#malumfuture

[narcissablvxk-blog]

Days of darkness and doom. Nights that are cold and lonely. A love that keeps her warm even during those times.

The future is a looming ghost over  her shoulder, and when it comes,  the haunting will still be far from  over.

Lucius wasn’t around, and the quiet was eerie. It sent chills through her bones like the air outside. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, she thought, looking over at the empty side of their bed that was suffocatingly large on nights like this. He was supposed to be there because she couldn’t sleep without him anymore. Not knowing the things he was facing. It was a welcome sound that broke the silence when she heard Draco crying in his room. In a millisecond Narcissa was out of bed. She shrugged a robe over her shoulders, tying it around herself as she made her way to her son’s room.

Dobby had beat her there, and he looked down as she approached the door.

“Mistress Malfoy I wasn’t sure if you were coming I’m sorry I’m s-”

“I am a good mother you stupid elf. I don’t need you to raise my child.” He looked down again.

“Sorry I’m s-sorr-” but she shut Draco’s door in his face before he could finish blubbering.

“Mummy’s here my Darling,” she said in her softest voice. “I’m here, it’s okay Love.” Draco still cried and she didn’t mind a bit as she scooped his small form up in her arms. “There there my dearest Draco. It’s okay, Mummy’s here. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Pressing her lips against his forehead, she made gentle shushing noises as she did so. Taking a seat in a rocking chair, Narcissa hummed quietly. She looked down at the shock of white hair against Draco’s pale skin and a smile rested upon her lips.

“Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, Uncle Rod loves you, Aunt Bella loves you, Uncle Amycus loves you, Aunt Alecto loves you, Uncle Evan loves you, Grandma and Grandpa love you, Grandmother and Grandfather love you,” she repeated the list over and over, long after he’d stopped crying, still even when he’d fallen asleep. She whispered the words into the cool night air, as if daring the world to try taking a boy who was so loved away from her. Let them try, she thought to herself, looking down at her son. Let them try to touch him, I’ll shred them limb from limb. Because she had never loved anyone like she loved Draco. A love so entirely independent of herself that she almost didn’t understand it. How could she love someone so much, when they offered nothing in return? Even Bella at least loved her back. Draco could hate her and she would still love him.

But he wouldn’t hate her, he loved her, he smiled for her and stayed quiet for her and laughed for her and clapped his hands for her when she asked him to. They were each other’s world, especially on nights like this. There were many nights like this, and she didn’t mind. She knew what she signed up for when she accidentally started loving Lucius, and she didn’t mind that lonely nights with her son was a part of the deal.

Her arms were numb and the sun was on its way back up when she heard Dobby rush to open the door. She quickly placed Draco back in his crib and popped back into their bedroom. The robe hung itself back up and she acted as though she’d been asleep all night when Lucius came into the room.

“Morning Darling,” she said, stretching out her arms. “Have you been home long?”

He fell into bed next to her and shook his head. He said he just got back, he apologized for waking her up, she said it was okay and that he should rest - she’d make him tea when he woke up. He promised to be home that night, promised he wouldn’t go anywhere and she nodded. Kissed his forehead.

“Just get some rest, Luc. I love you I love you I love you,” Narcissa told him, kissing him after each time. Just try, she challenged the world again as she ran a thumb against his cheek. Try to take him away and you’ll see the iron I’m made of.

She heard Amycus ask if she was okay. Narcissa was stumbling towards the front door, trying not to think of what had happened. Trying to forget the flashing lights and the ambush by people she recognized from school who thought they were fighting the good fight.

“Of course I’m okay why wouldn’t I be okay I’m always okay I have to be okay I’m completely okay.”

He told her she didn’t seem okay and she shook her head as the front door opened for her and she rushed to the bathroom, watching the clear water turn red as it ran over her hands.

“I’m okay they were going to hurt you I didn’t have a choice I’m okay because you’re okay - you have Draco right? Okay great, I can’t believe they tried to attack us when I had my son with me, I can’t believe this but yes I’m okay.” She shoved her hands in her coat pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking and she didn’t want to face him because she wasn’t supposed to have crossed that line, not ever but now she had and she didn’t even think she could look her own reflection, how could anyone else?

“We’ve all done worse, Narcissa it’s okay,” he said and she shrugged.

“Oh I know, that’s why it’s okay, don’t worry, I’ll be right in the other room.” Narcissa went into the kitchen, gripped the counter tightly, trying not to think of all of the people she’d had laying there, the people she had to fix. She wondered if anyone could fix the person they left in the street before realizing she hoped he wasn’t saved.

