tagged by: @junjungsunwoo and @nyuwings !! thank you for the tag UwU
last song: Happier by Olivia Rodrigo (omg help i cried)
currently reading: nothing!
last movie: Five feet apart
craving: burgers😔
bias group: the boyz, nct, enhypen, txt, stray kids, ateez, red velvet, pentagon, aespa, seventeen, day6, golden child, sf9, mcnd + many more! (im mostly a bg stan but i love girl groups too)
hobbies: ...making a mess? procrastinating? simping over sunwoo? yeah
feeling: okay😑😑
looking forward to: making more friends and have some anons! (?) yeah
tagging: @hyunjaethereal @experimentalwrites @meicob @bluejaem @hwiseungs + anyone who wants to do this! (i have a little number of friends here so idk who to tag😅😅)
MGA 5 EPISODE 2: day6′s when you love someone ( 0:04 - 0:58 ; 2:50 - 3:43 )
a jigsaw puzzle. the whole show seemed like a jigsaw puzzle, with how diverse the backgrounds of the names that were called proved themselves to be; singer after singer, dancers mixed in with the occasional rapper were named, and by the time they reached ‘k,’ hyojin’s heart had already dropped to the bottom of his stomach. the chances of his own name being called decreased with every new singer that was announced, and by the time he heard his own being called as the first kim, he almost couldn’t fathom it.
he thinks it might be missing a piece, though, when he doesn’t hear a certain name being called, and his head whips around to look at the boy sitting on jooyoung’s other side, trying to read his expression. looking away quickly afterwards to not make the younger male feel self conscious, hyojin starts to feel a deep setting unease manifest in his insides as they move onto the lees, trying his best to congratulate seunghun and even seoyeon, appearing attentive as the rest of the contestants were named. with that, the new challenge was announced, and the filming ended.
hyojin gets lost in the crowd before he can even call out to seungmin.
the car ride back is quiet and unsettling; seungmin doesn’t say a word and only stays stock still, gloomy. hyojin can’t bring himself to say anything, only watching jooyoung curiously. the two of them always seemed like they were eons apart, but this time, the gap felt strangely even wider than that, as if now jooyoung was struck by it, too, and instead of closing the space between them, only got more far away.
holding back a sigh, he simply remains that way until seungmin is dropped off at his apartment, not quite knowing both what to say and when to say it. if there was an opportunity to do so, he had missed it.
❀ AFTERMATH;
hyojin desperately needs a breath of air. it’s the technology age, after all, and if he stares blankly at seungmin’s response to him for any longer, he might go insane. scrolling through youtube isn’t any better — it feels like he’s just sinking down into a thick, opaque swamp without any end or resolution in sight, and even when he tries to sing some of a song, it just falls flat on his ears.
( even without knowing, he had grown fond of the feeling of the microphone in his hand, the smooth handle still faintly there if he tries hard enough to recall it. )
leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling, hyojin sighs heavily and shuts his eyes tightly to try to get the spotlight that would hide behind his eyelids every time he blinked to fade away and disappear from his mind. he feels guilty for what seemed to him like greed for the stage, a growing desire to make it as far as possible and push himself past his limits if it meant that he could have all eyes on him once again, singing his heart out. he shouldn’t be feeling this way when seungmin undoubtedly felt the same, when he may not actually deserve the opportunity that’s been granted to him.
he’s sorry — really, truly sorry to the boy whom he had considered to be a younger brother for quite some time now; as someone who frequently heard out his younger cousin’s worries and talked him through them, hyojin had developed somewhat of a sixth sense that could tell what the boy had been thinking. he thinks he’d be mad at himself, too.
( although, now that he thought about it, he’d be even more angry at himself for letting something like this to go to waste. )
pushing his seat back, he opens his phone again, this time not to mull, but to make some plans.
❀
fresh air. just like any other kind of air in any given place, it served the same purpose, but he was taking it in almost greedily, like it was the one thing he so desperately needed but had been deprived of for quite some time. he can still remember the first time he stood here like it was yesterday, the air cool and echoing the beginnings of spring, back when his thoughts were more simple and straightforward. it’s surprising how easily the desire to perform can become suffocating.
the thought passes by that perhaps he should be spending his time practicing a piece instead of out here busking with his friends as if there was no time constraint weighing in on him that could either make or break his future, only to be muffled by the slowly growing realization that if he didn’t do this, there would be no other way for him to just carry on practicing in yesterday’s state. even with the idea of a song to perform in mind, there’s no way he can do anything about it until he relieves this stress.
perhaps that’s why he finds himself taking a leap of faith and asking the crowd for a volunteer to perform a song, leading to an unlikely run in with kang daniel. it’s already shocking enough to find out the male’s been a part of a well known band with sungwoon this whole time, but the uncanniness of it all brings a strange comfort to him, and by the time it was over, hyojin feels like a part of him has been restored.
slipping his phone from the back pocket of his jeans, he looks at it to see a message from sakura, and smiles.
