[An Original By Lyyara] STARLIGHT (SHINee's Jonghyun Tribute) Lyrics in the link's info. I wrote this song as a tribute for Jonghyun the night before yesterday. Because I, like all of you, were too shocked to believe and accept the fact that he is not here anymore. I was too overwhelmed with sadness that I couldnt bring myself to shed a tear. It was building up inside with no outlet. The reason his passing affected me so much was same as Chester's. It was so relatable, so close to the heart. Just last week, other than the anxiety disorder I lived with for the past few years, I was diagnosed with Major Depression. Honestly, I was devastated. I knew I was depressed and I told myself, ah, this is nothing new. But when the diagnosis became real, I couldnt bring myself to accept it. My recent depression was the worse in my life... To the point i was pseudo-hallucinating. I have friends who became pillars in my life because my family isnt understanding. Yet I feel so alone, so lost, such a failure. The thing about depression — it is difficult to stop the pain. You can tell yourself that its a normal day. There isnt any sad things. But you find yourself trying so hard not to cry because you felt isolated in a sea of people. You do mistakes. Mistakes are normal. But your brain tells you that you fail at life and everybody hates you. I had days where i got suicidal. Inside my head I literally planned ways and methods to kill myself. It wasnt a rash thing and it just happens. Then I got to know too how Jonghyun possibly planned this whole suicide and it got me wondering what if it was me. What if I actually proceeded on to jump out of my balcony. What if I actually walk a little faster so I can get knocked down by a speeding car. What if... These what ifs are demons too. I hope the world will be kinder to everyone. I hope we can help save more lives. I felt so guilty over his death. I feel guilty over almost everything. My heart aches so much I feel like Im just gonna die of sadness. Its possible. It was hard to let go of Jonghyun. I am a SM stan. Despite SHINee not being one of my ultimates, my love for everyone in SM is undivided. I support all the same. I finally manage to let out my grief while singing this song. Its a song for him. A song to tell him that I will let him go for now. A song to hopefully find peace in my heart and shawols who are suffering. We cant mourn forever. Jonghyun would hate it. It takes time but we shall be each other's pillars for now. 🌹 -Lyy