[2,140 words]
[teen and up audiences]
[beta'ed by @meloingly]
[title from welcome to wherever you are by bon jovi]
[carlos reyes, andrea reyes, gabriel reyes]
[spoilers up to s02e08, angst, character study, coming out, implied internalized homophobia, family dynamics]
[for the spanish bits, please either go over to ao3 where rolling over them you find the translation, or ask me. i'll be more than happy to translate!]
[written for @marchingatmidnight’s birthday and as part of my lire’s 20 for the 20th]
[carlos comes out to his parents, but it doesn’t have the outcome he had been expecting]
[dear brooke, happy birthday! i hope you have an amazing day and that the year ahead comes full of good things! i am so grateful for having you in my life!]
everyone’s a miracle | on ao3
He wakes up disoriented, the light coming in through the blinds painting psychedelic drawings on the wall. Carlos sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, trying to figure out why he has the feeling that he hasn’t slept a wink. When he takes in his surroundings, he sighs — he’s fallen asleep on top of his desk, while sitting on the chair, arms cushioning his face from the hard surface of the table.
Slowly, memories from the night before come back to the forefront of his mind, and his eyes widen at the realization that he was brave enough to come out to his parents. He almost falls from the chair, back protesting at the movement.
“Joder,” he mutters under his breath. “Joder, joder, joder, joder!”
Carlos stands up on wobbly legs and takes the few steps towards the untouched bed, the duvet covering the mattress with its black and red geometric pattern. He drops down onto it with a loud oof, allowing himself to lie down and stretch against the soft fabric. He sprawls his body on top of the bed, the skin of his arms tickling at the contact with the covers. He resists the urge to scream.
He did it. He did it.
He feels as though he’s now completely free.
He’d been scared for so long. He hadn’t known how to approach the subject of his own sexuality to his parents — Catholic, traditional, old-fashioned — even though he knows his father has most probably seen it all, being a Texas Ranger. However, Carlos had been so terrified. He’d heard the comments outside the church every other Sunday, about Señora Lupita’s son who was deviant and how much of a sin that was for someone as young and pure. Carlos hadn’t wanted to be the subject of such gossip.
And still, he’s managed to come out to his parents. He’s mustered enough courage and he’s stepped up for himself.
And so, his life has finally taken a turn he’s liking so far.
“Uh, mamá, papá,” he begins, nervously pushing around his dessert all over his plate. He can feel his father’s inquisitive gaze upon him, his mother’s warm brown eyes following every movement. “I have something I need to tell you.”
His father sits back on his chair, hands on the table as his fingers rattle on the wooden surface. His mother exhales.
“What is it?” she asks in a quiet voice. “You sound worried, Carlitos.”
“It’s, uh,” he trails off, suddenly unable to find the words he’s rehearsed for so long, the sounds stuck in his throat as he tries to push them up and outside. “I just—”
“Please don’t tell me you’ve done something stupid, Carlos,” his father says sternly. “You’re supposed to be focusing on your studies and your college scholarship for next year.”
“Uh—”
“Oh, Dios mío,” his mother whispers. “Don’t tell us you’re still thinking about joining the Police Academy next year instead of going to college like your sisters, Carlitos.”
“I thought that had been settled,” his father interrupts his mother even before Carlos can say anything. “You’re going to college next year. Afterwards, if you still want to become a cop,” and the disdain with which he says the words cuts through Carlos’ soul, “then and only then we will talk about your options.”
“I can’t believe you’re just—just—¿cómo nos puedes estar dando este disgusto, Carlitos?” his mother cries out.
“I’m going to college!” he bellows, effectively making them shut up. He can’t believe that this conversation has gone so far off the rails — he needs to make them understand that it has nothing to do with him wanting to join the APD, even if he does want to join the Police Department once college is over. “That’s not it, that’s not it at all!”
“Then?” his father questions, giving him one pointed look.
“I’m—I just—I’m gay,” he blurts out.
