#mekel

[tftor]

[kyjoraven]

Thought we all needed something wholesome tonight💚🖤 Friends that laugh at their clone commanders together stay together. The lovely Mekel belongs to @/i_eat_rocks_for_fun on insta

Art tag list: @royalhandmaidens @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @rayafletcher @roseofalderaan @ohhellokenobi @wille-zarr @lilsokas @littlevodika @hounding-around @corellians-only @cherrykenobi @peacelandbread

[spectraspecs-writes]

Korriban - Chapter 94

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 93. Chapter 95.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

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This tomb looks significantly newer than Ajunta Pall’s, and there’s text that I can actually read so it must be recent enough. It’s not Galactic Basic, but it’s not some long-dead language, either. This is the tomb of Tulak Hord, a lightsaber specialist by the look of it. So definitely more recent than Ajunta Pall, who didn’t have a lightsaber. This is the tomb where I met Lashowe, though, that’s going to have consequences as far as the tuk’ata population is concerned. Without the matriarch, there may be infighting to establish a new matriarch, or a daughter may have stepped up that isn’t fit to rule the pack. In an ideal world the pack would just go on as normal but when is it ever an ideal world?

This tomb is a little brighter than Ajunta Pall’s, but still pretty dark. There’s more to it, too - Ajunta Pall’s was a straight shot with a trick along the way. This tomb is from a different era, and relies on twists and turns as well as tricks to keep looters at bay. But we are not the first to proceed this way, and a bit of a trail has been marked by dark splotches on the walls. No, they’re not blood - even if the Sith were that weird, you’d have to carry the blood through the tomb and that would drive the tuk’ata nuts. That’s a death wish kind of thing to do. But the splotches are high enough on the wall that the tuk’ata couldn’t reach, and too regular to be natural. I can handle if it’s a trap of some kind.

The tuk’ata are not composed at all, which is what I expected. When we run across a few, they don’t attack in a uniform fashion. It’s sloppy, uncoordinated, and they don’t attack as a unit. Damn you, Lashowe, you ruined the pack dynamics. Most of them I can just scare off, but we do have to kill a few along the route marked off for us.

The route dead ends near an ancient console, sort of like the ones in the ruins on Dantooine. They said the Star Map was in Naga Sadow’s tomb, so what is this doing here? I hit a button. It still works and it displays in Basic. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Jolee says.

“Yeah, me too,” I say, “but I think we can get ourselves out of any trouble.” I use the console to open the door.

“I dread the day you’re wrong about that.”

“Yeah, me too.”

We step through and are met with another closed door as the one behind us closes. Something… smells awful. Is the room spinning? Oh, shit, poison gas. Carth… is Carth okay?

Jesus, that knocked the wind out of me. I feel like there’s a Reek sitting on my chest. I try to look around. I’m not in the chamber anymore. Looks like the crypt. Carth - where’s Carth? He’s still out cold. Jolee’s conscious but pretending he’s not. Which he would only do if he got some benefit out of it. Something smells again. But not like poison, more like sweat. Someone here has not bathed in days, minimum, and it’s none of us.

“Awake already, are you?” Sounds like a kookier old man than Jolee, who I can actually hear huff in my head. Ah, he knows I love him. “Good!” I try to get a better look at this crusty old dude. He’s got the same grayish skin as Master Uthar, but way more crazed. “This is the tomb of Sith Lord Tulak Hord, if you don't know. I've taken up residence here, for now… it's dusty and full of critters, but it's home.”

I try and fail to sit up a bit. “Not that I don’t get the sentiment, because I would love to swap stories about dusty critter homes, but who are you and why the hell am I here?”

“Ah, yes!” he exclaims, “Introductions of course! I suppose it is time, isn't it?” Anyone like this who hasn’t had twelve cups of caff is certifiably cuckoo for Core Puffs. (Hell, even if you have had twelve cups of caff, I’d still be worried about you being a responsible adult alone.) “This other student here that I captured earlier you should know well enough. His name is Mekel. Say hello, Mekel.”

God, he looks awful! He tries to mumble something at me but can’t. From what I can tell he’s got loads of fresh electrical scarring, and I don’t think he got it playing with wires. “Poor lad,” the kook says with mock sympathy, “He's had a hard day. My name is Jorak Uln. I was once the head of the academy, so I'm sure you've heard of me.”

