-Missing My Mother... 8/28/13
4 years, 9 months, 13 days. That's how long she's been gone. That's how long she's been departed from her body.. She's been gone so much longer. She was gone for a year and 2 months before she died.. That's 5 years, 11 months, and 13 days.. That's nearly 6 years.. Does anyone understand how hard it is for me to continue doing this, without my mother..? And by this, I mean living.. not even really living.. Just existing.. No one understands how much I miss her. How much I'll never stop missing her. How much it hurts to breathe when I think about her, when I miss her, or hear about her, or talk about her.. I was 13 when I last saw my mother, 13 goddamn years old. I am 19 years old now, and I can't stop thinking about how unfair it is.. why? why did this have to happen? Why her? Why me? Why couldn't I have been the one that died.. Why her..?
If only, I could rewind time, and save her. If only, I could take her place..
I just want my mother.. If I could have her back, I'd never ask for anything ever again..
I miss her so much. so fucking much.
and the flashbacks, the memories, they hurt like knives..
It's a constant battle, between remembering and forgetting.. I want to remember, but I can't live unless I let myself forget.
Mom, I love you.. more than I let you know..
and I'm sorry I didn't show it more.
3;48 am
