Days of darkness and doom. Nights that are cold and lonely. A love that keeps her warm even during those times.
The future is a looming ghost over her shoulder, and when it comes, the haunting will still be far from over.
Lucius wasn’t around, and the quiet was eerie. It sent chills through her bones like the air outside. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, she thought, looking over at the empty side of their bed that was suffocatingly large on nights like this. He was supposed to be there because she couldn’t sleep without him anymore. Not knowing the things he was facing. It was a welcome sound that broke the silence when she heard Draco crying in his room. In a millisecond Narcissa was out of bed. She shrugged a robe over her shoulders, tying it around herself as she made her way to her son’s room.
Dobby had beat her there, and he looked down as she approached the door.
“Mistress Malfoy I wasn’t sure if you were coming I’m sorry I’m s-”
“I am a good mother you stupid elf. I don’t need you to raise my child.” He looked down again.
“Sorry I’m s-sorr-” but she shut Draco’s door in his face before he could finish blubbering.
“Mummy’s here my Darling,” she said in her softest voice. “I’m here, it’s okay Love.” Draco still cried and she didn’t mind a bit as she scooped his small form up in her arms. “There there my dearest Draco. It’s okay, Mummy’s here. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Pressing her lips against his forehead, she made gentle shushing noises as she did so. Taking a seat in a rocking chair, Narcissa hummed quietly. She looked down at the shock of white hair against Draco’s pale skin and a smile rested upon her lips.
“Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, Uncle Rod loves you, Aunt Bella loves you, Uncle Amycus loves you, Aunt Alecto loves you, Uncle Evan loves you, Grandma and Grandpa love you, Grandmother and Grandfather love you,” she repeated the list over and over, long after he’d stopped crying, still even when he’d fallen asleep. She whispered the words into the cool night air, as if daring the world to try taking a boy who was so loved away from her. Let them try, she thought to herself, looking down at her son. Let them try to touch him, I’ll shred them limb from limb. Because she had never loved anyone like she loved Draco. A love so entirely independent of herself that she almost didn’t understand it. How could she love someone so much, when they offered nothing in return? Even Bella at least loved her back. Draco could hate her and she would still love him.
But he wouldn’t hate her, he loved her, he smiled for her and stayed quiet for her and laughed for her and clapped his hands for her when she asked him to. They were each other’s world, especially on nights like this. There were many nights like this, and she didn’t mind. She knew what she signed up for when she accidentally started loving Lucius, and she didn’t mind that lonely nights with her son was a part of the deal.
Her arms were numb and the sun was on its way back up when she heard Dobby rush to open the door. She quickly placed Draco back in his crib and popped back into their bedroom. The robe hung itself back up and she acted as though she’d been asleep all night when Lucius came into the room.
“Morning Darling,” she said, stretching out her arms. “Have you been home long?”
He fell into bed next to her and shook his head. He said he just got back, he apologized for waking her up, she said it was okay and that he should rest - she’d make him tea when he woke up. He promised to be home that night, promised he wouldn’t go anywhere and she nodded. Kissed his forehead.
“Just get some rest, Luc. I love you I love you I love you,” Narcissa told him, kissing him after each time. Just try, she challenged the world again as she ran a thumb against his cheek. Try to take him away and you’ll see the iron I’m made of.
She heard Amycus ask if she was okay. Narcissa was stumbling towards the front door, trying not to think of what had happened. Trying to forget the flashing lights and the ambush by people she recognized from school who thought they were fighting the good fight.
“Of course I’m okay why wouldn’t I be okay I’m always okay I have to be okay I’m completely okay.”
He told her she didn’t seem okay and she shook her head as the front door opened for her and she rushed to the bathroom, watching the clear water turn red as it ran over her hands.
“I’m okay they were going to hurt you I didn’t have a choice I’m okay because you’re okay - you have Draco right? Okay great, I can’t believe they tried to attack us when I had my son with me, I can’t believe this but yes I’m okay.” She shoved her hands in her coat pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking and she didn’t want to face him because she wasn’t supposed to have crossed that line, not ever but now she had and she didn’t even think she could look her own reflection, how could anyone else?
“We’ve all done worse, Narcissa it’s okay,” he said and she shrugged.
“Oh I know, that’s why it’s okay, don’t worry, I’ll be right in the other room.” Narcissa went into the kitchen, gripped the counter tightly, trying not to think of all of the people she’d had laying there, the people she had to fix. She wondered if anyone could fix the person they left in the street before realizing she hoped he wasn’t saved.
She took a deep breath and told Dobby to make some tea, pasting a smile back on her face as she went back into the drawing room.
“We’re all okay so of course I’m okay, let’s sit. Dobby is making some tea so please sit down Am, I’ll take Draco and get him into some pajamas, let’s go Darling follow Mummy and it’ll be okay.” She held onto Draco’s hand as he made wobbly steps, following her to his room where he looked at her.
“Okay Mummy?” He mumbled and she laughed as a tear rolled down her cheek.
