Everyone's seemed to have decided Madmaid is the ship name for Baxter and Nifty, but I'd also like to throw in "Maidscientist/maidscience" for the mere fact it sounds almost like Mad Scientist/ Mad Science.
Husk and Angel were not happy with Charlie having them help set up for her father’s surprise party but they hadn’t played most of these games since they were kids on Earth so they complied.
They helped find arrows that could pierce apples but not harm sinners.
Then the real wild goose chase of tracking down real ducklings (or as close as they could find) in hell.
Apple cider.
Apple pie.
There were apple decorations too. Tablecloths, banners, cups and plates.
But Husk thought Alastor’s reaction was worth it. and Angel liked Husk’s reaction.
Baxter was just confused. This was the king of hell, not the weird kid from school, why was the party so weirdly themed?
This seems like the kind of party his parents would have thrown for him as a child. He didn’t even want to think about himself from back then. Stupid little party. Stupid empty chairs. Stupid family.
Lucifer wasn’t even there yet but as Baxter stood at the bar, with Angel sampling the apple-themed menu Husk was mildly annoyed to have had to learn, he saw demons and even a few deadly sins dancing. They were all talking about Lucifer so fondly. He had so many friends and loved ones.
Stupid big party. Stupid crowded dance floor. Stupid hotel.
“Baxter, if you squeeze that cup any tighter it will break,” Husk warned, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“Yeah and then you will get your little lab coat all wet,” Angel Dust added unnecessarily. He was already drunk.
“I just can not comprehend why Charlie insisted on such a ridiculous party. It is childish.” Baxter said, hoping they were both faded enough to not notice him catching a glimpse of Niffty running the apple bobbing game. Just like that, his mind wandered away from the bar again and he watched how Niffty tossed another apple from her bag into the wooden tub to replace the one the last sinner took off with.
Husk and Angel were not faded enough to not see his shoulders relax and his face soften as he stared across the room. He was so transfixed on the stabbing machine he didn’t even feel when Angel took the paper cup out of his hand and set it back on the bar. He did feel it when Angel tipped the barstool forward and Baxter’s face planted on the floor.
“What the fuck was that for Angel Dust?” Baxter spat as he stood back up and dusted himself off.
“I just thought you needed help. Looked like you were about to get redeemed and ascend right before my eyes!”
Husk shot him a dirty look. “Not cool Anthony.”
“Sorry Baxter,” Angel grew a stupid smirk on his face, “That you are too scared to go and flirt with Niffty.”
“That’s absurd!” Baxter lied, like a liar.
Husk suddenly in a bit more of a playful spirit chimed in, “Besides it looks like Niffty has enough bad men to keep her company.”
Baxter looked over and saw Niffty attempting to touch the blue flames of one of the sins. The guy was reacting to her the way one would react to a butterfly chasing them. His laugh hit Baxter’s ears and his feet started moving until he could hear the beast speak.
“Aw, you really are living in the spirit of lust aren’t you!” He cooed at her like she was a horny idiot while pulling her off his shoulder with ease.
“I like bad boys! You are a baddest boy!” Niffty said back to him because it was her job as a host to be nice, Baxter decided to believe despite Niffty’s long history of mild to not-so-mildly harassing bad boys.
“Yeah well I might be a bad boy, but that’s what my man likes!” Baxter watched as the blue bastard looked down at the clown next to him, “Don’t you Fizz?” the man kissed his lover and Baxter calmed down as Niffty smiled and started asking the fuzz guy if he was a bad boy too. The men laughed and eventually walked off and the next sinner walked up to bob for apples.
Baxter suddenly felt like he was the stupid one as he powerwalked back towards the bar.
Angel kicked his feet up on the stool Baxter was attempting to climb onto. “Angel Dust you do not require two stools.”
“Go actually try and get her attention this time toots, because that was pathetic,” Angel said with a lot less sincerity than he meant.
Husk just laughed, “Anthony, leave the kid alone. He’s probably never even kissed a woman. ‘Mad Scientists’ never do.”
“Oh whiskers don't be that harsh on him bab-”
Baxter yanked the stool out from under Angel’s feet and hopped up onto it. “I will have you know I have done plenty of kissing in my time. I have been here over a hundred years!”
“Damn, alright kid,” Husk said pouring him a new drink.
“I am probably older than the both of you! Just because I am short does not make me a child.” Baxter argued.
“Hey look Niffty is flirting again!” Baxter looked quickly back towards the apple bobbing game and saw Niffty sitting alone tossing apples into the small pool. The line was gone.
