I like to think that pre-Resurrection M– was in some ambiguous situationship thing with A– (and maybe even John, too) while being in love with the nun at the same time. World's messiest polyamorous bisexual and she didn't even know what polyamory was, or fully recognize that she was in love with "her" nun (the nun realized, though. She was fully aware). Hey M–, why did God let you have two boyfriends AND a girlfriend?
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Locked Tomb Series | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: Mercymorn the First/Cristabel Oct
Additional Tags: Character Study, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, a sprinkle of comphet, pre- and post-resurrection blended together into a wonderful mush of tragedy and feelings and sex, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus
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‘Do you believe it?’ M--- asks, cautious, almost incredulous. It seems a bit absurd to her, all that stuff about dying on the cross and rising from the dead and the miracles of the blood and the body.
C--- shrugs. Her feet in their dark, sturdy boots dangle from their concrete perch. M— is surprised time and time again by the outdoorsy androgyny of the things hidden underneath her habit: the boots, the trousers, the faded, worn-out men’s shirts.
‘I believe that what I believe does not matter all that much,’ C--- says. ‘I believe that we are not called to understand God. We are called to serve.’
M--- leans back on her hands against the dirty concrete. She mulls that statement over, feels its shape in her mouth.
‘Yes,’ she finally says. ‘Yes, I agree with that.’
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I accidentally wrote five thousand words’ worth of Mercy/Cristabel angst in what I can only describe as a fugue state. Please, for the love of God (hah!) read it so I can have definite proof that I’m not hallucinating the existence of this text.
Like all of my playlists, this one is "forever incomplete" in the sense that it always has new songs being added to it. I'll keep this post updated in accordance with any additions.
Songs are listed in order below the cut. The format listed is Track Title - Artist | Associated Moment(s)/Character(s) | Selected Lyrics
1.Eden - 10,000 Maniacs | M— & co. pre-Resurrection | "All in time, but the clock is another demon that devours our time in Eden, in our Paradise. Will our eyes see well beneath us, flowers all divine? Is there still time?"
2. Sunlight - Hozier | M— & M—'s nun/Mercymorn & Cristabel | "All the tales the same, told before and told again. A soul that's born in cold and rain knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight. And at last can grant a name to a buried and a burning flame: as love and its decisive pain. Oh my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight."
3. Passerine - The Oh Hellos | Necromancer Mercymorn's thoughts about Cavalier Cristabel | "My palms and fingers still reek with gasoline from throwing fuel to the fire of that Greco-Roman dream. Purifying the holy rock to melt the gilded seams; it don't bring me relief, no it don't bring me nothing that you were the song that I'd always sing. You were the light that fire would bring. But I can't shake this feeling that I was only pushing the spear into your side, again and again and again."
4. 100 Years - Florence + the Machine | M—/Mercy pre-Resurrection and the first centuries post-Resurrection | "And then it's just too much. The streets, they still run with blood. A hundred arms, a hundred years, you can always find me here. Lord, don't let me break this; let me hold it lightly. Give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly."
5. Take Me To Church (but it's EPIC) - Reinaeiry | Mercymorn & Cristabel, and Cristabel's Infamous Suicide Pact (tm)| "No masters or kings when the ritual begins— there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin. In the madness and soil of that sad, Earthly scene, only then I am human, only then I am clean. Amen, amen, amen." (+Bonus: "Offer me that deathless death, oh, good God, let me give you my life." +Double Bonus: Reinaeiry's "take me, take me, take me!" in the background of the final chorus as Cristabel begging Mercy to use her soul to ascend to Lyctorhood.)
6. Warriors (League of Legends version) - 2WEI, Edda Hayes | Early Lyctorhood and the aftermath of Cristabel's sacrifice | "In youth, you'd lay awake at night and scheme of all the things that you would change, but it was just a dream. Here we are, don't turn away now. We are the warriors that built this town."
7. The Humbling River - Puscifer | This song is The Locked Tomb Song Ever to me, it's on almost every TLT playlist I have. For Mercymorn specifically, it goes with her grief for Cristabel and horror at watching what the world becomes throughout her centuries of Lyctorhood. | "Angel, angel, what have I done? I've faced the quakes, the winds, the fire. I've conquered country, crown, and throne. Why can't I cross this river?"
