So I'm watching MTV classic and they're running music videos, and they just played NIN's Closer, and I got all excited. It's all your fault I'm like this.
I will never apologize for doing the right thing. ;)
@thestoryinsideme replied to your post “@angiechemist replied to your post “@fluorescentbrains replied to...”
sex dreams are a very real thing - only they are not always with who you want or expect them to be with - which is both awesome and awful
@eshtiel replied to your post “@angiechemist replied to your post “@fluorescentbrains replied to...”
sex dreams = what thestoryinsideme said. real, confusing, frustrating, awful, awesome, etc.
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@@meiloslyther replied to your post “@angiechemist replied to your post “@fluorescentbrains replied to...”
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sex dreams are usually the literal worst cause it's always with someone you'd never hook up with or it's just really awful sex. also re: sexier shirtless- I find there's nothing sexier than a well-tailored suit... or leather. depends on my mood
y’all i am learning so much thank
also @meilo i think well-tailored suits on people are v aesthetically pleasing. human beings are so fantastically interesting to look at. <3
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@fluorescentbrains replied to your post “@angiechemist replied to your post “@fluorescentbrains replied to...”
not ace, have never found people to be sexier with their shirts off (or any other clothing). there's a lot more to sexuality than visuals
this one’s under a cut because it got both long and personal. cw for sex stuff
yeah that’s....fine? there’s a lot more to sexuality than visuals, yes. i realize this is in response to a post i reblogged, and i tagged it something about how it matches with a lot of my experience but like... that’s not the whole thing? you keep responding to these posts as if i/we are claiming that asexuality is defined by these things and ONLY these things. these are just--our experiences, and we’re talking about them. it’s not a singular thing that determines ace-ness or non-ace-ness.
i choose to identify as ace because, when i consider the sum of my experiences and feelings towards other people about sex, i have never felt sexual attraction towards a person. the things is, how do you determine what something feels like if you’ve never felt it? that’s a big part of what makes this conversation interesting. the whole, that sounds fake but okay, thing.
that doesn’t mean i’ve never wanted to have sex before, or that i’ve never had sex before.
i wanted to have sex the first time because i thought, maybe the experience would make it make more sense--maybe by learning about something it would be less scary, just like the first time i punched someone in sparring or the first time i drove a car. and i was in a serious relationship with a person i trusted, who was really interested in sex, and said so--i loved them, and i wanted them to be happy. they were mostly good reasons. i also had no notion of what asexuality even was, i just assumed that i didn’t have enough experience with sex yet? and that i’d get around to it eventually? (i was 22. i had graduated from college. at the time, i thought there was probably something bad about not having sexual experience still at that age, and there were definitely other mental pressures going into this. when i say i wanted to have sex, i can’t say it was entirely for personal reasons or... i dunno. it’s just my personal experience.)
i kept having sex with this person for a few reasons--we were in a relationship. orgasms felt good (physically; sometimes. it’s more complicated than that that). sometimes i was even horny! (this is also complicated; explaining to your s/o that you’re when you have sex with someone and you communicate, it gets better, right? also, we were long-distance for a long time, so i didn’t have to think about it much.
and then we weren’t living quite so far away, and it got complicated.
anyway, figuring out that asexuality is a thing? that was amazing! i must’ve been 25 by this point--and i’d never heard of it before.
so i went through aven, and read everything i could, and mostly i got more confused.
i’ve had enough space and time to think about it, to try to take into consideration the other variables like romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction and how expectation and what other people told me i was feeling (because it was always so obvious! i am sure) and how much i just avoided thinking about sex, combined with the whole “NEVER HAVE SEX IT IS EEEEVIL” type brainwashing, and the false equivalence between self-respect/deserved external respect, and the sexual behavior of a woman.
i still can’t quite divorce this from the notion that sex scares me? irrationally. part of that is a (more rational) fear of pregnancy.
anyway so, despite the shallow joking tone of these posts, my own sexual identity is not purely based on visuals (or even on strangers/celebrities) but on thorough self-reflection and research and consideration and the interactions i have had with many people over the 30 years of my life.
which is not to say that, if it’s helpful or reassuring for someone to use a shallow or simplified diagnostic like thinking about celebrities to make them feel more confident in their assessment of their own sexuality, i would begrudge them that. i would hope that they see more conversations like these, where many people of different sexualities--and differing experiences despite identifying with the same sexuality even--and find things to identify with.
i had to think about this for a little bit, because i couldn’t figure out what it was about your replies that was sort of, getting to me? but (looking at the response i was compelled to write) it’s because i feel like your replies are questioning the validity of my sexual identity. regardless of your intention, this is just my feelings. which is why, apparently, i felt the need to somehow “prove” that my asexuality isn’t just a “visual” thing, but something deeper and more meaningful or whatever.
while i do appreciate your viewpoint on this, it also feels like you’re trying to prove something (also based on the posts on your blog that are obviously related) and like you said--you’re not ace. so these posts? they’re not about you. it’s cool that you identify with the stuff too, but your experiences with identifying as sexual don’t make mine or anyone else’s less valid for identifying as ace.
and as one last thing--in one of your replies or posts (some of the replies to my posts get eaten by my activity feed so i’m not sure anymore) you mention being frustrated with the phrase “i’d tap that,” and i think you also may’ve expressed distaste that anyone could be sexually attracted to a celebrity/stranger?
again, i can’t speak for others, but i know that personally, when i’m discussing sexuality as it relates to me, i find euphemisms a lot more palatable. i recognize the violent & gendered problems with the phrase in question, but like a lot of language it’s pretty far removed from those connotations in the context of this conversation. and the implication that sexual attraction to strangers is distasteful seems an awful lot like a moral-based purity standard to me. there’s a huge difference between sexual attraction, and non-consensual sexual action (including things like, talking about sex with people who do not want to do so).
17. a song for raging: like. do you mean a song i listen to when i’m upset or is raging another term for partying, because in both cases, it’s DMX’s hit song, X Gon’ Give It to Ya, the song about DMX giving it to ya.
