#made it

[why-do-books-get-written]

Nothing to do but nothing to do.

[journeying-man-again]

TGIF

[jaceconfuzed]

I’ve hated July 4th for as long as I can remember- stretching back even to before the cult, and I think I’m listening enough to put the pieces together

Yes, I know that part of it has always been the loud, erratic noises. Scare me out of my skin like the loud erratic noises right before Dad got angry and scary. It used to be a fight I was bound to lose, but actually, I think I’ve finally started winning- not by fighting according to his rules, but subverting them and having him play by mine. 

And the fires; I’ve had nightmares about Hell and Burning and Wormwood and other mundane things that involve fire- like wire fires and cigarette burns and oven fires and other kinds of fires caused by being generally too poor to ask a professional for help with Things that Can Cause Fires or drugs that are lit on fire. The pain of electric sparks, of being touched with the lit end of a cigarette

And then July 4th is it’s own issue- with watching trees be lit on fire and kids/teens/young adults burn themselves and fireworks explode under the elderly because they’re unpredictable.

Being handed a lit sparkler by the lit end because it seemed funny

But at least I’m only shaking- I think I lost about 1.5 hours, but that isn’t bad even for an average night. I don’t feel like I’ve been shoved into the spin cycle of the dryer.

I am concerned that I have to drive 20 minutes. But I have driven that far shakier than right now- like when my mother called me in a panic saying she couldn’t get her mother up and I thought she was dead.

I’m going to go turn up the music, drive slower than normal because of all the flashes fucking with my night vision, and go hope the dogs haven’t made too horrific a mess since the firework s started after 8 when my sister left.

[giftofgabber]

NOTHING LIKE PULLING INTO A DRIVEWAY W/O THAT REASSURING WE ALL MADE IT

[haunting-of]

[dontwanthoney]

OFFICIALLY FINISHED MY EXAMS!!! (hungover) FIRST YEAR DONE!!!!!!

[zephyrodd]

I made it to capital district pride today! I am so freaking proud of myself!