⋆˙⟡ 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | 남준 ⧽ᴏɴᴇ
┈┈ ⟡ ݁₊ . 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 남준 ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ x ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ!ғᴇᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ
┈┈ ⟡ ݁₊ . 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 - ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴘᴜʙʟɪᴄ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋᴜᴘ, ᴀ ʟᴀᴛᴇ-ɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴡᴀs ʟᴏɴɢ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇs ᴛʜᴇ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ.
┈┈ ⟡ ݁₊ . 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞/𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 - ᴏɴᴇ sʜᴏᴛ! | ᴀɴɢsᴛ, ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ, ʙʀᴇᴀᴋᴜᴘ, ᴇxᴇs ᴛᴏ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ, ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴠᴜʟɴᴇʀᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ, sʟᴏᴡ ʙᴜʀɴ, ɪᴅᴏʟ ᴀᴜ(?).
┈┈ ⟡ ݁₊ . 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 - ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴀsɴ’ᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴛᴇʀ ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴏᴜᴛ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ ɪ sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀɴʏ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ sᴇʀɪᴇs ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɪɴ ᴍɪɴᴅ. ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴏᴄ-ɪsʜ ɪɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴏғ ‘x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ’, ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴏɴᴇ, ɪᴛ ɪs ʙᴀsᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇɢᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʟʟɪᴏɴ sɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ(sᴄʀᴇᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀɴ!), ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴡᴏ, ɪ ᴅᴏ ᴘʟᴀɴ ᴛᴏ ᴇxᴘᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴛʜɪs ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ɪɴ ᴀ ɢɪʀʟ ɢʀᴏᴜᴘ ᴏғ ғɪᴄ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɪɴ ᴍɪɴᴅ. ɪ ᴍɪss ᴍᴇɢᴊᴏᴏɴ! sᴏ sᴏʀʀʏ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ sᴘᴇʟʟɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ᴇʀʀᴏʀs, ɪɢɴᴏʀᴇ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ. ɪᴛ’s 𝟺 ᴀᴍ ɴᴏ sʟᴇᴇᴘ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ…ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀɴ ᴇxᴀᴍ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ…
┈┈ ⟡ ݁₊ . 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 𝟸,𝟸𝟿𝟶 ᴡᴏʀᴅs 𝟷𝟸,𝟿𝟺𝟻 ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs
┈┈ ⟡ ݁₊ . 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 - 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟼.𝟶𝟻.𝟶𝟷 | 𝟺:𝟺𝟺 ᴀᴍ
┈┈ ⟡ ݁₊ . 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭! | 남준
The screen was the only light left in the room.
It painted everything in a sickly, artificial glow that changed colors to whatever video you watched next. Covering your face, your hands, and the tangled mess of blankets you hadn’t bothered to fold in days. In your dark bedroom, time had started to lose itself, collapsing into a loop of scrolling, swiping, and scrolling and swiping.
You didn’t even realize how long you’d been doing it.
Just that your thumb had developed a rhythm of up, up, up—like if you moved fast enough, you could outrun whatever it was that kept tightening in your chest.
“Did ____ and Tyriq break up?”
Swipe.
“Who is this girl Tyriq was just seen with?”
Swipe.
“I thought he was with—”
Swipe.
That’s all you’ve been doing for the past three days. For three days, you had not really existed outside this very room. Just swiping away on your phone, ignoring anything that had to do with your reality as you shrouded in yourself in the dark confines of your room.
You ate when you remembered to, slept when your body forced you. Ignored the calls from people who were concerned and would’ve known exactly what to say if you had the energy to answer their call. Even your phone had started to feel like something foreign in your dull existence, like it belonged to someone else and you were just holding it for them, swiping away.
Still, you kept scrolling.
Because stopping meant thinking, and thinking meant remembering.
And the last thing you wanted was the shape of him in your mind again.
But it was as if the internet was playing against you today, doing anything in its power to get you to acknowledge the situation that’s been aching your heart, and quite frankly giving you a headache from so much crying. Every swipe after the other, it was news about you or something adjacent of the matter.
Now his face appeared in every other post, beside someone new. Framed in pap-walks that you knew weren’t accidental, given that you’ve had your fare share of staged photo shoots. But it didn’t matter whether the photos were real or staged anymore. The story the two of you once had was over now.
The names began to blur together after a while. Yours, his, hers. You didn’t even flinch anymore when you saw your own name.
“Ya know, I’m not one to usually comment on situations like this, but I do find this whole ____ thing pretty fucked up.” You swore you weren’t going to indulge in anything that dealt with this situation, anything that had to do with you, but for some reason, this was the one video you couldn’t swipe away from.
