A/N: there will 100% be another part to this but I wanted to make this chapter a big angsty with some fluff, so enjoy! Smut to follow 😉
“Oh no, oh no, oh fuck,” you mumble to yourself over and over again.
You stumble out of the bed to pull your jeans on, the room spinning. You’re pretty sure you’re still slightly drunk or your chaotic mind is just causing your body to spiral. You listen carefully for any sounds outside your door but hear nothing but silence. You hold your shoes firmly in your hand, making sure you can make a completely soundless getaway. Whether you’re still drunk or hungover, you know for a fact that you’re not ready to face Colson right now.
You peer out into the hallway as you slowly open the door, ensuring the coast is truly clear. You can hear the soft sounds of snoring coming from behind the door opposite you and you’re glad you don’t have to face any of your friends either. You’re not sure if Colson would’ve told them what you’d said and you’d really rather not know. Ignorant bliss is definitely the vibe you’re going for.
You pad quietly to the stairs and haphazardly glide your way down them. You’re fairly sure you’ve succeeded in escaping your hell on earth, when the sound of someone clearing their throat smacks you as you reach the front door. You turn with a cringe and come face to face with your worst nightmare. A very bewildered Colson stares you down, catching you again trying to sneak away. You try your best not to look like a deer in headlights.
“I think we should talk,” Colson declares in a confident tone of voice and your stomach drops.
You nod and bite your bottom lip, following him to the backyard. The sun hasn’t quite risen so you’re greeted by the most beautiful sunrise, the worst backdrop for the conversation you’re about to have. You want to make the whole situation less awkward by taking back everything you said last night but you just can’t bring yourself to say it.
“You’re awake early,” you speak for the first time since he caught you and you know by the look on his face that Colson is not in the mood for small talk.
“I never went to sleep,” he admits with an edge to his voice. “I had a lot on my mind.”
You flinch because you can definitely hear the accusation in his tone. You want to apologise and try to blame it on the alcohol but you know that won’t help the situation. You don’t know how to make it better but you’re desperate to try.
“Can we just forget the whole thing?” you beg, trying to hide your desperation. Colson’s eyes soften slightly but his jaw stays tense.
“We can’t do that and you fucking know it Y/N,” he scolds you disapprovingly. You let out a puff of air you didn’t know you were holding and brace yourself for what is about to come. “I’ve spent so much of my adult life being used by people. People that want me to help boost their career, their ego, their hunger for recognition. I’ve tried so hard to work out the users from the real people in my life and tried so hard to surround myself with people who genuinely care about me and I thought you were one of those people.”
“I-“ you start but Colson holds up his hand to silence you.
“I thought you were my friend, one of my best fucking friends, because you wanted to be. It turns out that you only wanted to be around me so you could feed some fucking sick fantasy you had of us being more than friends. You used me for your fucking hormones, to get yourself off in a fucking toilet cubicle. Do you know how dirty that makes me feel!?”
You don’t know what to say to him. He took what you said in such a twisted way that you’re not even sure how to defend yourself. Then again, in your drunken rambling, you’re not really sure how well you actually explained yourself. You’re pretty sure you used the word ‘love’ but then you did stumble into a rant about masturbating after the concert that you could’ve probably left out entirely.
“I’m sorry,” you hang your head in shame as the ramifications of your confession hits you like a ton of bricks.
In what you thought was a cute, albeit dirty revelation, you do remember saying that being friends with him was ok because it just meant you got to be around him. In what you thought was a sweet compliment, was actually a sick way of saying ‘I’ll pretend to be your friend because I like creating fantasies of us in my mind after I hang out with you’. Not the most glowing endorsement for what you treasure as a truly fulfilling friendship.
“Just fucking leave,” he mumbles, turning away from you to look at the sunrise. Your cheeks heat with shame and you stumble to your feet, collecting your belongings as quickly as you can. “You know what the worst fucking part is?” he asks you with a humourless chuckle. You shake your head at his question. “If you’d told me how you felt, I probably would’ve just let you down gently and we could’ve just been really good friends because, let’s be honest with each other, you and me would never work.”
Well that fucking cuts deep.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” you feel your blood boiling but you’re trying your best to stay calm.
“Oh come on honey, be serious for a moment. I’m an international musician with albums and awards and sold out stadium tours and you’re a scrappy misfit who wiggled your way into our group because we felt sorry for you.”
“Jesus Christ, Colson! You can be pissed off at me but you don’t have to be fucking cruel.”
You can feel the tears burning in your eyes. Your whole life you’ve just wanted to fit in and find your people. You finally thought you’d achieved that with your friends. He can’t really mean what he’s saying, can he? He’s just lashing out to make himself feel better about what’s happening right now. He’s not really this heartless. You know him well enough to know that he’s not a nasty person. He’s the kindest, gentlest person you’ve ever met, he’s just hurt.
“I kept you around because I felt sorry for you and I made everyone else be nice to you because of it.”
“Bullshit,” your voice cracks and you sniffle. “No, I don’t believe you.”
“Why not, silly girl?” he laughs but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Ashleigh and Sophie would never pretend to be my friend just to keep you happy.”
Suddenly, Colson is on his feet and right in your face, mere inches separating the two of you.
“Yes, they fucking would because that’s what real friends do for each other.”
“No, you’re just scared.”
“Scared? What the fuck do I have to be scared about?”