He can feel the lights flickering around them as the silence following his words grow. He wants to shrink on himself, wishing the ground would break open and swallow him whole. But he has to face his parents after his big reveal. He doesn’t want to, though.
“¿Eso es—eso es todo?” his mother asks. Carlos is forced to look up at the bewilderment in her voice. She’s staring down at him, eyes still warm and welcoming. “Oh, Carlitos.”
“So, you’re still going to college,” his father says. Carlos can’t read his gaze.
“Yes?” he replies slowly. “I don’t see how—”
“Good Lord,” his father cries out, standing up and patting him on the shoulder. “For a moment you scared me here.”
“So, you’re okay with—with it? With me being, you know—”
“We love you,” his mother reassures him, reaching out and grabbing his hand over the table. “That won’t change because of who you love.”
Carlos steps out of the shower and grabs a towel to wrap around his waist with a smile dancing on his face. He feels lighter, as though a huge weight has been taken off his shoulders. Maybe it has — maybe he just needed to come clean to his parents in order to feel like he was moving forward. Maybe now he can talk to his mother about his feelings for Sam Trippelhorn, just like his sister Lillith talked to her about her own crushes.
He wants to be part of this family again. After so many months feeling like an outsider, someone who didn’t actually belong — his secret pinning him to the ground and rendering him unable to function properly, a shell of who he used to be — Carlos can finally breathe.
He puts on a colorful t-shirt and his softest pair of sweatpants, and climbs down the stairs two steps at a time for their Saturday family breakfast. Lillith and Sandra won’t be able to come, too wrapped up in their studies to make it back home for a couple of days, so it will only be his parents and him. Carlos would be lying if he said he isn’t nervous about what’s to come — the conversation that they most likely will have now that he’s been honest about himself. It might be hard, Carlos is aware of that, but he also knows it might be worth it.
He wants to be able to show his true self every single day of his life.
His mother is preparing breakfast when he enters the kitchen. He kisses her cheek in greeting, and goes to sit at the kitchen table. His mother is singing softly under her breath some song by Juan Gabriel, something she does a lot when she’s cooking. Carlos finds it endearing — it’s also something he’s taken to do himself whenever he’s alone in the kitchen.
“Good morning,” his father’s grave voice fills the space as he also steps into the kitchen. “Have you heard that there’s a new calf at the family ranch?”
His mother hums in reply, a sign that his father can launch himself into explaining the news from the ranch that Tía Lucy has been running ever since they moved back to Austin. Carlos spent the first few years of his life up there, but when his father got a promotion they all moved back into the city. Carlos goes to the ranch as much as he can to visit his horses, but lately he’s been slacking. He feels the pang of guilt at how much he’s been lacking on that front.
His father moves the conversation from one topic to another, from the price of the unloaded to the Astros bullpen, but he doesn’t touch the subject of their conversation from last night. Carlos is mesmerized by the speed at which his parents change subjects, like a well-oiled machine that doesn’t even make a stutter. By the time breakfast is done, and it’s time for him to go to soccer practice, Carlos has already noticed the way his parents keep switching between subjects as if they don’t want to touch the one topic that he’s dying to breach.
It becomes their new normal, after that morning.
Days blend into weeks and weeks blend into months, and before long the years have meshed up together in an unruly puddle of pain and disappointment — by the time he turns twenty-one and gets out of college, Carlos has gotten used to the silence his confession brought upon their whole family. For weeks after the incident, as he’s started to call it in his mind, he tried to talk to his parents. He tried to understand why they promised him everything would be fine — why they said they still loved him — before they started behaving like the exact opposite. Every single conversation he’s attempted to have has ended in grief on his side, because his parents have never acknowledged his sexuality. He’s wanted to introduce them to his only serious boyfriend — a Music Major named Hugh — but that relationship also blew up in his face when he realized that the outcome of such interaction would only mean more pain on his side.