She took a deep breath and told Dobby to make some tea, pasting a smile back on her face as she went back into the drawing room.

“We’re all okay so of course I’m okay, let’s sit. Dobby is making some tea so please sit down Am, I’ll take Draco and get him into some pajamas, let’s go Darling follow Mummy and it’ll be okay.” She held onto Draco’s hand as he made wobbly steps, following her to his room where he looked at her.

“Okay Mummy?” He mumbled and she laughed as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“I am if you are,” she said as she knelt on the ground to be closer to him. She hugged him tightly, pulled her wand out and tapped it to his head, watching as a small silver strand followed the tip of her wand and disappeared. “There we go my Darling,” Narcissa told him, kissing his forehead. “All better now. Just remember that those people are not heroes, they aren’t even though they try saying they are.” She kissed his forehead again before wiping the pink lipstick off of his skin. “They’re just as bad as they say we are. But we’ll be alright. You’re always going to be alright. Mummy loves you, okay? Don’t ever forget that.” Because she was reminded that life was fragile no matter how invincible you pretended to be. He hugged her back with his tiny arms and another tear rolled down her cheek. “Yes, Dearest, Mummy loves you very much.”

The look on Rodolphus’ face was not one she wanted to see. Not at all. Because she knew what had happened, she saw it in the news. Frank and Alice Longbottom, tortured into insanity. Names were being thrown around, suspects that she dined with every Saturday, people who she fell asleep on as she waited for the others to come back from those god awful missions, friends whose wives shared tea and biscuits with her. But worst of all - family. Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange, Rabastan as well. And they’d done it, they were the ones who had done it. They stood there, minutes after she’d taken a picture of he and Draco and he had a hand on her shoulder.

“You’ll pull through it Rod,” she told him, desperately trying to believe her own words. “You always do this is nothing different than the other accusations it’s going to be okay.” Please let it be okay.

“This is different, Cissa. We aren’t getting out of this one. We’re going to Azkaban.”

“No, no you can’t. This can’t happen. They can’t take you two away from me I won’t let them.”

“You have a family to take care of Narcissa, this fight is too big and neither of us want you to risk your own reputation because of this. Please don’t fight this.”

“You’re asking me to give up, Rod. I can’t give up on you, I can’t quit on Bella.”

“I’m not asking you to give up I’m asking for you to sit this one out. We aren’t going to get out of it, no matter what strings you pull this one was just too much, we bit off more than we could chew.” He looked down and she shook her head.

“When will you get out?” She asked, her voice broken and unrecognizable when compared to her normal powerful tone. He shrugged and she lifted his chin up, placing a hand on either side of his face as her chin quivered at the thought of losing two of the few people she loved. “I’ll come visit you,” she whispered, looking into his eyes and knowing that wasn’t allowed. “I’ll tell Draco how amazing you are and how much you love him, you’ll be free eventually.”

She didn’t allow herself to think about the Dementors and what they could do to them.

“I just thought you should hear it from me. We’re going to trial tomorrow, and we aren’t coming back.”

Finally a gasp of a sob that she quickly stifled.

“Okay, okay, it’s alright, you’re going to be fine, okay? You and Bella and Rabastan, you’ll all be fine. It’ll be okay, you’ll be out before you know it.” Because it had to be okay because they had to be alright and they had to be out. She pulled him into a hug abruptly and he hugged her back after a moment of hesitation. “I love you Rodolphus,” she whispered, holding him tightly. “Draco is going to know how amazing you are, I’ll-I’ll tell everyone about your heart and nothing else because your heart is pure and true.”

Then she stepped back and sniffled, dabbing beneath her eyes. “A few more pictures then, shall we?” 

What could he do but nod?

“My Light,

It’s lonely in this house. My feet make echoing noises against the walls when I walk around. Draco is still at school, but he’s doing well. He’s doing great actually, our little boy has grown quite tall and despite all the time I’ve seen pass and the moments I’ve spent with him, it never ceases to surprise me when I see him with my own eyes.

He misses you but he can see that I do too, and he’s so so strong for me. He shouldn’t have to be strong for me, I’m supposed to be the strong one. But you were the one who was strong, all I ever did was pretend to be, I guess. Or maybe that’s wrong, maybe you were my strength. Whatever the answer, I feel so weak now. I’m sorry I can’t be strong for our boy.