The video was on TikTok, of a brunette with blue eyes that shown through her square glasses and long nails that matched the light color of her eyes. She wore a hoodie that you could barely see since the video was mainly of her face, but when she sifted slightly, you recognized it as merch from your groups tour almost three years ago. A small detail that brought a sliver of a smile to your face.
“She has always been pretty private when it comes to her relationships.” The girl said, voice steady, almost annoyed. “So for her first public relationship to end with him cheating or doing whatever the fuck we’re seeing right now, I think it’s genuinely fucked up.”
Your throat tightened slightly at the word cheating, even though you had not said it out loud yourself. It felt too real to do so. It was all too much, everything was still so fresh.
“I mean,” The girl continued. “We wouldn’t even know who this guy was if it wasn’t for h His football career hasn’t been doing much, his acting isn’t really landing either. And now, literally out of nowhere on a random ass Tuesday, suddenly he’s everywhere with someone else right before his new show drops? Oh, how convenient.” She said sharply.
It was at one point that you were so invested, you ended up sitting up in your bed, back against your headboard as you thought about the things she was saying. Things you’d never think to say on your own.
Something in your chest pulled tight as everything clicked, clarity washing over you as the video continued.
“And I know those photos are staged. You wanna known how I know they’re staged photos?” The woman spoke, her hands moving animatedly, her long nails making a satisfying clicking sound as they clashed together. “Tyriq has never had a paparazzi appearance before he got with ____. Ever! You probably cant even find a photo of Tyriq with ____ not there. And now he gets one without her for the first time and it’s with some influencer? Ugh, I can’t even! I missed when ____ had dating allegations with that guy from BTS. I don’t know, at least someone on her level.”
The video ended after that, going on to start from the beginning again, but your head was clogged to the repetition as you became encoded with rage.
She was right. @thegurlsarefighting was right! Everything she said were things you didn’t even begin to think of before. Why would you, you genuinely liked Tyriq, and him being of lesser status did nothing to negate that. Only people obsessed with fame thought of things like that, you liked who you liked.
You had lived inside the situation, inside the feeling of what you thought was love. Not on the outside of it where these patterns became visible and ugly in hindsight.
It just turned out to be with the wrong guy.
Your grip on the phone loosened slightly. The video kept playing, looping itself now, but you weren’t really listening anymore. Your eyes had gone unfocused, staring past the screen instead of into it.
Suddenly you were remembering things you hadn’t allowed yourself to arrange in your mind properly. The game visits, red carpet, concert photos, award shows.
The certain moments that had felt curated even when you had told yourself they weren’t when they were posted to social media for the world to spectate on.
And the way, somehow, you had still believed in it.
Maybe because you were naive. Or maybe because you wanted it to be real enough not to question. And after two weeks, you still didn’t know.
Your thumb finally moved, but instead of swiping away, it tapped the comments out of instinct.
You expected to be flooded with voices that hit you, voices that did not belong to you but were speaking as if they did. As a performing artist, you were used to such occasion. People dissecting a life you had been living just days ago. Laughing, arguing, defending, speculating. Turning something so personal to you into some consumable moment.
At first it made your chest burn, causing you to gulp. But you were slightly surprised you weren’t the problem they were talking about. He was, but that realization didn’t arrive gently.
7,442 comments
@ randomuser - no because let’s talk out it! who the fuck even is he? ㅤ| 24.8k ♡
⤷ @thegurlsarefighting - I literally didn’t even know he played football until I got a boyfriend he said he was trash | 20.2k ♡
⤷ @ randomuser404 - I watch football with my dad, we both think he sucks. | 12.3k ♡
@____biggestfan - And whether anyone wants to admit it or not, he used her for clout. Mind you, we only know about them because their relationship was leaked when his homeboy “accidentally” posted them on his story for his birthday….why is your friend posting couple pictures of you on YOUR birthday? | 18.4k ♡
⤷ @yourgirlgroupisthebest - and I’ve always found that weird because it was obviously a secret for a reason before that. | 18.3k ♡
⤷ @____biggestfan - no same! they were supposedly dating for almost a year before that was posted. obviously she wanted to keep things hush!
