Genre: Smut (minors DO NOT interact), Kinktober 2023
Summary: You finally tell Yoongi, the guy you probably shouldn't be fucking around with, that you're a virgin. Nothing could have prepared you for his reaction.
WC: 2.3k
Warnings: Reader is described having a vulva and breasts, but uses gender neutral pronouns, virginity loss (a dumb construct), unprotected sex, mentions of alcohol consumption, marijuana mention, fingering, Yoongi has a dirty mouth and a bit of a possessive streak, creampie, soft Yoongi
A/N: Here we go, kinktober day 1!! Hopefully yall like it, and forgive me if I fall behind schedule. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist for my kinktober fics
This fanfiction is property of @/coupsie-daisies, reposting on any other platform is prohibited
You felt ridiculous underneath Yoongi, the thought clouding your mind as you kissed him, as his hands pushed up your shirt to expose more of your stomach for him to touch. And the worst part was that you felt even more ridiculous for thinking about it so much.
You had been fooling around with Yoongi for a couple of weeks now. You'd met at a party one of your older friends had invited you to, and you knew Yoongi by reputation only. He was a bit of a fuckboy, he'd slept with plenty of people and made quite a name for himself as an 'experience'. It was actually a little terrifying the way people talked about him, like he was something everyone had to experience.
But he'd been kind when you'd met him, introduced by your friend Hoseok with a request to help keep an eye on you. You'd been offended, actually, at the implication that you couldn't look out for yourself. But having Hobi's friends around to keep an eye on you had actually been quite nice, eliminating the need to socialize with strangers and all that. Yoongi had kept a drink in your hand, though sometimes swapping it out for water when he'd decided you should slow down, and eventually you ended up sitting on a couch, sidled up to him as he smoked up with his friends.
The first time you kissed Yoongi he was high, and you were maybe a little more tipsy than you should have been. But it was the start of something great. You and Yoongi were friends, maybe not the closest of friends but he wasn't a stranger. You felt safe with him, and you could go to each other with your needs. Any needs. Which was how you ended up under him now, his fingers rubbing firm, fast circles against your aching clit.
"Yoongi, please," You whined. He smirked, and you cursed him silently because you really did understand why everyone was obsessing over his skills.
"Please what, pretty baby?" He asked, leaning down to kiss your throat, and you huffed.
"Please, wanna cum. That's what you came over for, right? To get me off, help me destress." You were being annoying, you were sure, but you didn't care in the least. You just wanted to get off, and Yoongi had promised to help you relax. But instead he had you winding so tight you thought your muscles would tear.
"Not gonna make you cum on my fingers, baby. You want to be fucked stupid, right? Don't wanna think anymore? Gonna make you all dumb on my cock instead."
His words sent a rush of arousal through you, wetness dripping out to slick onto his fingers. But even so, he stopped, feeling the way you tensed under him. His fingers were slower now, barely giving you anything as he pulled back and gave you a questioning look.
"You don't want that?" He asked. You and him had never gone that far, sticking to dry humping or going down on each other, sometimes he'd slide his fingers into you, but that was different.
"No! I mean, I do! It's just..." You squirmed, blinking away your building anxiety. Yoongi stopped entirely, sitting back to give you space to breathe, but the distance only made you feel naked, much more exposed than you would have liked.
"You know you can tell me. We communicate. I promised to take care of you, I'm still gonna do that." He promised you, and you fought off a small, surprised expression. You hadn't imagined he'd taken it that seriously back then, let alone now.
"I'm a virgin." You said finally, avoiding his eye. There was quiet, and you squirmed before Yoongi was towering over you, his hand gripping your chin to lift your gaze back to him.
"You've been letting me play with you all this time, and you just weren't gonna tell me that?" He asked, his thumb tracing over your lower lip. You could swear his gaze was only getting more intense, and you swallowed.
"It's embarrassing," You admitted. He huffed out a tiny laugh, his eyebrow quirking upwards in the way that always had you going a little bit feral.
"Embarrassing? What about me being able to ruin you for any other man is embarrassing, pretty thing?" He asked. You felt a quiet squeak slip past your lips. You quickly regained your confidence though, not wanting to give him the upper hand.