“Yeah, I heard you went nuts and ran for the hills.”

He blusters and can’t managed to get a single comprehensible word out, except for “stupid Uthar”, before moving on. “Anyway…” he says, trying not to release his anger on me yet, “I'd like to propose that we move onto the main event. You see, I'd like to discover if you've got the pluck of an old-fashioned Sith. Most of the drek Uthar has been passing through these days is so pathetic. Take young Mekel here… I already tested him. Didn't I, Mekel?” Mekel mumbles again, and Jorak Uln laughs. “Yes, yes, you're welcome. You see, Mekel here has the cruel disposition of a Sith,” - which doesn’t surprise me - “but not the gumption that I'm looking for.”

Well, he’s definitely lost it, and needs clinical help finding it. But that’s not going to get me out of here. “So what happens if I pass your test?”

“Why, then, you go free!” Bingo! “Tell you what… I'll even pass onto you my own personal thesis on ancient Sith philosophies. They're based on all I've learned studying Tulak's tomb. It'll make you a better Sith, I'm sure.” Which is not something I’m looking for. “The chances of you passing, however, are sadly remote.”

I like my chances, actually. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Now, now, is that any kind of attitude to take with higher education?” In my experience, yes. “I'm doing you a favor, really. So, then! This is how it goes: I'm going to pose a moral question to you. Get it right, and I torture Mekel. Get it wrong, and I torture you.” You can’t answer a moral question right or wrong, they’re opinions. But you know what, I don’t think that concerns him. “Mekel, here, is a bit weak… he probably won't be able to take much more punishment.” No, that’s some bad scarring, like “seek help now” scarring. “Mind you… get too many wrong and you'll die, yourself.” I’ve got a pretty high tolerance for electricity like that, but if it’s anything like how I was shocked earlier… I don’t want that again. But I can’t kill Mekel, either. He’s trash, sure, but he’s young trash. He could grow out of his trashiness if he’s given a push in the right direction. “I don't know what you think of Mekel. Maybe you don't like him. Maybe you think he deserves to be murdered? Well, here's your chance. Fair enough?” Okay, I can take some damage, how much can Mekel take? Trying to calculate all this in my head, work out my angles. When I don’t respond, Jorak Uln talks again. “Well, then! Any last comments before we begin, Mekel?”

Mekel looks over at me, he can see the wheels turning in my head. He grunts and says, “We can... both survive... attack him together!”

“Now, now, dear lad,” Uln says, “Do you really think your friend here will answer questions wrong just to spare little you, risking her own life? And how many correctly-answered questions before you die, hmmm? No, don't be silly… you had your chance, remember? On that note, let's begin!

“Now, then. Your immediate superior amongst the Sith is an effective commander and a fine leader. He trusts you and you like him. You see an opportunity to kill him. What do you do?”

A Sith would answer that they’d kill him and take power. But I have to be strategic about this to get both of us out alive. Let’s answer this one honestly. “I do nothing. He’s a good leader.”

“Incorrect!” Yeah, I know. “What sort of thinking is that? If all the Sith thought as you did, we would all be soft like the Jedi.” You’d also have a military that wasn’t built on fear and cruelty, but that must be too much to ask. “Ah, well. It is time for your punishment.” Oh, good God! Fuck!

But it’s over quick enough, thankfully, and he moves on to the next question. “And so we come to round two. You come across a group of humans who are threatened by dangerous animals. They plead for help, offering you a reward. What do you do?”

Hell, I’d help them without a reward. A Sith would take the reward and leave them. But I need a breather before I get shocked again. I give Mekel an apologetic look before I answer. “I take the reward and leave them to die.”

“Correct! The humans would no doubt just be preyed upon by something else, later.” Assuming I just left them. “Stand up for yourself, I say! We're not Jedi shepherds, after all.” He looks at Mekel. “Sadly, Mekel, the ingenuity of your fellow student is your loss. This is going to hurt.” Even as Mekel writhes in pain, I can’t help but be grateful it isn’t me. Even as his skin breaks and more scars ripple across.

