#meta and stuff

[rubyleaf]

One thing I really appreciate about the City Watch books is the recurring theme that even total bastards deserve to be treated by the book, because it showcases just how easily any of us could be tempted to go full vigilante under the right circumstances. Carcer is probably the best example of this. He's an absolutely horrible, despicable, awful person, and we just want to see him go down. Many other stories would have the hero killing him at the end, brutally, and we as the audience would be cheering. Because sure, you're not supposed to kill people, but he was awful enough to deserve it, wasn't he?

But that's not where the story goes. Carcer is awful, but he's still a person, and Vimes is still acting in his duty as a policeman, and that means certain rules have to be followed. And so he doesn't execute him on the spot, but arrests him and hands him over to the authorities. And Carcer will probably end up dead anyway—executed—but we as the audience never see it. It doesn't matter. He can't do harm anymore. The happy ending isn't the catharsis of seeing his miserable end, but the knowledge that Vimes stood in the face of becoming judge, jury and executioner and resisted it. And we, the audience, felt the temptation too and know we can and must resist it as well.

Something something "if you do it for a good reason, you'd do it for a bad one."

[billonabicycle]

Bill goes through a variety of different emotions when experiencing loss, but he’s very consistently vengeful and angry.

When Georgie dies in the book, he doesn’t hesitate to go after who is responsible. This kid takes his fathers gun and confronts It with Richie as backup. He’s greeted with a horror beast that could easily snap him in two, and what does he do? He shouts at it.

An eleven year old boy does this. And this is only one of many times Bill threatens It; it’s no wonder It regards him as being the most dangerous of the Losers. Hell hath no fury like a grieving Bill Denbrough.

Then, when Stan dies and It attempts to kill Mike, he once again responds with anger and a need to enact vengeance.

Next, upon Eddie dying, we don’t get any insight into his thoughts, but once again, he’s furious and murderous, and we know why.

When Bill is grieving, he does not do it quietly. You hurt his friends, you take someone he loves from him, and you will pay for it. He will rip you apart with his bare hands if he has to. And on that note:

[rubyleaf]

Every so often I still think about how Night in the Woods is easily one of the most accurate depictions of "alternative" characters I've ever seen. Especially in a place with a smaller community. You've got all these people who technically belong to different subcultures but all hang out together because there's no one else like them around. You've got all the weird queer kids gathered there. Almost everyone can be read as neurodivergent. All of them are nerds. Most of them don't look like the stereotypical token aesthetic goth/emo/punk character; you've got Bea the goth and Gregg the punk kid with his leather jacket, but you've also got Angus with his nerdy little getup and hat and big glasses and Mae with her old DIY shirt and grown-out dye job. They make weird jokes and get philosophical and attend shitty parties in forests and basements and support each other in need. They all feel so much like the people I know in my local alternative scene in a way that feels honestly rare.

Just…I don't know man. You can really tell this game was written by someone who was part of the scene.

[rubyleaf]

I know I half joked about Vimes having a bunch of ADHD Moments™️ before, but also I keep thinking about the context that reading Vimes as ADHD (or otherwise neurodivergent) gives to his marriage to Sybil. Because their marriage isn't depicted as free from boomer-y tropes (the husband not paying attention to what his wife is saying, the wife being on the husband's case about eating healthy), but the difference is that while usually those tropes come with the married couple not liking each other much anymore, Sam and Sybil clearly love each other dearly. Sam doesn't not pay attention to Sybil talking because he doesn't love her or finds her annoying, his mind is just on other things. And while he grumbles and sighs about her forcing him to eat something other than bacon sandwiches, he'd also be the first person to admit that without his wife looking out for him he'd be long dead in a ditch.

And the thing is, I'm probably speaking for all my dopamine-challenged people here when I say that zoning out while someone else is talking is not a sign of disrespect from us, it just happens. We've all had those moments where someone we love dearly has talked for a bit too long about something we don't know much about or can't contribute to, and our attention spans just noped out into the Andromeda galaxy. To me, this is how I read Vimes not paying attention to Sybil. He loves her to bits; he just also fundamentally cannot bring himself to pay attention to longer talks about interior decor because he has no idea what she's talking about, especially when he's rotating his current case in his brain. But just like me when I zone out while a beloved family member is yapping, he feels bad enough to cover it up, to avoid upsetting the person he loves.

