We need to clean and wrap that. Who knows what was on whatever cut you,” he said, reaching his pack and removing the medkit.
“Cassian, it’s fine – it’s not even bleeding!”
He sat back down on the edge of the bed and held out his hand for her arm. “I’m still going to do this. An infection is the last thing we need right now.”
Jyn let him disinfect and bandage her arm. “Anywhere else?” he asked.
“No,” she responded. “What about you?”
He shrugged. “A few bruises, but they’ll heal.”
Jyn raised an eyebrow. “You made me show you mine. It’s only fair I get to see yours.”
Cassian flushed slightly and hoped the lowered lights would hide it. “Fair is fair,” he agreed, and showed her the two worst bruises – one to his ribs and one to his bicep. Her fingers lightly slid over the one on his arm and he could tell she was worried.
“They’re superficial, I promise,” he assured her, reaching for her hand on his arm and holding it tight. “I’m alright.”
They settled back down and further dimmed the lights, though they didn’t turn them off entirely and left just enough to see by if needed.
Side by side, they lay there and tried to rest. Cassian and Jyn both knew that Agmir was not what they needed, so they had decided on the way back to the rented room to leave the next day, rain or no rain. But to do that, they would need a good rest, if only a few hours’ worth.
Sleep proved elusive, however, as the chill of the room only deepened. The blanket provided to them in the room had previously been enough to keep them comfortable, but the combination of a cool room combined with the soaking they had received during the fight was proving difficult to regain that warmth and rest.
Finally, he had enough and turned to her, intending to offer the most basic way of warming he could think of.
“Jyn –”
She turned at the same time.
“Cassian –”
They both laughed lowly. “Go ahead,” he offered.
“No,” she said, still smiling, “You first.”
Cassian inhaled. “It’s cold in this room and I know you’ve got to be just as cold as I am. Why don’t we lay closer and share the body heat? It’s bound to be warmer than not.”
Jyn looked at him, thoughtful. “Okay,” she simply said, before sliding closer and curling against his side, her head on his shoulder.
Cassian froze. Jyn noticed and he felt her tense as well.
“Is this okay?” she asked, hesitantly.
“Yes, only let me just...” Cassian eased his arm out from under her to rest along her back. “Okay?” he asked, hoping she was comfortable. It had only been a moment for him, and he felt like he could rest there forever.
He felt, rather than heard her nod. Moments passed and Cassian felt himself drifting off when he heard Jyn speak.
“Cassian?”
“Hmm?”
“What did you mean earlier?”
Cassian woke himself fully. “When?”
The tone of Jyn’s voice was uncharacteristically vulnerable. “In the bar; when you said you didn’t think I was like these people. What did you mean?”
Cassian blinked, looking down at the top of her head on his shoulder.
“I mean that...I saw you. I may not know every detail of your life before we met, but I saw you then. I saw you fight for yourself. Fight to protect that little girl on Jedha. I saw you befriend two forgotten warriors so fast that they were willing to leave all they had behind to follow. I saw that when it came down to it, you wanted to do what needed to be done so others could have the chance to survive, to win – and your conviction was enough for others to stand and follow. That’s all this Rebellion really is – people who see what needs to be done and do it.”
Jyn was quiet for long enough that Cassian worried he might have overstepped. Then he felt her shift and lay her free arm across his chest. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I see you, too. I see the man who has given his life time and again to a cause he believes in. A man that befriended the most annoying, most loyal droid in the galaxy. I saw you come back for me. You’re the only one who’s done that in a very long time.”
Cassian’s smile at the mention of Kay faltered a little at the reminder that many of the people in Jyn’s life (and his own if he was being absolutely truthful with himself) tended not to stay long. And they couldn’t promise each other a full life together either. Even if they were to ever leave the Rebellion, civilians were never safe in a war.
Cassian gently pulled Jyn closer to him and tugged the blankets a little more snuggly around them. A moment passed and he felt Jyn relax into the first tendrils of sleep. But maybe, he mused, maybe we should take our own advice and take the chances given to us.