"So you wouldn't be able to ruin me for anyone else if I'd already slept with another person? Good to know," You teased, lips curling into a troublesome grin. He rolled his eyes, tongue poking at the inside of his cheek. Then his lips were pressed to the sensitive spot just under your ear, his tongue dragging over it before sucking hard. Your body pressed closer towards his, rolling into the warmth that washed over you.
"Oh, baby, I already have." He whispered, his attention trailing further down your neck, leaving tiny bruises that you knew would bloom bright overnight. Your fingers laced through his hair, tugging lightly as a silent plea for him to leave his teasing and move on. He groaned quietly, not seeming to want to wait either.
He sat back, taking a minute to admire you as if he hadn't seen you laying naked beneath him more times than he could count on one hand. You felt a new wave of arousal rush through you under his attention. His hands brushed your stomach, sliding up to cup your tits, thumbs brushing in feather-light touches over your nipples as if he would hurt you if he touched them too firmly. You released a breathy moan, your eyes shutting as you basked in the attention.
"Gonna make you feel so good." He said, quietly enough that it was almost like he was talking to himself, but you knew better with the way his hands lowered down to knead at your thighs, feeling the soft plush flesh under his fingertips before pushing them wider apart.
You were entirely exposed to him, and even though he'd touched you just a little while earlier, this felt so much more intimate. His fingers slid easily through the wetness leaking from your hole, teasing you with slow, careful touches before sliding two into you, scissoring them and curling them carefully. His eyebrows were furrowed as he focused on the slide of his fingers inside your pussy, his tongue poking against his bottom lip. The attention had you hot all over and you squirming which only forced his fingers to prod a little harder against that spot you loved. You keened, his name on the tip of your tongue but coming out instead as a long whine.
"Please, need you. Don't wanna wait anymore. Waited forever." You huffed. He smiled, a genuine, brilliant smile as his thumb flicked over your clit. And then, finally he was pulling his hand away, maneuvering the two of you with gentle touches until he was settled between your legs, the tip of his cock nudging against your folds.
"Say it again," He requested, the head of his aching length running teasing circles around your clit. "Say you need me, tell me how bad."
"Yoongi," You huffed, and he dipped his cock ever so slightly between your swollen pussy lips, laying enough pressure over your entrance to make you choke on your complaints. Any shame or frustration gave way to pure desperation to feel more of him, to be full of him, surrounded by him. "Please, I need you. Need you so bad I could cry, want you to be my first, want you to take me."
Your words made him hiss, his hips pressing carefully forward, nudging his cock into you inch by inch. You tipped your head back against the pillows, your back arching off the bed and pushing you closer to him, needing more of him, needing him closer. One of your hands scrambled to find his waist, pulling him down closer to you. He didn't hesitate to give in, lowering himself until your chests were pressed together, his face tucked into the crook of your neck and his hips continuing their slow, steady roll against yours. It was another few moments before he was fully sheathed in your tight, wet warmth. His weight rested on his forearm beside you, his other hand gripping at your hip, thumb tracing over the curve there.
"Feel so fucking perfect wrapped around me, shit," He grumbled, voice muffled against your skin, but you heard them all the same, your walls fluttering around him as you tried to get used to the feeling of having him inside of you. He was definitely hitting places you'd never felt before, stretching you out more than his fingers ever had and making the fire in the pit of your stomach burn hotter, the flames consuming you and turning your inhibitions to ash.
"I need more. Fuck me, baby, please. Can take it." You begged, your fingers stroking through his hair again. He shifted, the movement pulling him out of you, and you almost sobbed when he rolled his hips back to draw most of the way out before sliding back in with ease. The rolling thrusts of his hips were slow, easy, and you melted into them. You tugged at his hair with one hand, the other dragging your nails against his waist, pulling him impossibly closer until you were breathing him in.
"Can't believe I haven't done this yet." He mumbled, sucking at your shoulder until a pretty little mark was left in his wake. "You're fucking made for me, built for my dick. Never gonna let you go. All mine, gonna take such good care of you."
He was almost as fucked as you were, his breath coming out in pants as his hips sped up. He slid his hand down, pulling your thigh up to wrap around his hips, drilling himself even deeper and groaning when you moaned his name, tightening around him.
"There," You managed to gasp, and Yoongi shifted, giving himself a little more leverage to speed up, fucking against the spot that had made you react so perfectly for him. He wondered under the fog of his mind if you'd ever felt it before, if your fingers could reach it, if you had been waiting for him to find it. Or maybe, he hoped as he reached down to swirl his fingers around your clit, maybe you would only associate it with him. The spot that he hit just right, the spot that he could find with ease.
