#midyearthoughts

[demetris-stuff]

Anyone else feel like the year is flying but you’re still in January mentally?

[thesolewanderer]

Mid-year thoughts

Halfway through the year and I’m so close to being 25. Yes, I’m turning a year older in three months time but it doesn’t feel like one. I guess, I can never change this childish side of me but the thought of existing in this world for almost 25 years makes me realize how far I have gone through life. Looking back my life was completely a beautiful mess. Early years were nothing but pure innocence - the urge to discover and explore life’s possibilities and what’s in store for me ahead. Teenage years have been quite a bit tempting. Curiosity about so many things had gone a long way which led me to taste this bitter-sweet reality. As life goes along, I got to know more about myself. I’ve let myself gotten into the flow with so much spontaneity not knowing where life would take me. I’ve learned to embrace life’s complexities no matter how unpredictable and inconsistent it may be. I became more mature and independent enough to survive this world full of pretension and mediocrity. I discovered things where I’m good at and where I’m not, but not enough to know what I really wanted in life. Midway through adulthood, conflicts then started to arise and life’s complications have set fire. I’ve somehow reached my weakest point back then. Those were the days I wish I could have done things differently. No regrets, just reservations I guess. I was completely lost, so lost that I had to find myself again though it took me quite a while. I’ve had down moments where I felt like giving up was the only option, but I still kept my faith and optimism at the sight. Luckily, I’ve managed to regain my strength and put myself back on track. It was Him whom I cling to during those dim moments of my life and redirected me to the path where I am now. I always look up to the sky and ponder, trying to look on the brighter side of life despite the circumstances and God never failed to enlighten and guide me through all the way. I’ve learned life the hard way which had potentially honed my personality and made me become the person that I am today. My life was a series of ups and downs. I’ve had both good and bad days yet managed to survive each and every waking day with the slightest hope of a better tomorrow. Ironically, I’ve learned that life is about weighing options and taking chances. Everyday was a constant battle and a learning experience at the same time. I’ve had those one-for-the-books moments but most of which have just lingered in my memory. Those were the good old days I wish to relive but far too impossible as we speak.

At this point of time, I couldn’t say that I already have the best of everything in life and I’m not even close to getting there. I know I’ve still got a long way to go but I’m hoping to see myself living the life I have dreamed of 10 years from now. Having a stable-and-somehow-okay-job may be quite fulfilling in the sense that I get to pay my bills, buy the things I want, allows me to travel and go anywhere else, eat in fancy resto and bars, but at the end of the day I still don’t feel happy and contented at all. I don’t wanna settle into an okay job, an okay relationship and just a so-so life coz that is not the life I have dreamed of. That is not how I picture myself doing in the next 3 or 5 years. I know I can do better and I deserve nothing but the best in life. Despite having a stable career, a well off family and clingy friends, my life is still a broken puzzle. There were still times that I can’t help but cry myself to sleep thinking about life and the people around me throwing pressure on my shoulders. Part of me is still haunted by the past but I’m trying not to look back anymore. I ought to find relief through traveling as it makes me get out of my comfort zone, forget about the unnecessary things and enjoy life’s simple pleasures. It feels rewarding and when you get back, it changes you forever. But I can’t help but wish that someday I wouldn’t have to travel alone, do things on my own and spend time wandering alone. I’m so used to being alone that I needed a constant companion who will stick by my side and join me in my adventures. There’s still this missing piece I don’t know how to fill in, but hoping that someday someone’s gonna fit in. All these years I have been constantly praying and waiting for the right guy to come but I guess, there’s a right time for everything. But I hope he’s someone worth every bit of the wait. I know soon enough our paths will finally crossed in God’s perfect time and place. I just can’t wait to start the journey to forever with him. Today may not be the best, but I know better days are yet to come.

But if there’s one thing I would wish for on my birthday, that is to celebrate my 25th with my forever (Mr. Right) ❤️ hoping to find him real soon. Please make it faaast 😭

P.S I still believe in forever and I can’t wait to meet him 💕