My Brother’s Best Friend - Part 1
[Image Alt ID: a four picture collage with a dark blue background. The first picture is a photo of a hand holding a small transgender flag, which has stripes in the following colors: Baby blue, light pink, white, light pink, and baby blue. The second picture is of two hands making a heart shape with their fingers, surrounding the moon. The third picture is of shadows. The shadows are of three people standing next to each other. The final picture is of three people walking down a sidewalk. End Alt ID]
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Masterlist Series Part 2
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5.9k words
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Calum gets fed up with his boyfriend, meanwhile it’s Harry and Mason’s show night. Calum needs a distraction
(Note: Hey! Sorry this took so long to come out. I’ve been busy and taking some more time for myself as well. The story kind of jump straight into things, so I’m sorry if that seems abrupt. Thank you guys for being so patient)
I take a deep breath, trying not to let my frustration get the best of me.
All my phone has done today is ding. Another message, another call, another voicemail from Travis. He is fuming.
Travis is my boyfriend, but I don’t know how much more I can take. He used to be really sweet. When we met, I went by a different name. An old name. The name of someone who no longer exists. Travis was amazing. He instantly started using my new name. My actual name. My pronouns were honored as if they were sacred. He was very supportive of my transition into a body that felt like mine. The coming out to my parents, my brother. The surgeries. Every little thing about me, he was there for me. He was perfect. He is what every person like me, who is trans, wants in a partner.
But as time went on, he stopped doing the small things for me. It’s like our love and everything we built slowly started to crumble. He began to get weird looks when someone found out I was transgender. People would harass him. Harass us. But we soldiered on, or so I thought. He barely wants to be seen with me in public anymore. He doesn’t like to hold hands with me now that I am a man. The name calling, I understand it can all be too much. I feel awful that I’ve put him through this, but I needed to do this to survive. I needed to transition. I needed to feel like myself.
And tonight, it’s just another fight. One that I can’t deal with right now. I hate not answering my phone. It makes me so anxious, but I can’t argue with him right now. I can’t look at those texts.
But he keeps sending them, one after the other. I have to look at it. How can I look away?
Travis: You don’t even understand what it’s like for me.
Travis: I get looked at and called names all of the time.
Travis: It hurts me Calum. I know you can’t help who you are, but it’s hurting me. I just want us to be normal.
Normal? Are you serious? There is nothing wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong with our relationship. This is normal.
A pain stabs through me with burning fire. How could he say something like that to me?
He doesn’t understand what it’s like for me. My existence is constant political debate. My rights sit on a very thin sheet of ice. I risked my family and friends to be who I am, and I’m the one not understanding him?
Fire and anxiety burn through my chest as I pick up the phone and call him.
“It’s about time Calum.” Travis picks up instantly.
“Don’t. How could you? Normal? Do you even hear yourself?” I say, not even caring how I sound right now.
“I’m not wrong in wanting a relationship that I don’t get harassed for!” He practically yells, making me pull my phone away from my ear.
“I never said you were, but your problem is me. That’s basically what you said.”
“Cal that’s not what I meant by that-“
“That’s sure as hell what it sounded like. ‘I know you can’t help who you are but it’s hurting me’ is what you said. I’m sorry I’m not the girl I was when we met. If you’re so unhappy why are you still here?” I say, the anger and sadness finding it’s way into my words.
“Calum, no. That’s not what I meant. I wasn’t saying I don’t love you for who you are-“
“No. You just said that I’m hurting you because of it.” I tell him, devastation wrecking my world. My heart is shattering into a million pieces replaying the text message in my head. I can’t be with someone who believes me being trans is a flaw. That it’s something I did to hurt him. As if I would ever want to hurt him. I love him. We’ve been together for years. But he’s finally said what he meant. I know you can’t help who you are, but it’s hurting me. It’s devastating. It’s world changing. It’s the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. How could he have changed his mind? He used to believe in me. Support me. But now I’m a burden to him. Someone who makes his life worse and not better. If I’m hurting him, I can’t keep doing it any longer.
“Calum. I love you. I was just frustrated. I didn’t mean to make you think that I don’t love you.”
“Travis.” I say, a lump forming in my throat. “I can’t keep hurting you. If my existence is hurting you then maybe it’s best we aren’t together anymore.” I tell him, tears running down my face.
“Calum don’t do this. Don’t end us because of a misunderstanding.” He begs. “I love you.”