❀ PREPARATIONS;
hyojin sings for a lot of reasons, some more bittersweet than others. the one time he’s cried while singing was when he first moved to seoul. it’s embarrassing to admit such a thing when he’s already all grown up and had spent the last 8 years of his life strengthening his conviction to move out and make it big so that his mom can finally, finally be comfortable for once.
the separation was hard for her, too — how could you blame her when her only son, her pride and joy and anchor, was going to be far from her reach for an indefinite period of time? it’s both heartwrenching and sweet, but he promises to call her every day until he’s fully settled with jooyoung. one night, she asks him if he can sing to her over the phone like he used to, back when he was younger. he tries his best to comply, but it’s hard not to stop the tears.
it’s been three years now, and no matter how much he thinks of home when he sings a song, he tells himself not to cry, as if she could still hear and see him, much older and with eyes that have seen both too much and too little of the world, matured but still eager to live life. he hopes she still doesn’t work those late shifts, even though she tells him she stopped as soon as the debts had been paid off.
when she calls him, he’s in the middle of singing when you love someone. her voice is soft and gentle as always, still tired but more lively than it used to be, congratulating him and putting to sleep all the inner demons that had been pricking away at him that he was betraying her by trying out for mgas.
he doesn’t realize he’s crying until he tries fruitlessly to continue singing after she asks him to sing a little bit of what he plans on performing for her, saying that she’s missed his voice. even without saying, he knows she knows why he chose this song.
slowly, note by note, it feels like a burden is being lifted off his shoulders.
❀ IN THE STUDIO;
take two. he’s sitting in the audience on a familiar chair, this time sandwiched between seunghun and jooyoung. instead of feeling like jelly, he feels eerily calm, as if accepting that whatever would happen that day had already been set in stone as his fate.
fail or pass, he’d be able to get across his message at the very least. he hopes his mom will be able to hear him. he even chats with seunghun for a little bit, playing around and being a lot more relaxed than he had been the week before. just knowing that he could look around and meet the eyes of someone familiar is comforting, and although he doesn’t sit close to her, he knows sakura is somewhere there, too, cheering him on.
this set of performances is as entertaining as last week’s, if not more; all of the singers are incredibly talented, and he takes special note of heejin’s performance, her voice sweet and smooth as it recreates the moody be myself, as well as seoyeon as she sang an emotional english song, swaying along to the rhythm. he cheers for jooyoung too, of course, as well as seunghun, pressing a hand to his chest at the younger male’s rendition of crush’s sofa, clearly pleased at the song choice. they had a similar song preference, after all; before he knows it, a sound of awe escapes his mouth at his friend’s cover, his brows furrowed as he feels the sheer emotion.
❀ ON THE STAGE;
his heart had started to pick up and beat viciously against his ears when he finally hears his name called, this time making good use of his strength to grab his keyboard and bring it onto the stage, setting it up quickly within a few movements. it’s a little funny, considering how thin he looked -- he was actually relatively strong despite never being the athletic type. having to lug things around on a weekly basis really did much for the body.
hyojin’s heart is still pounding when he hears so jisub call his name, this time with a number attached to it -- he was a part of this competition for real now, registered in their system as a contestant and someone who now was given the right to be eliminated for good or allowed to move on if he was skilled enough. even then, he breaths with even breaths -- seungmin didn’t get eliminated for him to get cold feet and to mess this up. he didn’t promise his mom he’d try his best just to be bested by nerves.
taking the microphone in hand, he bows deeply. “hello again, i’m kim hyojin with a healing voice.” he smiles a little at this comment, clearly trying to hold back a slight laugh, before continuing, “today, i’ll confidently perform a song standing up.” -- there’s a little smile at the corner of katie lee’s lips at that, a reminder of how he had been too nervous to stay upright the previous week and had requested a chair -- “i hope you enjoy and find comfort in this song, like i do.”
with that, he steps back behind the keyboard and starts to play.
오늘 많이 힘들었던 하루였죠
it was a really hard day today
그댈 보는 내 가슴이 아리네요
my heart aches for you
지친 그대를 위해 해줄 수 있는 건 오로지
the only thing i can do for you
곁에 있어주는 것 밖에 못해 미안해요
is to be next to you, i’m sorry
starting off with a low, mellow voice, he follows the melody set by the notes of the piano, singing softly and soothingly into the microphone. in actuality, he’s here, singing the song to a crowd of fifty people and five judges, but in his mind, he’s far, far away.
it’s almost heartbreaking how sincere hyojin sounds as he sings, because he thinks back to how he had felt during his high school days, that bone deep realization that he wasn’t quite yet at the point where he could help the one person he loved and cared for most despite desperately wanting to. in his head, he wonders if that’s common, and wonders if everyone else in the audience felt the same way, too -- that profound exhaustion of everyday life, the feeling that things weren’t just going your way even when it was hard enough waking yourself up in the morning.
like a lullaby, he sings the last line carefully, looking directly at the judges. in that instant, they seemed terribly human, as if underneath those steel expressions, they were people, too. people who experienced bad days, who struggled to get where they were now. who still struggle now.
