✨from left to right: ARC Trooper “Ten”, Commander Rais, Jedi Knight Tara Ohvala, Captain Lucky, Senator Verina Fehl, and her Jedi Advisor, Ohmal Taheed.
OC info, tag list, and more important stuff below the cut! ✨✨
✨I was inspired by @clones_deserved_better on Instagram to make this artwork’s lineart available to color! Just message me and I’d be happy to email the file to you, which you’re welcome to just color for fun or post using using the hashtag #kyjoraven1.2k. You’re welcome to change the colors, add your own twists on things, etc! Just make sure to include that hashtag and tag me if you end up posting so I can see the amazing things you do!💕 I thought it might be fun and relaxing☺️
✨All of my OCs (minus a few clones) in one place?? It was about time! I’ve had this scene in my head for quite sometime and finally ended up drawing it. These guys are literally all canon in my head by now😂🙃
✨Pijal is SUCH a cool planet. I’d be able to ramble about its politics and history for hours, but for now just know Pijal is beautiful (oceans, islands, very temperate😍) and Verina is the Senator responsible for passing a humanitarian bill for its people (which some people aren’t too happy about👀).
Art tag list (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!): @royalhandmaidens @thearohandmaiden @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @rayafletcher @filthybookworm @thespareoom @wille-zarr @lilsokas @littlevodika @hounding-around @cherrykenobi @peacelandbread @notreallybeccab @a-dorin @obirain @ahsoka-is-the-bomb-dot-com @whatvflaotsurgoat @sana-katarn @betweentwopines @padawansofthejediorder @latts-razzzi
summary: Rex tries a different method to deal with your bratty behavior.
rating: R
word count: 520
warnings: smut 18+, cockwarming, brat tamer!rex, bratty reader, lil bit of desk sex at the end, dirty talk?? ig alkdjfa
a/n: for the anon that asked me like...forever ago for more brat tamer!rex here it is,,,,,finally,,,,,,,,
here it is on ao3!!
taglist: @mcmanamans @highlycommendable @clonewarslover55 @readsalot73 @wille-zarr @kyjoraven @kaminobiwan @hounding-around @peacelandbread lmk if you want to be added!!!
"Quiet, brat."
You huffed and set your chin on Rex's shoulder, glaring at the wall behind him. You whined again and wiggled your hips, but you were stopped by a growl in your ear and a hand gripping your hips.
"I said, quiet."
This time, you bit back the whine, knowing the next time, he wouldn't give a warning.
You couldn't remember what got you in this situation--or really, which one of your bad behaviors got you here, sitting for what felt like an hour on Rex's cock. It throbbed hot and heavy inside you, each little movement causing you to whine with want and frustration. But Rex had decided this was your punishment for the night--probably for teasing him in front of his brothers.
He shifted slightly as he reached for another datapad, the slight movement causing the barest amount of friction, enough to send white-hot threads of desire shooting up your spine and settle low in your stomach and where his hips met yours. You buried your face in his shoulder to stop the oncoming whine. You ached to rock your hips against his, to ride him until his cock split you open and your head fell back in ecstasy.
You felt Rex's hand brush against your ass briefly, making you tense. His hand returned, gripping your cheek with a sudden force, and pulling you flush with his hips. You moaned into his ear and gripped his shoulders as pleasure shot through your spine. You rolled your hips against his, testing the waters, keening against his shoulders, and clenching around him. Rex snarled in your ear, tossing his datapad on his desk. He stood, picking you up with him and pressing you against the desk, holding your arms above your head with one hand gripping your wrists. He pulled out, leaving only the head of his cock in you, then slowly thrusting back in, making you wail and throw your head back in pleasure.
Rex growled again, gripping your chin with his other hand, forcing you to look at him. “Look at me.”
You lifted your head and opened your eyes, whimpering.
“I am going to fuck you so hard against my desk,” he growled. “I am going to fuck those bratty little whines out of you and you better enjoy it because that’s all you’re going to get, understand?”
“Yes, sir,” you whimpered again.
“Good.” Rex grinned and patted your cheek.
His hand holding your wrists moved to your throat, not applying any pressure, just holding you there. You grasped at it, feeling the muscles in his forearm taught against your skin as he began a brutal pace, slamming into you. Your mouth dropped open, and an unbroken stream of moans and whines fell from it. You could feel your eyes begin to glaze over from lust, and you struggled to keep them on Rex, who snarled above you, his other hand keeping your thighs wide open as he crashed his hips against yours.
You were definitely going to feel him for the rest of the night, but it’s not like that was a problem.
Ann.. sweet love, kiss prompt #1 for Obi? Also.. congrats on your follower milestone, you deserve it 🥳🥺
every second
pairing: obi-wan x senator!reader
prompt: breaking the kiss to say something, staying so close that you’re murmuring into each other’s mouths
warnings: horrible fluff, i write like a teenager in love (i am)
note: it is very short i apologize & i hope you like it mwah
Any longer, and you swear your heart is going to give out.
Your heels click against the duracrete, a steady beat as you near the landing platform, robes billowing behind you. Communications had cut out days ago (which, seeing as nearly half the ship is gone, makes sense now.) There’s been a hole searing itself in your chest ever since, barely eased at the sight of him.
Obi-Wan looks worse for wear, a tiredness behind his eyes and behind the discreet smile he shares upon seeing you. It takes every nerve ending in your body to keep from rushing to his side.
“Senator,” he greets mildly. You don’t dare step any closer, knuckles clenched white at your sides in a hopeless effort to dissuade yourself from touching him. He doesn’t seem to care though, placing a careful hand on your shoulder. “it’s good to see you.”
It warms your entire being.
You’re sure there’s a beat or two of silence in which you’ve completely zoned out looking into his eyes before you find it in yourself to respond. “The sentiment is returned, Master Jedi.” You blink a few times to ground yourself, and the hand is gone from your shoulder.
You’re gone for the next few minutes, thoughts lying elsewhere as Obi-Wan accompanies you through the halls. So much is going on in your head - a cacophony of thoughts that you fear may spill from your lips at the first sound he makes. The tapping of your heels echoes each beat of your pulse.
He calls your name. It falls from his lips as easy as breathing, softer than silk and satin. Obi-Wan reaches toward you, the barest brush of his fingers reluctant on your forearm. (Though you have no idea why he’d ever be hesitant - you’d let his touch consume you without second thought.
And then it’s instant.
His embrace is suffocating in all the best of ways, and you breathe him in as deeply as you can. The hallway is clear, your quarters are twenty steps away, but you can’t get yourself to move.
Obi-Wan pulls back from you, his gaze flickering across your face. His palm is so gentle on your cheek, and your entire body is on fire. His nearness stitches together every loose thread acquired in his absence.
“I’ve been so worried for you,” you breathe, so quiet and longingly that something in him crinkles with remorse.
“I can’t have been gone that long,” Obi-Wan says. The corners of his mouth turn up in what he hopes is a joking smile. “Though, I suppose it was long enough for you to miss me?”
“I miss you every minute we’re apart, you fool.”