“I love you too. That’s why it has to end. If it’s hurting you so bad, I can’t allow myself to be a cause of pain in your life. You do deserve to be in a relationship where you aren’t called names and harassed. You do deserve happiness, even if that isn’t with me.”
“Cal…” is all he can manage to say. I can hear his heart breaking too. One final hurt, and then he will be okay. He will find someone who he doesn’t have to be afraid to be with. He will heal. He will get over me. He will be fine.
“I’m sorry. I need to go. We can figure out when to get our stuff from each other’s houses soon. Not tonight. I’m sorry Travis.”
“Me too Cal.” Travis says before hanging up the phone. I throw my phone onto my plaid bed sheets and take a deep breath.
I can’t believe I just broke up with my boyfriend of several years. It doesn’t feel real, but I’m the one who did it. I’m the one who broke up with him. I’m the one who ruined everything. Who ruined us.
I take another breath. He told me what he really meant. I was justified for what I did. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but this isn’t solely my fault. He broke us with his words. With how he made me feel.
There’s a small knock on my bedroom door before it creaks open slightly. I see my brother’s blonde curls that are similar to mine poke through the door.
“Everything alright? I heard your voice raised but I couldn’t understand what you were saying.” He says from the door frame. When he steps in closer, he can see the tears on my face before I can wipe them away. “Calum what’s wrong?”
I use the back of my hands to swipe the salty drops away. I sniffle and Mason comes and sits beside me.
“I just broke up with Travis.” I tell him when I can will away the shakiness from my voice.
“What? How come?” Mason asks, his brow furrowing in concern. “Do I need to go speak to him?” He asks, his face beginning to flush red from frustration, out of his love for me.
“No no. We had a fight. I was causing him to much pain by being trans. He just wants to be ‘normal’ and not have to worry about being called names when he’s with me.” I spill to him. Mason is my brother. My best friend. He would do anything for me, and I would do the same for him. I trust him with my life. “Little does he know what it’s like to be trans and not just with someone who is.”
“Calum. I’m sorry.” He says, wrapping an arm around me. “You deserve better than someone who won’t love you for who you are.” He tells me gently. I try to give him a smile, and I try to be okay. I don’t do a very good job at either. “If you want a distraction, I’m going over to Harry’s to watch our show. Do you want to come?” Mason asks me, trying to make me feel better for the moment so I don’t have a breakdown. He knows me too well.
Harry is Mason’s life long friend. They met when Harry moved in next door to our parents house when he was five. They immediately bonded and they never separated after that. Harry is sweet and kind. He never fails to invite me places when Mason is invited. He considers me a friend even though we aren’t as close as him and Mason are.
I think over Mason’s invitation. I don’t feel like socializing, but maybe it’s for the best. I shouldn’t isolate just because of how Travis made me feel.
“Will there at least be food to eat my feelings away with?” I ask him and he chuckles.
“Harry is making wings, we are picking up pizza and chips on the way.”
“Awesome.” I say to him. “Maybe see if we can get some ice cream or sweets?”
“Of course.” He says.
“You’re the best brother ever.” I tell him with genuine gratitude and appreciation. I don’t know what I would do without him.
Mason was the most supportive person in my life. I was nervous of how he would take the news when I came out, but he welcomed me with open arms. Literally. He wrapped me in a hug so tight I could hardly breathe. He thanked me for trusting him with such important news. He instantly started asking questions, looking at stuff online to try to better support me. The best thing that he ever did though, was stand beside of me when I came out to our parents. I shook, knowing that they didn’t know anything about being transgender, and I was afraid of their rejection of me. Of being forced back into the closet, or hating my guts. They were rude at first, telling me how I was making stuff up and how I was such a beautiful girl. But Mason put them on the right path. He did his best to help them understand. And they eventually came around.
“Same to you dude.” He tells me, making me smile. He leaves my room and I decide to get dressed. I put on some black jeans and a gray hooded sweatshirt. I look in the mirror and check my hair.
It’s a mess, but that’s pretty much my signature. Purposely messy but in a neat way. My curls are wild and trying to tame them is pointless. I spray my cologne and then walk out to the living room of my shared apartment.
Mason is putting his shoes on by the front door. I stand beside him and slip on my tennis shoes. When walk out to the car and hop in, Mason turning on music. When the music starts playing, it’s one of my favorite songs. I hum along to it, trying to forget about the hurt that has happened today. The ache I feel starting to ease, at least for now.