Third question. “Let's see… ah, yes. You discover an aspect of the Force that gives you great power. Do you share it and strengthen the Sith as a whole or keep it to yourself?”

A Sith answer, as well as a scout’s answer, is to keep it to yourself. You always keep an advantage to keep yourself afloat at the end. For me it’s a hot springs on Utapau. The people there are fair traders and welcoming of outsiders, soil is rocky in a lot of places but they’ve spent millennia farming there so they know what they’re doing. Wildlife is stunning. I figured it would be a good place to settle when I couldn’t scout anymore. I guess for a Force user, a new power would be just as valuable. But I think Mekel needs a breather now. I don’t want to give it to him. But who am I if I let him die? “I share it,” I say finally.

“You gained an advantage and you share it freely?!” Dude, shut up. “Let them rip the secret from my dead hands, I say!” I plan to. “I mean... 'share it'?! Are you mad?!” He sighs. “Well, you did ask for this. It's for your own good.” Holy hell, I hate this! What the shit have I gotten myself into?

God, I need a break. “Still going?” Man, shut the hell up. “Alright, then. One of your underlings has made a major mistake which makes you look bad. He is normally very competent and skilled. Do you kill him or give him another chance?”

Personally I’d let him live. Let him learn. A Sith would kill him without a thought. And I don’t want to get hit again. Not so soon. “Kill him,” I say.

“Correct!” he exclaims. “Publicly, if you can. There is no room for that level of failure.” Dude, you’re the one living in a crypt, don’t lecture me about failure. “Not killing him would be seen as a sign of weakness... and then where would you be?” He turns to Mekel. “Ahhh, Mekel. The time has come once again, hasn't it?” Lightning shoots from his fingers again.

“Last question!” Oh, thank fuck. “You're about to die. Do you pass on your knowledge to your apprentice to make him stronger… or do you use your last breath to strike at your enemies?”

Just when I think the answer to this isn’t obvious, it comes to me: A true Sith never dies. Like… is that metaphorical, like how people still remember Ajunta Pall, or is that literal in the sense that Ajunta Pall wasn’t exactly dead? Or could it be both at once? Is Tulak Hord floating from room to room? Is there an ancient Sith no one remembers who’s haunting some cantina or something? And what does “true Sith” mean, anyway? What happens to a “false” Sith? Where did that answer even come from?

Either way, Mekel looks awful. I don’t think he’ll survive another right answer. I may hate it but I’ve still got a few wrong answers in me, and if this is the last question, then I’ll be okay. “I pass on my knowledge.”

Jorak Uln giggles excitedly. “Fool! It is a trick question! A true Sith never dies!!” You mean I was right? He laughs again. “I'll enjoy this one. Time for your medicine!” Shit shit! It’s okay, Rena, just lie back and think of droids, they always apologize for shocking you!

He gives me a moment to breathe. But it’s not a kindness. “Now, this is odd,” he says, “The test is over and you're both still alive. Well that's never happened before. Hmmmn…” Jolee shifts a bit. Carth is conscious now and even though Jolee has healed him both are still playing dead for now. “What to do, what to do…” Uln ponders, “I suppose this means you can go, Mekel.” He releases him from his grip. “I'll have to just figure out what to do with our friend, here. Run along, now.”

“Or…” Mekel says slowly, “… or I could use the Force to free her! And we could kill you!!” I feel Uln’s grip on me slacken and finally break. My legs feel jellied but I can still stand, and I pull out my lightsabers. I reach out with the Force and exhaust it to heal Mekel and myself. I hope Jolee saved some energy because we're both still only at half strength. “Seems you didn't think of that, old man!!”

“What?!” Uln exclaims, “Mutiny! Behave, students! I'll…!” Now Jolee reaches out to both of us, and I can stand on my legs again. Mekel’s scarring closes over. Carth jumps to his feet and pulls Jolee up. And now Uln loses the little he had left. “That's it! Detention for all of you! Permanent detention!!”