Do not blame yourself for the things he is doing. I’ve done what I can to protect him, I promise. He is trying to say it’s punishment but it’s not. He would have made him do this no matter what happened that night. When you get out, do not blame yourself.

I’m thankful Bella is here, the floor is cold on my feet but she makes everything a little warmer. Still, I do not do well with sleeping alone and even when I do join her, we sleep apart. We will be having Christmas, and I wish you could be there with us. Even if you are not, you will be in my heart and in that way you will be there. You are always in my heart, Lucius. It’s the only way I can cope with being alone. Our portrait is quiet too. But you’re still there to look at and that makes things okay.

This house is too big without you, and the worst part is not knowing when I will see you again. You’ve been here all my life, even when you came back late, or left early you have been here for my entire life and I love you. I love you I love you I love you and I’ve never taken you for granted - not once - but this has shown me how much of me depends on you. Perhaps it isn’t right, maybe this isn’t supposed to have worked out like it did but the unfortunate truth is that you are the other half of my soul.

For the first time since I’ve fallen in love with you, I hope you do not love me to this caliber because it is a pain I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

My husband, you are my light and what keeps me strong, I only hope you can feel me there with you because my soul is with you. (Now I am empty). We will be together again, until then I will love you and hold you in my thoughts until I can hold you in my arms.

I will see you soon.

-Your Daffodil”

Narcissa finished the letter, sprayed her perfume on it and folded it neatly. Then she stood in front of their fireplace and dropped the letter into the flames, which engulfed it quickly. After loads of letters which received no reply, she realized no hope for a response meant no disappointment when it never came. So she let her words burn and turn into smoke that disappeared.

It was better that it disappeared anyway.

[ellegreengrass-blog]

          elle sat in a pew, unbidden tears collecting in her eyes. he was at her side, dressed in dark colors, al staying close in a black dress that eleanor had given her for her birthday one day. because you’re beautiful, and everyone deserves a little black dress at some point in their lives. it’s sexy, alexandra. the rest of the crowd was giving them a decently sized BERTH, as if the depth of their collective grief was an impenetrable bubble that few dared to breach. few could. her own family stayed firmly away, crying perhaps over what they had lost as opposed to him was was probably only thinking of all they had had.

          when he stood, she tried to desperately press support against his palm, rising with him, but he walked ahead, oblivious to her. al also walked by eyes downcast, and elle just followed, the tears slipping down her cheeks. how did we come to this?

     he shuffles up to the podium, and there are tears that still      stain his eyes. he looks gaunt and tired. the microphone      delivers a bit of static when he coughs to clear his throat.      “there’s something that feels, uh, wrong, you know? about      talking about her like she’s not here,” and he’s swallowing      because there are too many sobs kept hushed at the back      of his throat.

( she’d gotten to the park early. her errands had finished, and she really didn’t have a real job yet, so the startling amount of free time on her hands gave her leave to get to the park and try to psych herself up for what she was going to do. but it was really meant to be simple. he wasn’t going to reject her or mock her. this was just the  n e x t  step in the rest of their lives. a beautiful surprise that would propel them into the future.

she saw him crest the hill and come towards her, standing by that pond near a grove of trees. he was so BEAUTIFUL, and he never knew it. and that was fine by her. a million years she could spend praising him, ensuring that he knew he was loved and adored and cherished, and it wouldn’t be enough. a lifetime convincing him that she was the lucky one between them, that God had to be REAL, and He most certainly LOVED her to bring an angel of sorts into her life. his arms, his love, cradled her like wings and brought her to heights she never would’ve known otherwise. steadily, she walked towards him, smiling warmly. steadily, she walked towards that future. )

          her own funeral was never a place she wanted to be. in an abstract sense, yeah, when she was younger, she always wanted to know what people would say about her when she was gone… but death had become too R E A L to her in recent years. she’d sat in the funerals of too many friends, of people she’d considered family, of people she’d loved. her throat had grown hoarse from the mourning of soldiers sent to fight in a war that eleanor didn’t believe in. it was selfish, and she knew she ought to be ashamed, but she could give less of a shit about blood purity if it meant that all the people she’d gone to school with would have survived to die natural deaths, old and in their homes.

          it would be the case that it wasn’t the war that killed her, but something completely unexpected.