“Maybe I am the fool,” he says, and gives you the most love-stricken smile you’ve ever seen on a man. “for missing you every second we’re apart."
“That’s horrible,” you remark, a grin splitting your features. Everything else seems to melt away. You’d forgotten how easy it was being with him, how steady and familiar it is to have his chest against yours. His eyes are like the sky, and you’ve just stepped outside for the first time in weeks.
You’re nose to nose with him, and your mouth opens briefly as if to say ‘kiss me,’ but he’s a step ahead of you. His lips are chaste against yours, and your eyes flutter closed as he presses deeper.
Vaguely you feel yourself smile into the kiss, and he does, too. He moves back only slightly, far enough for you to see the same besotted grin on his face. Your breath mingles with his.
“I love you,” he murmurs, as if you hadn’t gotten the point by now. Your reply is hushed and fleeting and steeped with adoration, leaning in to meet his mouth again, lips parting under his. You scatter kisses over Obi-Wan’s face - on his nose, his cheeks, his jaw. A kiss on the flutter of his pulse, on his throat where the collar of his shirt lies.
There are voices beyond the corridor, but neither of you seem to care.
“I should escort you to your quarters, Senator,” Obi-Wan says, his voice a low whisper against your skin.
“Where you’ll escort me to bed, right?” you ask. He’s so close. Everything feels right in the world.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
tags for The Babes: @ohhellokenobi @royalhandmaidens @corellians-only @aty-cgca7 @morganas-pendragons
summary: sleepless nights are common in a time of war. If not the nightmares, then it’s your body refusing to let you rest.
warnings: insomnia symptoms, moments of sonder, angst if you squint
a/n: wasn’t gonna do an a/n but now i gotta in case this gets attention. I’ve got a thing that requires my focus so im gonna be off tumblr for a little bit so i apologise if i take a while to respond to anything. Also, since we’re here, I blame @royalhandmaidens for Thire’s random appearance in this. As always, thank you so much for reading!
Your feet kick out involuntarily and you feel him shift against you. You wince internally. He barely gets any sleep as it is, the last thing he needs is for you to wake him from his slumber.
You shuffle across the mattress slightly as you try to put some distance between your bodies. Rex’s arm tightens around your waist and you freeze at the subtle movement. It was times like these where you wished the Kaminoans hadn’t forced them into becoming light sleepers.
A long exhale leaves you as you attempt to lull your body back to sleep. It was one of those days where you stayed hovering between the land of the conscious and the land of dreams. Not quite asleep, but not quite awake enough to be in control either.
A wave of darkness washes over you and you think it’ll pull you under when the jerk of your arm floats you to the surface once more. You huff gently as your eyes flicker open for the umpteenth time that night. Lazily, you drag your gaze to observe your surroundings. You admire the way the moonlight reflects off each surface, refracting across the room.
Shadows dance across the walls as airspeeders fly by. You ponder the story behind each moving shadow. Maybe one of them is on their way home after a long shift. Maybe one of them had too much to drink and is being chauffeured home. Maybe one of them just needed a distraction from their sleepless night.
Slowly, you untangle your limbs from Rex’s. You wait for his breathing to even out before pulling away from him completely. He mumbles incoherently at the subtle shifts but you’re quick to pull your pillow down in place of your body as you slide off the mattress.
You exhale a breath you hadn't realised you’d been holding when he settles into the bed once more. He tugs the pillow to his chest and you crack a smile. The way the moonlight falls delicately on his features makes butterflies erupt in your chest. He looks so innocent like this - tension drained from his physique, a soft smile gracing his face. You wish it could stay like this.
Padded footsteps echo down the hallway as you make your way to the open space you’d deemed the living room. The balcony door slides open with a quiet swoosh at your approach. The nighttime air evokes an involuntary shiver and you wrap your arms around yourself as you look out towards the city.
Stray pedestrians wander the streets below, illuminated by the dim street light. Some are stumbling on their feet, others walk with efficiency - like they have someplace to be. You wonder how many of them know the cost of the war. How many of them spared a second thought to the brave soldiers who fight so that they don’t have to? How many of them cared about the men that have died so they could keep their freedom?
You’re lost in thought when you feel his arms come to wrap around your middle and you jump at the sudden warmth. “‘tis just me cyare,” he mumbles as he pulls you into his chest. You hum at him as he drops his head onto your shoulder.
“Sorry I woke you.” There’s sincerity in your voice, but you also can’t help but relish in the feeling of being back in his arms again, even though you’d only just left them. He shakes his head dismissively at your statement and you squirm when his chin digs into the sensitive part of your shoulder. A low chuckle leaves him and it’s soon drowned out by the residual city noise.
“Nightmare?” he asks. He knows that your worry for him translates into sleepless nights sometimes. You don’t talk about it much but he’s seen the bags under your eyes when he gets back from a long mission. He knows that you comm Thire when he’s away to make sure he’s not on the list of lost brothers. He hopes that if the day does come, his vod would have the decency to deliver the news in person - that you wouldn’t have to find out through a comm.
Your voice cuts through his line of thought and he’s grateful for it. “No, just...” you gesture vaguely to your body and somehow, he understands. He knows the feeling: when your mind and body are out of sync, one tired and the other one not. It’s a struggle he’s endured since he was a child. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, he supposes.
“I could bore you to sleep with regulations,” he proposes, a teasing tone in his voice. You snort.
“You could never bore me,” comes your reply. He hums against you.
The pair of you settle into a comfortable silence, basking in each other’s presence, finding solace in the here and now, relishing in being alive. You speak after a while.
“Tell me something good.” The request phases him and he tightens his hold on you unconsciously. He knows what you’re asking, knows you want him to tell you about his life, not your shared one. But he’s a child of war - bred to fight, kill and destroy. He’s never hid any of that from you, but it's not something he brings up either… not unless he has to.
“I haven’t seen a lot of good, cyare”
“Try,” you say, your voice a gentle plea.
And so he does.
He looks back on his time in this war and he filters out all the bad. He tells you about the time Fives tried to smuggle a tooka into 501st barracks. And the time Kix had ordered the entire legion to ‘go the kriff to sleep’ because ‘when it comes to the health of the men, I outrank everyone’.
He smiles at the memories and you laugh along gently to his tales, retorting with remarks as he does. He doesn’t know what the world will look like on the other side of the war, doesn’t even know if he’ll be on the other side. But he knows that he’s going to hold on to you for as long as he can, no matter the cost.
warnings; slight age gap? I guess, can’t remember if there’s cursing oops, boss-employee relationship
a/n; First ofF I’M DROPPING THIS BC IT’S A SPECIAL SOMEONE’S BIRTHDAYYYYY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENNA ILY<3 @hxldmxdxwn
- I’ve been avoiding dropping this because I’m super self conscious about my writing but oh well here we goooo! This is a more modern AU even though I use a lot of SW terms/lore but i’ll probably branch out as we go on throught he chapters. Takes place in coruscant and reader is 23! Maul ios around 30-31 haven’t fully decided yet. Uh hope everyone enjoys this!!