A gentle smile graced his face with the hope of the future as Cassian followed Jyn into sleep.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
A Calm Surrender
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Characters: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, Maarva (Star Wars: Andor TV), Other Rogue One Character(s), Saw Gerrera
Additional Tags: Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, Cassian Andor Backstory, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Not Beta Read, Andor compliant, for now, Cassian Andor Needs a Hug, Jyn Erso Needs A Hug
Summary:
A soulmate, his mamá told him once, is not a promise. Finding a person whose stars match your own isn’t a guarantee of love and happiness—it’s a map like any other, guiding you to a point that may or may not be your destination.
--------
Neither Jyn nor Cassian have much use for a soulmate but the universe has other ideas.
It's late, Jyn reminds herself sternly. Cassian's almost certainly asleep by now and if he's not he should be. She won't help anything by appearing unannounced at his door, interrupting what little rest he allows himself just because she wants a hug.
(A hug, and a kiss to her brow, and to crawl into his bed and curl up in his arms and sleep knowing she's the safest she can possibly get in this nightmare of a galaxy. She's not spent nearly enough nights in his bed to suit her but she's had enough to know it's the warmest she's been since the Alliance's arrival on Hoth, the safest she’s felt since she was eight years old).
A gift for @luciechat for the @dailyrebelcaptain rebelcaptaintrees, who asked for Love languages. (+ General idiots in love vibe, like not getting their act together or being oblivious to the other’s feelings)
I hope you like it 😊
--------------
“Have you ever heard about love languages?”, Bodhi suddenly asks while they are working in the hangar. Well, Jyn is working, Bodhi is lounging on a crate with a datapad in his hands and the way he is engrossed in its content betrays the fact, that it is not their next mission brief he is reading.
Jyn raises her head from her current task to look at him critically. She is fluent in 6 languages and understands at least 10 enough to get by, but she’s never heard of something like a love language. Slowly she shakes her head. “No. What is that supposed to be?”
“It’s the way that people express and receive love.”
Jyn scoffs. “Sounds stupid”
“Well, according to this article it is supposed to strengthen your relationship with your partner if you know their love language.”
“Are you reading gossip magazines again?”, Jyn inquires amused.
Bodhi shrugs “It passes the time.”
“Get down here and help me instead of reading this nonsense” Jyn waves the hydrospanner in her hand at him. He laughs and hops off the crate to join her in her repair work.
After Bodhi left and she is cleaning up the last of the tools, she notices that he left his datapad.
Curiously she unlocks it. It can’t hurt to check out that article he mentioned. Purely for research, of course. She doesn’t love anyone. At least not love loves anyone, in a romantic way. Her and Cassian are … something. Colleagues, Friends, Partners, … something. Yes, sometimes she has this fluttery feeling in her stomach when he is near her, and her heart skips a beat when he touches her.
But it’s not like she loves him. He definitely doesn’t love her.
Jyn wants to put the datapad down again because this is stupid. What is she thinking?
But incidentally the article is still opened on the display. Whatever, if it’s right here she might take a look - for research. So she begins to scroll through it.
-
The next few days she cannot get the thought of love languages out of her head. She still doubts that it is a thing. But she can’t help but watch Cassian more closely.
-
Gifts: When he comes back from his latest solo-mission and brings her a new set of vibroblades, she can’t help but wonder. Is giving gifts his love language?
Not that she is saying he loves her, but maybe…
But then she notices that he brought every one of their ragtag group their individual gift - new gloves for Bodhi’s prosthetic arm, the good kind of caf for Chirrut, new charger packs for Baze’s repeater cannon, and the expensive oil for Kay’s joints - and she discards the idea.
That’s just who Cassian is. He is a nice person and if he sees something he knows one of his friends finds pleasure in, he buys it. Because he likes to make them happy. All of them.
Somehow, the thought that she isn’t in any way special to him, leaves a bitter aftertaste in her mouth.
What Jyn doesn’t know is that while, yes, Cassian has bought all these gifts when passing some time in a marketplace because they made him think of his friends, hers is special. He almost missed the ship getting home because he was busy comparing the wares of several stands to find the perfect one for her. What she doesn’t know is that he couldn’t sleep all the way back to base, fretting over the present, contemplating whether it was good enough for her.