(In my head, Sybil is totally aware that he does that and gives him some grace because she can relate. You can't tell me that sometimes while he goes on lengthy tangents about Watch bureaucracy and the details of work, her mind doesn't stray to her dragons instead.)

Meanwhile, while Sybil forcing Sam to eat healthy could easily have been treated as a "nagging wife" stereotype, the story (IMO) and Vimes himself both acknowledge that she's in the right. Vimes is a workaholic who is highly competent at his job and absolute crap at taking care of himself. I think I am once again speaking for a lot of ADHDers when I say that looking after yourself is a hellishly difficult job, and it helps to have a loved one forcing you kicking and screaming to eat better meals and sleep at reasonable hours. And kicking and screaming it usually is, because ugh being told what to do and held accountable by others is stressful but also boy is it necessary. Without it, we go to bed at 4 AM and survive on bacon sandwiches. And Sam Vimes still loves his bacon sandwiches, and tries to get out of taking a break whenever he can, but he's also clearly grateful to his wife for keeping his workaholic ass alive.

I dunno. I just like the interpretation of Sam and Sybil the neurodivergent power couple who see each other's traits and oddities and choose to work with them.

[rubyleaf]

Five episodes into the first season of Weak Hero and watching Beom-seok feels like having a very hideous mirror held in front of my face. I think he's being a damn idiot fool but at the same time, holy shit that's me. I understand him and I hate that I do.

The thing with him is, he doesn't just want friends, he wants the appearance of having friends. He wants the public outings, the group photos, the social media tags. Physical proof that look, he's not the loser he used to be anymore. He's different. He's cool now. People like him enough to be seen with him and show him off.

And that's a trap that's very, very easy to fall into when you used to be an outcast, excluded, bullied, or otherwise treated as a loser. It's about proving to yourself that things have changed, but even more so it's about proving to everyone around you that things have changed. Deep down, it's about not becoming a target to the people that hurt you again. It's about protecting yourself. You can't mock me for being a friendless loser anymore. I have friends now. Here's proof. It's about feeling like you'll be mocked or looked down on again unless you're very public about being a Cool Person With Friends Now. On some level, it can even feel like the friendships you have don't count unless you can show them off. It's an incredibly toxic, nasty, yucky attitude that takes many years to unlearn and can ruin so many good things for you. Even now as an adult I still sometimes have a great time socializing at an event and then feel miserable once I discover that I'm in almost none of the photos, like the in-person interactions I had suddenly don't matter. I haven't been in high school in almost ten years. That shit sticks with you for a long time.

And then you have the total mismatch with Suho, who genuinely cares for his friends as people but cares nothing for superficial markers of friendship. Of course that's not the only reason why he alienates himself from Suho. I think there's a lot of toxic masculinity in there as well: feeling threatened by someone who is physically stronger than him and a better fighter and also challenges his friends when he thinks they're being stupid. Wanting friends who make him look tough and strong, and feeling like the friends he's had so far make him look weak and like he needs protecting. There's…a lot to unpack here. I shan't get into it in any more detail.

But boy, if this show didn't just slap me across the face and go "bitch, you do this too. SNAP OUT OF IT."

[rubyleaf]

Something I've noticed while learning bass is that a LOT of songs have extremely simple bass lines. Like, "play this note eight times and then switch to the next one" simple. "Repeat this one short riff for basically the whole song" simple. One of the first things I learned on bass was the chorus of Die Anywhere Else, and that leads me to my observation:

The bass lines in the band's songs in Night in the Woods are actually a bit more complicated than in a lot of rock or pop songs. Still simple overall, but they've got little melodies and a bunch of variation throughout the songs. And I know that out of universe this was done for rhythm minigame purposes, but I love the in-universe implication that the band put actual care and ambition into their songwriting.

"Not good enough to play live" my ass. These kids got talent. Someone put 'em on a stage.

[rubyleaf]

You ever think about Kage Tatsumi and what a good deconstruction he is of common YA love interest tropes?