Hugh broke up with him a little before their graduation, anyway. Heartbroken and despaired, Carlos tried to seek refuge in the family he grew up with, only to find once again a wall of indifference and silence.
He’s been feeling neglected, ignored and belittled for years now.
Telling his parents that he is, indeed, joining the Police Academy now that he’s fulfilled his promise of going to college doesn’t go as expected, but this time Carlos has been anticipating it. His mother doesn’t say anything, but his father is very vocal about the mistake he’s making.
“You’re too soft,” he tells Carlos in a voice that doesn’t allow any retaliation. But Carlos has grown tired of always being told what to do, and how to feel, and he just explodes.
“What do you mean, I’m too soft?” he spits back, venom in his words. “Are you implying that because I’m gay, I can’t be a police officer?”
“Carlitos, that’s not what your father—” his mother tries to intervene, but he isn’t going to stop now.
“You know you can say the word, right? Gay,” he exaggerates, opening his mouth.
“That’s not what I was—”
“But it’s what it always boils down to, right, Dad?” Carlos exclaims. “You don’t like me being gay. You don’t even—you can’t even look me in the eye!”
“Carlos,” his mother says warningly. But he’s already standing up, grabbing his coat and beelining for the door.
“Don’t wait up for me,” he announces. “I’ll be late.”
He moves out of their house and into his very first home — a condo he rents off Michelle’s landlord — barely five months after that fight. Life in the house had become unbearable by then, their bickering constant, as though they’d been walking on thin ice for so long and the surface had been starting to crack. Carlos couldn’t breathe.
Being apart from his family doesn’t give him anymore space to breathe, he realizes.
He begins talking less and less to his father. He keeps calling his mother daily, and he goe to Tía Lucy’s Sunday gatherings, but that’s all. He doesn’t tell them anything about his life — whether or not he’s dating isn’t something they’re privy to, and they’ve made it abundantly clear throughout the years with their own silence.
Carlos has become proud of who he is, despite all the negativity in his life. He knows who he is, and who he wants to be — even if it means not having a steady boyfriend or a healthy relationship with his parents. He’s come to terms with the fact that this is the life he’s made for himself, and he’s accepted it.
Only he hasn’t, at least not completely.
The feeble truce they’ve managed to maintain — his parents and himself — gets shaken up the night Carlos meets TK Strand, and it gets tested the morning Carlos introduces TK as his friend from work. TK is the first man to make Carlos believe he can be better — that there can be more to life than just half-living, and it takes him a huge fight to understand that Carlos can’t live without TK.
He’s as terrified as he was back at seventeen, when everything was dark and confusing, but right now he’s not alone. TK doesn’t let go of his hand, he doesn’t allow him to seep through the cracks of his own existence.
They’re a team, and they can overcome anything, even Carlos’ parents.
But, in the end, they don’t need courage to face the monster of his past — his parents had known all along just how important TK was to him. And maybe bridges can’t be mended as fast as they can be burned, but Carlos has the feeling that they’re slowly getting there.
This fic is a valentine’s gift for marchingatmidnight
This was a fun, silly one-shot to write and I absolutely enjoyed exploring characters different from the ones I usually write! I hope this is as fun for you as it was for me!
__________
“Bro, any time I spend with you is a good time,” Justin says. There is a pause as he waits for Adam’s response. “A working lunch is cool, I promise. We can look at dank memes while we graph out the numbers.”
Alexei comes up behind him in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Justin. He gently kisses the side of Justin’s neck before being waved off with a laugh.
“Yeah, okay,” Justin says into the phone. “I’ll bring the bagel bites.”
Alexei, unperturbed, goes back to his seduction. “Hang up,” he whispers, skimming his nose along Justin’s jaw. A bye-week is no time to be making plans with Randy! It is time to snuggle and talk and do other things that were not talking about bagel bites and dank memes.
“No, I can talk. Alexi’s being a dweeb right now.”
Alexei gasps. “I’m not!”
