#meatballverse

[fanartandfanfiction]

Hogwarts Legacy modern AU

MC: -slams door open- We have a problem!

Ominis: -sitting on his bed in pajamas- Oh hello MC, do come in.

MC: Meatball doesn’t have a middle name!

Ominis: What?

MC: He doesn’t have a middle name, or a last one! He needs a full name!

Ominis: For god’s sake, it’s one o’clock in the morning, how did you even get in here?

MC: Sebastian and I just got back, he’s taking a shower.

Ominis: -sighs- What ridiculous adventure did you two go on this time?

MC: The less you know, the better, but focus! He needs a middle name!

Ominis: How much coffee have you had?

MC: Three cups, what about Bartholomew?

Ominis: Why can’t he just have one name? Lots of people have just one name. Cher, Prince, Madonna…

Meatball: Flower is here!

MC: There’s my sleepy boy! Come here. -climbs onto the bed beside Ominis-

MC: Ok Meatball, here’s your buttons. I’m going to read off a list of names, you tell me if you like them.

Ominis: Could we please do this in the morning?

MC: It’s 1:15, it is morning! You can go to sleep, I don’t need you to translate since Meatball has buttons.

Ominis: Like I’ll be able to sleep.

-10 minutes later-

MC: Marinara?

Meatball: -robotic voice- yes

MC: WE GOT ONE! Ominis, did you hear that?

Ominis: -startles awake- wonderful, can you go back to your own common room and your own bed now?

MC: Did Sebastian not tell you? I’m here for the night.

Ominis: WHAT?

MC: They know I sneak out and they’ve assigned extra prefects outside the Hufflepuff dorms so I’m sleeping here with Sebastian.

Ominis: You are NOT sleeping with Sebastian!

MC: Would you calm down? We’re just sleeping.

Sebastian: -enters and yawns- What’s he in a tizzy for?

MC: You forgot to tell him I was staying here.

Sebastian: Oh, right. Sorry about that. MC, do you want the front or back?

MC: Front is fine.

Ominis: You’re NOT sleeping with Sebastian!

MC: I had no idea you were this uptight about sleeping.

Sebastian: He’s probably crabby because you’re keeping him up. He needs his beauty sleep.

Ominis: I’ll sleep on the floor, you can sleep in my bed.

MC: Don’t be ridiculous!

Sebastian: Mate, it’s FINE. Anne used to stay over.

Ominis: Yes, but Anne is your sister!

MC: If he’s just going to freak out, I’ll risk going back to my room.

Ominis: -sighs- no, it’s fine. I’m overreacting.

MC: Anyway, Meatball is now Meatball Marinara. Are we giving him your last name?

Ominis: You know what? Sure. Meatball Marinara Gaunt. Though perhaps he should have your last name, it’s better than being a Gaunt.

Meatball: She’ll have your last name one day anyway, isn’t that what humans do?

Ominis: MEATBALL

Meatball: I want to sleep with MC, but not the asshole.

Ominis: Seriously? Just sleep in your terrarium!

Meatball: You’re having a slumber party, I feel left out.

Ominis: -exasperated- Meatball wants to sleep with MC but not Sebastian because, and I quote, “we’re having a slumber party and he feels left out.”

MC: Aw! I don’t want my little boy to feel left out!

Sebastian: He doesn’t like me.

Meatball: -hits button- Mad!

Sebastian: Knock it off! Melody, get in Ominis’ bed with the snake. Ominis, if you’re going to freak out, sleep with me in mine. Now can we all go to bed?

Ominis: -sighs- alright. MC, are you comfortable sharing a bed with me? I don’t mind moving.

MC: I’m fine! It’s cold anyway, I’ll share your body heat.

-Everyone gets into bed-

MC: Sorry Ominis, I’ll have to be pressed up against you a bit so there’s room for Meatball.

Ominis: -quietly- oh my god

Meatball: You’re welcome.