Summary; Getting an opportunity at a reputable company, you’re eager to show everyone what you’re made of. The only odd part is...no one knows who the owner is.
not my gif
Curses rolled off your tongue as the silence was disturbed by the raucous alarm emitting from your phone. Hurriedly you tried to silence it, avoiding waking up your partner that is sleeping next to you. The clock read 4:55 am and the sky was still pitch black. Yet the lights of Galactic City never died, it was hard to get rid of the illumination in your room. Even some curtains weren’t enough to block the livelihood, something you still have yet to get used to. Staring up at the ceiling, the dread of leaving the warmth that consumed you whole was winning the battle lulling you back to sleep. Another ear-piercing song flowed out of your phone causing you to jolt upright. Rubbing the back of your neck, a sigh escaped your lips before you tossed your legs over the side of the mattress. From the second alarm, your boyfriend grumbled before turning over, aggressively pulling the sheets over himself.
Today was the day of your brand new job. Anxiety nestled in your gut the more you thought about it so you tried not to. Two years ago you were leaving Naboo and your family after school. It was one of the hardest things that you had to do, and being an adult wasn’t easy or all that it was chalked up to be. Living on Coruscant was a totally new experience. Everyone dressed so differently-- obsessing over the latest fashions, erasing the idea of modesty as well. Luckily for you, that’s when you met Kenth Madon. Upon arriving, your ship was having difficulties, and you needed a mechanic. Out of all the shops around you, you chose his almost as if it were fate. Due to frequenting his shop, Kenth got the courage to ask to see you outside of the permanently grungy, gas smelling establishment. It wasn’t your first relationship, although it has been quite a while. It was nice to have someone give you the type of attention Kenth did.
Since he grew up on Coruscant, your boyfriend claimed to know what real fashion was. Hinting at the fact yours was a little outdated. So, he helped you restyle your wardrobe as you lacked any type of pizazz when it came to fitting in. At least according to him. During your outing, you still were drawn to rather lackluster choices of apparel, but at least it was slightly updated. Slipping on a white puff-sleeve shirt, you quickly tucked it into the black dress pants you were insistent on getting. The reality of putting on this outfit made your palms sweaty, your heart lurch up in your throat. with the realization of starting this new chapter in your life. Grabbing your white one-button jacket, you scanned your room one last time before placing a feathery kiss on Kenth’s stubbled cheek.
—————————
“Next stop: Galactic Square. Please, refrain from getting up early and blocking the exits. Thank you.” the feminine voice echoed throughout the subway train.
You rubbed your hands up and down your thighs, staring out of the viewport of the train. The job itself was competitive and the position wasn’t guaranteed. Nineteen other candidates were presenting their brand new prototypes for QuanCom, as well. The business that created the HoloNet, the Holocomms, comlinks, and much more. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. This job could start you down a successful track, but you didn’t care. It was honestly only for the good-paying credits, since it was hard to find a job degree or not.
With a sudden stop shoving you against the seat, you quickly checked the time on your iPhone. 6:00 am. “Kriff!” you hissed to yourself. You were told work began at 8:00 am, so what in the hell were you going to do for an hour and a half? Being early helped ease your anxiety, though being this early only fueled it-- making it a lose-lose battle. Waiting for the other passengers to exit, you soon rose to your feet, swiftly leaping off the train. Examining the underground tunnels, your eyes shifted all over trying to locate the staircase leading upwards. It was crowded in the subway, yet it didn’t compare to the hustle and bustle that hurried by on the streets of Galactic City.
Humans, Rodians, Twi’leks, and species that you could swear you’ve never encountered before shouldered past you, as if you didn’t even exist. One long blink and an exasperated sigh later, you began to move your feet in the direction of QuanCom. The directions on your phone were confusing. The arrow rotating every once in a while was unable to read your location. Regardless, you continued hoping it was the correct way. The sudden smell of caf penetrated your nostrils, causing you to scrunch up your nose.
“If they sell caf, they probably have some deychin tea and maybe some food…” you trailed off hurriedly toward the small shop named “Caf Project ''.
Inside, it was cozy, brick-lined walls with a large sign hanging over the counter. Swallowing thickly, you stood back just far enough to show you were thinking of what you wanted, but really you were trying to stifle the anxiety welling back up as your mind kept going blank. A jingling sound interrupted your inner battles, and so did the voice of who was walking in.
“I don’t care. I told you to get this done yesterday. Not an hour before I arrived at the office. Is it really that hard to follow through? Do you not realize the utmost significance of this report? I swear I’m dealing with a bunch of imbeciles. Sith give me strength…'' Sucking in a breath, he glanced at you, brow raised. “Shut up for a second, Tannis.” He demanded before turning to you. “Are you in line?”
Your face went completely blank, just a second ago it sounded like he was about to murder whoever he was speaking to. But while speaking to you…his voice was smooth like silk, endearing actually. Swiftly shaking your head “no,” he stepped forward and flashed a warm grin at you, incisors slightly visible. Once again he continued yelling at someone, the barista not even batting an eye. His order was briskly made, though he didn’t even give any notion to what he had wanted. You couldn’t help but examine this stranger before you, attired in a charcoal grey suit that was paired with a very light grey dress shirt with two buttons undone. On his feet were freshly polished black Oxfords, his outfit so simple yet so suave. Once he handed the cashier some credits, you noticed a glimmer on his wrist, by the looks of it one kriffing expensive watch.
Adjusting the lanyard around your neck that holds your ID for QuanCom, the stranger with geometric tattoos all over his face turned to face you. You noticed a shiny stud piercing on the upper cartilage of his left ear. Maintaining some eye contact, you couldn’t help but feel a knot in your stomach. He was quite handsome, and his ivory horns…wow, you thought to yourself, cheeks running hot. “Get yourself together...you’re with someone,” You reminded yourself.
Lips parting, he studied you up and down.
“Good luck.” The words were quietly mumbled as he continued listening to what you assumed to be an employee, on the other line.
“Thank you,” you mouthed back, a sheepish smile tugging at your lips as you continue to fidget with the lanyard.
Maybe, he had heard of the big job offer at QuanCom? Advertisements were flaunted everywhere; it was hard to miss them. Shaking your head lightly, you step forward, showing that you’re ready to order.
“I’ll have a small deychin tea please and…uh- um..a croissant?” Everything on the menu food-wise wasn’t too appealing, but you needed something in your stomach to satisfy the beast. “Uh..how much, sir?” you inquired, pulling some credits from your spotless white jacket.
Shaking his head, the cashier's lips opened to a wide grin, “No need, miss, the man before you covered your order. You’re all set!”
There was that wave of nausea again. Why would he do that? Who even was he? Was it just his generosity for the day? Or did he think you couldn’t afford much based on your attire? Sighing, you frantically think about what you’ll be expecting for this job, continuing on your path toward the QuanCom headquarters. Getting closer to your destination, you glance over your phone, once more checking the time. 7:50 am. Finally, what felt like forever was finally here, and you were so eager to start on a positive foot.