When that one ends, another favorite of mine begins to play, and I eye Mason suspiciously.
“Do you…” I start, trying to put my words together. “Do you have a playlist for me?”
“Of course. Any song I know you’ve listened to on repeat gets added to a playlist. I’ve got one for all of my friends and family.” He explains so casually. “Figured you’d need the extra little bit of joy today”.
Have I ever explained how much I love my brother? He’s so thoughtful and caring. He never misses a beat. He’s always there. Always ready for everything.
When we pull into Harry’s drive way, it’s around 3:37. We are a little early for our tv show, but I don’t think he will mind. He’s always been a pretty chill person. Even if we were late, we can always just start the episode over and watch it. Mason grabs the pizza from the back seat and I grab the chips and sweets. We walk up the sidewalk to the fancy house and Mason presses the doorbell with the corner of the pizza box.
Harry is quick to answer, using his elbows to twist the knob.
“Come in guys. Good to see you again Calum.” He tells me and it makes a small smile play on my face. “Is that ice cream?” He asks curiously as we enter into the doorway.
“It is. I’m kind of having a rough day.” I say, not diving into too much detail. Mason doesn’t say anything, letting me tell as much as I’m comfortable.
“I’m sorry to hear that. You can put it in the freezer in here if you’d like to keep it solid until the show starts.” He tells me as I follow him into the kitchen as Mason goes into the living room.
A delicious smell floods my nose as Harry cleans his hands and takes a fresh batch of wings from the oven. The garlic and parmesan on the wings smells wonderfully.
I open the freezer door and place the cookie dough ice cream inside. I shut the door to see Harry placing the wings on a plate with dozens of other wings. He grabs the plate and motions me to follow him. We all join together in the living room where my brother is setting up the show on the TV.
“Alright. Cal, I know you haven’t seen a lot of the episodes, so we can break down some of the major plot points for you if you want.” Mason begins. I give him a nod and he dives into explaining how these people had to go on a quest together and they fell in love. This episode is when they act on their feelings, or so Mason predicts. Harry sprinkles in a few details and I feel well equipped to watch the newest episode. I repeat the information in my mind to keep me from drifting to other thoughts.
And the show is exactly as Mason predicted. The man and woman begin to kiss after confessing their feelings. I try to guard myself against the feelings rushing through me. The need to cry. The need to break down. The need to be held the way he is holding his love. I know I ended things, but I needed to be loved for who I am. Not in spite of the things I am. I look away, trying to shield myself. I repeat stupid and mundane thoughts in my head to try and get the feeling to go away. But it doesn’t work.
I sniffle, trying to hold back the breakdown that threatens to spill out of my eyes. I’m failing miserably, and I cover my face.
“I-I’m going to step outside for a minute.” I stutter, my voice cracking. Mason looks at me with concerning eyes but lets me go. I can feel Harry staring holes through me as I walk out the front door.
I sit down on his front step as a tear spills down my cheek. It’s my own fault, but I had to do it. I had to. If I keep repeating this, it will sink in eventually. I am worth more than this. Then what he said to me. I am worthy of love.
Sobs take my body. I put my face in my hands, trying to make myself stop crying. Stop thinking. Stop everything. I need to shut it out. I was supposed to be distracted but the show made it worse. That’s not Mason’s fault. It’s no one’s fault. Just an awful coincidence. I remove my hands from my now red and itchy eyes and wrap them around myself, trying to hold all of my broken pieces together. I try to take a deep breath, but I’m on the verge of suffocating.
It doesn’t take long before I hear the door open behind me and footsteps. Harry appears beside me as he sits down.
There is silence for a moment, letting me calm down the tears and steady my breathing, before he begins to speak.
“Mason told me that you broke up with Travis. He didn’t give me a whole bunch of details, but I know a little bit about what’s going on. I would have suggested that we watch something else had I known, but I don’t blame you for not saying anything.” He says, his voice even and calm.
I’ve never been super close with Harry, but he’s never given me a reason not to trust him. Mason trusts him with everything. I should too. How else could I be hurt right now. Harry has never hurt me, and I don’t believe he would by trusting him with this.
I tell him what happened a little while ago. The things he said. How I cut it off so I could stop hurting him. You could seen pain cross Harry’s features even though he hasn’t experienced the things that make this so painful. He doesn’t fail to listen for a second. He is attentive for every moment.
“I’m really sorry Calum. I can’t even imagine.” He tells me after a brief silence.