[prairiedawn]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 3/5 Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Radar O'Reilly/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Radar O'Reilly, Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Spock (Star Trek), James T. Kirk, Original Characters Additional Tags: Starfleet Academy, Academia, Mentorship, Telepathy, nature and practice of science, Ableism, Bug Eating Again, Look the bird and the utahraptor like bugs Series: Part 3 of The Not-So-Lost Years Summary:

First year cadet Nen Tolou's unwillingness to confront his neurological condition can no longer be humored. His squad mates must lead him through a scientific analysis of the problem before he can even begin to solve it. At last! An update!

[fanartandfanfiction]

Hogwarts Legacy modern AU

-Sebastian enters his room-

Sebastian: OH COME ON

-sees Ominis, MC, and Garreth, and Garreth is holding Meatball-

Garreth: I’m so jealous you have this cool snake!

MC: Did you know he can talk?

Garreth: WHAT?!

MC: Meatball, go to your buttons. Say hello!

Meatball: -hits buttons- Hello! Friend.

Garreth: THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL

Meatball: Happy!

MC: Hey Meatball, what do you think of Sebastian?

Meatball: No. like. Sebastian.

Garreth: HAAAA

Sebastian: it’s not funny.

Garreth: I disagree. You did a good job training him, Mel! -slings an arm around her-

Meatball: MAD! MAD! MAD!

MC: Meatball, it’s alright!

Meatball: Mad!

Garreth: Is he mad that I touched you?

Meatball: Yes. Mad! Ominis.

Garreth: You’re mad at Ominis?

Meatball: No

Meatball: Explain it to them.

Ominis: -sighs- Meatball doesn’t think anyone else should touch MC except for me.

Garreth: Buddy, other people can touch MC.

Meatball: No. Ominis.

Garreth: What happens if I kiss you?

Meatball: MAD!

Garreth: Come here, Mel. -kisses her cheek-

Meatball: -hisses and lunges at Garreth-

MC: Meatball! No! Bad boy!

Meatball: Ominis. Kiss.

Garreth: Oh you want me to kiss Ominis?

Meatball: -hisses-

MC: Stop antagonizing him!

Meatball: No. like. Mad.

Garreth: So if I snuggled MC like this…-wraps arms around her-

Ominis: -literally catches Meatball as he lunges out- GARRETH! He’s going to bite you!

Garreth: Fine, I’ll stop, I won’t touch MC. Are we friends again?

Meatball: Friend.

Sebastian: He likes everyone more than me.

Meatball: Yes.

[fanartandfanfiction]

Hogwarts Legacy modern AU

-in Ominis’ dorm-

Ominis: -angrily crosses arms-

Ominis: Were you a good boy today?

-Meatball refuses to look at him-

Ominis: Answer me. Were you a good boy today?

Meatball: -quietly- no.

-MC enters- Hey, I got your text. What happened?

Ominis: Go ahead, Meatball. Tell her what happened.

Meatball: Meatball don’t wanna.

Ominis: Speak up and tell Melody what you did.

Meatball: Meatball sang song to Phineas.

MC: Ok?? Why is that bad?

Ominis: Because he was singing “my heart will go on” and following the headmaster into the bathroom.

MC: MEATBALL MARINARA GAUNT! You KNOW you’re not supposed to follow him into the bathroom!

Meatball: But Meatball-

MC: No buts! You are GROUNDED mister!

Meatball: What grounded?

MC: It means you don’t get to go see uncle Garreth today.

Meatball: No! Meatball love uncle Garreth!

Ominis: Perhaps that’s a bit harsh.

MC: he needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions!

Ominis: Yes, but this will only make him try to sneak out.

MC: Well then what do you suggest?

Ominis: I don’t know! The parenting book didn’t have suggestions about disciplining your child for stalking and serenading the headmaster while he’s on the toilet!

MC: You read a parenting book?

Ominis: Well, yes. Taking care of Meatball is a lot like caring for a child.

MC: Then what does that make me? His mom? Step mom?

Ominis: You’re sort of a mother figure to him.

Meatball: Mom!

Sebastian: -quietly sitting and eating popcorn- This is a weird show.

[fanartandfanfiction]

Hogwarts legacy modern AU

Meatball: -slams button- Mad!

Sebastian: Oh my god, I didn’t even do anything!

Meatball: Mad!

Sebastian: STOP IT

Meatball: MAD MAD MAD

-Ominis returns to the dorm-

Sebastian: Will you please tell me what the hell Meatball is pissed about now?!