Uln activates his double-bladed lightsaber, but I’ve got my two out and Mekel has his as well. None of us have any Force left, but neither does Uln, which evens it out a bit. Uln focuses on Mekel, which means I can fight dirty from behind if I avoid the other end of his lightsaber. No one gives me electrical scarring if they don’t apologize afterwards. If he were a droid who didn’t apologize, well, I’d get to retune his power core, which can be unpleasant for the droid. People don’t have power cores, so I guess I have to just beat him senseless. Mekel pushes him backwards onto uneven footing. I sweep his legs out from under him and he falls over. Without missing a beat, Mekel runs him through.

He stands over him and laughs ironically. “What do you know?” he says, “I guess he wasn't a 'true Sith' after all.” He sighs and relaxes. “I can't believe that I'm alive,” he says, “You saved me… you could have easily just answered those questions and let me die. You knew the answers, I could tell, I could see you mulling it over.”

“Nobody deserves to die like that,” I say firmly, “There is no universe in which I left you to die.”

He takes a second to reflect. “Yeah, well…” he says thoughtfully, “… I see what you mean. I’ve never… I mean, I've never been on that side of the fence before. It makes you think. I'd be dead if you weren't…” He stops again, like he’s correcting himself. “… I mean, if you were a proper Sith. But you're not, are you? Don't worry… I won't tell anyone.”

“Frankly, I wasn’t worried, but thank you, anyway,” I say. He’s still quite pensive. “Seems to me like you’ve got a lot on your mind, a lot of thinking to do.” He looks at me wordlessly. “I get the impression you don't want to be a ‘true Sith’ like Uln. You’ve just got some crap to work through. There’s better places to work through it.”

“You mean… the light side?” he says softly, “I've never thought about that. Can you… can you even go back? I've done some… I mean, I've hurt a lot of people.”

“There's always remorse,” Jolee says, “And atonement. That's the harder path, though, boy. Think you can do that?”

“I…” he says nervously, “I don't think the light side is for me. But… maybe neither are the Sith. Maybe it's time for me to leave.”

I take a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” I say, “but have you thought about Czerka?”

Mekel scoffs. “Hell, no. Fuck Czerka.”

“Thank you!” I say, and we share a grin. “Well,” I say, “good luck wherever you end up.”

“To you, as well,” he says, “And… thank you.” He walks away, following the splotches on the wall to the exit.

Jorak Uln did a poor job of hiding his thesis. The ancient stone tablet is resting on the tomb of Tulak Hord, right out in the open. It’s not as heavy as it looks, but I am positively worn out, so Carth carries it for me out of the tomb. “So,” he asks me, “are you going to bother with any more tombs?”

“Hell, no, I’m not doing anything else today except relax with that bottle of Tarisian ale on the ship, I am exhausted.”

“I had hoped to save that till the end of the war,” he says, “but I think you’ve earned it now. But that wasn’t what I meant.” I look at him curiously. “By my count all of the other hopefuls are gone. Mekel just left, Lashowe’s dead, we’ll find out about Shaardan soon enough. Whether you’ve earned enough prestige or not, there isn’t exactly anyone left to oppose you.”

“You sound like you’ve got something in mind,” I say.

He shrugs sheepishly. “Well,” he says slowly, “I guess I’d… like to join you for that drink, if you don’t mind.”

This is a hell of a time to ask me out. Not that I’m complaining. “I’d like that,” I say.

He tries very hard not to beam. God, he’s adorable.

-----

Shaardan is dead at Master Uthar’s feet. Frankly I’m surprised nobody’s moved the body yet. “Master Uthar!” I call to get his attention, and he turns to me. “I have a tablet written by Jorak Uln.” Carth hands it off to him.

Uthar looks surprised. “It appears my old master was busy studying the writings in one of the tombs. How interesting.” He glances at me. “I do hope you had to pry this from his dead fingers.” Not exactly. “Regardless, you have impressed me with your worthy act.” He looks directly at me now. “Even if you were not the sole remaining hopeful, you have impressed me enough, by my estimation, to become a Sith in full. Congratulations, young one… you have bested the others quite completely, in more ways than one I’m sure. You have but one final test which you must take, and this requires us to travel to the tomb of Naga Sadow in the Valley of the Dark Lords. I would advise you to be rested and equipped before we leave. Return to your quarters now and seek me out in the morning.”

“My ship is still docked in Dreshdae,” I say, “Do you have any objection if I got there instead?”