Turning around in his arms, Justin nails him with a wicked grin. He rubs his cheek against Alexi’s broad chest and laughs softly.
“An hour? Sure, I have an hour. I have two.”
“He does not,” Alexei cries and grabs the phone out of Justin’s hand.
“Give it back, you dweeb!”
“Randy, I’m sorry but Justin have to go now. He have very important business to do.” Alexei ran around the kitchen island. Justin feigns to left, but is laughing too hard to really chase him.
“Are you the business?” Adam deadpans.
“I am,” he responds proudly. “Goodbye!” And hangs up.
“Alexei, I can’t believe you,” Justin laughs when he catches up to him.
“And I can’t believe you want to spend time talking lunch plans and not with me: boyfriend!”
Justin kisses his still-talking boyfriend. “You know I was just teasing you.”
Alexei huffs into the kiss, smiling in spite of himself. “Are you? I think maybe you love Adam more than me.” They are both smiling and laughing and the kiss is more teeth than lips, but it’s perfect. It always is.
Justin runs his hands up Alexei’s side and grips the back of his neck, making the kiss absolutely inescapable.
Okay so first thing first: "he u hauled with Jack" is fucking hysterical. Second: there was a live pursuit on the news the other day and they weren't sure about the gender of the driver and passenger and at one point they were like "oh it looks like two women" and they had been seen making out by witnesses before the pursuit and. It was a U Haul. They stole a U Haul. It was fresh in my mind because of the post so soda came out my nose. (Ended up being a dude and a girl, but it was funny)
oh my god i’m so happy i put that in the post.....the U Haul Reference has truly put me into contact with more of the wuhluhwuh in this fandom than i ever could have hoped? #blessed
anyway I CACKLED. this is the hot new au, folks. stolen uhaul AU for every f/f pairing that we got. stolen uhaul ford/lardo. stolen uhaul georgia/wife. stolen uhaul wayhaught? swan queen? i have no idea what the kids are into these days.
*walks up to a lesbian couple* so which one of you is the impulsive criminal gf and which one is the ride-or-die supportive gf?
Okay, so I really connect with what you said about check please and money. I think that's something I want to see explored more - the struggle to have people with millionaire parents and those who know what's it like to wonder whether dinner is going to happen in the same group and have them get along. Being in the latter group, I can get bitter and pissy when someone is kind of a dick about not understanding my feelings or why I can't do that like they would. So yeah, I would like to see more.
I uh… support there being more in fandom, though I’m kind of afraid to actually read it myself! Because IDK, like, it’s so often either “the rich person is a charitable saviour” which kind of end-runs around the problem without them actually having to think about it, or… yeah IDK. I’d accept recs for fic in this fandom that handles the issues well?
I wonder how Lardo feels. There’s this bit in Huddle 1 from her perspective that’s talking about people like Shitty, whose “parents who are lawyers and are stupid rich, like, Larissa-gets-super-uncomfortable-thinking-about-her-F.O.B-Viet-parents-meeting-the-Martha’s-Vineyard-New-England-old-money-rich” And that was how she felt when she’d JUST MET Shitty. Like oh my GOD there’s a lot of room for story there.
I have read some things that have talked about it and been okay for me?
Trade Me by Courtney Milan is a het romance novel that begins with a first-generation Chinese-American immigrant at UC Berkley tearing a righteous strip off her billionaire classmate for making condescending remarks about people on food stamps, telling him that she’s been on food stamps, and, “Try trading lives with me. You couldn’t manage it, not for two weeks.” He, for reasons of his own, takes her up on the bargain, proposing they trade homes, methods of transport, incomes, and jobs for the rest of the semester. But she’s spent too long being terrified over every cent, being the person in her family who makes sure the electric bill is paid, keeping them one step ahead of disaster, to just relax into the luxury of his life. Especially when they have to stage a fake relationship to explain why they’re spending time together and are in each other’s houses so often.