Angel’s laugh filled Baxter with rage. “Alright! Fine! I don’t know how to get Niffty’s attention in any way that would not result in Charlie kicking me out of the hotel.” Baxter put his head down on the bar, pouting like the child Husk was already accusing him of being.
“Dumbass, she literally is already obsessed with you,” Vaggie said while walking past with a clipboard.
Baxter hardly had time to think before Charlie rounded the corner and yelled, “He’s almost here!” Using a rare display of her magic she turned off all the lights as everyone crowded the door.
From the time Lucifer walked in the door and everyone yelled “Surprise” to when the last of the guests started leaving, Vaggie’s words replayed in Baxter’s head.
Baxter looked at the now empty room as the mad woman worked cleaning. He grabbed a bag and started tossing paper cups and plates as fast as he could and in the direction of her as some form of cover in case she asked him why he was there.
“You clean fast!” Niffty returned the observing he had been doing to her all day.
“You clean better.” He managed to say despite the foot that was clearly (metaphorically) lodged in his mouth.
“Yes, but fast is fun!” Niffty said now making circles around him.
He decided to trust Vaggie’s words and simply match her energy. Soon the two of them were running around the entire hotel for any mess they could find. Baxter wanted to follow some form of logical system for it but her infectious fanatical laughter drove him mad with glee. He would put the cart before the horse to hear that sound forever.
They finished cleaning and walked together, talking about the party. Turning off the lights as they cleared the rooms.
“You never came over to the drowning apple game,” Niffty said as they reached the one game they didn’t put away.
“It wouldn’t have been fair to the others dear Niffty. I am a pro at this game.” He said, lying again. He is a damn liar.
“Prove it!” Niffty said, clearly smelling his fear. “Prove it and you win a prize!”
“What’s the prize?” Baxter didn’t remember anyone getting prizes besides the apple.
“A secret!”
“Wait, I can’t know the prize first?” Baxter looked nervous. He did like Niffty a lot but he did know she liked murder a little too much to really want to turn his back on her.
“Nope, now bob for the apple!”
Baxter walked over to the pool that had its entire surface covered in apples. The water was hardly visible. An idiot could pull this off. Even in the dim room.
The first try he missed and came back up to make sure an apple was right where he was going for then he tried again.
The second time the apple touched his mouth but rolled away before he could bite down.
The fifth time he thought to turn on his little anglerfish light.
The twelfth time he almost gave up but as he looked at Niffty she looked at him with those big old eyes and he kept trying.
The fifteenth time he started keeping his eyes open.
The twenty-second time he started not coming back up all the way between tries.
Switching between air and water was exhausting his lungs. He was getting lightheaded from the inconsistency in the oxygen source.
Twenty-nine times. Twenty-nine times and he finally felt his teeth sink into the crisp fruit. He picked up his head and turned to Niffty.
Her face lit up! She was clapping for him! It was beautiful until her face dropped as everything started spinning.
He was certain he was only down for a second but it was clearly enough time for Niffty to have pulled his head onto her lap. “Silly boy.” Niffty said while playing with his wet hair, “You forgot to breathe.”
“No, I remembered to breathe. Just once I saw you I was breathless Niffty.” He said with an uncharacteristic amount of Charisma.
She continued to play with his hair, “You want your prize now?”
“Sure.” He said, not really wanting to move but bracing himself for it anyway.
Niffty moved her hand down from his hair, tilted up his chin, and planted a kiss softer than the tiny maniac should be capable of on his unprepared lips. He froze at first before returning the kiss. It broke way too soon.
“You liked your prize Bax?”
“Yes,” Baxter paused for a moment, “Am I going to be required to bob for apples for another one?”
Niffty’s smile could only be interpreted one way in his oxygen-deprived mind as sat up quickly and started reaching back for the tub of apples.
“Baxter no! Bad boy!” Niffty laughed as she watched the probably concussed sinner start bobbing for apples. He tried with a lot more need than the first time. Desperate for another taste. She watched as Baxter’s hand went missing from the end of his sleeve and suddenly reappeared moments later dripping wet as he spun around with another apple in his mouth.
During his second trip to the store, several older imps and imps with small children stopped Baxter and made his head spin with conflicting information. Everything from which bottle to purchase, to whether or not pacifiers were rubbish or essential. By the time he made it to the checkout lane, his basket was so full he would doubt he would be able to make it home with the imp if not for the weird baby holder a younger mother insisted he buy.
He had never felt so overwhelmed in his life as he walked out the door, a bag in each hand and the baby strapped to his chest. When his eyes fell on the newspaper's advice column by the door, he figured checking out the website and putting out an ad couldn't hurt.
He made his submission just in time to catch the online edition for the day.