-
Words of Affirmation: Sometimes, when they are on a mission together, or simply doing repairs, sometimes when Jyn forges scan docs faster than anyone else, Cassian will look at her and compliment her out of nowhere. It always makes her heart beat two times faster, it makes her wonder.
But then she notices how he talks to Bodhi, calmly affirming him in his flying skills. How he talks to new recruits, praising their progress. How he talks about the princess, how he admires her. And again, she quenches her foolish hope.
Jyn has always known that Cassian is much better with words than her. She also has her moments sometimes, but mostly she prefers not to say much at all.
So, she casts the idea, that Cassian uses words as a way to express his affection, aside. He is a spy after all, words don’t mean anything to him. His uses them to manipulate people, to get them to do what he wants, to motivate them, to devastate them. He masterfully weaves lies and half-truths together, voices them in the same breath. Nothing that comes out of his mouth should be believed.
What she doesn’t know is that Cassian has sworn to himself to never ever lie to her again. So, when he tells her how amazing she is, how valuable she is to the team, he says all that from the bottom of his heart. Those are words he seldomly got to hear while growing up - his adoptive mother not one for words of affirmation - and longed to hear so desperately. And when he says they are lucky to have her on their side, what he really means is he, he is happy to be by her side.
-
Acts of Service: Jyn has learned a long time ago that actions speak louder than words. People are quick to promise all kinds of things: I’ll take care of you. I will not abandon you. I’ll protect you. They are just as quick to break these promises.
Everyone has always left her in her life. Everyone except Cassian. On most days it is too overwhelming to think about it too deeply because the implications and what ifs otherwise won’t let her sleep.
But it’s not only the grand gestures, the virtually coming back from the dead to safe her from the monster of her nightmares. It’s also the small things that count.
Maybe she expresses her love in acts of services, Jyn realizes. She wants to show the people she cares about that they are important to her. For example, by bringing Bodhi tea and a warm water bottle when he is stuck in the hangar doing repairs, by helping Baze clean their weaponry, by making sure Chirrut’s meditation space is always stocked with enough candles and incense sticks, or by distracting Organa’s infuriating protocol droid long enough to help Kay get away without interacting with him. Those things come naturally to her, and they aren’t an awful lot of trouble.
She does go out of her way, though, to make Cassian’s life more comfortable. When he can’t keep his eyes open anymore, she writes his reports for him, even though he would never ask that of her, and she hates it with a fiery passion. She hacks into the shift plans and changes her name for his for parameter checks, since his back is still troubling him in the cold, even if that means doing two patrols in a row. She even threatened the new quartermaster and risked never getting any amenities again for an additional, thicker blanket for him.
Jyn never noticed her own behaviour before she read Bodhi’s stupid article, but now she is hyper aware of it. So yes, maybe that is her love language. Maybe she can’t deny the word love anymore.
But she knows Cassian doesn’t feel the same, because even though he often tries to make her life easier, he is treating her exactly the same as everyone else.
What she doesn’t know is that he writes her reports when she is asleep, even if it means that he needs extra caf to get through the night. He changes her shifts, so she never has to clean the tauntaun pens because she hates it and the extra blanket she got him was traded for new, proper winter gear in her size.
-
Quality time: Most of the time Jyn isn’t on a mission, stuck in meetings or is training new recruits, she spends in Cassian’s quarters.
It’s only due to practicality of course. His room is much bigger than hers, it has a private fresher and it is also slightly less freezing cold than the rest of the base. That Cassian is there as well is of course only an added bonus.
For the most part they just do their own thing, side-by-side engrossed in their own tasks. Jyn enjoys these moments, but her favourite time with Cassian is after they turn of the lights and just lie next to each other in his bunk.
This sleeping arrangement started some months ago, when they came to Hoth, and the only reason is of course to share body heat. Why else would they do it?
But it is Jyn’s favourite time of the day because in the cover of the dark it’s easier to talk about all kinds of things, to share secrets they haven’t shared with anyone else. It’s the time she gets to spend with him like this, just the two of them without the rest of the galaxy, that she enjoys so much.
