#malign

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Oversharing Once Again On Tumblr Dot Com

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i wont stop teaching girls how to kill but its the type of shit that will have me feeling as if i was the leering demon queen all along

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a good friend of mine has recently left a toxic relationship with someone who I used to consider a friend as well . person b and i used to wrestle often ; she had a pre-existing interest and had a few techniques up her sleeve already , but i taught her a decent number of moves . ive learned that she had used chokeholds on someone who was having an episode , and relished in the power she had over that person and the violence she was able to inflict on him . this is but one brushstroke in a painting of power leveraging and physical cruelty that she has been crafting over the course of years .

this would have occurred without me . it already had . yet despite it all i abhor my place in it , the way that i affirmed and supported this mode of expression for her . i despise that my enthusiasm for sharing and instilling these tools for violence could have in any way primed her better for utilizing them .

my father comes to mind , and his father before him , and likely his father as well . there is a grand whiskey-soaked tradition of martial pedagogy and self-aggrandizing beatings that i am heiress to . i am not even the end of this ! even now i must watch from afar as my father ushers my little brothers onto wrestling teams !

the smell of the rotten fruit my branch of this wretched tree has born makes my stomach turn . i feel as if i am a helpless spoke in a terrible blind wheel that has rolled along its path long before i was a part of it and will continue ever onward , leaving behind a trail of bones ground to dust as it is pulled inexorably through eternity .

there is so much beauty and allure in fighting . it is such a great joy for me to share it with other people . it has rooted so firmly within me . one of my earliest memories of learning something was how to throw a punch — i never stood a chance against this immense lifelong gravity . but i am so frustrated at my lot in it all . i dont want to proliferate harm . and i dont think i have , yet . but the potentiality remains .

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i wont stop until every woman has a mean as fuck right cross

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correctly guessed how many spiders my partner is first try

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hip stretch marks ,,,,

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my rise in followers (bolstered by the semantics post) has largely plateau'd ever since i started reblogging less and posting more . this is a good thing . those of you remaining may be assured in your underground taste every time i post incoherently about killing or martial arts or what have you . you are a select and choice few