8. Iron (Acoustic) - Woodkid | Isolation through the myriad of Lyctorhood, grief for Cristabel and the others, and Mercy's guilt over Cristabel's suicide | "From the dawn of time through the end of days, I will have to run away. I want to feel the the pain, and the bitter taste of the blood on my lips again. This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands, I'm frozen to the bones- I am a million miles from home, I'm walking away. I can't recall your eyes, your face."
9. Gilded Lily - Cults | Ten thousand years of grief, exhaustion, and anger (she deserved better) | "Now it's been long enough to talk about it; I've started not to doubt it, just wrap my head around it. I remember when you told me it's an everyday decision, but with my double vision, how was I supposed to see the way? Haven't I given enough?"
10. Always an Angel - Alexandria | "This is the moment. This is the chance for unlovable Mercymorn— critical Mercymorn— to show she is most capable of her name. Every time you have said I did not understand the human heart, that I was unfeeling, that I only knew worship without adoration..." | "Always the moon, never the sun; always the choice, but never chosen. ... Always the artist, never the art; always the fix when they fall apart. ...Always an angel, never a god; trying to love, but told I'm too much."
11. Atheist in Theory - Earth to Eve | "It was M— who couldn't take it. M— had been a hard atheist since she was twelve. But she got over it; she was a walking contradiction anyway. Her best friend in the whole world was a nun." | "I call myself an atheist, but that shouldn't be allowed. 'Cause I get on my hands and knees when no one is around. I call myself an atheist, I should be disavowed, 'cause I pray that there is more to death than a dirt hole in the ground."
12. Anti-Hero - Taylor Swift | John forcing Mercy into the role of the nagging wife, the unwilling mother, and the eldest daughter, via the remnants of patriarchy and modern sexism over ten thousand years. The caricature John makes of Mercy, essentially. | "I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money; she thinks I left them in the will. The family gathers round and reads it, and then someone screams out: "She's laughing up at us from hell!" ... It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me. It's me, hi... everybody agrees. Everybody agrees..."
13. Take Me To War (Live) - The Crane Wives | Mercy's growing anger towards John over the years and her working with Blood of Eden to eventually kill him | "All of the ire I've swallowed, all of the coals that still sit in my gut- I am always burning up. Take me to war, honey, I dare you. I'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you. Give me a fight I can't resist."
14. Which Witch - Florence + the Machine | The way Mercy's grief always expresses as anger; the way it's seen by John and the other Lyctors as a negative quality and treated as "too much"; essentially an "Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape shit?" song for Mercy, in my opinion | "And it's my whole heart, weighed and measured inside; and it's an old scar, trying to bleach it out. And it's my whole heart, deemed and delivered a crime; I'm on trial, waiting 'till the beat comes out."
15. MOTHER MARY - ANNABEL LEE | Mercy's anger towards John combined with Cristabel's adoration for God (and thus the reverence and adoration that Mercy sometimes displays for John) that end up combined as a result of the permeability of the soul. +Bonus: Mercy eventually being the one to 'kill' John, and her and Augustine holding each other in the aftermath like "two children who'd had a nightmare and had woken in fright." | "I have dreams that I address the threats you've never made. Not to worry, Mother Mary, not to worry, Mother Mary, just a dream. Behind my eyes, I'm terrified."
16. labour (the cacophony) - Paris Paloma | The roles of the "Lyctoral family" that Mercy is forced into by John, and her relationship with John turning from friendship to something she sort of resents over ten thousand years. | "Apologies from my tongue, never yours- busy lapping from flowing cup and stabbing with your fork. I know you're a smart man and weaponise the false incompetence; it's dominance under a guise."
17. Down the River - The Crane Wives | Mercy and the other Lyctors' feelings towards John | "I've been wishing that you'd prove me wrong, that you'd come clean and rue the damage done, restore my faith in you. But you've got no reason to. ...Sure, you can forget about all the things you've done, but what about the rest of us? High-tail it when it gets to be too much, but what about the rest of us? Sell us down the river, you can sell us down the river; you were never the one to suffer."
18. No Children - The Mountain Goats | Mercymorn & Augustine (this is so their song, jesus christ) | "I am drowning, there is no sign of land. You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand. And I hope you die— I hope we both die."
