#mham2018

[ink-on-screen-blog]

Death is a daydream.

Reality is a nightmare.

Maybe that’s why I sleep so much. Because when I drift off into slumber I see nothing, I feel nothing. And for a moment, I come close to something that looks like peace.

—r.m.h.

[msangeliqueluna]

#Repost @blacksexgeek with @get_repost ・・・ #MHAM2018 Oxytocin is medicinal. 😊

[queerbauten]

Mental Health Awareness Month 2018 prompts, Days 1–8 (’cause I’m late to the party)

1. Introduction/diagnoses

I’m Bio. I’m a 23-year-old freelancer. I have OCD and GAD.

2. Symptoms you experience

Uh... you know the DSM? You know their section on obsessive and related disorders? Yeah, most of those.

- Intrusive thoughts of the following natures:

blasphemous

moral

sexual 

violent (self and others)

bigoted

unsanitary

somatic (including a lot of things that overlap with BDD)

- Obsessions based on the above

- Magical thinking

- Compulsions to counteract the above

- Generalized anxiety

- Depressive moods and symptoms

- Flashbacks (though that may be undiagnosed PTSD...)

- Possible hypomania (but I’m not firm on that)

- And possibly a whole bunch of other symptoms that I’m forgetting right now.

3. Stigma you have faced

I mean, I was abused because of my mental illness, so... that? Gaslighting—like, actual gaslighting. Let’s not talk about the rest right now.

4. Define your disorder/s generally/clinically

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a mental disorder in which the sufferer experiences intrusive thoughts, which become obsessions, which the sufferer tries to combat with compulsive behaviours. Indulging the compulsive behaviours only makes the obsessions worse.

Generalized anxiety disorder is what it says on the label: generalized anxiety that is disordered (i.e., impairs function).

5. Myth about your disorder/s and the truth

OCD myth: cleanliness has to be involved somehow.

OCD fact: it literally does not.

GAD myth: it looks like exaggerated but gentle worry.

GAD fact: I can be terrifying when I have an episode. (Thankfully, I have my more “exaggerated” episodes when people aren’t watching, and no physical harm comes to anybody.)

6. Fact about disorder/s you wish others knew

It’s not about cleanliness.

7. How your disorder/s affect your relationships

Back when I was a teen and in the midst of figuring out how to cope with my mental illnesses and dealing with abuse at school, I would often obsessively confess things to my mom. One time, we had a big fight about that (in part). I don’t obsessively confess to people anymore.

(Don’t worry: my mom and I are close and get on very well.)

As for other people... well, again, abuse. I remember placing full trust in one (1) of my high school teachers—and he didn’t formally teach me for a full semester. (Thank goodness for informal arrangements.)

Otherwise, it doesn’t really come up unless we’re talking about it.

8. What you wish others knew about your disorder/s

It’s not about being clean.

(It’s not about everything being aesthetically in its place, either.)