#mimi complains

[pinkrhinoceros]

GUESS WHOS FINALLY FUCKING DONE WITH SUMMER CLASS FUCK EVERYTHING IM READY TO PARTY

[pinkrhinoceros]

Lmao, group work in itself is hilarious. Peer reviewed group work is even more hilarious. We gave you a low score on the review because your project was shit at the time, hold the salt please, my blood pressure doesn’t need it.

[pinkrhinoceros]

hahhh writes naruto meta instead of studying for my test threesitarheroes this is all your fault i have work tmrw eat my entire ass

[halvedmimi]

Just venting

So here's the thing.  I have a friend on Facebook who is going through some heavy shit.  She's had medical problems for years and years that are still ongoing.  The med probs have made it impossible for her to hold down a job for any length of time and she's battling depression.  She's currently hospitalised for said depression.  

I'm proud of her for doing what she needs to to take care of herself and for not shrinking away and hiding her problems.  I think it's very healthy that she stands up and lets people know what's going on with her.

The problem is that she also holds it against people. 

This morning there was a post on there complaining that only her family and boyfriend had visited her while she was in hospital and where were all these 'so called friends' or is her Fb friends list just a lie.  

She has been posting pics two or three times each day of presents that people have sent her to cheer her up (that she asked people to send in) but so far as I know she hasn't publicly told us where she is or when the visiting hours are.  Admittedly I may have been left off this message as I'm not in town.  But still, she is getting multiple presents a week so I find it fairly damned rude that she's complaining about a lack of support.

Two or three times a year she will deactivate her Fb account announcing that she will do so because she just can't deal with all the drama anymore and then sticking around for a week or so longer to absorb a plethora of goodbye messages.  She leaves for a month and then comes back complaining loudly and repeatedly that only x amount of friends contacted her privately while she was gone and 'so much for people saying they were my friends' before doing a giant friend cull. (she has never dipped below 200 Fb friends).

Just for an idea of how she uses Fb - My feed will have 2-5 posts from her all on totally different subjects.  Then maybe an ad and one or two posts from someone else followed by another chunk of posts by her.  I cannot scroll more than two or three posts without finding things from her at all hours of the day and at all times of the week.  She has been fired (before and after her health issues started) more than once in the past for spending too much time on Fb.  If she was a Tumblr user I'd follow her in a heartbeat because there's constant content but as a Fb user she annoys the hell out of me.  To be honest I'd unfriend her on Fb if I didn't know how personally she would take it.  Especially since she always seems to be on the brink of an emotional break.

To be clear, I'm not close with this girl.  I never have been.  We went to high school together and she was a friend of a friend.  She's incredibly girly and I feel like I have to be super girly when with her which always results in feeling like a totally different person when she's around.  I don't like who I am with her because I feel like a fraud. And because I feel like I can't be myself, I tend to avoid hanging out with her.  I have other friends who say the same thing.  I see her maybe once a year if that.  But apparently she thinks we're close friends and I think she really does expect me to do more for her.  

I have a horrible feeling that most, if not all, of her friends are the same as me and we're all waiting for a real friend to step up and help her.  So now I kind of feel like I need to send her a private message explaining that her expectations of Fb friends (and people in general) might be highly unrealistic and suggest that she reassess instead of hanging her happiness at other peoples feet, waiting for them to magically fix her.  I get that she has doctors and therapists working with her at the moment and this isn't my responsibility.  I know I've tried to be a closer friend to her in the past and remember how she went out of her way to make it as difficult as humanly possible as if she wanted us to prove how much we care, so I have no real want to be one of her close friends.  

The problem is that I know she's struggling and don't want to just leave her to drown.  If I knew where she was I'd contact the hospital and suggest that her docs check her social media pages to get an idea of what she's expecting of online acquaintances and fringe connected friends but as it is I feel like all I can do is try to talk to her.  Problem is I don't know how to do it without seriously upsetting her (she does not take any sort of advice or criticism well and I've seen the public way she attacks people for it though Fb) or somehow strengthening her expectation of our friendship and being the person she relies on when upset - especially since I'm about to move away for a couple of years.  Adding distance and strange timezones is only going to make me feel more helpless and responsible than I do now.

I get that there are probably 236 other people on her facebook feeling the same way I do right now  and that I have every right to ignore it and turn the other cheek.  I have friends who block her posts so they don't have to hurt her feelings and still manage to use Fb without running the guilt gamut she puts up everyday.  

I don't know.  For now I'm not going to send her a message because I'm too scared that it would have a purely negative effect rather than helping her.  And I needed to vent so I'm doing it on Tumblr where she won't see it.

This post was probably pointless to read but I feel better for having written it.

[pinkrhinoceros]

Thoughts for today

The IT guys in the branch office are my favorites. One is super fun to chat with and very supportive. The other is always relating with me on how we’re never quite sure what our higher-ups are asking for.

I am a coffee dependent derp. I wish this were not a fact.

I enjoy long drives by myself because I can blast music and sing as loudly as I want without worrying about anyone else.

Pink is a nice color.

My hair is getting longer and I am excited. I am considering dying it, but maybe not.

Graduate level courses are hard and I am crying because I’m not even in grad school yet, but hopefully this will make my fall feel like a breeze because it’ll only be one normal-length undergraduate course. 

I have a lot of reading to do tonight. 

[pinkrhinoceros]

Graduate coursework crammed into a summer session is a nightmare and I bit off way more than I could chew. At least getting a 95 on an assignment that you slaved and stressed over feels pretty fucking great. Could I sort of handle graduate level work? Sort of? Maybe? Probably not, but at least my life feels manageable right now and that’s always a win.

Considering cutting back on work hours in July and August to invest more time in school and observation/volunteering. If any of y’all have speech therapy/speech language pathology connections pls share

Happy monday y’all

[pinkrhinoceros]

Trying to cope with my 500 level summer class kicking my ass, so going old school with the three Wallace and Gromit adventures with merukun and nickberto <3 cheers y’all

[pinkrhinoceros]

My sister's getting married tmrw like what the fuck