#mepad mini

[stahp-right-there-peasant]

MePhone4: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*

Toilet: Hello, Mistah Phone! How was your day?

MePhone4: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Toilet* Hell.

MePad, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

[stahp-right-there-peasant]

MePhone4S, in a group chat: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

MePhone3GS: Schrödinger's boys.

MePhone4S: F*CK

MePhone4: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

MePad: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

MePad: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

4S: ...

3GS: ...

MePhone4: ...

MePad: Mind you, all of this hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

[stahp-right-there-peasant]

MePhone4: *falls down the stairs*

MePad: Sir! Are you alright!?

MePhone3GS: Stop falling down the stairs!

MePhone4S: How’d the ground taste?

[stahp-right-there-peasant]

MePhone4S: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone’s cheeks, look into their eyes...

4S: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps.

MePad: ...That took an unexpected turn.

MePhone4: So did their neck.

[stahp-right-there-peasant]

MePhone4: Name a more iconic duo than my fear of abandonment and instinct to self-isolate, I’ll wait.

MePad: You and I.

MePhone4, tearing up: …

[stahp-right-there-peasant]

MePad: MePhone4, this is the third time this week you’ve had a mental breakdown and it’s Monday.