#macrobfamily

[qwedfas]

How much do you tell your friends? My family has said things to me that made me really sad but I don’t want my friends to think that they’re bad people but I want to talk about it.

Hey,

How much you want to tell other people is completely up to you. If you want to tell your friends about something that’s personal and you don’t them to interpret it in the wrong way, you could start your conversation with, “hey, my family are nice but i just want to rant about them, do you mind?”

A lot of the times, people seem to keep their family issues to themselves as much as they can because they may feel like they would be disregarding their family - parents/siblings - if they rant to other people/friends about them. And in my opinion, it’s good to keep the small issues within your own family, just for the sake of trust, because your family will always be there with you, when friends may actually drift in and out… But if you have some pressing troubles or things that are happening within your family which you want vent out or feel the need to share, then it’s better to do so, rather than bottling it up within yourself. You can choose to talk to a close friend who knows you well and friends you can trust and want the best for you.

Again, this is my opinion and the way I would see it, but really, it’s all up to your judgement how much you want to share with friends, whom you want to share with etc. Ask yourself, ‘if i do this, would that make me feel better/be a better outcome?’ Or maybe it would be better to shrug it off yourself if you can and are able to.

We hope that all is well and this is of help to you!

Love,

FAM xx

[qwedfas]

So I used to have Insta but I sort of kept it a secret from my family, and I stayed at my auntys for two weeks because my parents went somewhere, so somehow my aunty found out and now constantly hates me and makes it a point to ignore me every time I say hi and my mum found out as well and her trust in me is nonexistent. I really wish my aunty could like me again, and my mum can trust me again, I'm so sorry i'm bringing my own personal life issues but I don't know how to regain the trust...ty

Hi there,

Hmm, this is definitely quite a delicate issue and don’t every worry about bring this stuff to us - it’s what we’re here to do :) The best thing we encourage you do from this point, if you want to rebuild your relationship with your family, is to try communicating with them. If you could let them know why you use social media, what you use it for, how it’s been beneficial to you, and why you didn’t feel comfortable opening up about your social media use to them. Sometimes they can worry that it won’t affect your studies, but you should talk to them about what issue they have with using instagram - and see if you guys can reach a compromise. It’s going to take time to make your mum feel comfortable with trusting you if this was a big deal to her, but trust us if you go into this really wanting to make it better and stay open with her, even with the stuff about which you don’t like, your relationship will get better.

Hopefully this helps!

Love, FAM xx

[qwedfas]

Hey fam, for some reason I feel really annoyed all the time around my family but when talking to friends I act so happy and constantly smiley. I don't even feel happy I just do it. I feel so bad for my parents and I always point out the negatives around them, I don't know whats wrong with me. I used to be bubbly around them, I want to go back to how I was :(

Hey honey,

We know exactly what you’re going through and I think it’s fair to say that a lot of us have been through the exact same thing, so please don’t be too hard on yourself. Unfortunately, this is just something that happens to the best of us and you should understand that you’re definitely not a bad person. As teenagers, we have so much going on; we’re learning to deal with different things on our own, becoming more independent while also still being under the care of our parents, not to mention a crap-load of hormones running through our systems. But please be assured that this is just a phase. As you mature, you’ll eventually learn to deal working on and building your relationship with your parents.

In the meantime though some things you could try to do improve the situation between you and your family might be to open up to them about your feelings, and that there are stresses or things in your life that you’re dealing with that might be informing how you act around them. If you’ve got a mutual understanding between you guys it’ll make those moments when you do get mad more understandable from their perspective. This can also help you process your own emotions in a healthy way so you can avoid lashing out, and so you can be left alone to do the thing syou need to without distraction or other family obligations.

In general as well, just do your best to stay positive and not beat yourself up too much about it. Eventually these things will pass, and things will improve <3

Love,

FAM xx

[qwedfas]

Hi fam, one of my parents are already in their 50's and have recently lost their job, my other parent is unemployed. I have been feeling so guilty due to my extra-curricular costs (including the huge sum for language exchange) and I feel terrible spending any money at all, I'm sorry if this question seems out of your field, but do you guys have any tips on supporting your parents (even though I am not very close to them) or lightening the financial burden?

