#manipulationtw

[honeyjars-sims]

2.13 A Lot to Learn

[Chantal is in the hall at work. Suddenly yelling is heard near Ambrose’s office. A crowd starts to gather and murmur]

Ambrose: That underhanded, conniving little bitch! I'm going to ruin her!

Chantal: [to co-worker] Lilian, what’s going on?

Lilian: Oh, you didn’t hear? Kayla Flemming went off on Ambrose in an interview. It's all over the internet.

Chantal: The fitness influencer? They know each other?

Lilian: Yeah, according to Kayla she and Ambrose started this company together, but Ambrose backstabbed her and kicked her out. She said Ambrose turned it into some “woo woo bullshit” and said she’s unethical…she really dragged her about it.

Chantal: Wow, no wonder Ambrose is upset. 

Lilian: [lowers voice] You don’t think it could be true, do you? I mean, Kayla’s saying Ambrose is cutting corners to save money. I would hate to find out that’s what kind of company we’re working for, wouldn't you?

Chantal: Yeah, hopefully it's just a personal grudge.

Lilian: I'd rather do more than just hope.

Ambrose: [yelling] Nico, do something about this. You know better than anyone what a vicious little snake she can be!

Nico: I'm on it.

[Chantal sees Nico heading to his office and follows behind him]

Chantal: I'll talk to you later, Lilian.

Chantal: Hey Nico, I--

Nico: It’s not a good time, Chantal.

Chantal: I know, I’m sorry. It'll just take a minute. I heard about what happened and I was wondering…well, I don’t need to be worried, do I? What Kayla’s saying isn’t true, right?

Nico: Look, let’s just say I wouldn’t put too much stock into anything Kayla says. Jealousy is an ugly trait. She’s just bitter because the company is succeeding and she can’t get any of her projects off the ground. That’s all this is.

Chantal: If you’re sure. She was throwing some pretty big accusations around, so–

Nico: Chantal, you’re obviously well educated, but the thing about academia is that it doesn’t account for more...practical matters. You have a lot of opinions for someone who still has a lot to learn here. Trust me, I know more about this situation than you do.

Chantal: Of course you do, I wasn't trying to say you don't know what you're doing.

Nico: [sighs] Hey, come here. Don't be sad, beautiful. You know I didn't say that to be hurtful. I just see a lot of potential in you and I don’t want you to waste it. 

Chantal: It's ok. Thanks for being so willing to teach me about this stuff.

Nico: No problem. Well, I have to figure out how to deflect all of this. Do you mind taking care of a few things for me? It would help a lot.

Chantal: Sure, whatever you need.

Nico: Thanks, you’re the best!

[Lilian watches Nico and Chantal intently from the hallway]

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[tohighgarden-blog]

I talked to my mom today about things and she actually didn't make me wanna cry. I mean, I still cried during our conversation, but it wasn't like because of her idk. I'm just an emotional person. Anyways, she kind of explained to me about how it was kind of my pride that caused something to break more than me doing something wrong. I kind of hate that though and idk. I'm kind of proud of my pride if that makes sense. I'm glad I don't beg for forgiveness or grovel or show people I'm really really distressed and upset. It's basically just like "okay" and I think people who like expect more emotion from me than that get really upset, but it's a pride thing. I feel like they kind of expect me to prove how much they mean to me. I shouldn't have to. I'm not going to degrade myself to make /anyone/ feel better. Fuck people who expect that tbh. I feel like I have expected that myself, especially concerning like my old old old old old ex. That means I can now recognize it when I do it myself and then not do it because only assholes do it.

Oh, I also /finally/ came out to my dad. He knew already, but we had a long talk about bi-erasure. "eventually you're gonna settle down with someone" "well yeah, but that doesn't change who I am as a person". Bleh, I was about to cry like 6 times during that convo, but it turned out alright. Was kind of weird being like "...yeah I've lost my card, did you expect me not to have?" But in other news, he's gonna set me up with a therapist for HPD. It's something I believe I have after being told off and wanting to change myself to gain something from the negative experience. I love it when people call out my faults because I just feel like I always gain something out of it after I finish hating myself. Kind of means I can change into a better person. Pridefully speaking though, I want to become like the perfect person to my enemies just so they're like "shit, I became uncool with someone so awesome. How could I?" idk, that just makes me happy to think about. Like yeah, you don't deserve me for being such shit. Gosh, I genuinely love myself today. I haven't loved myself in a long time, but now I'm on like cloud 9.

[tohighgarden-blog]

I'm like thinking such horrible things about myself right now that I honestly feel dehumanized. I feel like a dog that's finally revealed that they weren't on the leash the whole time, but a dog is still a dog, you know? I'm such a terrible human being, that I should expect treatment like that.

I think I'm having a panic attack?