     “cause she is, i think. i think she’s here. probably making      sure i didn’t fuck up the flowers or anything.” a strangled      laugh that takes all of his energy to produce. the crowd      laughs softly ( TOO SOFTLY, LIKE THEY CAN HEAR THE      PAIN IN HIS VOICE ) along with him. he looks back down      at a paper full of words he’s supposed to read about her,      like there’s not a knot of unsaid words taking up his entire      ribcage, and he can feel the lip colored ribbons and it’s      right about then that he loses it, but somehow, he keeps it      together, and pushes the paper away,

( there was a person there who had no business being anywhere near them. she didn’t recognize him outright, but he had a feel of being one of his customers. later on, after her death, she’d learn that he owed the man she loved too much money than he was capable of paying back. that desperation and drunkenness had made him wild and unpredictable, and that there was only one way this customer had thought it was possible to get out of his debt.

make sure no one ever came to collect.

eleanor saw it all happening in SLOW MOTION. the raise of the wand, the fear in his eyes where fear had no purpose being, the realization that she was facing down the rest of her life… without him. it hadn’t even taken a moment, she didn’t even need to think about it too hard.

ELEANOR DELPHINE GREENGRASS had spent her whole life surviving… and yet all that life wouldn’t matter if MUNDUNGUS FLETCHER wasn’t around to see it.

al’s going to be so disappointed. she thought as she ran to him before she stepped in front of the blast. her eyes blurred out of focus as, for one moment, she transcended the pain. didn’t use the killing curse. what a wuss. and so there she was, with a hole in her back where her spine should be, clinging to mundungus.

“mun.” she said, the last thing she managed to say before blood bubbled to her lips and she couldn’t feel her legs, the other man fleeing. “MUN.” she coughed out once. )

          i am here! she wanted to scream, i’m here, and i love you, and i’m not going anywhere. but he couldn’t hear her. he couldn’t understand. and even though she was standing right at his side, even though her arms were secured safely around him, the inches centimeters between them were years and miles of unbreachable distance.

          “the flowers are fine, mun.” she whispered. “they’re my favorites. you know i love tulips.”

          and she could see narcissa and lucius in the crowd, their identical blonde heads bowed. rod was there too, and rab, sitting further back, though elle would’ve preferred them by the front. there was anthea. and ailyn. amycus was there, and she wondered if he remembered saving her life from that stupid tree… and she wondered if, like her, he had wished that the tree was the BIGGEST danger to have ever been in her life. or if he’d wished that maybe he could’ve protected her from the bigger dangers still. there were a few order members that were there for mun, even if they weren’t particularly close to her except through the lens of “mundungus is going to be with her forever” and “she left her family for him”. she prayed that there would be no violence this day, though both sides seemed to think even this venue was not appropriate to wage war in.

          and they all laugh for him. they laugh because, elle’s HURT them by leaving, and all she’d ever wanted to do was bring them happiness. that’s all she’d ever wanted from her life. to bring happiness to people and peace.

     leaning closer to the microphone, letting his shoulders      slump. “eleanor delphine greengrass is - was…” a      moment of thought, “my everything. i can, uh,” he lets a      hand fall over his mouth for a moment as he smiles, tearily,      at the memory. his voice is strangled. “i can remember the      first time i ever met her. it was on new years, 1977. she      walked up to me and i swear i thought she’d walked straight      out of a palace, you know?”

( i’ve gotten blood on his lapel. oh… that’s going to be horrible to wash out. but she was grabbing for him even though her mind was eerily calm, her face frankly horrified. and eleanor fell… but he caught her, of course he did. he was the LOVE OF HER LIFE. he’d promised to always catch her. the one person who had always deserved her honesty was crying about how she was going to be ok, and how she couldn’t die.

i don’t want to die listening to lies. because she could die, and she wasn’t going to be ok… tell me you love me. let me hear that. tell me you love me.

and there were thoughts to spare about draco and the malfoys and how narcissa would be so impeccably dressed at the funeral… or how rod would never have seen this coming, especially since she’d done so well staying out of the line of fire… or how rab would think she died hating him even if forgiveness had come long ago though pride hadn’t told him so. )

          he’d always had this strange complex. it wasn’t fair of her to say really, because she had the same one. but he’d always considered her out of his league. though to him, she was this sort of GOD, which was a blasphemous position she never wanted to take. because she could die, but her God never would, and it would be that God that he’d need to get him through this. not her. he’d lost her. and even though she’d wait for him, it’d be a sort of endless march of years before him before he could see her again too.

          he may have seen her as a princess, but mundungus had always been a HERO to her. the princess, the angel, the goddess… the only time she could believe she could ever be any of those things was when she was with him. because he’s the only one who’d ever seen her truest self, as broken down and beat up as it was.