Hey sweetie,

It definitely is a hard time for you financially at the moment. There are a few things that you may be able to help them in doing, but of course do what is within your capabilities and don’t stress or overburden yourself:

- Find a part-time or casual job to help your parents out. A lot of students at Macrob have jobs whilst studying, and do just as well as those without. Of course, if you find this too stressful then don’t feel pressured to work!

- The school can give you financial aid in some areas and a lot of girls actually do this so don’t be afraid to do so. You just need to talk to Gillian in K2 about your current situation and if she could provide any assistance.

- You can help them do small things such as showering faster, not using as much products such as shampoo and conditioner, turning off the lights or appliances at the powerpoint and unplugging (sometimes there are electricity runoffs), filling your water bottle at school rather than at home, etc.

- You can even try smashing out as much homework as you can under the natural light and avoid having to turn on the light late at night to finish work.

- I know some girls who sell their clothes that they no longer wear on Facebook or instagram, and you can do this with anything you have lying around at home that you don’t need anymore.

- If they drive you to the station or places, possibly try to catch public transport when you can so that it can save them petrol as it tends to be really expensive.

- Do what you can to support yourself and try to not make them worry. Talk to them a lot so that they know how you are going as well as that you are worried about them. That way they have one less thing to worry about, which is how you are doing. Of course if there is something troubling you, try to reach out to them when you can or any adult because you are most important to them

- Do small, sweet things for them, such as if you see that they are really tired or stressed, give them a massage around the neck, shoulders and temples; try to make them smile because tough times are a lot easier to get by if they are happy or have time to take a break from their stress

I hope this helps and that all goes well! Take care,

FAM xx

[qwedfas]

how can i be perfect daughter for my strict pảents?

Hey there,

Unfortunately, there is no definition of being a “perfect” daughter; there’s no real model of perfection for anything, especially for ‘being’. Of course there are always things we should improve on, and that we can strive to do better in - like helping around the house a bit more, or being more patient with others, or being more thoughtful to our family. But, like living, that’s just a steady and gradual process - and we’re always making mistakes and growing and changing. So long as the intention is there, and you want to be a better daughter, and you try to work towards it, then that’s enough; everything follows naturally. If you’d like - genuinely like - to do better maybe in any activities that your parents expect you to do well in, then go ahead - work hard and strive to do better. However, please don’t push yourself over the edge - it’s not worth it. Please don’t feel like you’re inadequate or aren’t perfect enough for your parents - their standards may be extremely high, but ultimately, you’re still you - and you’re still human. We can try our best to do well, or to reach/aim high - and, please believe us, that’s usually enough. I recently spent some of my last few years trying to search for perfection - in my work, in my grades, in who I was - trying to be ‘perfect’, and tried to reach it on so many different levels. Trust me, it doesn’t exist. There is however, perfection in who you are, naturally - and in imperfection.

What you could do from here, is try to understand why you don’t feel perfect, and work to improve on that. But really, at the end of the day, your parents love you no matter what. You should just focus on doing the best you can in all aspects of life, and not get too caught up on achieving a ‘perfection’ that doesn’t exist.

Hope this helps,

Love

FAM xx

[qwedfas]

hey fam, so im doing 3/4 chinese and i feel really pressured to do well, not from parents, but from myself. in fact my parents dont care and often discourage me instead of helping. i honestly really want to do well, but i feel a huge barrier - not just my language skills, but more my relationship with them - thats preventing me from doing so. its just that huge sense of powerless that idk how to cope with

Hi lovely,

Sometimes parents come across as “not caring” when they really just don’t want to pressure you -especially if they know you pressure yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself and know that a little bit of stress is good but too much won’t help.