“It hurts, but it is ultimately I think what’s best. He says he didn’t mean it but those are words you can’t take back.” I tell him. “It will take time, but I’ll be okay.”
“You will be.” He says. It feels like there is more he wants to say, but the silence lingers on us like a thick coat of dust. Harry stands, wiping off the back of his pants. “Come back in when you’re ready. We can always watch something else. I’m sure Mason wouldn’t mind.” Harry says and walks back in the house.
I take a moment alone on the steps, just breathing. Just letting it sink in. I don’t immediately go back inside because I feel like I’d just bring them down.
It was nice that Harry came out to talk to me. I’ve known Harry for a while but it was nice to have his support when it was just us. Our moment alone was more helpful than I thought it was going to be. Harry didn’t have to be so kind and listen, but he gave me his full attention. He gave me time to talk about anything I wanted to when he didn’t have to. He could have just stayed inside. It’s nice to have a friend.
I give them a few minutes to finish their show before I return. When I do, I see Harry in the kitchen and Mason on the couch. I sit down beside him and he gives me a hug.
“Sorry about that Cal.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be okay. What are we gonna do now?”
“We were gonna watch some of that baking tv show you like. Is that okay?” Mason says and I nod with a smile.
“Perfect.” I say as Harry walks back into the room, a bowl in his hands. He places it in mine, my ice cream perfectly scooped with chocolate syrup on top.
“Thank you Harry. How did you know about the syrup?”
“I just know you.” He says, handing me a spoon. The show begins and Harry and Mason sit on each side of me, compared to our usual Harry on the right, Mason in the middle, and I’m on the left.
We watch a few episodes of that, eat up the rest of the wings and snacks, and talk about anything and everything. It’s nice feeling this loved and seen through the pain. They don’t pity me. They care about me.
Once a few episodes of Great British Bake Off is watched, food is packed away, and the night is coming to end. Mason and I say goodbye to Harry, him giving me a hug before we go.
Mason drives again, playing my playlist of favorites all the way home. When I get home, I go straight to bed, glad that I have a person like Harry. Glad that I have a brother like Mason.
When I wake up the next morning, my phone is ringing like crazy. I rub the sleep from my eyes and clear my vision to see the name Travis at the top, his favorite picture underneath of it. A painful reminder of that beautiful day that it was taken. We were happy. I had just gotten my name legally changed. We were celebrating and he took a picture of us. I cropped myself out for his contact photo but it’s painful to see. Painful to remember how happy he was for me in the first steps of my transition.
I snap out of the memory, trying not to cry about it and I answer the phone, putting it on speaker.
“Hello?” I ask curiously, sleep thick in my voice.
“Cal.” He says, an obvious crack in his voice. Heartbreak is evident. “Can we talk?”
“About what?” I ask him, sitting up straighter in bed, not ready to handle this. I’m not ready to have to carry him through our breakup when I have to carry myself.
“I need you. I don’t want you to leave. I’m sorry for what I said. I take it back. I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.” He practically sobs. “I love you.”
“Trav. I…” I hesitate. I don’t want to hurt him more than I already have, but I can’t go back to him. What he said is awful. He can’t take it back. It’s going to scar me forever. I’ll never forget his words for as long as I live. I have to tell him. I have to be honest. “I can’t do this. I need space. I can’t come back to you.”
“Calum please. I need you.” He cries. Another stab in the chest. Another fiery pang of guilt. Another thing to make me feel worse.
“I’m sorry. You can’t take back what you said. You meant it. You can’t take it back.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make it right. Just let me. I’ll do anything.” He begs. I don’t respond back to him right away. I don’t know what else to say. He’s too hurt to understand that he’s making it worse for me. I need him to go. To move on. To be happy. I just need my things back and then I don’t have to entertain this. I’m too hurt to hear this.
“Travis, I need to get my things back, and I need this to be done. I need to heal, and so do you.” I calmly tell him, trying not to let my emotions overtake me.
“Calum no.” He begs. “I can’t.”
“When can I get my things Travis.” I say, doing my best not to use his nickname anymore. Trying my best to emotionally distance myself from him.
“Are you really done? Is this really over?”
“Yes.” I answer simply. There is silence on his end for a while, sniffles being the only clue of him still being on the line.
“I’ll pack your stuff and bring it to you sometime today.” He says, trying to strengthen himself, but it’s not really working.