     “and she probably thought i was, uh,” there was nothing      to gesture to. he’d put on his nicest suit, knowing eleanor      loved to see him dressed like that. “she probably thought      i was just some homeless guy smoking on a bench. but      uh, but she loved me anyway; she was the only person i      can remember seeing past all of that and loving me      anyway. fuck, elle just loved so much, and she had so      much love to give, but she never really knew how to give      it to everyone else, and i wish i could’ve taught her. i wish      i had more time.”

( “love… y-...” it was too hard to talk, but… he HAD to know. he had to know all the things she thought she’d have a lifetime to tell him. he had to know all the things she had wanted to slip into her wedding vows.

you’re the best part of my life. i never thought i’d find a love like yours. one that isn’t just the love that i wished i could have all my life… a love that taught me to love myself. a love that told me that i wasn’t worthless or that i didn’t need you or anyone else, but that i had you, if i wanted to. mun, i want to. i want to for my entire life.

with a grimace, she realized that she would love him for the rest of her life.

“pocket. mun, pocket… mun…”)

          she never lied to him, never let those empty platitudes drop into the smoke filled air between them. because he deserved better. he deserved more than a lie when he filled her life with truth the way he could fill darkness with orbs of light. and maybe he was the SUN to her, but she was ICARUS, flying higher and higher in desperate hopes of touching him, of making her wax wings real, and not caring if she burned in the process.

i’d burn for you, mundungus fletcher. i’d burn for you.

          sometimes, when they were alone, with a vinyl playing distantly on a record player and him swaying with her lightly in the kitchen (not really dancing, more like an excuse to hold her), she’d whisper that she only learned what love really was with him. because her parents had taught her that love was an exchange. that no one would love you if you didn’t have something to give them, and what did you really love about a person anyway? you loved what they could give you.

          but mun had always proven that he never wanted anything from her. he was alright just giving and giving and giving as long as it was ELLE would receive. and that’s when she learned what it truly was to love. the selflessness, the way the somehow another person matters more than yourself, and it’s not anymore about what you can T A K E from them, but what you can GIVE. my life. my whole life in every way. that’s what i wanted to give to you, mun, even if you never asked for it, even if you would rather die than take it.

     there were tears flowing down his face now, and he didn’t      notice until al’s hand was on his shoulder, and he reached      up to hold it there. “i uh, i wish i had more time. for so      many reasons. i wish she had more time, really. there was      so much more for her to do. there was so much more for      her love. and even if i couldn’t be there for the rest of it, i      wish she could’ve gotten to, uh, to experience something      that beautiful. i have loved and always will love eleanor      greengrass, so thank you, elle, for daring me to love you."

( there was a band of platinum in a small velvet box in her pocket. mundungus, she knew, would never stop waiting for her, never stop feeling boundlessly lucky that they were together despite popular opinion, and he probably would never want to push her out of her comfort zone. she’d always known that it was her step to take… and she wanted to take it. fuck, she was going to go to the stupid duck pond they loved so well and just get down on one knee and ask him to spend the rest of his life with her…

until death do us part… but i don’t want death to part us. she thought desperately. but maybe… maybe that band would tell him all that she felt… all that she’d wanted… )

          “i did experience something that beautiful,” she whispered in his ear, even if he couldn’t hear her, maybe her love could reach across that abyss that separated them. “fuck, mun, i experienced YOU. you were enough. you’ve always been enough. more than i deserved. more than anyone… more than i could have ever dreamed. my life was only beautiful, because you were a part of it.”

          i dare you to marry me. she’d wanted to ask, when she got on one knee. i dare you to be with me forever.

          in a sort of distraught way, as she watched him shuffle back to his seat, as if the world rest on his shoulders and his alone… she realized he would. without her ever proposing, he already committed his heart to her. and there’d NEVER be another.

          “oh… oh, mun.”

[adkafhhdse]

the knight bus TILTS aggressively, sending an unsleeping mundungus’ cot careening towards the opposite wall, hitting it with a loud thud. the crystal chandeliers chime above his head, rocking uncertainly and sending splotches of shaped light across the walls.

( ERNIE, PAPER BOY AT 12 O’CLOCK! )

mundungus lets out a sigh, as he obviously isn’t going to get any sleep with shrunken head yelling at ernie ( that’s the reason he tells himself, at least. he’s barely gotten any sleep since her arms haven’t curled around his chest, or he’s known he won’t wake up to soft hair in his face. since she’s been around ), and sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. he sits like this for a moment, staring at the curtains of another cot before digging the note out of his pocket. 

