Helloo would it be okay if you chose a character this time? Anyone’s fine!
Have you heard of undressed by sombr? there’s this one lyric that really stuck with me and I thought it might be cool for you to use it as inspiration, if you’d like!
“I don't want the children of another man to have the eyes of the girl I won't forget”
Since you like doomed stuff and me too let's go cry together in a corner
would look just like you ☆ black swan x fem!reader
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ok happy arc is over. lets get down to business with the angst. i've decided to remix this with sienna by the marias if that's okay..
"black swan? nobody gaf about black swan" LISTEN I HAD AN IDEA OKAY ALSO I CARE!! I GAF </33 I LOVE MY DOT TEAMS AND I MISS HER EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS LITERALLY THERE THE ENTIRE TIME DURING AMPHOREUS </33 i'm so sorry this took like half a year... i hope u enjoy but nothing will make up for the fact that this took half a year i am so sorry
With a temper like you
Run around like you
Jumping in the pool
like you
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"There is no existence more embracing than the Remembrance in its purest form; It chronicles everything with neither affinity nor aversion."
Perhaps being a follower of Fuli was a curse. Black Swan never thought of it that way until it came to a point where she realised the past was not something she merely collected, but something that had the ability to haunt her. It was foolish to believe that the past would be on her side simply because she was a memokeeper, and it was foolish to believe that she was an exception to the world that had never been on her side. Or anyone's side, for that matter. She first learned this when she watched her own mother become a fragment of who she was, when her mother became a shell of a human being with what made her her completely disappear into the abyss of her own mind. Black Swan could only sit by her side and watch her own mother, the person who put her in this world, look at her as if she was a stranger; as if she had never seen her before. Her future had been determined from the moment her mother looked at her like that, because she would do anything to escape that feeling of emptiness.
Memories are horrifying, they can be reshaped and altered. Memories define your entire perception of the world, how you see your past determines how you see your future. And Black Swan should know better. Her definition of love ebbs and flows. She had only known familial love for the longest time, and platonic love was something that she has yet to learn. Romantic love, however, was a new kind she found herself unable to embrace properly and fully. Her brief encounter with it was enough to reshape the way the stars looked in the night sky and the way the water lapped at the sand on the beachside.
Memokeepers do not show themselves, but she found herself showing all of herself to someone who was merely just a regular human. You had a smile that held secrets about you, and she wanted to hold you close and look into your eyes, reading between each layer to find out what makes that smile so uniquely yours. Your eyes, your eyes were the secret to what made you tick. Your eyes held onto the memories that made you you and your eyes perceived and shaped the world in a way unique to you.
Black Swan found that fascinating.
She first encountered you when she was searching through the dreams of the people of Penacony, and your eyes caught hers amidst the chaos of the past and present. You smiled. You smiled and it was such a curious thing, because who would have thought a smile could mean something more than a simple greeting? You were on Penacony with the Express, and she found herself more drawn to you than anyone else, because there is so much that lingered behind that smile that did not reach your eyes. There was so much she wanted to look into, since those eyes told stories that she could not seem to read. She reasoned with herself that she was drawn because it is her job as a memokeeper, she reasoned with herself that it was okay because this was purely professional. She had danced with Acheron, she had touched the flames and gotten her wings burned, but perhaps it was time to try again.
"May I have this dance?"
"Gosh, you're formal today."
When she danced with Acheron, she called her a 'beautiful ranger'. When she danced with you, she found herself unable to say anything. She found herself looking into your eyes, your eyes that swirled with layers of caution but also something more. Something unreadable, and as a memokeeper it was her job to read it, right? But she couldn't. The one time she could not do her job even though it was right in front of her. For some reason, that night, the past was not so enticing. That night, the present with the silk of your dress under her fingertips and the smell of your perfume was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen. That night, she failed to do her job for the first time, because you held her face with such tenderness she realised that this moment too would become the past, and it would be something that changes the way she views the world as she knows it.
Dancing with a memokeeper was dangerous, you knew that and so did she. She wanted to keep her distance but you followed her. She was not as strong as she thought she was, her last dance with Acheron proved her weak and her recent dance with you proved her... soft. You took her hand and pressed a kiss to it, and the feeling of your lips against her skin had her conflicted because she knew this was wrong but she could not help but crave more of it. You seemed to think the same.
The scary thing about the past is its permanence, and how it can completely alter the way one views the present and the future. When the dance with you became the past, the way Black Swan saw the present and future had completely changed because she wanted to see more of you in it. Tenderly, you found your way back to her and the relief she felt when she saw that you were safe after the fight against the Order was something she could never properly express in words. It was a surge of emotions she had never felt before, and it was like writing a new constellation in the skies. She remembers the tears streaming down your face as you took her hand and pulled her in. You did not kiss her, but instead you pressed your forehead to hers as you placed her hand against the side of your face. She remembers feeling the wetness of your tears and she remembers for the first time since her mother died, the same tears were falling from her eyes as well.