@beenthatbih - good, now I can finally say that he was ugly. | 16k ♡
⤷ @random808 - omfg 😭😭 | 200 ♡
@ tashiduncan - and honestly, that girls weird too, idc | 400 ♡
⤷ @thegurlsarefighting - hold on now, we don’t know the full story and I can’t support hate against a woman. so far, she’s done nothing wrong. | 213 ♡
⤷ @ tashiduncan - but I can! | 44 ♡
⤷ @thegurlsarefighting - Oh! | 104 ♡
@ btsfangirl - omg, the ____ and Namjoon days 🚬…. haven’t heard of that era in ages…27.2k ♡
⤷ @thegurlsarefighting - I’ve always wanted to know their lore but I’m not a bts fan 💀| 12k ♡
⤷ @ btsfangirl oh it’s so interesting and messy and I love it! | 11.1k ♡
@_____number1defender - Tyriq will begin to cough in three days! | 21k ♡
⤷ @thegurlsarefighting - and he will never get that Super Bowl ring, yup!!! | 17k ♡
@ladyofthenight - Namjoon could do the funniest thing rn 😭 | 23k ♡
@shipname - oh this is my time to shine! let me go dm namjoon | 19.8k ♡
⤷ @groupnamexbts - knowing him, he’ll reply 😭
@ fantasyreader - ugh, I feel so bad for my girl because I know she’s a freaky lover type but I also know that the music is about to EAT! 13k ♡
⤷ @____biggestfan - same 😔
@ letsgogaming - hate this for her, LOVE this for me! 😜
⤷ @ handsomerandom - oh bay you’re so weird…
It came all at once, snapping into place within your mind.
Your phone slipped slightly in your hand as you sat there, staring at nothing now. The video had restarted again automatically, but you didn’t hear it. The room felt too quiet even with it playing.
For the first time in days, your thoughts weren’t looping the events of your three year relationship. Of all the cute moments mixed with the arguments. Of the worries and insecurities you had within your relationship. The breakup that happened two weeks ago. The picture that went viral of the man you loved moving on.
Your mind was clear of those thoughts, and it was now full of rage.
The anger that festered within you didn’t feel like some chaotic storm when it came. It was unlike anything you ever felt, taking over you to the point where you felt like you weren’t thinking straight.
You inhaled slowly, then exhaled sharply through your nose. Sitting up more on your bed, your mind was frantic as your thumbs swiped out of the app, ceasing any sound as you moved to another app.
You opened instagram, not paying attention to whatever was on your home feed before opening the camera app and taking a picture of the dark room. It looked almost unfamiliar through the lens, dark and still with the city lights peaking through the corners of the curtains. You then began to type, nails clicking against the screen in rapid fashion as you poured your feeing into one simple message.
Your group mates would be so proud. You weren’t typically the one to speak your mind. You always bottled your feelings and let the music to do all of the speaking. But not everyone listens and sometimes you needed to be direct and put your foot down.
And maybe stir some shit up.
You posted it, blinking at your screen for a few seconds before you set the phone face down.
The silence returned immediately, oddly tense as you just sat that. But there was a weight that’d been lifted from you, and the sound didn’t feel like such a void of emptiness this time.
┈┈ ⟡ ݁₊ .
Hours passed in fragments after that.
The television flickered in the background, ‘American Dad’ filling the room with the occasional sound of your soft chuckles. Time moved on, your notifications off as your phone blew up after your story was posted.
But then it vibrated.
You ignored it at first, thinking it was a notification that had gotten through the array of others you bet were coming through. Or maybe it was one of your members who were trying their best to talk to you again after many days of silence on your end. Or even just an alert from another app.
Then there was another, which made you furrow your bros.
Reluctantly, you reached for the phone, expecting nothing new. Thinking it was going to be just another notification that would make your out your phone back down and drown yourself in whatever’s playing on your screen.
But the name on the screen pulled everything in your chest tight in a way you hadn’t prepared for. You started at it, blinking once before your eyes widened. Your mouth then gaped slightly, going dry instantly as you sat up from your curled position.
주니.
There was one message under his name. And it was yours.
‘____’
All he sent was your name.
You stared at it for a long moment, genuinely surprised. After everything that’d been going on for, you would say, the past month, not once did you expect to be hearing from him again.
Namjoon.
The name made your stomach flutter from just thinking it. The image of him still sweet as ever in your mind, fresh with the last memory you had together. There wasn’t a detail you didn’t remember as you pictured him saying the words he typed to you. Your name falling off of his lips, and that dimples smile that always followed afterwards.
Even in the middle of everything falling apart, there were still things that knew exactly where to find you. And he would always be one of them.
You pressed the message, knowing the read receipts notified him of your presence within the chat.
Your heart thumped in your chest as your thumb hovered over the keyboard. Your tongue peaked out to lick at your dry lips, mouth still open in shock as contemplated your next move.
Taking in a short breath, you moved your fingers before hitting send.
“Joonie. Hi”