Entering the monstrous building, people were hustling all around you-- confused, lost, and eager to get their days going, as well. You had to remind yourself that you were here as competition and not as a friend for anyone. Though right now, you could really use a friend and some directions as this place was large and filled to the brim. Inspecting the environment, you noticed a few flimsies posted. Maker’s sake, it made things easier by telling you where to go. Padding toward the nearest elevator, you crammed yourself in amongst the other bodies seemingly all going to the same exact floor. Not being able to help it, you held your breath midway until the doors opened on floor 18. Exiting, you followed the tall, skinny woman down the hall to meeting room 1804. To your amazement, it was already quite full, so you took a seat nearest to the door, pulling out some flimsy and a stylus so that you’re ready to jot down any information. The room was white-walled with very little decor besides a large glass table in the center. This is where the fun begins, the long drawn out rules and regulations.
“Alright! Now that we’ve gone over the workplace protocol and the prototype expectations, I will pair you up into four groups of five.” Her voice was raspy, though flat enough to make your eyelids heavy. Everyone around you was also struggling to fight the sleep that tried overpowering them. Names being called brought you back to attention every now and then, but you couldn’t stop thinking about him. “I’m sure Kenth sees more attractive women daily anyway…” you try to convince yourself.
“(Y/N), Fox, Steela, Hardcase, and…Finn. You five will make up group three.” The grouping continued slowly, but the names rang in your mind over and over. “Alright, now that groups are established, get to know one another and start some planning. Each member in your group has a very different degree path; this will help you all utilize one another's skills to create the best results for QuanCom. You have three weeks until you pitch your prototypes to Dooku, the COO.. Remember, 5 pm concludes your workday, so get to it.”
Sitting around your new coworkers, you fumbled around with your stylus, afraid to make the first move for introductions. It seems that you weren’t the only one being fidgety; the gentleman named Hardcase was bouncing his leg vigorously. If you were correct, he and Fox were clones. After the bill was granted clones rights and citizenship, they ended up all over the system. So many felt that cloning was unethical, especially for the fact they were treated similarly to droids. Though it was nice to see the two making something of themselves.
“Guess I’ll start! The name’s Hardcase. Yes I’m a clone, and--yes--I’m perfectly capable of thinking for myself. I’m great with my hands and can assemble anything together. For a short while, I was working as a mechanical engineer for the GAR.” The clone oozed with excitement and enthusiasm, which was quite entertaining. Clad in a pink-hued dress shirt and a blue suit, which matched his facial tattoos. On his feet were freshly polished loafers still tapping the ground.
“Well, I’m Fox. My skills are geared toward CAD and any type of 3D rendering. Once I devote myself to something, I see it through. You can trust me on this project; I assure you that,” he barely showed any type of emotions compared to his counterpart. His attire was dark-- suit, shoes, everything. It said a lot about him and which made you anxious.
“Well, I’m Steela! Researching is my speciality. Problem-solving is also a breeze. I’ll be able to find the answers in order to help us advance to a whole other level! I enjoy leading projects like this, since I know I can keep us on track one hundred percent!” The excitement radiating from her was encouraging. She seemed like a strong woman ready to lead this team to success. She wore brown high waisted dress pants with a matching blazer, and white blouse. On her feet were suede, caramel heel booties.
“I’ll go next…” the young Twi’lek’s voice was soft and elegant, soothing to everyone in the group. Just as she was about to speak the double-doors swung open.
“Asajj, we have a problem,” her voice hushed but full of urgency as she glanced around the room. “Tannis was fired. We need to fill her position. Now!”
“Gods, I knew this was going to happen. I told her she wasn’t ready for this position. Now he’s going to take it out on me,” Asajj let out a long sigh, arms folding across her body. The woman that just emerged looked similar to her, though her face was more relaxed.
“(Y/N), can you come over here for a second please?”
Everyone in the room glanced up at you before continuing their tasks.. Rising from your chair, you crossed the room sliding past everyone with ease. Asajj acted like she was presenting the finest delicacy in the galaxy; arms held out at you.
“I think she’ll do. A tad on the quiet side, but I’m sure Mr. Crimson can work with it,” Her response was more of a question, as both women had their eyes upon you.
“It’s not like we have much of a choice. You cannot run this and take on two secretary positions. You’re going to need the help,” The woman’s pale grey eyes burned into you.
“Fine. Take her to Mr. Crimson. You better hope he approves,” Asajj warned, giving you one last glance.
Quickly grabbing your belongings, the conversation you just had replays in your mind.
“Tannis,”
Why did that name sound so familiar? Who’s Mr. Crimson and why did you have to go see him. Your mind whirled around, anxiety eating away as you set foot in the elevator. It felt like a full rotation cycle before reaching floor twenty. Being led out you walked down a hallway that was decorated lavishly. The flooring was a beautiful dark marble. Each step you took echoed off the walls. Nearing the end of the hall, both of you walked through another set of tall glass double doors. Entering the spacious room, you can’t help but notice the viewport walls. Also catching your attention were two long black desks. They were set across from one another stacked with datapads and pieces of flimsy. Towards the middle was a closed black door that had a frosted glass panel. Without a doubt this room was breathtaking and even though it lacked decor compared to the hallway, the view of Galactic City made up for it. Light knuckles hit against the panel three times, waiting for a response.
“What is it now?” The aggressive tone was enough to send a chill down your spine.
Slowly opening the door to peek her head in. A few words were exchanged before she fully opened the door, motioning for you to follow right behind. Inside was a long glass desk, the legs were black; matching some of the furnishings or complimenting them. In front were two rounded leather chairs, the area rug underneath a bright white. Paintings and picture frames hung on the right side of the room, though you were too afraid to really gawk at them as a gruff voice began erupting again. There he sat, his black leather chair facing the viewports behind his desk seeming to be amidst another phone call. Something about his voice was all too familiar but the fear bubbling inside you made it difficult to pinpoint. Soon enough he swung his chair around slamming the phone down, right hand pinching the bridge of his nose.
“What was so important that you had to interrupt yet another phone call, Leys. If it’s not about numbers, you know, the job I pay you to do? Then leave. I’ll fire you too. I’ve had it with everyone’s complacent behavior. Any fool could be my financial officer, so if you as so step out of line again, you’re done,” The snarl erupting from this man was horrifying, bringing you back to the Caf shop.
It was him! The same eerie tone used then too, and yet he was able to turn it off so quickly when addressing you. Your hands began to clam up, eyes not even daring to meet his.
“Yes sir, I understand I’m very sorry. I just wanted to bring you Tannis’ replacement,” voice quivering, Leys bowed her head and hurriedly left Mr. Crimson’s office leaving you behind, alone and defenseless.
A satisfied chuckle was released from Mr. Crimson as he watched his employee scatter from his office. Brow raised in your direction, his stare intense, a sneer presenting itself. “Well. Take a seat.”
His hand motioned to the smaller round chairs, eyes never leaving you. Pushing his seat back just a smidge, a polished shoe crosses over his left thigh and his hands fold against his stomach. Releasing the breath you were holding in, you padded over to the seat in front of his desk sitting as straight as humanly possible.