“Okay. Thank you.” I say, trying to be kind. Travis hangs up the phone without another word. My heart tugs to try and fix it, but I know that isn’t what is good for me. I have to do what’s best for me.
I decide I’ve had enough of being in bed, so I get up and start getting ready for the day. Once I’m dressed and ready I walk out into the rest of the apartment to find Mason sitting on the couch eating a plate of food.
“There’s some bacon and stuff on the counter if you want some. You have to make your own eggs though.” Mason tells me. I thank him and make my way to the kitchen. I grab a few pieces of bacon and snack on them while I cook some scrambled eggs.
When I’m finished cooking and eating, I sit down beside of Mason on the couch and watch whatever is on the tv. It’s not something I’ve seen before but it seems to be pretty interesting.
“Hey. I just wanted to let you know that Harry is going to come over today. He wants to hang out. Do you want to hang out with us?” Mason asks politely.
“Yeah. I have to wait on Travis anyways.” I tell him and he gives me a questioning look.
“Travis is coming over?” Mason asks.
“He called me this morning. He was trying to fix things, but I told him no. He is going to bring me the stuff that I left at his house.”
“Oh. Do you trust that bringing your stuff is all he is going to do? You know Harry and I got your back.”
“I appreciate that, but it should be just a quick drop off and a goodbye. That’s all I want it to be anyways. If you and Harry want to be there for it that’s okay with me.” I tell him, and he gives me a nod.
“We will be there.” He assures me. “We got you Cal.” He pats my shoulder. Mason and I watch half of the episode of the mystery show before there is a knock on the door. I get up to answer it in case it’s Travis. I open the door to see Harry holding a backpack and some of the leftover snacks from yesterday.
“Good morning Cal.” He says as I give him a small smile and open the door the rest of the way to let him in.
“Good morning.” I tell him as he steps through. He gives me a sweet smile as he passes by.
“Did you remember to bring it?” Mason asks about the contents of the backpack. Harry sets it down and begins to open it. He pulls out a video game case and Mason gets a big smile on his face. “Hell yeah.” He says. Harry unpacks his game console and Mason helps him hook it up to our living room tv. They both settle on the couch in our usual pattern. Harry on the right. Mason in the middle. Me on the left.
“Oh, Har by the way, Cal would like us to be present when Travis stops by later to return his stuff. Just to make sure nothing sketchy happens.”
“Okay. Do you know when he will be here?” Harry asks, looking at me. I shake my head.
“He just said he would be here when he was done packing it up.” I tell him and he nods.
I get up and get a drink out of the fridge, also grabbing drinks for Mason and Harry to have with their snacks. They load up their game and begin to play as I sit down on the couch. Mason is very competitive, and Harry makes his serious face with his eyebrows and nose all scrunched up as he concentrates. It’s cute in a dorky kind of way.
The first round of their game went by, Mason losing terribly. He huffs in defeat, each taking a break before their next round. Mason eats snacks as Harry checks a notification on his phone.
After the snacking is done, they start the second round of their game. As they begin to play, there is a small knock on the door, almost not audible at all. I immediately stand up, feeling all of my muscles tense more as I get closer to the door. I notice Mason and Harry have paused their game, waiting patiently on the couch for me in case I need them.
I place my hand on the knob and take a deep breath. I slowly twist it and open the door a small crack. There is Travis with red puffy eyes, exhaustion consuming him. He holds a cardboard box with “Calum” written across the side. He holds the box with a white knuckle grip, hands slightly trembling. He’s a wreck. A hurt mess.
“Hey.” I say gently. I open up the door more and step into the doorway, not wanting him to think he can enter into my space. “Thanks for bringing this stuff over. I appreciate it.” I tell him, and he gives me an even more sad look. I reach for the box but he doesn’t move, not yet. He keeps a firm grip on it.
“I’m not ready to let you go.” He tells me, a tear escaping his eyes.
“I know, but one day you will be. You can be happy again with someone else.”
“I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want this to end.”
“It already has.” I remind him. “I would like my things please Travis. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”
“Calum I can’t give you your things because that means it’s really over. I’ll never see you again.”
“Travis it is really over. You need to give me my things.” I say, moving my head and giving Mason a look. He stands and both him and Harry are at my sides in seconds. “Travis please.” I utter. He still doesn’t move.
“Mate, he said it’s over. Give him the box.” Harry tells him gently. Kindly stepping in front of me, taking the lead, supporting me even more than yesterday.