“I am if you are,” she said as she knelt on the ground to be closer to him. She hugged him tightly, pulled her wand out and tapped it to his head, watching as a small silver strand followed the tip of her wand and disappeared. “There we go my Darling,” Narcissa told him, kissing his forehead. “All better now. Just remember that those people are not heroes, they aren’t even though they try saying they are.” She kissed his forehead again before wiping the pink lipstick off of his skin. “They’re just as bad as they say we are. But we’ll be alright. You’re always going to be alright. Mummy loves you, okay? Don’t ever forget that.” Because she was reminded that life was fragile no matter how invincible you pretended to be. He hugged her back with his tiny arms and another tear rolled down her cheek. “Yes, Dearest, Mummy loves you very much.”
The look on Rodolphus’ face was not one she wanted to see. Not at all. Because she knew what had happened, she saw it in the news. Frank and Alice Longbottom, tortured into insanity. Names were being thrown around, suspects that she dined with every Saturday, people who she fell asleep on as she waited for the others to come back from those god awful missions, friends whose wives shared tea and biscuits with her. But worst of all - family. Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange, Rabastan as well. And they’d done it, they were the ones who had done it. They stood there, minutes after she’d taken a picture of he and Draco and he had a hand on her shoulder.
“You’ll pull through it Rod,” she told him, desperately trying to believe her own words. “You always do this is nothing different than the other accusations it’s going to be okay.” Please let it be okay.
“This is different, Cissa. We aren’t getting out of this one. We’re going to Azkaban.”
“No, no you can’t. This can’t happen. They can’t take you two away from me I won’t let them.”
“You have a family to take care of Narcissa, this fight is too big and neither of us want you to risk your own reputation because of this. Please don’t fight this.”
“You’re asking me to give up, Rod. I can’t give up on you, I can’t quit on Bella.”
“I’m not asking you to give up I’m asking for you to sit this one out. We aren’t going to get out of it, no matter what strings you pull this one was just too much, we bit off more than we could chew.” He looked down and she shook her head.
“When will you get out?” She asked, her voice broken and unrecognizable when compared to her normal powerful tone. He shrugged and she lifted his chin up, placing a hand on either side of his face as her chin quivered at the thought of losing two of the few people she loved. “I’ll come visit you,” she whispered, looking into his eyes and knowing that wasn’t allowed. “I’ll tell Draco how amazing you are and how much you love him, you’ll be free eventually.”
She didn’t allow herself to think about the Dementors and what they could do to them.
“I just thought you should hear it from me. We’re going to trial tomorrow, and we aren’t coming back.”
Finally a gasp of a sob that she quickly stifled.
“Okay, okay, it’s alright, you’re going to be fine, okay? You and Bella and Rabastan, you’ll all be fine. It’ll be okay, you’ll be out before you know it.” Because it had to be okay because they had to be alright and they had to be out. She pulled him into a hug abruptly and he hugged her back after a moment of hesitation. “I love you Rodolphus,” she whispered, holding him tightly. “Draco is going to know how amazing you are, I’ll-I’ll tell everyone about your heart and nothing else because your heart is pure and true.”
Then she stepped back and sniffled, dabbing beneath her eyes. “A few more pictures then, shall we?”
What could he do but nod?
“My Light,
It’s lonely in this house. My feet make echoing noises against the walls when I walk around. Draco is still at school, but he’s doing well. He’s doing great actually, our little boy has grown quite tall and despite all the time I’ve seen pass and the moments I’ve spent with him, it never ceases to surprise me when I see him with my own eyes.
He misses you but he can see that I do too, and he’s so so strong for me. He shouldn’t have to be strong for me, I’m supposed to be the strong one. But you were the one who was strong, all I ever did was pretend to be, I guess. Or maybe that’s wrong, maybe you were my strength. Whatever the answer, I feel so weak now. I’m sorry I can’t be strong for our boy.
Do not blame yourself for the things he is doing. I’ve done what I can to protect him, I promise. He is trying to say it’s punishment but it’s not. He would have made him do this no matter what happened that night. When you get out, do not blame yourself.
I’m thankful Bella is here, the floor is cold on my feet but she makes everything a little warmer. Still, I do not do well with sleeping alone and even when I do join her, we sleep apart. We will be having Christmas, and I wish you could be there with us. Even if you are not, you will be in my heart and in that way you will be there. You are always in my heart, Lucius. It’s the only way I can cope with being alone. Our portrait is quiet too. But you’re still there to look at and that makes things okay.
This house is too big without you, and the worst part is not knowing when I will see you again. You’ve been here all my life, even when you came back late, or left early you have been here for my entire life and I love you. I love you I love you I love you and I’ve never taken you for granted - not once - but this has shown me how much of me depends on you. Perhaps it isn’t right, maybe this isn’t supposed to have worked out like it did but the unfortunate truth is that you are the other half of my soul.
For the first time since I’ve fallen in love with you, I hope you do not love me to this caliber because it is a pain I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
My husband, you are my light and what keeps me strong, I only hope you can feel me there with you because my soul is with you. (Now I am empty). We will be together again, until then I will love you and hold you in my thoughts until I can hold you in my arms.
I will see you soon.
-Your Daffodil”
Narcissa finished the letter, sprayed her perfume on it and folded it neatly. Then she stood in front of their fireplace and dropped the letter into the flames, which engulfed it quickly. After loads of letters which received no reply, she realized no hope for a response meant no disappointment when it never came. So she let her words burn and turn into smoke that disappeared.
It was better that it disappeared anyway.











