#mental venting

[layfinonthebed]

Sleepy

Today was a very long day. Even though I got to sleep in, this week has been so stressful.

I get news on things that are supposed to be good to hear, but ultimately, I'm scared that it will end up blowing up in my face again.

When you have family in the hospital, you can't be with them every day like you want. Especially when you have to provide for the family too. But when you do have a chance to go in, you start to struggle with your own mortality on things.

No one has slept right in the house in a while. And I doubt I'll sleep well when I head home from work tonight.

[voidstuffthings]

Wow, I really love starting my day to someone (attempting) to beat the shit out of me, that’s really really great.

[kalianos]

Ever year...

I vaugly stay up late at night thinking deeply about life and the world.

It leaves me a bit numbed. Remembering everything for a few instants.

Everything I did, see, and felt that was of note and importance.

Thankfully not all of it was bad. 

And usually I remember a woman.  How I was wrong. How she was wrong. How we wronged each other. Not that I ever admitted it.

Would I ask for her to come back?   Never.

I know what I am. I know what I did. I always have before and after.

I will not place that burden until I can help carry it with someone.

If there is a regret I always have, its that I wasn't strong enough before.

And time is running short on getting stronger.

[eversartdump]

Thinking....

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bad person. The feeling comes and goes a lot but it sucks when it does show up. I wonder if people percieve me that way at all. I know most don't and I tend to over think/exaggerate things. Again it's just something that comes and goes.

I feel like I try my best to be nice but I know I can't do it all the time. I have a bad  habit of saying things that come out rather mean when I completely meant the opposite. I also feel like I'm never doing enough but also feel completely exhausted at the same time. This could be health related issues like lack of sleep or not eating properly.

I don't know. I'm terrible at wording things but feel like I needed to vent a little somewhere. No repsonses necessary. .___.