“It seems I’m in need of another secretary. But it’s not an easy job-- I need someone reliable, someone organized, and to understand the urgency of when I say to do something, they do it,” Towards the end of the sentence, his voice dropped a little lower, eyes narrowing. “It is a permanent job that is until mistakes are made. Pays reasonably well especially for dealing with...someone like me. Seems Asajj and Leys picked you and they’re typically alright when it comes to the judgment of character.”
Something about the way he spoke to you made your heart skip a beat. Even the way he stared at you had your arms lined with goosebumps. Trying to compile a coherent sentence was no easy feat with his eyes burning into you.
“I-I, um..” fumbling over your words caused your cheeks to run hot. “Well...first off I wanted to thank you for this morning. You really didn’t have to pay for me...but I greatly appreciate it. As for my work, I am quite organized and pay attention to directions given, but I don’t exactly have the experience in being a secretary, which would probably be important…” trailing off, you broke eye contact with him to glance at a red light blinking on his phone.
He barely acknowledged your thanks, just giving a small nod. A deep hearty laugh left his lips, “Any fool could be a secretary, but you don’t seem like a fool. No, just the way you speak and hold yourself exudes intelligence. Normally a secretary is chosen from within the company, as an outsider could be one that would leak vital information about QuanCom to its competitors. Someone that has worked their way up the ranks, whom I could trust. However, due to obvious circumstances here we are. If you so choose to take this job you will have limited access to certain databases as I need you to earn that trust. Understood?” The sneer plastered itself once more upon his face, incisors visible this time.
“Yes sir, I understand. I’ll make sure I do this right Mr. Crimson!” a little bit of enthusiasm worked its way to you, eyes lighting up like Coruscant itself.
“Please, call me Maul.” he pleaded, followed by a half-smirk.
Rising to his feet, he outstretched a hand that you mirrored. His callused hand engulfing yours in a gentle embrace. Just this morning you were going in ready to compete against nineteen other candidates, and here you are sealing a deal with the CEO of QuanCom to be his second secretary. Breaking the handshake, he opens up his desk drawer pulling out a datapad, handing it to you.
“That will be yours. You’ll need it for all the paperwork and emails. You’re free to take it home, just don’t lose it. Asajj will send you some emails tonight that will need to be completed before you come in tomorrow morning at 6 sharp. Once you do that you’ll be set up in our system and able to begin your duties. You’re dismissed for the day, but you will be paid for a full day. Just a small token of gratitude.”
Taking the datapad in your hands, you gave a curt nod, ensuring you understood the importance that was just given to you. Getting yourself together along with your things, you exchanged a few words expressing how grateful you are for this new position. Heading toward the door, you outstretch a hand to grab the handle. Just as you’re about to open the black door, his voice cuts the silence.
“Oh, one last thing, don’t mention our little encounter this morning to anyone. Some may think... I’m beginning to play favorites.” his voice honeyed paired with a smirk and eyes ogling you, trying to take in one last visual before you leave.
So I am by no means an artist, but I picked up some digital tracing/drawing over the summer and I’ve been wanting to do this since forever and I finally did. It’s not perfect but I’m really proud of it because, as perviously mentioned, I am no artist 😂 I present to you, Anakin and I as padawans 🥰
I am and have always been a heavier girl and it’s been something I’ve struggled with. Because of that, I wanted to show some bigger girl representation. For easier mobility I added tighter bottoms as well as to emphasize the Thick Thighs™. I had like 10 layers to do this 😂 specifically the part of drawing myself (Anakin was pretty easy, I just used the picture of him with Padmé). I had some fun with the Jedi robes for myself as well as the padawan hairstyle 😁 It’s definitely not perfect, like I think the proportions of some of the drawing of me are off, but I feel like I will get better with that over time ☺️
tagging some friends who I think might like to see it! 💞
summary: you encounter acclaimed scholar obi-wan kenobi after an academic conference
rating: mature (not explicit)
notes: all my love and affection to brit and mia. @profkenobi you are my prompt muse & @goldenkenobi you win many awards by listening to my endless rambles about this fic. // CHAPTER TWO
ne plus ultra (n).
(1) the highest point capable of being attained
(2) the most profound degree of a quality or state
the story starts in medias res, as all lives do. the beginning of your life is always in the middle of someone else’s. your death coincides with another’s gallant ebullience, your semi-colon failing to incise upon their life. so the scholars say.
the conference — your first since you passed your dissertation — had made you nervous, and you were glad to be spending an extra night before returning to the real world tomorrow.
your palms are slick, as they always are after too long spent in the company of other academics. the anxiety that swells in you is ballast and the deadweight forces you to slump forward slightly, the visible seam on your the shoulder of your shirt sashaying inwards.
when you smile at the concierge, it is tight, like a formation of soldiers in Napoleon’s day, and does not quite reach your eyes. still decked with traces of freckles and darkened by a summer spent abroad under the sun’s penetrating gazes, your skin fails to comply with demands of minuscule muscles pulling and stretching, commanding it into a thin arc.
but it is no matter — you receive your key and you sign the paperwork and are ascending the winding staircase to the seventh floor. emerald green carpet is your guide, swathing your ascendancy in a sheen of dark-hue velvet. sir gawain chasing after the knight in green armor, a lecture on virtue streaming from the knight’s mouth, materializes on the steps. the galloping thought makes you smile, this time more relaxed. that story is something you know. something you know so well you could almost touch it. indeed you had fingered its pages, during your apprenticeship at the British Library.
hope. the words springs forth, nearly unbidden, from your lips. the word is spoken so softly — merely a breath and a hint of sound disturbing the stairwell’s precious physics. it is a reflex of association. green means hope, the scholars had said, and during the course of your studies you had been disappointed to find that you agreed with them. you did not want to agree with the fashionably smug expert in the field. you wanted to rattle him. shake him to his sacrosanct core, the sanctimonious scum.
you had never met the man: the mysterious OWK. your advisor had raved about his breakout lecture series that had taken place years ago, when he was a newly minted phd and you were still in undergrad. sipping a cup of cafeteria coffee (they always forgot you preferred tea, all these years later), they had rambled on about the poetry of OWK’s phrasing and his decisiveness in speech and the unparalleled skill of his primary source research. the lectures had been sadly lost, the footage deleted, or archived, they didn’t know which. just that the man had refused to distribute them and speak on the matter further, nearly abandoning academia entirely.
the beverage was bitter but you laughed lightly. “is this thomas moore and his lectures on st. augustine, then? so legendary that no one can find them?”
your advisor had inclined their head, congratulating you on your witty reference. “i suppose so,” they had mused, leaning back in their office chair and staring at some point above your head, at the oaken bookshelves with brightly colored book jackets lining the walls. “now, your latest draft—“
the memory fades as your purpose alters. a simple twist of the key and the door opens. but you remain on the threshold, stuck between two modes, between here and there.
there is a man in your room, and he is as handsome as sin. he sits in a chair in the corner of the room and one leg is resting on the other’s kneecap at a ninety degree angle. he is wearing glasses, and has short auburn hair that gleams in the dull light of the lamp beside him (although, a few wayward strands obscure his eyes, layering over the frame of his glasses). he is reading. the cover is folded over so you cannot see the title but it is hefty, judging from its position on his thigh. shadows have formed over high cheekbones.
the man removes himself from the task, focusing his gaze on you. you see now that he has bright blue eyes.