The Student Prince by Fayjay (Merlin, though I read it only knowing Arthurian legends in general) is a “poor kid goes to a posh university, rooms with the literal prince of Wales” m/m slash story that only really mentions the class and money issues in passing, but gets points for doing it at all.
rules: bold statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, than tag nine people
air -
i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me
fire -
i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing
water -
I wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercing/ i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit diners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words
earth -
i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love the chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life
aether-
i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally
i tag: @fishee, @ftchocoholic, @lavishcabbage, @ver-itas, @somebodyhelpthenotdeadfreds, @foolsfires, @reservoirite, @marchingatmidnight and @second-hand-heaven!
I was tagged by the wonderful @radioactivebroccoli to answer 10 questions and ask 10 new ones!
1. Fav ice cream flavour?
Blueberry, tbh. You can never go wrong with blueberry ice cream.
2. How do you feel about horses?
Respectfully.
3. Reinventing the human race, how many teeth would you give us?
Terrible question, -100/10.
4. A book recommendation!
Well, seeing how I just reread it, and how it’s now the only thing I can think of, Howl’s moving castle by Diana Wynne Jones!!
5. If you moved to a small island and got to name it, what would it be called? (No I haven’t played too much Animal Crossing lately what are you talking about)
The Calm Zone.
6. Invent a university/college course and put three books on the curriculum
Questions that made StolligaSeptember reevaluate her life
Required reading;
Unwind, by Neal Shusterman
Duktiga flickors revansch (Good girls’ revenge), by Birgitta Ohlsson
Finnjävlar (Finnish sons of bitches), anthology, edit. Kristian Borg
7. Sun or moon?
Moooooooooooooooooooooon.
8. Pen or pencil?
Pen. My handwriting is still a mess, but it comes out somewhat neater than with a pencil.
9. If you got an extra room in your home tomorrow, what kind of room would you make it?
A proper bedroom, seeing how I’m currently shoved into my mom’s sewing room.
10. Hummus, thoughts?
Head empty.
My questions;
What is your signature dish?
Favorite childhood book?
Describe your phone lock screen?
Favorite lyric from the last song you listened to?
What was the last thing that made you happy?
What is objectively the best season?
Favorite show right now?
Best childhood memory?
Favorite creative outlet?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it's only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where's that extra penny going to?
I tag: @foolsfires, @reservoirite, @awkwardness-life, @stanleyscup, @chazzaroo47, @marchingatmidnight, @second-hand-heaven, @ivettxwrites and @intricatecakes!!
@itsthegameilike - we’re in a bit of a theme right now, because itsthegameilike is another fanfic author who’s works i just fell head over heels in love with. and if you’re a fan of captive prince, and for some reason haven’t stumbled upon their fics yet, then for the love of god go read them. i actually didn’t find them through their mastodon work king’s reign, but rather their au right now, you’re smitten, and just. fell head over heels in love. just. go read them and you’ll know what i’m talking about. and because i was so smitten myself, i decided to hunt them down on tumblr too, and was met with a honest delight of a blog. splintered ships is a true multifandom blog, with most of the fandoms you can find here on creating chaos, and also covers most of the bigger fandoms that i don’t! and they’re just literally the sweetest person ever (they?? personally thanked me for supporting their story??? what kind of author #Goals, i’m ashamed of myself) and you should go follow them right away!!
@marchingatmidnight - so, okay, brooke was yet another follower that i took way too long to scout better late than never and who is now a lovely, lovely mutual! and and miles to go before i sleep is one of those base blogs that i can’t imagine my dash without now. a lot of different fandoms, a lot of #relatable content, and some politics. brooke is also a writer, and you can find all of her writing here! and i actually just realized that her check please! fic counting on hearts like yours was one of those fics that i really, really fell in love with, but sadly fell into the dark pit that is my marked for later-list. @brooke i’m going to finish it, i promise, just give me some time. and brooke is just an awesome person in general, and will make your life a better place, so head on over to and miles to go before i sleep right away, and make your dash a better space too!