She treasured you more than she treasured anything else, but she was scared of how much she treasured you. She knew the risks of her job, she knew the risks of yours. She didn't know how much time you two had together until it eventually would become just memories and that scared her. She did not want this to become memories, she wanted this to be the present and the future. When you kissed her on the Radiant Feldspar, she wanted to think of nothing more than the present but she was stuck. She was stuck thinking about how everything would become a moment of the past, and for once she did not want to escape there anymore because the now had you. It was interfering with her job, it was interfering with everything but you just felt so right. She saw the hint of a blush on your cheeks when you pulled away and the slight tilt of the head as you let out a nervous giggle and in that moment she did something no memokeeper in their right mind would do. She let herself forget- her job, her mission, everything. Just for one second, just for now.
Just so she can kiss you again.
It was a mistake, to let herself go like that. To let herself feel so much that it overwhelms her. Dancing with danger, perhaps that was all she was good at. Putting herself in vulnerable situations, knowing she would walk out of the other side scalded. When you, Dan Heng and Caelus lost touch with the Astral Express, she was filled with a dread she had not felt since her mother looked at her for the last time with nothing reflecting in her eyes. She should have known better, she should have known better, she led you to a place unknown to the rest of the damn galaxy. Foolish, she cursed to herself. How could she? Himeko is a bright woman, she knew Black Swan was hiding something from her because Black Swan was being unnaturally worried and involved.
Himeko decided not to press on the situation.
Infiltrating Amphoreus proved to be more difficult than ever, it proved to be a task that altered the way they viewed existence completely. The Erudition itself was doomed, The Destruction threatened annihilation once more, and you were unreachable. Nobody knew about Amphoreus, nobody knew anything and perhaps that was the scariest part. Memories serve as a way for one to recognise patterns in the future, to be able to recall from past experiences and apply them to future possibilities. But even as Black Swan searches through the sea of memoria, she finds nothing that could help her, that could help you. Putting a hand to her mouth, she let out a sigh as she looked at the radiant glow of the lemniscate in front of them. You were somewhere there, surely. Somewhere in the centre of it all, was you.
The past will always find a way to haunt you, because the future is never promised.
The world of Amphoreus was too beautiful for what it actually is. When the Express and Black Swan stepped foot onto this new reality, she found herself searching through the crowds for those familiar eyes. When they found March, she held herself back. When they found Stelle, she held herself back. Those eyes, where were they? They were somewhere here, they had to be. Because you were still somewhere here.
"Oh, Y/n? I think she's with Castorice." March hummed "Let's go!"
"Aglaea?" Himeko mused
"One of the Chrysos Heirs." Dan Heng explained, but something was causing a pit to form in her stomach. The sinking feeling in her gut as her chest tightens and the tips of her fingers go cold. Something about the way March said Castorice and something about the way Dan Heng shot a glance at her made her feel... cold.
Look through the past, when have you felt this before?
This feeling, this feeling hit her right before her mother uttered her name for the last time. This feeling hit her right before she realised your car had crashed on Amphoreus, this feeling. It was a protective mechanism, so what was it protecting her from this time?
It was when she looked up, past the crowd, and saw your eyes. Your eyes, on a small child with purple hair. Your eyes that she wanted so badly to learn to read, that held what felt like the truths of the world to her. Your eyes, on someone who is not you.
The child ran up to March, leaping into her arms and March laughed.
"Gosh- Pollux! You're growing up fast!"
"Pollux?" Himeko frowned, a worried look in her eyes
Dan Heng's lips had formed a tight line, his eyes filled with what can really only be described as 'disapproving'.
"Y/n will explain."
The pit in her stomach was always there to warn her, to protect her from what was to come. There was something that she needed to be protected from, as it turns out. Because she watched the child in March's arms, and it pieces together in her head when she sees those Chrysos Heirs, the 12 titans. You stand next to this beautiful woman in a white dress, the woman with the same purple hair as the child March holds in her arms.
"Himeko!"
You ran up to Himeko, throwing yourself in her arms and she embraced you tightly. You were one of the older members of the Express, and the Aeons knew she was worried because you were one of her oldest friends from before the Express even started travelling again.
"Oh thank Aeons you're alright." Himeko whispered, and Black Swan could only watch from where she stood. Your eyes told a different story now, it had only been a few weeks for her but how many lifetimes have you lived in what was a brief moment for her? Your eyes no longer held the same stories, they held more layers that she could not recognise and it was a book in a different language. When your eyes met hers, she saw the way your eyes softened. She recognised that look. The same look the nurses gave her when they delivered the news about her mother to her. A look of pity.
"Black Swan."
"Hello again, Y/n."
The chronicles of the past, it is a curse to remember because it shapes your future. The future she once had stands in front of her, the child who holds onto your hand tightly stands as a cruel slap to the face. The past is not something she can just collect and store away, the past is something that follows her, and reminds her of what she once had that she let slip away. What she could have had that will never be. Something unwritten in the sky, erased into oblivion. Something that could have been a new constellation, now just a scattered mess of stars that hold no particular shape. She found something she wanted to keep, and it had slipped through her fingers once again. She is a collector of the past, but she knows that with this, some part of her only be searching for the feeling of you as she lives her life. Many humans live life knowing that the past shapes the present, and the present is shaped by the way you perceive it. She has no exception as a memokeeper, because at the end of the day she still breathes. She still breathes and lives, and she will never be free from the shackles that hold everyone down to the permanence of the past.
"This is my son, Pollux."
Remembrance. The coldest embrace.