그댄 웃는 게 정말 예쁜 사람이라서
you’re so pretty when you smile
그 미소를 잃었을 때마다
so every time you lose that smile
내 전부를 다 줘서라도
even if i have to give my all
다시 또 되돌려주고 싶어요
i want to give it back to you
picking up the pace and segueing into a higher range of notes, he starts to insert more emotion, as if reaching out towards whoever could hear him, hitting the notes smoothly and with a feeling as if he had torn the words straight from his heart, following along the song.
taking a gentle breath, he ends the verse and blends into the bridge.
this is a song for you
oh i’m singing for you
this is a song for you
i’m singing for you
내 모든걸 다 줄게
i’ll give you my everything
there’s no backtrack like in the original song to cause any layering effect -- instead of sounding empty, however, it just sounds more intimate and raw, like he was giving a personal message instead of trying to compete and boast, like he was better than everyone else in his category. even if he wasn’t the best or most experienced singer, he knew at least one thing: how to tell his story through emotions -- how to channel how he feels through the melodies that flow out of his mouth.
reaching the high note, he continues and sings, holding his voice on ‘everything,’ reaching the peak of the song. with that, he pauses for a little bit to let it sink in, before resuming playing, this time softer, more solemnly than in the original song.
대신 울어주고 싶고
i want to cry for you
내가 대신 아파해주고 싶어요
i want to hurt instead of you
다신 그대의 마음에
i don’t want any scars in your heart
상처가 나지 않았으면 해요
ever again
he closes his eyes as he sings, pouring out all his feelings and pain into the lines, earnest in how he delivers the song, as if he had written it.
누군가를 넘치게
when you love someone
좋아한다는 건
so much that it overflows
참 신기하게도
it’s so amazing
그렇더라고요
because this is how it is
much like the original, the first line starts out drawn out at the high note, feeling his heart start to burst at the seams and ache, overflowing with a mix of emotions that he can’t quite qualify, he hears his voice start to get a little thick at the end, his eyes growing a little blurry as he finished.
getting up and bowing, he wipes away a little at the corners of his eyes, feeling his cheeks heat up a little bit as he bows again and thanks the ceos for judging, then the audience. turning around to hide his face from any cameras, he quickly tries to pack up his keyboard and exit the stage. before the embarrassment is simply just a sense of loss, like he felt something and felt it so strongly that he didn’t know what else to say. he’s too choked up to say much else once he takes his spot next to seunghun and jooyoung, sniffling briefly to try and stop the tears as the next name was called.
this might be his last stage, but he hopes that his voice would at least reach the hearts of people watching. that was all that mattered now.
Looking up from the detention list, Pansy’s heart sunk a little - although she would be damned if you saw that etched across her face. Not when the eyes of the room were upon her. Not when she had been charged with leading this session of detention. Not when her faltering would send shockwaves around the school. Not when it would lead to her being on the end of Alecto Carrow’s wand. Instead, she steeled herself.
Noah.
Really, he had it coming. It was only a matter of time before his name wasn’t enough to protect him. And after walking out...he was on the Carrow’s shit list. They might have been unable to punish him for that, but they sure as hell could for anything and everything else.
Moving across the room, Pansy stopped opposite him. With a roll of her eyes, she scanned him. “Look what the cat dragged in. I guess you don’t have nine lives after all.” Because, whilst she would never enjoy torturing him, he was a little shit - and would be treated as such.
wowowow i love a lot of people and some of them may or may not be kpop blogs that i dont want to bother im bound to forget some people but here’s everyone i can think of off the top of my sleepy head (in alphabetical order) also im going to count this as a 700 follower celebration thing bc im one follower away from that number :,)
also, generally if youre a ktpj blog you’re automatically one of my favorite blogs :) and if you happen to post unwhitewashed pictures that’s also one of my k*nks so
Facebook'tan Video Yaratıcıları için Devrim Niteliğinde Uygulama: Facebook Mentions!
Facebook'tan Video Yaratıcıları için Devrim Niteliğinde Uygulama: Facebook Mentions!
Facebook, yılın ilerleyen zamanlarında sadece video yaratıcılarının kullanabileceği yeni bir uygulama çıkarmayı planladığını açıkladı. Ancak uygulama, sadece doğrulanmış hesaplar tarafından kullanılabilecek. Facebook, kullanıcılarını mutlu edebilmek için elinden gelen her şeyi deniyor. Bu yılın ilerleyen zamanlarında, tamamen yeni bir uygulama çıkarmayı düşündüğünü açıkladı. Facebook Mentions,…
Did you know Tumblr has Mentions now? I didn't know Tumblr has Mentions now.
So for all my lovelies, because I am wretched at keeping up with Tumblr even with your blog bookmarked and bookmarking your tags, tagging me will actually send alerts to my phone and I will SEE things you want me to see!