"Choking me," He hissed out, never easing up. Your legs tightened around his hips, and your walls sucked him in like every pullback of his cock was a loss you couldn't stomach. You were close, he knew that reaction, knew those sounds like the back of his hand and he was determined to feel you cum on his dick. "Go on, pretty, let go for me. I know you're almost there, you can let go."
His words were soft, sweet, washing over your like ocean waves and dragging you down into your orgasm, air ripping from your lungs as you released around him. You trembled, your hips grinding up to meet his desperate movements, and his movement slowed down to ease you through it.
His movements didn't stop even as you came down, and it was hard to say if he was urging you towards a second one or if he was just too transfixed by the feeling of your walls finally wrapping around him like they'd been waiting for him to slide into you.
"Want you to cum too," You said, the hand in his hair moving to guide his lips towards you, pulling him into a kiss. The taste of him on your lips was like a drug, his tongue slipping past your lips to map out your mouth and his teeth dragging against your lip, not hard enough to be considered a bite, but certainly enough for you to know he could. It didn't take anything more than the kiss to push him over the edge, his groan getting lost in the press of your lips, and his hips pressing flush into yours as he spilled into you.
The kiss slowed, still hungry and desperate, but languid now as if he were savoring the moment of you two pressed so close together. Once he was out of breath, he pulled away, nuzzling into your neck and dragging you as close as he possibly could given your position. He rolled you onto your side with him so the two of you were tangled together, his softening cock finally slipping out of you and his leg trapping yours between his own.
"How was it?" He asked after a few moments of stroking his fingertips against your waist. You kept your eyes closed, basking in his attention and letting a smile curl on your lips.
"It was perfect." You said, pressing closer so he couldn't see the way your smile grew.
"Only the best for my darling." He said, tipping your chin up to kiss you again. You smiled against his lips before pulling away a bit. He followed your lips, and you giggled.
"Yours, huh?" You asked, fingertips drumming against his bare chest.
"I want you to be. Always have. Now more than ever. don't want anyone else to have you like I do." He confessed without hesitation, and the sincerity in his voice genuinely surprised you. Your teasing gaze softened, and you kissed him once more.
"Nobody will. They couldn't even if they wanted to. I'm all yours."
copyright 2023 coupsie-daisies, all rights reserved
enjoy this very short but very sweet drabble for yoongi’s birthday :) i hope it translates just how much i adore this man
genre: fluff
happy birthday yoongs :(
Wringing your hair mostly free of the water from your shower, you tossed the towel up on the hook to dry, a yawn pausing your actions briefly before continuing into your bedroom.
Yoongi had already settled himself into bed, (after popping your towel into the dryer, folding it nicely for you to warm up in once you got out and soaking the dishes without being asked, of course), scrolling through his social medias as he waited for you to be done.
He really, truly, was the best.
Crawling onto the bed yourself, you shifted your knees over to Yoongi, who breathed a sigh through his nostrils while he scrolled through his phone.
Leaning forward to nudge his occupied hands with your head, he quickly took the hint and lifted his phone into the air, making room for you to settle atop his chest before he dropped a kiss to the top of your head, going back to scrolling as you reclined on him.
Puffing another breath through his nose, he tossed his phone to the side, the device bouncing beside you on the mattress as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders.
His touch was warm, firm yet gentle in a way you couldn’t quite wrap your head around. All you did know for sure was that you were happier than ever while in his arms, a fact you couldn’t even try to deny.
“Hi,” you mumbled into his shirt, Yoongi flashing his signature grin at you as his hand smoothed some of your hair back from your face.
Glittering brown eyes focused on you and only you, making you quite possibly the luckiest girl in the world.
“Hi,” he repeated, the apples of his cheeks rising further as you snuggled further into the cotton of his shirt.
“You’re soft,” you murmured by way of explanation, sleepiness seeping into your bones as your boyfriend’s pillowy belly shook beneath you.
You forced your eyes to remain open as he smiled wide, sweet chuckles of his filling your ears and warming your chest.
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he spoke softly after a few moments, using the strength he’d been building during his weekly trips to the trainer to shift your deadweight self up his body, settling your head onto the pillow while his nose nuzzled into your neck.