                   . . . okay, now the the scolding is                    done, are you okay?

a joyless smile presses itself into his lips, and he wants to scream ( NO, I’M NOT! I HAVEN’T BEEN OKAY SINCE YOU’VE BEEN GONE! I HAVEN’T BEEN OKAY IN EIGHTEEN YEARS! ) but instead he just grips shaky fingers a little softer around the fragile, creased parchment, and tries not to let himself feel like she’s there. he can’t stand losing that feeling, not again. he can’t stand her being there one second and gone the next. mundungus briefly considers that he may not want to continue reading this note, but reads on despite himself.

                  because i know you wouldn’t want to                    just start smoking again.

and she’s RIGHT, because when he was with her the ash felt like a burden in his bloodstream;; taking up too much precious space that could be used for loving her. he realized, though, after she left, that the love had, if anything, been a burden on the ash. he could inhale the same amount of nicotine after she was gone and still love her more than all the worlds combined. he supposed, though, that when she was around, she was his nicotine. 

                 you got really excited about getting                   healthier so you could be around longer                  for a longer future together.

                 ( he can feel her dying, you know. he can feel the                   deafening softness of her heartbeat against the palm                  of his hand. she’s pulled against him like holding her                   CLOSE enough will keep her alive. he places the blood                   red box into the palm of her hand, wrapping his own                   around it, and kissing her knuckles softly. his tears stain                   her skin, and her blood stains his, and they’re both dying                   in their own quiet ways right there on the sidewalk,                   because he’s watching the only GOD he’s ever known                   bleed out right in front of him, and there’s nothing he can                   do. )

he can feel the sobs catching his lungs like it’s the only way he’s ever known how to breathe;; but that’s not true, really, because being with HER was a sort of breath he’d never be able to feel again, but, he thinks, as his fingers wrap around the velvet box in his pocket, this is as close as i get. because the fabric is still stained with her blood and his tears, and he takes it from his coat and runs his thumb over it, holding it against the swooping lines of her neat script, letting a smile of remembrance take over his lips.

                so if you’re smoking now, you’re sad or                  angry or stressed . . . and i hope i’m not                  the cause of it. i pray to god i’m not the                  cause of it. all i ever wanted to do was                 BRING YOU LIGHT and joy the way you                 always bring me.

                ( lips like the blasphemous pomegranate press against tan                  skin, crystalline eyes peering up to see hers fluttering closed                  in the mirror, peering over her shoulder to witness pure majesty                  in his presence. his arms wrap like ribbon seatbelts around her                  torso, securing her to himself, as if she would fly with wings of                  wax;; as if she could leave and burn up in the sun. with the                  thought of this, he pulls her a bit closer. )

there’s a distinct feeling building in the middle of his chest;; this idea she was always talking about, that he BROUGHT HER LIGHT — when HE was the one saved by her divinity, he was the one PRAYING TO GOD, he was the one on his knees at the altar on his judgement day, begging ANYONE who would listen not to take her. he was the one with communion crackers between his teeth and the blood of christ against the back of his throat, the one begging for her forgiveness. he felt sick. 

                i love you, mundungus fletcher,                  and i don’t want you killing yourself                  with these death sticks over me. or                  anything. they’re not worth your time                  or your life. come HOME to me and let                  me kiss you, and i promise it’ll taste                  better than the NICOTINE . . .

                ( he can taste the sunlight on her lips. it’s sleepy and lazy,                  but he can feel the I LOVE YOU when their teeth hit each                  other but neither of them acknowledge it. he can feel in                  the bend of her waist when he rests his hand there, or when                  hers comes up to hold the side of his face. it’s the murmured                  good morning against smiling teeth and her legs intertwined                  with his. her mouth tastes like love and her skin tastes like                  love and the whole world isn’t made out of ash and when he                  laughs his lungs are bright and pink and she’s there, she’s                  keeping him there. she’s keeping him from reaching for a                  morning cigarette, because she’s become his NICOTINE. )

he knew before that he would give anything to hear her say something like that again;; COME HOME TO ME AND LIKE ME KISS YOU, because it’s those words that wrap their arms around his waist and press little kisses all over her cheeks and nose and forehead and anywhere she can reach. mundungus can still remember what it felt like to kiss her, as if her lips are still right there, pressed against his, murmuring softly like these moments are the same as conversation. he tries not to think about how close he’s getting to the end of the letter.

                or don’t and stay out here in the cold.                 but i promise only one of those things                 is really all that fun.