But also in the daylight, outside of his quarters – she refuses to call them theirs even though they are practically their quarters by now – she spends more time with Cassian than with anyone else on base. They get their meals together, sit on their own little table in the corner of the mess hall and talk about anything and nothing at all. Cassian’s undivided attention is always on her, when she looks up from her food his eyes seem to burn her with their intensity.
But of course, this doesn’t mean anything, because they also spend a lot of time with the rest of their team. They are almost like a family now. People like to be in the company of their family members, it’s only natural. She isn’t special to him.
What Jyn doesn’t know is that Cassian could listen to her talk forever, that he could look at her and never get tired of it, that he cherishes the time with her alone as much as she does. He has started to think of their ragtag team as family as well, but he still always looks forward to their evenings together, just the two of them without anyone else.
-
Physical touch: But the most important thing that Jyn doesn’t know about Cassian - because in the grand scheme of things she has known him for less than a year - is that he actually doesn’t really like to be touched. He normally avoids it whenever possible. Particularly his feet are hyper-sensitive. He once broke his ankle and the probing and bandaging by the medical droid was almost worse than the pain from the injury itself.
But she can’t know that because ever since they met, they have been gravitating towards each other. So much so that it is seldom to see them in each other’s proximity without any part of their bodies touching in some kind of way. When they sit next to each other in a meeting their tights naturally touch, when they walk next to each other their hands brush ever so often. Their shins are in contact under the table when they sit and eat their meals together and, in the evening, when they go over mission reports, he doesn’t have a problem with putting his legs into her lap, her hands absently drawing invisible patterns on the instep of his foot.
So, physical touch is probably Cassian’s primary love language. Being touched by her feels more intimate than anything else and it’s his sight of trust that his body never shies away from her.
But Jyn doesn’t know that, and she hasn’t noticed. Not until she read Bodhi’s gossip magazine article. And not even than does she think much of it.
-
Fortunately, their meddling friends sent Cassian the same article. And what Jyn doesn’t know is that he has been watching her as well, trying to figure out her love language.
-
When they are lying in the dark again, his body touching hers in a way that is just a little over the line of what can be considered normal for platonic friends, he finally plucks up the courage to ask her about it.
“Have you ever heard of love languages?”
Jyn’s hand stills on his skin, where she was trying to rub the hard knots out of his muscles. Has she been discovered?
“Yes, why?”, she whispers.
“I was just wondering… I mean … Leia sends me an article and … I noticed that I’m never on duty for the perimeter checks.”
“Yes”
“And you got me a new blanket … and…and my reports get mysteriously written”
“Yes” she is barely breathing now.
“I was wondering if it meant something… more?”
Jyn feels her face heat up. What point is there in denying it any longer?
It’s now or never, even if it means showing her vulnerability, plucking her heart out for him to possibly stomp on it.
“Yes” Her voice is almost inaudible, but in the small room it sounds like a bell, ringing through the silence. She quickly continues: “But it doesn’t have mean anything to if you don’t want it to... I know that you don’t feel that way about me and it’s ok. We are friends, I never would want to endanger that with …”
Her sentence is cut off by Cassian’s body embracing her in a fierce hug. His laugh tickles her neck, his hands are only a little too tight on her shoulders.
“What?” Jyn asks confused.
“What do you mean, I don’t feel that way? I was literally trying to express my love in every one of the way’s described in the article. But you didn’t notice, and you didn’t say anything, and I thought, well… that don’t want to notice, that you don’t feel the same way.”
“But you treat me exactly the same as everyone else…”
“Oh Jyn, I really don’t. You must know how special you are to me.”
Jyn is speechless because it doesn’t make any sense. But at the same time, it totally does. She doesn’t know who finds whom in the dark but when their lips touch it’s like finally coming home.
-
When they show up in the mess the next day, they walk just a little closer and their hands not only brush but are linked together tightly. For anyone else it wouldn’t be noticeable at all.
Their friends see it.
Bodhi subtly passes Leia a handful of credits under the table. Admittedly, he was sceptical when she came up with the idea, but he will never doubt her judgement again.