You let an incoherent whine slip at the removal of the contact you’d had with Yoongi’s chest, quickly hushing at the gentle smack of his lips against your pulse point.
His fingers thumbed through your wet strands of hair, eyebrows knitting into a stern frown as he reached to bunch up the fabric of his shirt.
“You should’ve let me dry your hair. You’ll catch something like this,” he tutted, making you grin as he clenched the fabric of his shirt around your tendrils, excess water leaking into the fabric of his tee.
“Sorry, mom,” you snickered, Yoongi scoffing at you before murmuring something about no respect.
A few beats of silence ensued after that exchange, chests rising and falling in sync as you drifted more and more over into slumber.
Yoongi’s hand soothingly went up and down your back, the perfect amount of weight pressed into his touch for ultimate comfort. Intimate touches like this only ever happened while you two were in private, and you savored every minute of it.
But you could tell you were beginning to succumb to sleep, and so could your boyfriend as he reached over your frame to switch the alarm off on his phone.
“Tomorrow’s a day off. Let’s go to sleep,” he suggested quietly, another incoherent sentence spilling from your mouth as you reclined on the eternal comfort that was Min Yoongi.
teeny tidbits: three years later and yoongi is still very much in love with y/n
according to my period tracking app i’m due in four days so that explains why i felt the sudden urge to sit down and write this
also i had to go back and read the wedding drabble to double-check a minor detail and.,,.., barfs i am so sorry for all of the ceo!drabbles the writing is so tragic
i hope u enjoy this small product of my sappiness <3
➺ pairing; ceo!yoongi x y/n
➺ genre; idk just very sappy and gooey and if ur a ceo!couple stan ur going to love this
➺ wordcount; 1.4k
»»————- 💞 ————-««
the first thing yoongi finds especially odd when he steps into the penthouse is the fact that it’s a little too quiet for his liking
he purses his lips as he shuts the door behind him, blindly turning the lock with a quiet click as he looks around
sure, it’s almost midnight, but you’re usually tinkering around in the kitchen for a snack or watching netflix on the couch whenever he comes home late... so where are you now?
he’s about to call out for you when he suddenly remembers that hwayoung’s definitely fast asleep by this hour and that you’d murder him in cold blood if he accidentally woke her up and ruined her sleeping schedule (she gets very grouchy when she’s not following a set schedule - and yoongi knows her sour morning attitude was probably inherited from him but he sleeps more peacefully at night thinking that it’s because of one of your genes)
yoongi places his keys on the top of the shoe cabinet quietly before reaching down to yank his laces loose
“woah.” he holds his hands out to keep himself steady after he stands up too quickly and his head starts to spin and he starts to see double
oof
maybe he should’ve slowed down with the wine at dinner
it’s not his fault he’s so weak for a good red!
“shower time, showah time…” yoongi murmurs to himself as he makes his way up the spiral staircase, gripping onto the railings tightly so that he doesn’t slip on his way up, “would you like to join me? wanna come with? lemme soap you up, girl-” he slurs, smiling cheekily to himself at the possibility of being able to run his hands all over your body in a few short minutes
he gives himself a high five when he makes it to the top of the staircase successfully, wobbling for a split second before nodding to himself and giving himself a mental pat on the back
B-)
nice
the warm light coming from the crack in the door leaks into the hallway and yoongi shuffles towards it like a moth towards a flame, reaching up to fumble at his tie with boneless fingers-
oh
yoongi immediately freezes once he reaches the door, his heart skipping a beat in his chest when he catches a glimpse of you wearing your wedding dress through the crack
he watches curiously as you smooth your hand over the neckline before turning from side to side to look at yourself in the mirror
he wasn’t expecting to see this when he came up here but he’s definitely not complaining
yoongi presses his hand against the door frame to keep himself from accidentally stumbling in and scaring you and ruining what seems to be a private moment
it’s just that seeing you in your dress again is triggering a sudden flood of memories of your guys’ wedding day into his mind and it’s making his heart feel all funny (it’s actually just heartburn from the wagyu steak he wolfed down earlier)
the corners of yoongi’s mouth immediately raise in a fond smile at the recollection of you staring up at him with so much love in your eyes as he slid the silver ring onto your finger
it was a beautiful ceremony
the food was great
the champagne was fabulous
the after-party was super fun
the after-after party where it was just you and him alone was definitely fun as well
he can still recall the scent of you all over him when he woke up the next morning
and obviously the honeymoon was great - who doesn’t like paris?!
not to mention, you still look just as beautiful as you did on the day the two of you said i do
maybe it’s just because the alcohol is making him feel all goopy inside but he wants to be a part of whatever moment you’re having!!!
