#mentally altered

[n0stalgicv0id]

System friendships are hard

This is my view of the events based on my experience with some systems we tried to befriend in the past, sorry if my opinion may be biased but I just wanted to let out my thoughts about it.

We opened an account for our collective months ago and met such helpful people in the community and tried to connect with other systems but most of them got bored fast of us and their replies were dry. We tried to initiate convos during these moments thinking that maybe they weren’t in the mood to talk or were busy with their lives but most of the times we never received a reply or got one days later. And it’s discouraging to see barely an effort from the other party when you feel like you’re talking alone and no one’s listening to you or they prefer to talk only to certain alters and you’re not the one they want.

If you aren’t comfortable with certain alters address the situation and don’t ignore the problem, I’m sure anyone can understand and help to overcome it but don’t ghost people for “no reason” and then come back. Or if you “grew up tired” be clear and respectful of other’s feelings and time. I’m the comprehensive type until I see my in-sys friends get hurt or when people deliberately ignore me for how blunt I can sound even when I don’t want to pass as too cold

[n0stalgicv0id]

I’m a co-host and a fictive of a system and I’m not ashamed of who I am.

I’m done with constantly pointing out all my beliefs, source memories and discard my own feelings like they are worthless. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes when you get up from bed thinking at source memories. I respect people who can overcome it and separate their memories with their current life but some of us can’t face it nor want to do that. And that’s completely fine to do so, it’s a choice that must be taken by ourselves and us alone.

Being a fictive can be miserable and pitiful, I won’t lie on this statement. I never met any sourcemates nor I think they would get me completely but I admire people who are able to depend on others. I’m very secretive when it comes to that but that’s just my personal preference.

And it’s not talked enough how hard is it to separate the body’s memories from individual ones. In a period I was so confused and upset with myself that I thought I was lying to be who I was since I am good at pretending to be the host but I wasn’t, I was trying to build something that was safer for us pushing away my happiness. I was only 50/50 right.

Discovering ourselves is hard but in the end everything will be clearer and a stepping stone for a new beginning, be kinder to yourself