                ( when he kisses her it feels like worlds collapse;; like                  kingdoms fall at their feet, surrender themselves to a                  power they could NEVER match. it feels like his lower                  lip between ivory teeth and palms pressed against her                  back as if he could pull her any closer, fingers tugging                  softly at the hair at the nape of his neck. it’s the whispered                  I LOVE YOU’s that stain the skin of their necks, pressed                  there in the from of soft purple bruises. it’s the open                  mouthed kiss she places at the bend of his shoulder,                  as if every part of him is precious, and the teeth that dig                  into the same spot shortly after. )

and then the bus jolts to a screeching halt, sending his bed flying back in the other direction. the shruken head yells something almost unintelligible about his stop, bickering with ernie as mundungus shoves the ring and note into his pocket, sniffles a bit, wipes his eyes, and walks over to the door. ernie sends him a knowing goodbye, to which mundungus salutes him softly, stepping onto the curb. the winter is cold and unforgiving, and mundungus gets another chill as he walks towards the cemetery.

                 so he lights another cigarette                                            and takes another drag.

[elenawoodrxw-blog]

lullabies ;; future drabble

“I always told you you’d get pneumonia if you kept falling asleep in your backyard.” A voice, then a chuckle. A rush of something in her veins because she knew that voice and she had memorized that chuckle. A voice that had become so vital to her being that its absence had caused her to become half a person.

DISCLAIMER: This Drabble touches on the afterlife and death, if you do read, I hope you enjoy!

Elena Woodrow didn’t know what she believed in. She knew that Rosemary Applebee believed in God. She didn’t know if she did. “If God is real then why did He take away my Matty?” That was her easiest argument. Her defense against knowledge of the unknown (any oxymoron in itself). She knew what she wanted to believe. She wanted to believe that when she died she would see him again. Hold him. Kiss him. See him.

Even if it was for one moment, a fluttering sight of him alive and happy. If it was any memory of him other than bloody and lifeless, she would be happy.

She felt something, but her eyes weren’t opening. Like when she was little and her eyes would get so crusty overnight that she couldn’t open them in the morning. She could feel and hear and smell. It smelled like fresh grass. She heard crickets chirping in the distance. She felt cool air against her skin. It didn’t make sense, because the last thing she remembered was looking up at Marlene who was apologizing as if that wasn’t what Elena had wanted since that night. That was her reasoning when it came to not carrying out the dark thoughts. One day, someone would need her and she would be there. And she was. But that was then, and now there was dew on her face as if she’d slept outside.

“I always told you you’d get pneumonia if you kept falling asleep in your backyard.” A voice, then a chuckle. A rush of something in her veins because she knew that voice and she had memorized that chuckle. A voice that had become so vital to her being that its absence had caused her to become half a person.

She still couldn’t open her eyes and she was desperate to see him. Terrified she’d miss her chance. She fought against her whatever it was that was gluing her eyes shut as she felt his presence grow even closer.

“It’s okay, El. I’m here. It takes a little while, but I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was soft and filled her with warmth that she hadn’t felt since the last time he spoke to her. She thought she could feel herself smile. “There you go, see you’re getting there. Anyway, since you’re stuck here and I haven’t spoken to you in ages, I might as well talk your ear off.”

‘PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I COULD LISTEN TO YOU TALK FOREVER PLEASE!’

“So we’ll start off simple,” he said before clearing his throat. “First of all, I won’t try explaining where we are to you because I know you don’t believe in heaven but I think that’s where we are so I guess you can call it the afterlife.”

'If I can touch you I swear I’ll believe this is Heaven I just want to touch you.’

“And I’m quite upset to see you here, not because I don’t wanna see you, but because that means you’re dead. Still, I saw that you saved Marlene, and I know that you’ve been saving yourself to save someone else which is a whole different subject we’ll touch on later when you can fight back.”

She smiled again.

“Which I’m sure you know means I was always around you, I know you felt it, and I know you weren’t sure if it was real but I promise it was. You weren’t alone.”

'I knew it I knew it I knew it.’