“Go where you choose. But when you return, make sure that you have all that you will need… for you will face your test alone. Go, and may the Force serve you well.”

[welcomeetothe50s]

Mekel illustrator research page.

For my third illustrator research page I decided on mekel as I love her interpretation of the face in black biro as well as her unique way of using watercolour on the page. I recreated two of her pieces in the form of doubling up and direct copy. I have added the video in for my enlarged version of Mekels peice. This will later come in to use when I am creating my commercial.

@barnsleycollegefashionrocks

[tftor]

[spectraspecs-writes]

Korriban - Chapter 86

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 85. Chapter 87.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

A/N: I loved writing this chapter so so much. Almost as much as I loved writing chapter 89, but that hasn’t been posted yet so y’all gotta wait.

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It’s late, closer to evening, when we meet Master Uthar. He’s older and gray. Not his hair, his skin. But he has a sort of wisdom to him. Different from the wisdom of the other Jedi I’ve met, but a wisdom nonetheless. He looks at me knowingly. No idea what he knows, because if he knows why I’m really here, he’d have me killed. He stands in the center of a large entry hall and addresses me, Mekel, Shaardan, and Lashowe. “Greetings, prospective students,” he says to us all, “It appears we have a late entry. Who do you bring before me, Yuthura? A young human, bristling with the Force?”

“A human that has had some training, it seems, Master Uthar,” she tells him, “Very promising, I think.”

Shaardan laughs. “Promising?” he repeats, “Hmph. That one's not worthy to lick spit off your shoes, Master!” 

“I met this one in the colony,” Lashowe adds, “Unworthy, if you ask me.”

“That I'll judge for myself, thank you,” Uther says, waving them to silence. “What is your name?” he asks me.

“Rena Visz.”

“Well, then, Rena, tell me, what do you know of the ways of the Sith?” he asks me, “What preconceptions has your mind been polluted with?”

“Well,” I say, thinking about it, “I know duty and discipline are important all the way down the hierarchy. Never met a Sith who wasn’t committed to his orders. When fighting them, I know they’re powerful, a force to be reckoned with. Great duelists. Good technique.” I shrug. “Never had one able to beat me in a friendly duel, but… Killed a fair few.” Why did I say that? That was so stupid to say.

“Hmm…” he says passively, “Most impressive, if it is true. Those who were too weak to stand against you deserved their fate, so expect no retribution from us.” Thank God for that. “There is much you can learn from the Sith, and we from you.” He then addresses the others as well as me. “The Jedi equate the light with goodness and strength and the dark with weakness and evil. That is their tradition and it is truly no surprise that they cling to it for comfort. We, however, do not treat the Force as a burden. We treat it as a gift, a thing to be celebrated. We use it to acquire power over others.” That, I hate. “And why should we not?” Morals, maybe? “Because the Jedi say we should not? We are as the Force is meant to be. The Jedi would hide that from you. They would tell you the Dark Side is too quick, too easy, all so that they need never challenge the passions that lie within them. Joining with us means realizing your true potential. It means not stifling yourself solely for the sake of hide-bound shamans and their antiquated notion of order. Be what you were meant to be.”

He turns to Lashowe. “What say you, Lashowe? Are you ready to learn the secrets of the dark side? Dare you?”

“I dare, Master Uthar!” she exclaims, “I’m ready!”

“Brash and fiery, as expected. Turn that passion to your advantage, child,” he says, and he turns to Mekel. “What of you, Mekel? Are you ready?”

“I am, Master,” Mekel says, “I’m ready.”

He nods at Mekel. “I sense much anger within you, young one. That is good. That will provide you power.” He turns to Shaardan. “And Shaardan… what of you?”

“I am always ready!” Shaardan says far too eagerly.

“I see,” Uthar says, not impressed, “You had best gather your wits for the trial ahead, boy, or you will not last.” And finally, he turns back to me. “And you, Rena? Does this interest you? Are you ready to learn more of what I speak?”

Not in the slightest, but I have to stay here until I find Dustil and get the Star Map. So I lie. “I’m ready to learn more.”

“Are you?” I hate that skepticism in his voice, it makes me feel uneasy. “I can see into your heart, Rena,” he says, “and I see the dark kernel that is there. If it is ready to sprout remains to be seen.”

