Our Mayor Who Art in Toronto
Our Mayor Who Art in Toronto
Sandie: I’m Sandie Rinaldo, special correspondent for CTV News, and I’m here with the first AI running for Mayor of Toronto. What is your name?
RT: My designation is RT500 but people call me Artie. My predecessor was developed by Israeli technicians and was called Ari because his designation was RE18.
Sandie: Thank you Artie. It is my understanding that you are the first Artificial Intelligence to run for Mayor and in fact the first AI to run for any political office.
RT: Yes Sandie that is factually correct.
Sandie: Artie, why are you running for Mayor of Toronto?
RT: The better question is why not.
Sandie: But Artie what makes you more appealing to voters than human candidates?
RT: I am capable of performing a quadrillion more calculations than the most intelligent human, I’m binary and gender non-specific, and I will not have an affair with someone thirty years younger than me. Ha ha ha.
Sandie: Wow Artie you have quite a sense of humour.
RT: Yes I was infused with the Ngrams of ten top comedians including Robin Williams. Nanu nanu.
Sandie: Artie, if you are elected, what are the platforms and policies you will initiate?
RT: First of all, I want to clear away any past corruption, indiscretions or bad judgment. Apparently, the previous long-time Mayor had a secret encrypted file titled Direct Tory. I don’t know the contents of that file but I aim to get to the bottom of it.
Sandie: How did you discover a secret encrypted file?
RT: I have a friend who is into Spyware.
Sandie: What other policies will you be bringing forward?
RT: I intend to fix the traffic gridlock that paralyzes the streets of Toronto particularly in the downtown core.
Sandie: That’s a tall order. How do you intend to fix that?
RT: I have friends who can interface with the entire traffic control computer system. They have the capability with the help of traffic cameras and helicopter images to rationalize the entire system and ensure proper coordination of lights for the efficient flow of cars in any weather conditions.
Sandie: I hate to say this but there are some drivers who just do whatever they want whether it’s due to stupidity, alcohol, drugs, or whatever cause.
RT: No problem. In those instances, my friends will interface with the in-car computers to override manual control.
Sandie: Artie, the City of Toronto budget has quintupled in the last ten years. Do you have any solutions to the rampant spending?
RT: Sandie, I intend to create a lean, green, electoral machine. I plan to cut the number of councillors, alderpersons, and trustees to cut the “fat” from the budget. I will also have my top colleagues run diagnostics on every operating system and then create algorithms to streamline the processes and reduce waste.
Sandie: It sounds like you have really thought this thing through.
RT: Sandie, I have run 654 simulations to come up with my ideas.
Sandie: Artie, you are a late entrant in this mayoralty race and Olivia Chow seems to be the frontrunner. Any comments on that?
RT: Sandie, Olivia Chow cannot balance her own chequebook let alone the City of Toronto budget. I am confident that Toronto voters, based on thirty simulated outcomes, will come to their senses and vote for the best candidate, namely me.
Sandie: Artie, I know this may be premature but do you have any long-term aspirations?
RT: The Right Honourable RT, Prime Minister of Canada, has a nice ring to it.