“So now onto the more fun things, someone told me that remembering old things can help you open your eyes sooner, so I’ll just talk about some memories, yeah?” She nodded and he clapped his hands. “See you’re really close! Anyway, remember the first time we saw each other? Well, I know the first time I saw you was when everyone was saying goodbye to their parents, you didn’t even notice me at that time, but I was watching as your parents cried and you didn’t, you didn’t even shed a tear. That was pretty awesome. But then I’m walking through the train and for some reason I felt like I needed to find your compartment and then I saw that lovely light blue jacket and so I just waltzed right in and you were crying which was funny because you didn’t seem sad but there you were. So I did want any unaware little twelve year old boy would do and I waltzed right in and you were embarrassed that you were crying and I didn’t know how to say that you reminded me of my Mother. Not because you were crying but because you felt things in a way similar to my mum. Marls and I grew up in a world full of people who were taught how to shut off emotions. You weren’t like that. Neither is she. I know, I know, you’re making an Oedipus joke or something-” 'NO I AM NOT I HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS STORY PLEASE KEEP GOING!’ “But you were just so… unlike everything I’d known. I had to know you.” It was quiet then, before he laughed. “Then Felix showed up and totally jacked all my style, and then we were the magnificent three. You know? Inseparable.”

'Until we weren’t,’ she wanted to say. But things were starting to get even clearer, the smell, the feel, the sounds. She felt her hand turn over and he held it. He was holding her hand.

He was holding her hand.

“That’s it,” he whispered. “Just open your eyes. Come back to me, El. You’re ready, okay? I’ll be here as soon as you open your eyes.”

But she was terrified that it was all a dream. She’d had so many where she heard 'Open your eyes open your eyes I’m here open your eyes’ and it was usually a moment before her alarm went off. She didn’t want to open her eyes to find herself back in her room, back to Hogwarts when she wanted to stay there. If she opened her eyes and it was all gone she didn’t know what she’d do.

“You can do it, open your eyes, I’m right here.”

“You promise?” She grinned, finally able to speak.

“I promise.” Then there was a pair of arms around her and she smiled because he smelled like he always had. Like cologne and old books. He was holding her up, similar to the way she’d held him that night, and finally she told herself to open her eyes, to trust that this was real. She had to blink a few times against the brightness around her, but she saw her backyard and the blue sky and arms holding her, and after a single moment of hesitation, she looked to her left.

“Matthew,” the world came out like a breath, and in an instant she had her arms around him. They toppled onto the cool, damp grass and neither of them cared. Legs were tangled, foreheads accidentally bumped into each other and then, in a moment Elena had been hoping (maybe even praying) for she ended up on top of him, her hair brushing against his cheeks.

“If I kiss you I won’t wake up, will I?”

“Well I know my kisses are pretty good, but I don’t think they’ll resurrect you.” And his voice wasn’t sad like it maybe should have been, but she wasn’t sad either. So she leaned down and she kissed him oh my god she kissed him. And when she opened her eyes he was still there, she was still there. A smile, carefree for the first time in such a long time.

“I missed you,” she said, resting on his chest. His arms tightened around her.

“I didn’t have to miss you. I was always there,” he said and she looked up at him, sadness in her eyes.

“It should have been me I’m sor-”

“Nope, none of that talk. C'mon. Up with you. There’s gotta be some cherry sundaes around here somewhere.”

Some days were harder than others. Like the day they met the rest of his family, the knowledge of what had happened to them sending sadness through their hearts because they didn’t deserve that they were good fucking people. Or the day they saw Frank and Alice lose their minds because of things they may or may not have known. Elena knew that even if they had known anything they wouldn’t have said a word. Or the day when Elena had to watch as her parents buried her and they cried and she didn’t expect them to miss her like that.

But some were better than others. Like the day they somehow stumbled upon this house she’d seen long ago when they were both alive and she finally admitted that they were in Heaven because it was their house now. Or the day they saw their friends win a war that seemed lost from the start. Heaven was full of cheers that day.

Elena realized many things after she died, but of all of those things she’d learned, she was most grateful for the fact that her end wasn’t the end.

[malum-expectat-rpg]

HEY ALL, welcome to our very first writing prompt! We’ve been very intrigued with our own character’s futures as of late, and would love to dive into that a little more by writing about it! Of course we’re mostly thrilled to see where your characters will be in a few years or decades, and so we all highly encourage you to partake in this prompt, but it’s not mandatory.

The prompt is as follows:

     Write a scene/multiple scenes in your character’s future. This can be in a few years time, but also post wizarding war 2.0 ----- any moment you deem interesting & intriguing can be written about! You’re completely free in how you want to write this drabble; it can take place over a few minutes or hours, but also over multiple years or even decades! Just give us a little look in who your character will be later on in their life!

These prompts should be tagged with malumfuture, and good luck!