“hello there!” his greeting is polite, and amiable, and accented, though not pleasantly so. “can i help you?”
“I’m afraid there seems to be a mix-up!” you say in your ‘adult voice.’ it’s same one you used on your dissertation defense. “it seems we were placed in the same room.”
“ah.” he nods sagely, as though this were to be expected, and unfolds himself from his chair.
you place a hand on your hip — near the phone snug in the back pocket of your jeans — and shrug. “I’m sorry.” the apology is saccharine and tastes like grenadine. “I’ll pop back downstairs and find out what the problem is.”
he urges you to stay, to let him call from here rather you lugging your things all the way down and all the way back up again. “it’s not proper,” he insists, dragging you in and closing the door behind you. in the time that his is so near to you and you feel the way his frown matches the steady grip on your upper arm, something warms in you at his indignation. your hand drifts away from your phone. he retreats to his corner to make the call while you linger just beyond the threshold.
the conversation is hushed and decorated with the raised tones of inquiry. when he hangs up, he sighs.
“they were under the impression that we were a married couple. apparently we booked under a similar last name.” his voice turns down at the edges. he sounds the way his frown had earlier: weary, confused, and a dash of inexplicable certainty.
“but—“ you gesture to the beds — “two beds?”
something of a grimace shadows his face. “all that was available, apparently.”
“oh.” there is a pause. he does not continue. “but they got me a room, right?” if you sound slightly desperate, perhaps it is because you are. you are sweaty. you are nervous. you want to relax. in your own room.
he zooms past your query. “i know you,” he says, and sounds as if he is surprised he knows how to speak.
“i —“ you shake your head — “i don’t think so.”
when you give your name and recognition fails to present itself, he falters and twists to stare through the glass behind him. “i thought…” but he breaks off. in the end he rights himself and tells you of the situation — how there is no vacancy, but he does not mind the sharing a room with you, just for the night, it wouldn’t be a bother.
there is something different about him. maybe it is the way that he emphasized the word can. maybe it is the way he is pushing the hair from his eyes, and removing the glasses from his face. maybe it is the way that, now pausing his actions, the man cants his head and furrows his brow.
air grows thick with the brush strokes of caravaggio: he is in the spotlight, sure and solid and steady, pure against the whirlpools of unknowing realism.
you are on the cusp of stepping into his white light when he offers his name. the first letter of each word drags itself from his mouth and burrows into your ear, until you almost divorce the meaning but for the particulars.
the first instinct that you are aware of is one you cannot name — it is an anger that is sweet, and one that is shielded by sadness, yet fueled by frustration.
there are dozens of others that your heart and mind have already examined, of course, turning them this way and that, inspecting their corners with bloodied hands. but they are rejected, and expelled into the waxy shadows, without your being aware of them. that is the job of the soul: to know before you are even aware.
he senses the shift. perhaps uncertainty has clouded your eyes. obi-wan kenobi, OWK, takes a step back from rising mist and shadow and once more turns to gaze out the window. through the glass there is a gentle village scene, all cobblestones and iron street lamps and hills keeping time on the horizon.
“i — “ you start, but you stop again. you must start, you feel, but you do not know what path to take, and you halt. the time he thinks you consider you are in fact not considering at all. there is only one answer (answers that are wrong are never really answers, after all, just more questions).
“i’ll stay.”
—
Obi-Wan is courteous and deferential and demands that you permit him to treat you this evening as an apology. he departs to give you privacy as you shower, and the flash of shimmering emerald carpet you spy as he exits makes you wonder if you are the Lady Bertalik to his Sir Gawain.
the steam and the water beat down clenched muscles with gentle hands and lingering touches. it is for several minutes that you linger in their warm embrace, but as you wipe away fog from the mirror you cannot help but encounter the sensation that you are alone, and wrongfully so. you cannot feel Obi-Wan’s presence and the air feels stale without him — like there is no current disrupting the atmosphere’s mundane course.
droplets decorate your shoulders and the hollow of your throat. they hold fast even when you pad softly to your belongings for a fresh change of clothes.
The ache in this room is stronger. The walls themselves are mourning his absence. You feel it settle in your gut, a gluttonous mass that lightens when you consider that he should be returning soon. the sky outside the window is orange and gold, flattering the leaves of maple trees in autumn.
the room is pretty, in a simple way: the emerald carpet of hope has been exchanged for a darkened hardwood. Chrome accents gleam in the reflection of the wood, and two beds — one at opposite ends of the wall — are smothered silver-white sheets. a series of Malevich paintings are hung up in a neat grid, as though the dissembling artist would come barging in, screaming of the devil, if the French theories of symmetry were not obeyed.
as you dress and begin to comb your hair, you wonder why you miss someone whom you have just met, and someone you are not disposed to like. can you miss someone you don’t like? he is sporadic and paradisiacal; in motion and steady. his kindness had surprised you, as had his beauty. he was less corrosive than your advisor had made him out to be, less ambitious than the accolades awarded to his name. but he is zealous, hungry, seeking: you could see in the way his eyes bunched around the edges, in the crick of his neck when he sought wisdom from the hills, how he had contorted his body in the chair.
(he is like you, both here and not here, and although you did not yet know, your soul was aware and reflective in wonder)
when your flesh-and-blood sir gawain returns, you muse that you are a poor temptress in an thick-knit ivory sweater that encases your body from neck to wrists. it had been a steal from a second-hand store a few years back, and you had never found the heart to give it up. it was like a childhood book, or a favorite mug — the object, in all its durable materiality, was akin to you.
Your smile pleases him. Obi-Wan says he has found a place for this evening, nothing special, but nice. “We are celebrating after all,” he says, shrugging off a dark woolen coat.
“We are?” you look at him through the reflection of the mirror. blue eyes meet yours.
“Of course!” the phrase suspends itself for a moment, maybe two, as though it is waiting for something to slip in and complete its trinity. but it falls, tumbling back down to terrestrial concerns. “We are celebrating our meeting.”
He is absurd, and you laugh. Obi-Wan’s theory of festivity is not so mercurial as his speech — the declaration sticks to your ribs, pumping blood to your heart and flooding your cheeks with a natural flush.
Obi-Wan continues to examine you. “Might I ask,” he starts, hands stilling in their expedition of finding suitable attire, “where you bought your sweater?”
you respond: it was from a second-hand store, you found it during your apprenticeship, it was the only thing that kept you warm that terribly dreary winter, it was your constant companion.
“does it have a trio of red threads on the left cuff?”
satisfying his quench takes precedence to mystery of his request.
Obi-Wan’s smile engulfs the spirit of the room, and the two of you, and the bedding, and the glass window, too.