“i’m pretty sure it’s bad luck for me to see you in your wedding dress before the wedding, darling.” yoongi pushes the door open with a creak and takes his bottom lip in between his teeth to keep himself from smiling too widely, “want me to close my eyes?”
“yoongi!” you gasp, pulling your veil up and over your head as you spin around quickly, “god, i don’t understand how your footsteps are so quiet- i really think i should put a bell on you or something-”
“what are you doing?” yoongi interrupts, tilting his head curiously as he offers you a soft smile, “hopefully not wearing your dress so you can run off and marry someone else.”
“no, obviously not-” you snort, rolling your eyes and shaking your head, “i was doing some cleaning earlier and i found the box and… i don’t know, i wanted to see if i could still fit into it and… well-” you sigh, turning back around to look at yourself in the mirror before flopping your arms down in defeat, “it doesn’t zip all the way up anymore.”
“to be fair, you’ve given birth to a child since our wedding.” yoongi raises a brow, glancing down at the zipper that’s stuck halfway up your back, “even if you didn’t fit into it at all it would still be totally fine-”
“yeah, but i had to suck in a lot just to get the stupid zipper up halfway-!” you whine quietly, pouting at yourself in the mirror before gesturing to your chest, “one sneeze and my boobs are going to pop out-”
“i wouldn’t be opposed to that-”
“you know, maybe i should’ve had spanx embedded into the dress instead of it being 100% silk because silk is not a very forgiving material-”
“oh, baby…” yoongi chuckles, slinking his arms around you from behind before leaning down to prop his chin up on your shoulder, “don’t be so hard on yourself! your body literally made a human being- forgive it if it can’t fit into a dress from, like, three years ago…”
“i guess…” you trail off, leaning back a little to rest your head against yoongi’s as you continue looking at yourself in the mirror with a pitiful little frown on your face, “it’s just hard to feel beautiful when i can’t fit into most of my old clothes…”
“hey, you cut that out right now.” the smile immediately drops from yoongi’s face and he frowns at you in the mirror disapprovingly, “so what if you can’t fit into the dress anymore? you’re beautiful and like, really hot and- and even after all this time i’m still super head-over-heels in love with you and you could be wearing a potato sack and i would still think you were the most beautiful woman to ever walk the planet and- and i love y-”
“alright, you drunk, i get it.” you giggle lightly, reaching up to pat the side of yoongi’s warm face, “i love you more.”
“good.” yoongi smiles contently when it seems like you’ve cheered up a little from his (very good and extremely persuasive, in his opinion) pep talk, “love you most.” he murmurs, turning to press a kiss to your palm
“mhm. you reek of wine, by the way-” you wrinkle your nose playfully, letting yoongi sway you back and forth gently before reaching down to pat at his hand, “i think we should get you into the shower and then into bed.”
“i think we should get we into the shower and then into bed.” yoongi corrects you, pausing for a second to think over his words, “yeah. that makes sense.”
…,..,we should get we into the shower and then into bed…..,,.
that totally makes sense
you know what he means
“i’m only joining you so that you don’t pass out halfway through and end up falling asleep against the wall like you did last time.” you remind him, though it’s obvious he’s hardly paying attention to what you’re saying because he’s too busy nipping at the side of your neck
“mm. hey, you know what the best part is about the zipper not going all the way up?” yoongi grins, one of his arms sliding back from your waist so he can reach for the zipper, “it makes it much easier for me to get you out of this dress.”
🎙️help me help you make your wishes come true (send me a request!)
✨why don’t you explore the rest of the library while you’re here? (full fics!)
💫or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles!)
Yes this is a repost from another account I didn’t steal it from myself lol. I’ll be posting the first part of a chaptered fic soon!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Late morning light shines in across your face, the warmth, and light causing your nose to scrunch. Blinking you open your eyes to the slit of light coming from between the curtain, and the window pane. A warm weight is resting over your stomach, and down your side. Glancing down you can see Yoongi still sleeping, curled around your side.
He must have scooted down at some point in the night because he was resting his head on your stomach. His arm tucked up under your soft t-shirt with his fingers lightly curled against your hip. You could hear his deep breathes, and feel the warm air on your skin where his arm pulled up your shirt.