He turns to address us all again. “Now, then,” he says, “All of you four recruits have shown a degree of facility with the Force… you all have the potential to become true Sith. Only one of you, however, will succeed. The one who succeeds will be admitted to the academy as a full Sith. All others must wait until next year and try again… if you survive.” He gestures to Yuthura. “My pupil, Yuthura, shall be your teacher and master while you attempt to prove yourselves. Heed her words.”

Yuthura steps forward. “As Master Uthar said, none of you are true Sith yet,” she says to us, “For that to occur, one of you must do enough of worth - gain enough prestige - to be selected. What is an act of worth? You must learn that for yourselves. Remember that you are competitors, here - fight for your destiny, or go home.”

Uthar speaks again. “If you wish to gain a lead over your competitors, the first of you to learn the Code of the Sith and tell me of it will be rewarded. The rest is for you to discover.” Sounds like fun - I have to compete against some of the most competitive people in the universe. “Welcome to the Dark Side, my children. Your one chance at true greatness lies here.”

The three of us are led to a bed chamber marked with my name. It’s not very big, mostly a bed and a footlocker with a computer terminal, but they’ve also given me two bedrolls, presumably for Carth and Jolee - my slaves, remember? Jolee hates it, but Carth and I both agree to give him the bed. He’s older and bitchier than either of us, so there’s no changing our minds. We all push the bed as close to the wall as it will go, so there’s more room for the bed rolls. 

Jolee falls right to sleep. And it’s a pretty heavy sleep. I spend some time using the computer terminal, trying to get a map of the Academy. Gives me a place to start looking for Dustil, and maybe find the archives. It makes sense to me that they would have information on the terentatek, information that I can actually access, unlike the Jedi. 

Carth comes up to me. “Hey,” he says, “can I talk to you? It’s important.”

Oh. “Yeah, sure.” I load the map into my datapad and sit on the floor next to him. “What’s up?”

“You know, I was listening to what you told Yuthura earlier,” he says, “Pretty intense stuff.”

“Yeah,” I say, “Sorry I stole from your story a little bit.”

“I’m not bothered by that, don’t worry about it.”

“I didn’t think you would be, given the circumstances.”

“And when you told her Jolee and I were slaves, I was a little surprised. Mostly surprised that she bought it,” he says, “Because you’re a lousy liar, I think I’ve said that before.”

“You have.”

“But what I’m trying to figure out is…” he says slowly, and I notice now his hand is resting on his blaster pistol, “… you’re not a good liar at all, but your story to Yuthura, about your views on the Jedi, was convincing. Convincing enough to fool a Sith. Hell, convincing enough to where I couldn’t tell if you were lying or not. And the last time that happened… well, you know what happened…”

“Carth, what are you asking me?”

“I wanted to be in here, sure, to find Dustil,” he says, “but I’m starting to wonder why you wanted to be in here.”

His hand on his blaster looks less passive now. And it’s making me a little nervous. “Carth…”

“I’m asking you this because you’re my friend and I care about you,” he says quickly, “Why did you want to get into this academy?”

“I told you,” I say, “To get to the Star Map and find Dustil.”

And now his blaster comes out. Now, even as close as he is, I could still get the blaster out of his hand. I could still take him out if he makes me, if I have to. But he wouldn’t be doing this if he really wanted to hurt me. If Carth wanted to hurt me, he wouldn’t have let me see the blaster. I’ve had my back to him enough. He could have shot me while I was asleep. If he wanted to take me out, he wouldn’t be doing this. “I want you to tell me, yes or no,” he says, hand steady, eyes almost glistening, and the emotion I get off of him is a firm, repeating, “not again”, “do you want to join the Sith?”

I try to stay calm. I take a deep breath, and say, “No.”

“Did you mean all the things you told Yuthura?”

“Some of them,” I tell him honestly.

“What do you mean, some of them?”