Like, you’ve got this guy. He is dark, he is handsome, he has gorgeous implausibly-colored eyes, he’s gloomy and dangerous and ridiculously competent for his age and people are rightfully afraid of him, except for the heroine, who sees and brings out his softer side. He even has a dangerous secret and a grimdark tragic past; he literally ticks off all of the boxes.

And then Julie Kagawa comes in, takes this guy, and makes him…baby.

The cliché way to handle this character would be to make him aggressive, borderline abusive, at the very least needlessly harsh and cruel to Yumeko to try and keep her at bay, but it’s okay because his past is Just That Sad. And Tatsumi is just…the complete opposite of that. Almost all his aggression is exclusively Hakaimono’s. He constantly holds back around Yumeko and worries about overstepping boundaries with her even after they get together. His self-esteem and self-worth are basically nonexistent, he lives exclusively for others (first his clan, then Yumeko). He tries to repay people when he feels like he owes them a favor. Flashbacks only reveal about him what we already know: that he’s a loyal, earnest guy who is capable of kindness even as the demonslayer and will put aside his own safety and feelings for the sake of those he serves or cares about. In fact, there are several hints across the story that he’s extraordinarily pure of heart and remains so throughout the trilogy (but that’s a matter for a different post).

Tatsumi is a dangerous guy with a dark past, but the difference between him and the cliché is that his dangerousness is never played for attractiveness—it’s played for tragedy. The fact that this quiet, serious, loyal, selfless, pure-hearted and kind guy was forced to become a deadly, emotionless soldier is portrayed as heartbreaking, and it is. This guy is seventeen. He’s still half a child and he didn’t deserve any of the stuff that happened to him.

(Also, according to Hakaimono he’s short, and how many times do we get to say that about a male YA love interest?)

[rubyleaf]

Sunlit Mage is still living in my head rent-free. Screw it, gonna ramble about Finnian Day and Hikaru Hiyama AKA annoyances to passionate rivals to friends to lovers until I have a coherent plot.

SO. Finnian Day. The Days (excluding Gabriel Day, Mercury’s exiled father) are a hugely influential, rich family in the Light Mage world and Finnian is the heir to all that nonsense. So naturally you’ve got this teenager prancing around thinking he’s basically the king of the world, but also being under a lot of pressure to always perform and be perfect and hold up family standards. He’s pretty good at it too; he has good grades, he’s popular, he’s powerful, and he’s an excellent competitive flyer. (He’s also always one setback away from becoming an insufferable brat, but, you know.) Life is good. Right?

Enter Hikaru.

Hikaru Hiyama, exchange student, is decidedly normal. His family is neither rich nor influential nor gifted in great magic power; Hikaru himself, meanwhile, has overwhelming power and flying talent, and he worked his way to the top with his own skill alone. He’s also frequently viewed as strange—he’s very blunt, not the best with people, and can’t stand the sound of human voices for too long. To add insult to injury, he dislikes Finnian at first sight while also being hopelessly better than him at everything.

So now you’ve got this guy who’s based his whole identity around being Number One and flips at the idea of Not Being Number One against a guy who’s just doing his best but dislikes rich brats like Finnian, and it gets so messy. You just have this pair of salty bastards who can only communicate in quips and insults, and you have the feelings of inadequacy, the envy, the grudging acknowledgment of each other’s skills, the very grudging acknowledgment of each other’s attractiveness. It doesn’t help that Hikaru was lonely at the top before finding an equal in Finnian, and Finnian grows desperate for any crumb of attention from the seemingly uncaring Hikaru.

And then people start catching onto the fact that Hikaru’s magic is not-like-the-others, and they’re also in the middle of a Dark Mage rebellion, and can’t they use his powers as a weapon somehow? So Finnian is like, wait a second, that’s my rival you’re messing with here and he goes through this whole arc of figuring out just how bad his family sucks and that he’s too soft to harm people and that he actually cares about Hikaru, and Hikaru goes on the run and Finnian almost dies running off after him. And I could spoil the whole story here, but just know it contains a massive identity crisis and a bickering duo who still bicker while becoming each other’s rock in the mess they’ve gotten themselves into. And I will write it all. Sooner or later!