If you really feel like you’re struggling with Chinese, many macrob girls take ¾ Chinese and would be able to give you some advice about tutors etc. if you ask around (on macrob black market or ask some friends). You could also take initiative and organise your own lessons to regain a sense of power over your own scores! Many students organise a session on a Wednesday afternoon at the state library.

Goodluck,

FAM xx

[qwedfas]

hey fam, im really distressed now. my relationships with my family has been pretty much nonexistent. im so detatched from all my family members and i dont think its able to be mended anymore. its gottn to the extent where its affecting my studies, like at school ill be ok, but after i come home and face my family, i completely close off, as if im a different person, and i lose all energy and motivation for life.

Hey love,

Maintaining relationships (whether that be with friends, family or significant others) and balancing school can be difficult and emotionally draining. Sometimes feeling detached from family members can be as a result of not having anything in common anymore. Perhaps a family outing doing something you all enjoy and putting family first for a couple of hours can help you to reconnect. Try and do this weekly as a weekly commitment to put each other first. E.g. family time every Saturday lunch, go out for a nice brunch together, watch a movie, go to the park.

It could also simply be that once you get home you’re just too tired to function! (that’s me almost everyday). A full day of school plus long travel times to and from school can get a bit much. Again, I find that allocating some time (a couple of hours a week) for quality family time where I don’t think about anything really helps. If you have a day without much homework or you finish early (like wednesdays), try not to do homework after maybe 6 or 7 and spent the rest of the night with your family.

Personally for me, my family is close but we’re hardly together throughout the day due to work, school and university - just life in general! We all come home at different times but one way we manage to stay close is through connecting over the internet. We have a group chat where we talk, send photos and just share anything interesting. If your family has access to phones then perhaps you can also create one as a means to communicate more which you can easily do so on your way to school, during lunchtime or on your way home.

If you’re still feeling really distressed, feel free to talk to Gillian in K2! She is absolutely amazing for venting and just talking in general.

All the best,

FAM xx

[qwedfas]

alright so i have asian parents who are not always open minded. i believe in 'respect people who deserve respect.' and my parents are like 'respect everyone older than you '. I got into this argument w them and they were unimpressed by my thoughts and they said 'you are turning australian'. that's a major insult in my culture (sorry if i make no sense, its a racist phrase).. so they were telling me abt how i'll do weird shit im not supposed to bc i am 'turning' aussie. what do i do

Hey anon,

Respect is a big part of the Asian culture, especially when it is ingrained into them, and it could be that your parents don’t want you to lose touch with your culture. Your actions may have shocked them as they may not be used to having younger people express their thoughts, since it would have been way different back then. It will be hard to convince them due to the generation gap, but many people are or have been in the same position as you.

The best way is always to talk it out with your parents. I personally have the same views, where I will give respect to those if they deserve to be respected, since not everyone who is older is right - especially being the youngest it really bugged me in the family! Make sure to take it calmly and logically. If they counter by being pushy, don’t retaliate and try to approach it seriously and assertively. If you explain your perspective, maybe they will open up more and be more accepting of your point of view.

Tell them that your thoughts aren’t “Aussie”, but instead are logical with things to back it up with - a lot of older people no matter their ethnicity also believe that those older than you deserve respect so it’s not an asian culture alone; it’s just social expectations of the past. You also won’t do weird things just because you’re turning “Australian” since you have your own morals and respect yourself. Doing things you’ll be ashamed of and know is wrong is not respecting yourself, and you know better - could even sweet talk them here by saying, “you did raise me after all.” That way they know that you actually do acknowledge that they care, it’s just that times change and teachings clash. Back in the day, there was a smoking culture and clearly we know now that smoking kills, so it comes to show that not everything you are taught is right until in play.

Make sure to take it slow and don’t tell them everything at once as they won’t take it well. It’s better if you introduce your thoughts one at a time to allow them to gradually accept it. Asian parents are hard-headed so it’ll take some time and lots of determination.

Good luck,

FAM Xx