Meatball: He had a snack and said I couldn’t have any.

Ominis: You didn’t share your snack with him.

Sebastian: What snack?!

Meatball: The mouse! He picked it up and said “No, Meatball! Not for you!”

Ominis: He said you picked up a mouse?

Sebastian: He belongs to a lad down the hall! He’d escaped and gotten in here. Meatball was going to eat him and then we’d have to explain why Meatball had a mouse-sized lump in him.

Meatball: I saw him first!

Ominis: Meatball, you cannot eat other people’s pets!

Meatball: If it squeaks, I eats.

Ominis: You. Can’t. Eat. Pets.

Meatball: Well then it shouldn’t just wander around! I’m hungry!

Ominis: Then hit your hungry button if I’m not here, Sebastian can feed you.

Meatball: If I was bigger, I’d eat Sebastian.

Ominis: -snorts-

Sebastian: What?

Ominis: -clears throat- nothing, sorry.

[fanartandfanfiction]

Hogwarts Legacy modern AU

Ominis: We need to have a discussion about your behavior.

Meatball: Why? What Meatball do?

Ominis: You know what you did.

Meatball: Hide in desk drawer and wait for Phineas?

Ominis: Wait, what? No.

Meatball: Eat Prewett’s pet rat?

Ominis: Are you serious?!

Meatball: -innocently- Noooo.

Ominis: I’m referring to what you did to Sebastian.

Meatball: Hide in his backpack and scare him in class?

Ominis: No.

Meatball: Eat phone number girl left for Sebastian?

Ominis: Did you?

Meatball: -silence-

Ominis: I MEANT taking his favorite quill and hiding it, but now I’m more concerned about the other things.

[fanartandfanfiction]

Meatball on the run

@voxophile sent me this idea and it was HYSTERICAL so I wrote a little drabble about it. I made myself laugh writing this one. Enjoy!

“Do you have Meatball?” Ominis asked, coming into the dining area.

“Um, no, I thought YOU had him.” Melody replied.

“I thought YOU had him!”

“Uh oh, mom and dad have lost their child!” Sebastian teased.

“Shut it!” Melody jumped up.

“If someone finds him and they don’t know he’s harmless, they might kill him! We have to find him!”

They all turned their heads as they heard screaming coming from the staff table. 

Professor Garlick was screaming as Meatball slithered into her lap. Professor Ronen attempted to grab him with tongs and Meatball slithered down his legs. Ronen began jumping around on one foot, trying to shake him off. Meatball went flying and began slithering away and Professor Howin dove towards him. 

Professor Sharp had just entered and saw the chaos and began running. He saw Meatball and his eyes widened. “NO! NO, IT’S OK! HE’S A PET!” 

Ominis and Melody ran towards Meatball just as Professor Black was entering. Ominis heard Meatball gasp.

“HE’S THE BIGGEST SNAKE I’VE EVER SEEN!” He made a beeline for Professor Black who, upon seeing him, let out a blood curdling shriek and jumped into the arms of the closest person, which happened to be Madame Kogawa. 

“MEATBALL NO!” Melody dove towards him but Meatball was zooming towards Black and Kogawa. Kogawa threw him off of her and bolted. 

“FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND!” Meatball was enamored with the headmaster. 

Black was still screaming as Meatball reached him, and slithered up around his neck. 

“PHINEAS IT’S ALRIGHT, HE’S A PET!” Sharp screamed as Black rolled across the floor shrieking and trying to pry Meatball away from his neck. 

Meatball, upon seeing the group of people rushing towards him, attempted to hide. Unfortunately the place he chose was inside the headmaster’s jacket. 

Phineas’ screams went up an octave and Sharp ripped his jacket off. Meatball was terrified and disappeared once more.

“WHAT IS GOING ON?!” Professor Weasley screamed. 

It looked like a renaissance painting. Black was on the floor in the fetal position, with Sharp kneeling beside him holding the torn jacket. The staff table had been flipped in the chaos, Garlick and Ronen had ended up covered in food. Madame Kogawa was standing on a chair, Melody and Ominis had slipped in the spilled food and were on the floor, and Sebastian was trying to help them up. 

