Hands down, you’ve got guts my love.
Not because you walked into my life and loved me, love comes easy in the beginning. It’s not because you hold my daughter as if she is your own, my daughter is beautiful and she is easy to hold close.
You’ve got guts because when you got scared of being here, you spoke it out and stayed. When you do wrong ,you admit it and do anything to make me stay. You are the strength that keeps us together. You didn’t take the door that led away from us, instead you opened up another and we walked through it, together.
You’ve got guts because you don’t shy away from me at my worst. When I feel afraid; afraid of us, of you, of myself, afraid of parenting and deathly afraid of my past, it is you that sits very still and listens to me.
You don’t look away, when I’m on the floor crying into the carpet dust. You don’t stifle a single one of my emotions, and that’s not easy because I have so many fucking emotions.
You’ve broken down walls to be here, my walls and your own walls. You’ve learned how to be a parent from scratch and you are incredible at it. You truly have a beautiful soul.
We have moments, I think, maybe this won’t work, maybe love isn’t enough and at the end of the day we both know that there is no denying my past. How my daughter grew in my belly, underneath the hands of another man.
How my past destroyed a part of me. All the mental and physical abuse I went through. How that period of my life ended with a volatile explosion that left deep burns in my chest and tender fingertips.We both have pasts that have left us broken but together we are putting the pieces to our hearts back together.
But now, I love you. Your lips brush across my fingertips and they don’t hurt anymore. Your hands linger through parts of my body where once had bruises.
God, do I love you. I want to grow with you, change with you, stay under the covers all day with you, hang up your shirts, cook for you, make love all day to you, have my last baby with you, walk towards you dressed in all white and our first dance…
I want all of that; with you.
You’re still standing as strong as you were on the first day that you met my daughter and my best friend.
It’s almost going on three years that we’ve been together. Let’s stay together for so long, that we lose count of our years.