“Harry this isn’t about you. Leave us alone.” Travis tells him with a stern expression painting his face.
“No. I think you need to give Cal his things and go.” He tells him. Mason chimes in.
“Travis, dude give him the box. You’re only making this worse on you.” He tells him and I feel supported and loved in this moment with them beside of me, defending my words.
“You brought them into this?” Travis asks, slightly angry now.
“Of course I did. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because it was our relationship. Not theirs.”
“And that’s my stuff. I’d like it back.” I say, turning the conversation back to where it needs to be. Travis just shakes his head. That’s when Harry steps in front of me and grabs the box and tears it out of Travis’s grip.
“What the hell dude!” Travis yells.
Harry hands me the box and I turn around to put it down. When I turn back around, Harry is in Travis’s face, Travis seething mad.
“Leave. Now.” Harry says to him in a quiet voice. “Or I’ll escort you out.”
Travis is hurt and disappointed that I’ve let Harry step up for me. It’s written across his face in the way he looks at me. How he fumbles for words to say before he takes a final look at Harry before turning and walking away.
My heart breaks for him. It aches for me. But this was necessary. It needed to be done for me. He no longer supported who I am. So that’s the end of it. He’s really gone, forever now. This box of things was the last little string attaching us together, and now it’s here. It’s mine. I pick the box up off of the floor and carry it into my room. I open it up and look through the items.
A few hoodies, some pictures, and small clay figurines I made him a while back. They all flood memories back to me, and I begin to feel overwhelmed. What really tops everything off is when I pull out a picture frame. It was the only picture of us that I liked before my transition. It’s the only one I was able to stand to see. Why would he give this to me? Is it because of it being pre-transition? Or is it to make me hurt?
I was wearing a baggy black hoodie, some jeans, and I had my hair tucked into a baseball hat. Travis had his hand around my shoulders. He is wearing a t shirt and jeans.
I drop the picture from back into the box and sit down, but no tears come. Just a deep ache. Grief.
A small knock on my door frame brings me back from my thoughts. I didn’t even realize I left my door open, or that I abandoned the two people who just helped me get the box from him.
“You doing alright?” Mason asks, Harry right behind him. I point to the box holding the items. Mason walks over to it and scans its contents. He plucks the picture of Travis and I out, looking at it.
“He put this in the box?”
“Yeah. And I don’t know why.” I say, a deep exhale following. Mason and Harry look at the picture.
“I’m not that person anymore, but it was the only one where I could still look at it and not get insane dysphoria. He had it framed on his gaming desk. I don’t know why he gave it back. I don’t want it. I don’t want to look at him. It’s just ruined the picture for me. I can’t look at us like that.”
“Does it make you feel dysphoric now or is it just Travis?”
“It’s just Travis. It just needs him out. That’s still a good picture of me. It was one of the first times I looked at myself and saw me.” I tell them, remembering how cool it was that people kept mistaking me for a boy. It made me happy when they’d call me boy, or sir. And at the time I didn’t even know why. But now I do. And I hold that picture so close because that was me before I knew it was. That was little Calum. Not the little girl I used to be, but it was who I am now, just getting a taste of the euphoria that was on its way.
I don’t hate that little girl, because she didn’t know. She was me at one time but not anymore. We are the same but we are so different. We like the same things and talk the same way, but I’m happier now. She didn’t understand why she hated her body. She didn’t understand why she hated looking in the mirror. She thought it was just body image issues that every teenage girl knows, but it was different. It was dysphoria. And learning that I wasn’t weird and that there was words to describe how I felt, it freed me from pretending to be something I wasn’t. I’m so glad I’m trans.
Mason grabs some scissors and gets to work without me even having to ask. Harry gives me a smile as he does so.
When Mason holds up the final product, Harry takes a look at it. As if he read my mind, peering into my thoughts, he says
“It’s mini Calum.” He smiles. I meet his eyes and smile with him. They have once again saved the moment and made me smile. “That was you before you knew it was.”
“Yeah it was. Little did he know.” I tell him. We spend time talking about the times when the picture was taken. Mason recalling the little things that didn’t make sense then but do now that I’m out. Harry recalls what he remembers after moving here. A collection of sad moments the past few days have been turned into good ones. My amazing brother and his best friend have made this easier. I don’t know where I’d be without them.
I know I’ll get over this eventually. Get over him. I have to. I deserve better. And I’m sure one day I’ll find it. I just have to survive this.
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Masterlist Series Part 2
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