“SNAKE! THERE WAS A SNAKE!” Black screamed. 

“It’s alright, he’s harmless! He’s a pet!” Melody explained. 

His eyes snapped over to her. “YOU! Of course you’re involved in this! You’ve done nothing but cause trouble since you’ve gotten here! You are-“

“HE’S MINE!” Ominis shouted. “And as a direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin, I’m entitled to have a snake as my pet! YOU upset him! I should call my father, and-“

“No, no, Mr. Gaunt! My apologies! He startled me!” Black was backpedaling. 

“Now you’ve frightened him and my beloved pet is missing!” 

“My sincerest apologies Mr. Gaunt!”

Melody snorted beside him and Black glared at her. 

“I’ll have you know Meatball wanted to meet you, he could tell you were a well-to-do Slytherin, and then you with your screaming and wailing scared him away! If my pet is not returned to me, I will-“

“We’ll find him right away, Mr. Gaunt! STAFF! FIND THE SNAKE! Find…Meatball?”

“Marinara. Meatball Marinara Gaunt.” Melody added.

“Right. We’ll find Meatball and return him to you at once.” He left the dining hall and Sharp stomped over and yanked Melody and Ominis off the ground with ease.

“Are you INSANE? Why would you let him do that?!”

“He escaped!” Melody protested. “We didn’t know where he was!” 

“I did hear him say that he liked Black. He said he was the biggest snake he’d ever seen.” Ominis smiled. 

“HA!” Melody laughed.

“ENOUGH!” Sharp shouted. “You’re lucky that Mr. Gaunt has an esteemed family or you’d both be expelled!” 

“Ha, you sounded like a spoiled brat.” Melody laughed.

“How about a you’re welcome for saving your ass?!” 

“Go. Find. The snake. NOW!” Sharp barked. 

“I’ll go see if he went home.” Ominis said. 

“I’ll check this floor.” Melody replied. 

“I’ll check my underwear because I laughed so hard I may have pissed myself.” Sebastian snorted. 

“I’ll check the dungeons. Now go.” Sharp demanded. 

“Phineas, it’s alright, they said he’s harmless!” Matilda was attempting to calm Professor Black down in his office. “Everyone is looking for him, we’ll find him in no time. How about I fix you a relaxing cup of tea?”

“Thank you, Matilda.” Phineas sighed and sat down at his desk. He had an extreme fear of snakes. His heart was still racing. He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

Then a small tongue flicked across his hand.

Matilda dropped the teacup she was holding as Phineas let out a glass shattering scream. She sighed and cleaned it up. It was just another day at work. 

[fanartandfanfiction]

Hogwarts Legacy modern AU

Sharp: -sighs- do you know why I’ve called you here, today?

Ominis: I don’t, sir.

MC: I have a pretty good idea actually.

Sharp: We need to talk about Meatball’s attitude.

Ominis: Believe me sir, I’ve been trying.

MC: Me too. But the opposite of the way Ominis is.

Sharp: Meatball is welcome in my classroom as long as he is quiet and well behaved.

Ominis: I haven’t been bringing him to class, sir!

Sharp: I know, I wasn’t speaking to you. -glares at MC-

Ominis: I thought we agreed that it would be best for him not to attend classes with us.

MC: So what, he’s left alone all day? You know he’ll just get into trouble. And if I take him with me, I know where he’s at.

Ominis: But see, now you’re giving into him. That’s exactly what he wanted.

MC: Oh, so now this is my fault?

Ominis: Yes!

MC: I’m sorry, I just didn’t think our SON should be unattended all day! It’s not good for his development! He needs to socialize with the other kids!

Sharp: I’m sorry, are we still talking about the snake?

Both: Yes.

MC: We have very different parenting styles.

Ominis: Yes, one of us believes in rules and one of us just lets him do whatever he wants!

MC: It’s called peaceful parenting and it is a VALID way to raise a child!

Ominis: He needs structure!

MC: He needs freedom!

Sharp: ENOUGH! Please take this bizarre little play elsewhere. I don’t care how you raise him, but he cannot call Mr. Prewett a “punk ass little bitch!”