“that was my sweater,” he says. “my uncle made it for me, and i gave it to my brother after we adopted him. he wasn’t used to the dampness of English winters, but he didn’t like the itchiness of the knit. he always had an aversion to gritty textures.” he reaches out a hand with a faint smile, like the combined power of his simple offering can cross space and time and memory and return him to the days of him and his uncle and adopted brother.
you do not know what to say. you watch him for several moments. you want to speak, but your mind is blank, thrumming with the idea that it is so very right that part of him has been with part of you all of these years. parts have him has seen you through the long hours of a dreary apprenticeship and discovering the healing properties of English tea and catching tears and wisps of smiles and witnessing ink spill over pages as you churned out dissertation drafts until the argument was smooth and refined.
the idea makes you feel very alive, and alert, and you want to offer him comfort. “would you like to take it back?” one hand tugs at the edge of the cloth, near your waist. “it’s yours anyway.” the pain of parting is lessened by the joy of giving.
he demurs, you coax. eventually it is determined that he will wear the garment for the evening, but only if you wear something of his, too. “that way it’s even,” he says, and you laugh again to hide the dip in your stomach at thought of wearing something of his, of wrapping yourself in his scent, of placing your body in a place his had once inhabited.
you settle on a light gray blazer that you think must compliment his eyes, which sparkle with aquamarine and crystal. it is paired with a turtleneck and when you emerge to show him the completed ensemble, spinning in a circle, he chuckles.
“you look like me,” he says, one hand cupping his chin.
a feeling pulses in your mind but you let it go. you may like him after all, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a pompous academic whose theories had made your life hell.
—
you expect him to take you to a cozy place. somewhere where they serve the local brew and make homemade shepherd’s pie, but he doesn’t.
he takes you a bar that is sleek and modern, with soft yellow lights and paneled ceilings and marble counter-tops. Obi-Wan escorts you to a high table in the corner, a hand on the small of your back. the warmth from his palm spreads through his jacket and your turtleneck and it feels like cinnamon and candlelight.
later, you will not remember what you ordered to eat, but you will always remember the two cups water that appear on the table.
the glasses have smooth edges and and rounded sides, curving around themselves ad infinitum or perhaps reductio ad absurdum. faint golden orbs hunch against the surface; integers of light cling to any sort of tactical reassurance. even the glass will do.
the cups are hefty, and not just with the font of life. the vessel is weighty, durable. Obi-Wan tells you that they are recycled.
he does not talk about what he does now and how he teaches, and you do not mention your work. you do not need to: what these truths have taught you is in every swallow, every glance, every gentle barb. the two of you do not need shields of citation guidelines to understand one another.
the conversation dances. he pulls you in with a question. you twirl around him, brushing his five o’clock shadow. artifice glistens and then falls away. with every pass and dip and pas de chat resentment and assumption weaken, and your eyes become bigger. he changes the time signature, the style (first it was a waltz, and then a swing step, and now it is easing into something unknown). the fabric of his jacket is smooth, and comfortable, and smells like him — warm and spice and clean. you ease into it like it is your birthright.
you do not see, but Obi-Wan notices, and grins into his water.
he does not see, but you notice, the way he couches into your sweater, and your eyes curl in some form of elation.
“what were they about? the lectures, i mean.” this is the question you have been waiting to ask. here, in the bar, with glass, you are emboldened to let go of one last grudge.
he looks at you, and his gaze stabs you, but then it softens — like the needle from a shot easing into muscle before retreating as swiftly as it came.
“what did your advisor say they were about?” he fiddles with his glass.
“they said…” you close your eyes in recollection. eyelashes flutter against freckles. “they said the lectures were about grief.”
Obi-Wan’s smile is wry, but he does not seem displeased. he is still too relaxed to be angry. how you can read his body language so quickly, you are not sure — maybe it is because he is wearing your sweater. so many things you are unsure of, but he is not one of them. not really.
uncertainty is different with him. he is not an ever-fixéd mark, nor a staid anchor in the waves. but he is resolved, and you can separate him from the rest of the particulars that impede your life. he is not just krei: distinguishing and judging and explanatory and crisis all at once, all at everything.
yes, uncertainty with him is less about judgment and is rather imbued with mystery. it is krei mixed with mysteriam: separating the hidden things from that which is known.
Obi-Wan taps his finger on the glass and the sound returns you to the present. he has caught you wandering, again, wandering the wayward halls of esoteric remembrance.
“they were about grief,” he nods, staring at the transparent material in his hands.. Obi-Wan’s voice is kingly and aromatic, like basil. it lilts and sways around the words he speaks as in a courtly dance, like those Anne Boleyn performed for King Henry.
lifting his gaze to yours again, he adds, “and they were about joy. those lectures were about everything, and nothing.” a hand rises, and rhythmic fingers sweep away invisible cobwebs. “they were,” Obi-Wan concludes, “about life itself. phenomena, as it were.” the hand floats down and rests on the table.
it is perilously close to yours now: mere inches from the edges of your body. you both look down at his hand in a brief moment marked and scratched with silence, and you are alone with your thoughts. his hands are worn, like they have been used — little scars and wrinkles and a slight puffiness that tells you that he spent a lot of time writing today. you like that.
you point to the swelling, at the v of his hand where thumb and palm meet. the tip of your index finger hovers above the spot and your confession must linger too, because it takes several moments for him to drag his eyes upwards to study your face.
“how many ACE wraps did you fray while writing your dissertation?” he asks, and you want to push him for being such a competitive brat.
your hand is still suspended above his.
you tell him your answer, and he cups his fingers around yours in a spasm of revelation. “me too!” his grip tightens. “academia is one son of a bitch.” he catches you in a sideways glance, and when you laugh, he relaxes into a smile.
“I read your dissertation, you know.” the sweater itches against your wrist, where the sleeve of his blazer has ridden up and exposed skin.
“i didn’t.” you take a sip. “but i do know how you feel about scholars such as myself.” another sip. are you biding time? you are not sure. “you feel very strongly about the color green, Dr. Kenobi.”
his grip slackens but he does not release your hand completely. “please. call me ben.”
“no?” your eyebrow arches. “not OWK, either?”
“I don’t use that name with friends.”
“Are we friends?”
his eyes are earnest, open, porous, like blue tulle on ballet costumes. “yes. i dare say we are.”
