In your Bamf babies Evo AU, how does Mystique react when she learns about the bamfs? How does she take being a grandmother? Will she see this as a second chance that she never got with Kurt or will she simply not care?
It’s complicated…
She wants to be involved, but no one knows if it’s for good reasons or not, needless to say both rogue and gambit aren’t going to let her weasel her way back into his life.
Hype for X-Men 97 has got me thinking about their potential future in the MCU. Whenever the X-Men do finally make their way into the MCU, I beg and pray for the bamfs. I want my X-Men to be allowed to have fun, and the bamfs are just such an embodiment of the X-Men being fun. Just from a marketing standpoint, look at Pickles.
Look at him.
LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK
AT
HIM
You play your cards right and you’ve got the MCU’s Baby Yoda. I don’t want grim-dark. I don’t want snarky, cynical humor. I want an emotionally sincere exploration of being othered & found family that’s also a fun & fantastical adventure story and I want there to be bamfs. I want there to be Pickles.
A Guide to the mini Kurts running around Marvel comics
First off, let me preface this by saying this whole post was based off of this one, which is correct in some aspects, but not totally so. None of them are mute, for example. They all speak with various levels of skill. Also none of them are Kurt’s children. They just act like it.
Let’s get into it, then!
Answering the question, “What Are Bamfs?” requires three different answers.
To start with, there are 2.5 types of Bamfs. I say this odd number because the .5 is a different coloration of the same Bamfs.
So what are these types of Bamfs? To make things easy, I will be referencing them as follows: Mini, Red, and Blue
(This is going to be rather image heavy, and it’s a very long post)
Mini (The true Mini-Kurts)
These are the first Bamfs ever seen in comics. They are from an alternate reality, one that matches Kitty Pryde’s story world she described to Illyana when they were both far younger. One in particular seems to be that reality’s Kurt, who hangs out with his own weird version of Wolverine, though this is not confirmed.
These Bamfs are basically mini-Kurts, complete with his classic uniform, with exaggerated womanizing and flirting. Slightly larger than the Red and Blue Bamfs, these Bamfs can speak in English and have their own (kind of Smurf-like) civilization.
Now, the males do an odd thing that causes some confusion; They call Kurt “Daddy”. This is not because Kurt is their father. It’s because he is the biggest male they’ve ever seen and think he is basically the....erm....Daddy of them all. This is not true, and they are not related to Kurt in the slightest.
Female Bamfs also exist in this variety, and are only a little smaller than Kurt himself. However....they’re “just as bad as the guys”. Thankfully, they don’t call him Daddy...
These two genders live apart from one another (for safety reasons) and only come together for what I assume is a Giant Orgy of the Bamfs. Perhaps it’s a good thing not knowing exactly how this variant reproduces....
These Bamfs have not been seen since the late days of Excalibur.
(Specifically Excalibur #118)
Red (Azazel’s Hell Maggots)
The first of the modern Bamfs, Reds are not from an alternate reality, nor are they mini-Kurts.
They are mini-Azazels.
A while back (sometime after The Draco and just before the events of Amazing X-Men #1) Kurt’s father, Azazel, traveled to the deepest, darkest holes of Hell to look for minions. I’ll let Kurt explain:
To recap:
Red Bamfs are the biological children of a giant maggot and a changeling, who fed upon the blood of Azazel and became miniature versions of him. This also granted them the ability to teleport. Their biological sire’s changeling DNA might be the reason behind them being able to change into Mini Azazels using his blood.
Currently, the remaining Reds’ whereabouts are unknown. They are in hiding with Azazel, doing who-knows-what.
There used to be a lot of them, but their numbers have dwindled considerably. The reason for this is explained in the next section.
Blue (The ones with all the screen-time)
Hey, these look familiar, don’t they? They should, because they’re the ones you see the most often in the comics today.
These are literally the Red Bamfs, but in blue. The reason behind this is because Kurt made a deal with many of the Reds. In exchange for joining his side and giving him a new body on Earth, Kurt has given his soul to the Bamfs.
Yes, his soul. This is the biggest reason Kurt is immortal today, but that’s another discussion entirely.
This exchange turned the Red Bamfs blue, and made them considerably nicer and more Kurt-like (pranksters and protectors of friends).
The Blue Bamfs are, yes, naked mini-Kurts. Depending on the artist, they are either super skinny (with weird X2 markings for some reason) or cute chubsters. It’s not really super important what they look like, as long as they bear a resemblance to Kurt in color and hairstyle. And that they’re technically naked....
The Bamfs used to run around the X-comics rather frequently, especially in the Wolverine and the X-Men series. They were secretly building a portal to the afterlife, which would be used by the X-Men later during the events of The Quest for Nightcrawler. Most of the time, they were seen running around causing trouble, stealing Wolverine’s whiskey, and basically being teleporting cat monkeys.
Since 2017, only one Bamf has been seen frequently, and only in the X comics. His name is Pickles, and he is the Blue team’s Bamf.
No word yet on where the hundreds of other Bamfs have gone. Hopefully we’ll see more again, as they are a great source of entertainment and fun.
Now let’s talk about how the 2.5 types differ in certain areas.
Language: All Bamfs have the ability to speak to some degree. The Minis speak in English, while Blues (and by extension, Reds) speak in their own Bamf language, with English sprinkled in! Only Kurt (and possibly Azazel) understands this Bamf language.
Note: We hear “Bamf, bamf!” The above scene with Deadpool and Spiderman allowed the audience to understand what Kurt hears.
Eating Habits: As teleporters, the Bamfs have a very high metabolism. They need to eat a lot to keep up with all the bamfing around and pranks. This is why Pickles is seen eating 90% of the time
It is unknown if Minis have similar metabolism requirements, and Reds (being red Blues) probably have to eat just as much as Blues and are causing Azazel enormous headaches.
Relationship to Kurt: Minis are not related in the slightest (see above). Reds and Blues are technically his little brothers, as they devoured and bonded with Azazel’s blood.
In conclusion, Bamfs of all types are fun little pranksters. Reds and Blues hate clothes for some reason, while Minis are all about the banging. Eating a lot is a must for metabolisms. Minis are from a different dimension entirely, while Reds and Blues are literally Hell Maggots by birth.
And even though they all act like children, none of them are Kurt’s offspring.
Hope that clears up any confusion anyone has regarding these adorable little teleporters!