Colson sits back down and scoffs with such fake indignation that it finally dawns on you exactly what he’s doing. He’s protecting himself to keep from feeling exactly what is happening. He’s losing a best friend, that he believes completely betrayed him and spent their whole friendship pretending it was something it wasn’t. You see the frightened little boy behind the bravado and ego. You see what he is truly feeling behind those deep blue eyes.
You immediately feel burdened with this unbelievable guilt that you’re willing to do anything to make it go away. You want to hold him, take away all the sadness he’s feeling. Literally transfer it from him to you to lessen all of his pain.
You ease yourself forward slightly, not really sure what your full plan is but relying on pure instinct to get you through. Colson eyes you suspiciously but doesn’t stand to move himself away from you. Curiosity undercutting the frown that has taken over his face. You lightly place your hand on his cheek and he flinches away from your touch. You try to not let that bruise your ego or diminish your confidence. You lean closer to him and lightly feather your lips across his cheek, trying so hard to convey everything you’re feeling in that one small gesture. As you pull away slowly, the temptation of his lips being so close is hard to resist. You feel as though you may win the battle until his lips part slightly and you’re drawn to them like a moth to a flame.
You press your lips to his, a fire igniting inside you as your fantasy meets your reality. Your lips graze Colson’s for a few moments before he abruptly pulls away, standing so suddenly, the chair clatters to the ground behind him. You drop your hand to your side and bite your bottom lip as he stares at you for a moment. You expect him to blast you again, yell at you for trying to take advantage of him in a vulnerable state but instead he reaches for your hand and pulls you flush against him.
“Do that again,” he begs you and you can’t believe what you’re hearing.
You place your hand back on his cheek and you lean up on your tippy toes to slowly close the gap between your lips again. You brush your lips against his and he parts them slightly, allowing you deeper access to explore. You run your tongue along the seam of Colson’s lips and he moans into your mouth. You run your hand up his cheek and into his hair, locking your fingers into the locks of hair at the base of his head. He moans again as you tug slightly, taking the lead.
Colson wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you impossibly close to him. You feel his whole body, every ridge, every line pressed against you. He grabs your thigh to lift your leg so that it’s against his hip and he grinds into you. You groan against his lips and he smiles, repeating the motion which drags the same response from you.
You’re so caught in the moment that you’re not even really sure what’s happening right now. First he’s hurt by you, then he’s cruel to you and now he’s pressing his hardened cock against your core because he enjoys the animalistic sounds you make.
“Wait…” you moan between kisses. “Kells…can…you…” it takes every piece of your soul to pull away but you have to. “Stop!”
Colson immediately lets you go, stepping away panting and confused. He’s watching you with a look in his eyes you’ve never seen directed at you before. Need. You want to explore the depths of his need but his mood swings are hurting your brain and confusing your heart.
“Why are we stopping?” he pants and you can’t help but feel your heart swell at his simple question.
“Because I have no idea what the fuck that was and I feel like I’m playing catch-up right now. 2 minutes ago you were kicking me out of your life forever and now you’re kissing me and doing…other things,” you can feel yourself blushing and it makes him smile softly. “Call me crazy but that’s a pretty quick change in direction, even for you.”
Colson’s breathing evens out and he picks his chair back up from where he’d discarded it before, sitting back down. You stand in front of him, awkwardly playing with the hem of your t-shirt and waiting for him to speak. The silence seems to stretch on forever and you contemplate just leaving before he finally speaks.
“First of all, ouch, I’m not that indecisive. Secondly, why are you complaining? Isn’t this what you wanted? And thirdly, I…well I don’t know why. When you kissed me, something just clicked and I…no woman has ever turned me on that much with just a ghost of a kiss. Everything didn’t seem so fucked up for a second.”
“You like when I kiss you but you don’t think we’d work?”
You stare at him, your eyebrows pulled together in scepticism. If your head didn’t already hurt from your hangover, it definitely would from that logic or lack of.
“I mean I might just be a ‘silly girl’ and all,” Colson flinches as you throw his own words back in his face, “but even I find that a little hard to follow.”
“Ok, I’m not saying this to be a dick but I really only ever saw you as a friend. Up until last night I didn’t even register that you were a female until I saw you dancing on my coffee table-“
“Ouch!” you place your hand over your heart dramatically. His words don’t completely bother you but there is a part of you that wishes he hadn’t said it out loud.
“You know what I mean. Like I saw you as a friend not as this sexy woman. I didn’t really notice your seductive eyes and your sultry curves until suddenly they were right in front of me and I realised I had to hide my boner before anyone else noticed. I don’t know, something woke up in me and then you told me what you told me and I freaked.”
You look at him with your ‘seductive eyes’ and bite your bottom lip. You like this vulnerable, sexually charged Colson. It’s such a turn on to hear him talk about your body, to know you can get that kind of reaction from him with just a look and a wiggle of your hips. You can see him watching you, trying to read you, drinking you in like a man in the desert. You want so desperately to explore him, roam your tongue and your lips over his flesh but you don’t want to overwhelm either of you. That conversation was such a roller coaster of emotions and confessions that you need to let it all sink in. You’re pretty sure Colson is thinking the same as he leans back in his chair.
“Spend the day with me?” he asks softly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.
“Of course,” you smile and run your fingers across his cheek. His eyes flutter close at your touch and you can’t help the grin that takes over your face.