—
when the two of you stand to leave, there is a still a table that prohibits unity. emptiness subsumes you; he is so near and yet so far; Ben should be next to you. the distance continues, grows, as you exit, and an ache pours forth from your soul, because you now know what you did not know before. you had seen it in the glass, and in the reflected light, and the way you had seen yourself in his eyes when you danced with him without touching his hand.
you halt, he pauses. you take a step forward and Ben watches you. darkness blankets the town’s cobbled streets; the stones gleam dully and swallow the street lamps all into an abyss. except his eyes: Ben’s silken azure eyes are your anchor.
people don’t make sense but you do.
a few steps more and the two of you are very close. you tilt your head to look at his face. you are there, reflected in his pupils. “maybe i am you.” you mean for it to sound teasing, but your soul knows before you do, and the words are laden with imperial import, like a royal seal.
those gemstone eyes flicker over your face. he has felt it too, he is telling you, but how you know this you cannot say. “no, i do not think so.” letters drip out, leaking in a slow stream. “but i think perhaps we are a part of each other.”
and then you have narrowed down the sum to its composite parts. the glass has shattered and the left hand swims in its sand and calcium carbonate and ash, drifting through a process of becoming. particles glimmer on skin, under nails, brandishing depth and texture and a pantone coloring book of the human heart.
it is a mutual kiss, one where individualism no longer endures. his hands — swollen, calloused, firm — are grasping your cheeks. your arms are around his waist, winding around sweater and skin and soul. when you close your eyes, you think it will be dark. you are wrong. tenebrism creeps away and shadows vanish, and there is only him, and a resounding tenor of colors.
ben’s lips are soft, and his breath is warm, and it is the kiss for which you feel like you have spent your whole life preparing. he is safe (tender) and unexpected (his tongue grazes your teeth). he likes it when you grip him harder, the knit no longer coarse against your palms, not when his hand is wandering through your hair in flashes of blue and gold and pearl.
when you pull away, and nuzzle his cheek, Ben smiles — soft and comforting like the garment on his back. maybe this is why glass shatters and cracks around your feet, crunching as you sway slightly in each other’s arms — you have worn his jacket, and he has worn your sweater.
—
it is predawn the next time he kisses you. the two of you are on his bed, near the window. sweaters and blazers have been exchanged for baggy t-shirts and sleep shorts. Ben is facing you, cross-legged on the pale sheets, and he watches you as you take in the metamorphosis of the sky, from black to navy to the merest smidgen of blue and grey on the horizon, skating across the silhouette of the hills.
he watches you as you speak, too, about the way you loved the ocean as a child, and your favorite book is Moby Dick. it was so very ethereal to you, the way that sailors used the stars to navigate. it was like they were communing with the heavens.
Ben thinks that your voice glitters. it is weary with much talk and too little sleep but it shines the way diamonds do when they are stitched onto spanish lace, supported with the strength that is only found in delicacy.
your eyes, he thinks, are more like satin, for the way they gleam and mix their depth and shadows without losing their sheen, glassy in their wonder.
but you notice his regard, and you pause. he cannot see it, but he can feel a blush jogging from your neck to your cheeks.
you stare at each other. and then — he is next to you, and laying you down, and you are learning his labyrinthine ways even as you begin to come undone.
he is coming alive, or waking up—you’re not sure. his ends and beginnings are still a unknown to you: you must fashion yourself a mystic to enter his realm. somehow you suspect he is yours. your alpha and omega, the moral force that has driven you forward to now, to this point, where his forehead is meeting the jut of your jaw as he kisses his way down your neck.
you are hot and cold all at once and when he licks your pulse point, and sucks, you gasp. it is a gentle thing, more like a deep breath than an exclamation. you feel yourself leaning into him, straining for his touch. his auburn hair under your fingertips is soft and slick with his gel and you tug at it in an act of encouragement.
he pulls away. hovering over you, eyes blue and silver in the pale light — twin moons, perhaps — he smirks. “are you trying to tell me something, darling?” he asks lowly, and his voice is dark molasses. it is sticky and sweet and bitter, inching down your body. you want his kisses to follow its tortuous path, staining you with vermillion and black and dying you with pleasure.
he is color. you are cloth.
the durability of your nature returns in a rush marked with grains of steel. “no.” you swallow and the action traces where his lips met your skin just moments earlier. “i rather thought you were trying to communicate with me.” you sound ragged, coy, on the verge of aching.
Ben does not take your bait. “i was.” his breath is hot against your ear, and arresting. he pauses. the molasses continues to drip. “i was just wanted to make sure i had a clear answer.” and he nips your earlobe. you bite your lip in response: the two of you are in sync.
“yes.” you are fabric, and your voice is terrycloth.
“Yes?” he repeats your fiat. Shards of glass collapse around you as he again meets your gaze.
this must be how the Virgin prayed her Magnificat, you think as his heart errantly beats against his throat. She must have been like he is now, brimming with humble righteousness and bound by understanding. Tenderness cords through you; it tempers your breathing, smoothes the bubbles of molasses. Reaching up to to cup his face, you let your fingers splay over his cheek, resting on stubble and skin. your pinky finger meets the angle of his cheekbone. the image falls into place and the symmetry causes you to smile.
“yes. etiam. ja. sí.” you are about to conclude in greek — ναί — but he halts your litany of assent by placing an offering on your lips. the greek is in the twists of his tongue in your mouth, and so is the hebrew, and the arabic, and all the languages yet to engrave themselves in your memory.
it is like the first time you experienced champagne at your father’s christmas party. one of his students had poured you, then sixteen, a glass and said with a wink, “the monks declared it was the taste of the stars.” you had raised the flute to your lips and drank as you were bid, and when you had swallowed, you knew the world was different now. or perhaps the old world had not changed, you had merely adapted to fickle ways.
your tongue did as it had then, skating across your front teeth onto your upper lips in quick, jabbing motions. unsatiated and incomplete.
he pulls away again and you frown. eyes closed, you tug at his shoulder in a nonverbal ask to come back.
silence meets your plea and you open your eyes. he is still above you, weight resting on his forearms, and he is smiling. “you are so impatient.” the rebuke is fond and he soothes its burn with a kiss to your cheek. your eyes flutter closed, briefly.
“i am not impatient.” arms cross over your chest and eyes roll. “i am —“ the phrase is paused as he kisses your other cheek. you open your eyes. “i am.” he waits for you, as he always has, but after a few heartbeats he gleans the completeness of your meaning. existence is the watchword of this night, or this dawn: let sartre and his kind be put to rest.
so the two of you kiss again, and when his arms get tired, you drape your legs over his lap and press yourself into his chest. the last vestiges of moonlight have settled upon you, but it is no thing, not when skin feels what eyes cannot. lips are languid and hands stroll up and down pathways and alleyways and sidewalks. brittle substances of impatience are burned away through the silk of his fingers. you are content to rest in chiaroscuro.
there is another breaking: transparent and fortified compound of ash and sand — let in by the moon and the rising venus — twinkles around your head, his spine. a whispered ask, a tender assent: shirts glide over shoulders and he guides in your descent.
breathing is knowing, feeling is seeing: for here essence and existence bleed into one consummate act of communion.
lips touch your collarbone, your breast. your hands plane over his chest in a crusade of knowledge. he does not begrudge your gasps, now, or the arches your back erects to his honor. ben’s lips, hands, the vehicles of his words to the world, at once analyze and soak in praise.
clothes fall away, skin uncovering skin, manifesting a reality that had resided in your souls far before today. before the bar, the hotel, the sweater, there was always the two of you, striving for eudaemonia.
“this is phenomena,” he whispers against the curve of your hip. ben presses a kiss to the bones that give form to your body politic (the totality of your shattered glass made whole).
fin.
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