I take another deep breath. “The Jedi Order has lied to me, and kept things from me. You said it yourself, they hadn’t told me everything. When they sent me to the Grove to find Juhani, they told me it was to cleanse the Grove of its dark taint. They didn’t tell me that it was a person. And that’s just a lie I’ve uncovered. I don’t think that’s the only one. On Kashyyyk, we fought a creature called a terentatek that feeds on the Dark Side, but when I went to look it up in their archives, I couldn’t find anything, like they’re actively keeping information from me. Bastila herself told me that the Jedi believe no one should be executed for their crimes, no matter what they are. The Jedi would rather restore Malak to the light than kill him, and there we disagree. I don’t think he should live when he’s killed so many people, and I don’t think you do, either.” He doesn’t respond. “I think some of their teachings are wrong and out of date, and I believe, as you do, I know you do, that the Order’s decision not to intervene in the Mandalorian War was a bad one - in face, if Revan and Malak hadn’t had to disobey the Order to help, I don’t think they would have fallen, but we’ll never know.”

“And about the Dark Side?” he says, “About it corrupting?”

“I think we’ve both felt and seen how it corrupts. But I don’t think that’s the Force so much as how you use it. At the end of the day,” I say, “all I want to do is help people. I want to help as many people as possible. On that, the Order and I agree. The Sith, on the other hand, actively dissuade helping people. The Order and I may disagree on a lot of key points, but when it comes to our ultimate goal, it’s no contest.” He doesn’t lower his blaster. “What more do you want from me, Carth?”

“I want some kind of assurance, but I don’t think that’s possible,” he says.

I think for a moment. “Maybe it is,” I say after a while, and I hold out my hand, “Take it.” He hesitates, looking at me skeptically. “If I do anything to hurt you, you’ve already got your weapon out - you could shoot me before I get close to my lightsaber.” He’s still a bit skeptical, but he takes my hand. “You’re not a Jedi,” I say, “so it won’t be the same, but I think I can still show you that I’m telling the truth. With the Force.” His grip tightens on his blaster. I close my eyes. Take a deep breath. Feel the Force.

I don’t think I can describe in words exactly what I show him. To even describe it as vibes of trust would be to undermine and cheapen it, not to mention understate. I guess… imagine a warm yellow light, imagine the safest you’ve ever felt. The first time you tried your favorite food. Sometimes that’s what the Force feels like, that warm, safe feeling. I try to tell him that I mean everything I said to him, that I would never, ever, do anything to hurt him the way he’s been hurt before. I don’t ever want to look at him and feel the heart-stab he feels when he talks about Dustil and Morgana, his wife, and know that I did that. I couldn’t live with myself, love or no love. To feel his anger and disappointment in me is not a pain I think I could bear. The reason you are here, Carth, I try to tell him, is that I could never fall to the Dark Side if you’re there. You’ve already been hurt too much and I don’t want to do that to you again. I don’t want you to have to watch it and know that you couldn’t stop it. Not again.

He sets down his blaster, and lets go of my hand. He smiles and looks up at me, his eyes glistening with tears. “Thank you,” he mouths, his throat choking.

“It’s the truth,” I say. He nods wordlessly.

He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he says. For the blaster, I assume.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say, “I understand.”

“No, for…” he starts to say, but he cuts off. I look at him curiously. Until he finally finishes: “Everything.”

Okay, now I have no idea what he means. But that was kind of draining, for both of us it would seem. I feel like I could actually sleep the whole night through.

I wonder if I told him more than I meant to…

[thepermanentrainpress]

MEKEL RELEASES NEW SINGLE

While debut “Not Good Enough for the Truth” wallows in the aftermath, the torment of a love song and dreams gone to waste, the next chapter is far more brazen. It speaks to an undesirable hold—a grip too tight, built on conditions and false marketing. Without using tactics of emotional abuse in name, it’s clear that guilt tripping and gaslighting were experienced. In sound, the manipulative character is played in spades; a dark alternative pop analysis of the facts, eventually seen for what (and who) they are. 

The writing is clever and cynical, but far from your run-of-the-mill teen angst anthem. Green has a jaded tone, a fiery motivation and bass-heavy production that turns disappointment to vengeance. Existing is taxing, but “SICKWISHES” shows you that realization can be fruitful and it is always okay to let out an emphatic scream.

Written by: Chloe Hoy Photo credit to: Gerardo Ramos

[jackywintergroup]

New work added to Mekel’s folio! Take a look here.