(cradling her face and tenderly rubbing my thumbs over the bags under her eyes) please never wear concealer ok. ok doctor mckay. are you listening to me
These are just my thoughts! I personally have OCD (and also work in healthcare) and see a lot of traits in Baran. Writing about how she might deal with them, as well as how it affects her relationships, was honestly therapeutic.
CW: mental health, ocd
General thoughts:
Developing a seizure condition early in life meant that structure was vital in baran’s childhood.
After immigrating to the US, baran was in and out of many different programs and trials to control her seizures.
These programs often involved including certain routines of eating and sleep, excluding food groups, and other strictly controlled routines
She began to show signs of obsession and compulsion as a young teen. The cause of OCD is unknown, but for Baran, it may have been influenced by the combination of the constant, chronic stress of her seizures and the environmental pressure of these different programs/treatment that have altered her judgment, planning, and self image
I think she leans more obsessive than compulsive. A lot of messed up thought processes about what she “should” and “shouldn’t” do that manifest outwardly in anxiety and depression. However, as she gets older, she develops some compulsions that allow her to think more clearly in stressful situations rather than internalizing her thoughts
As an attending physician, she is highly analytical and things don’t usually slip past her, but it doesn’t mean she have some stressful days. She started cognitive behavioral therapy shortly after starting at the Pitt.
Barsantos au:
Trinity has had her fair share of experience with mental health problems, and growing up in competitive sports she knew plenty of girls who struggled with obsessing over their performance, how they prepared for events, and their food. On their third date, something doesn’t go to plan, the schedule is a bit off and they have to leave for dinner sooner than normal without showering. Baran always showers after shift. Always. However, Trinity doesn’t know this yet. On the drive over, Trinity notices Baran, while outwardly calm, unclipping and clipping her watch, over and over again.
“You okay?” Trinity eventually ventures to ask, looking sideways at Baran at the wheel, “We are going to make this reservation”.
“I know.”
Baran unclips and clips her watch again.
Trinity recognizes the self-soothing behavior. Her best friend as a teenager would rub her nose, over and over, if she didn’t get to do something in her pre-competition routine. When this would happen, Trinity learned to ask,
“What do you feel like you needed to do?”
Baran stills.
“What do you mean?”
“We left so fast. Is there something we missed? I want to make sure we get a chance to finish anything at home you needed to do before I jump your bones”.
Baran laughs. Then goes quiet.
“I might like to shower, maybe.”
Trinity notes this. While she knows compulsions aren’t always necessary and rational, she recognizes that this is a deeper issue than just needing a shower. Maybe something happened at work today? Slowly, Trinity wants to put together the pieces of how her girlfriend’s mind works so she can help soothe her.
Mcshimi au:
While compulsive behavior and substance abuse are very different, there is enough overlap that Cassie is able to empathize with Baran’s struggle. She understands that Baran’s behavior comes from anxiety, rather than a drive for dopamine, and tries her best to reassure Baran. However, she makes sure not to participate with her compulsions. Cassie has the most patience out of anyone in the world, and knows if she continues to reassure and direct Baran, healing can begin.
It’s subtle, but in the ER, Cassie can tell if Baran is dealing with a specifically traumatic case or a peds case. It’s very rare, as rare as her seizures, but will come in quicker succession, like 2 or 3 times in a row every six months.
She will be charting, then get up and walk around the nurses station, tap on it like she’s lost in thought, and then go back to her computer. Each time she does this, Cassie can see Baran’s jaw getting tighter and tighter and can almost hear the thoughts in her head. Baran had a case where a mom didn’t make it through labor yesterday. Today, a kid came in with a nasty laceration on their leg requiring amputation.
On Baran’s third time around the station, Cassie grabs a chart from a patient she is about to discharge and blocks baran from moving foward.
“Dr Al Hashimi! Can I get your opinion on a case?”
Baran stills, and then attempts to go around Cassie.
“Yes dear, give me one second…”
“Any chance it could be right now? I’m about to go on break, and I want to make sure it’s okay to discharge this patient.”
Baran stares. Cassie can tell she’s trying to figure out how to get around her and finish her loop without looking obvious.
“Dr McKay, let me just—“
Gently, Cassie turns Baran’s shoulders towards central, but lets Baran take the first steps forward. It is obvious she is struggling with the fear of not finishing her lap, but slowly she walks towards the hallway and seems to relax a bit, smiling slightly at Cassie. Cassie makes sure to distract Baran till the compulsion has passed. She’s so proud of her girlfriend’s progress.
