summary: …I’ll make sure you hate me so you don’t care when I ruin it.
Smitty can tell something is wrong. He always can when it comes to Mack.
read it on ao3 here
notes: hello!! this work is a bit experimental, so it may not be super great, but i think its a super important topic to touch on in any sort of capacity.
if you or anyone you know is struggling, you can reach out to the US national suicide and crisis lifeline at 988 (im not sure of what the others outside of the US are, but if you know them, feel free to comment them!!!)
In the wise words of shoulder check: reach out, check in, make contact. even just making a small call or complimenting someone could help a lot.
and don’t be afraid to reach out if you are struggling.
i love you all!! take care of yourselves!!
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Smitty can tell when something is going on in Mack’s head. He pretty much has always been able to. They spend so much time together that it would be crazy to suggest that he can’t recognize the small tells in his friend’s behavior.
These, however, are not small tells.
Will’s eyebrows furrow as he watches Mack snap at Toff, not joking around like he usually is.
Toff seems to think he’s still joking and shoves the brown haired boy playfully. Instead of being met with a joking shove in return, Toff’s eyes go wide as he is slammed into the boards, Mack yelling at him as he does.
Will immediately makes his way over, pulling the younger boy away by the back of his practice jersey.
”Hey, hey! What the hell are you doing, Man?” He asks, raising his voice to make sure he has Mack’s. attention, “Hey, Macklin! Listen to me! What’s your problem?”
Mack pulls himself out of Will’s grasp, skating towards the other end of the ice.
Mack’s combativeness doesn’t end there. He picks a fight with pretty much everyone there, causing the rest of the team to eye him warily and with a hint of frustration.
Even Will isn’t safe from the anger radiating from his friend. He gets shoved and pushed 7 times. He counted.
Mack is the last person into the locker room after practice is done, but Will waits.
He has a feeling he needs to.
Mack storms into the locker room, completely missing Will who is still sitting there. He beelines his way towards the showers, angrily stripping out of his gear. He turns the water on as hot as it will go, gritting his teeth as he stands under it.
Will silently watches, his concern growing.
It’s only when Mack begins to dig his nails into the pink skin of his forearm that Will clears his throat and makes his presence known.
Mack jumps, his eyes wide. He drops his arms back to his side quickly.
Will moves forward slowly, eyeing the sheer amount of steam coming from the water from the shower head.
He clears his throat, “You should turn that down. You’re going to burn yourself.”
Mack sucks in a breath, making no move to fix the water.
Will is still for a moment before he steps forward to turn the temperature down himself.
Mack’s hands shoot out to stop him.
”No!” He says loudly, his voice echoing off of the walls of the showers, “Don’t! I need it that hot…”
Will pauses, eyeing him warily.
”Mack, your arms are pink. You’re burning yourself,” He says slowly.
Mack sucks in a breath, but again makes no move to fix it.
“I know,” He says.
Will purses his lips. He turns the shower off entirely.
”You should get dressed.”
Mack nods, finally leaving the shower and drying off.
Will watches him. He starts walking towards the locker room, hearing Mack follow. He waits a second before turning around and starting to talk.
”Okay, what’s going on?” He asks, “That shit today during practice? Not cool. And not normal.”
Mack stares at him for a minute, his eyes seemingly taking Will in.
Then his bottom lip trembles and tears fill his eyes.
Will startles at the sight, and even more so when the tears fall and Macklin lunges forward to wrap his arms around the blonde man. Will freezes for a second, but wraps his arms around Mack tightly.
He can feel Mack beginning to sob, and he rubs the brunette’s back.
”Hey, hey. Talk to me,” He says, “What’s going on in your head?”
Mack can’t talk, too busy taking shuddering breaths and sobbing into Will’s shirt.
”Breathe,” Will says softly, “Slowly, okay? In… and out…”
Will continues this until Mack matches his breathing, the sobs subsiding for now. He looks down at Mack.
”What’s going on?” He asks again, voice softer, “Why were you biting everyone’s heads off?”
Mack bites his lip.
”I’m going to mess up,” He says.
That makes Will pause, looking at Mack curiously, “That’s okay. Everyone does. It’s… It’s being human.”
Mack shakes his head.
“No. Not like this. I’m… I’m supposed to be this great thing thats going to make everything better for the team, but I’m not,” He says, “I feel like I’m not doing anything to help… I’d just… I’d rather they’re pissed at me than disappointed.”
Will is quiet, sensing more to it.
”I just… I’d rather they hope I get traded or… hit by a bus or something than feel bad for me and what I’m not able to do,” He continues quietly.
That makes Will’s eyes snap open.
”Macklin.”
The way he says it makes Mack look up at him.
”Please tell me you’re not planning on hurting yourself,” He says.
Mack is quiet, but he shakes his head.
Will looks at him. Really looks at him.
”Do you promise?” He asks, “And I mean really promise?”
Mack nods.
Will lets out a breath.
”You know people don’t want that, right?” He says, “The team wants you here. Yeah, they were pissed that you were snapping at them, but they were worried. They want to make sure you’re okay.”
Mack doesn’t meet his eyes.
”I mean it,” Will says firmly, “The outcome of the season doesn’t rely on you, and everyone knows that. It’s a team effort. They’re frustrated with how things are going, too, but they aren’t blaming you.”
Mack doesn’t respond verbally, but Will can see his bottom lip begin to shake again.
Will pulls him in tightly, not caring about the fact that Mack is still undressed and slightly damp from the shower. That doesn’t matter right now.
”Come on. Let’s get dressed, okay?” Will says, “We can get food and you’ll stay with me for a bit.”
Mack thankfully doesn’t argue.
The car ride is quiet and Will hates it. He misses Mack talking a mile a minute about anything and everything.
He pulls off to a parking lot, turning to look at Mack.
”I’m making sure you’re okay,” He says, “You can’t… You can’t make me hate you. I don’t care. I want you to be okay. I don’t give a shit if you ‘ruin it.’ You can’t leave me.”
His voice cracks on the last part.
Mack inhales sharply. His bottom lip starts to tremble again, but hes not self conscious about crying this time. He can’t be when tears are already streaking down Will’s face.
”I can’t lose my best friend,” Will says, voice cracking.
That’s what tips Mack over the edge. His own tears start to flow.
The two of them cry with each other for a few minutes before Will sniffles and wipes his eyes, Mack following suit.
”You don’t… You don’t need to tell me everything if you don’t want to,” Will says, not looking at Mack, “But I’m here if you need to talk. I want you to be okay.”
Mack nods.
”Thank you,” He says. He hopes Will can hear how much gratitude the two words truly contain.
Will is quiet for a few minutes.
”Reach out, check in, make contact,” He says after a moment, “That’s for the, uh, Shoulder Check thing. I remember seeing something about it. I, um, I started reading up on it recently. I can send you some stuff if you want. There were some good articles about stress and healthy ways to cope with it… Just let me know and I can send it your way.”
The conversation is dropped after that.
Mack appreciates it. He can see how much attention Will is paying without being suffocating about it. It makes him want to start crying again, and he’s sure Will would start as well.
They go and get sandwiches, Will not leaving his side. He’s grateful for it.