Laying your hand on his sleep messed hair, you work your fingers in lightly running them through it. It must have disturbed him slightly as he murmured unintelligibly and snuggled into you more. It was so cute you couldn’t help but giggle a little.
You can feel his fingers twitch then stretch out on your side as he rubs his face his face into your side with a sniffle. The sides of your mouth pull up in a sweet smile at him when looks up at your face blinking sleepily, resting his chin on you.
“We have to get up at some time you know.” You told him with a giggle. He tilted his head to the side a little staring up at you for a moment before rubbing his face into your shirt again.
“Just a little bit longer.” He mutters with a sigh.
“Yeah ok, a little longer.” You reply with a happy sigh, wiggling into a comfortable position.
Ten moments that represent your relationship with Yoongi, based off of One Hundred Ways to Say I Love You x
Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader
Warnings: ridiculous amounts of fluff and pining, friends to lovers, perspective changes, drunk BTS in 1., a mention and portrayal of anxiety (it’s briefly mentioned in 2. and detailed in 7. please stay safe)
Word count: 2,122
1.
Going out with the Bangtan Boys was always a mission. You had immense amounts of fun and they were considered some of your closest friends, but there was always that one point in the night where Jimin would get a tad too giggly and Joon would say something a little too questionable, and you would have to call it a night.
This was one of those times, as a tipsy Jin, Yoongi, and Hoseok lead a sober you back to your car after a karaoke night that had gotten a slight competitive and had ended up with Jungkook and Jimin doing push-ups to settle a winner.
They were arguing about it now, Jin pulling out his fist to settle it rock, paper, scissors, style and none of them barely noticed you get into your car and wind down your window.
“The rules of rock, paper, scissors are clear, Jin! It’s best two out of three!” Hoseok yells out into the night.
“You cheated!”
“You can’t cheat in rock, paper, scissors!”
“That’s exactly what a cheater would say!”
You honk your horn to get their attention.
“Night, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow?” You ask.
They all nod and chorus a goodbye. Hoseok leans over to give you an awkward hug through the car window. You smile back and out in your keys.
Yoongi’s eyes are trained on you as you buckle your seat belt.
“Drive safely,” He calls out to you as you pull out of your space.
You wave back and smile.
2.
He was sweating.
Anxiety wasn’t something new to him, he had come to know how to deal with it after many years. But this was different. This was new. This was exciting.
This was almost a date.
He says almost because he never explicitly asked you out, and he knows very well that you probably think he sees you as just a friend. But you’re both sitting in a cafe, alone, without the boys, just the two of you.
So Yoongi has decided to call it an almost date.
You’re laughing so hard too, your eyes glinting in the soft lights, and Yoongi’s heart feels like it’s going to pop out of his chest. Were you always this beautiful? Probably. He doesn’t want this to end.
But of course, it does. You both have lives and jobs and other people to talk to. He takes a moment to be selfish though, a moment of bravery combined with high adrenaline, and he asks if you want to go to this new record store he found, on Saturday, just the two of you. You say yes. He smiles so hard his cheeks hurt.
The grin falls when you pull out your wallet, though. “No.” He says. “No, it’s my treat.”
You protest, as expected, but he’s quick to swipe his card before you can actually pay.
“Fine. But next time is on me.” You exclaim, full of certainty.
Yeah, he thinks, like I’m letting that happen.
3.
The call wakes you up.
You grumble repeatedly, tossing up between turning over and ignoring it or answering the person with several threats.
His name flashes on the screen and all the anger disappears from your body.
“Yoongi?” You answer.
“Did I wake you?” He replies. “I’m sorry.”
You look at the clock and see it’s two in the morning. You have to get up early too, but the way his voice cracks in the middle of his question makes your words easy to say.
“It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.”
He’s quiet.
“Talk to me.”
He does.
4.
“You’re warm.”
His hand hovers over your forehead, and you have to agree, you do feel hot. Though you suspect most of it is from being in such close proximity to your longtime crush.
“I’m fine.” You whisper.
He tuts before pulling out his phone from his pocket.
“What are you doing?”
“Telling Hobi I can’t make practice.”
You sit up quickly, making your head spin but you push it away. “I told you I was fine!”
“And I call bullshit!” He replies, looking you straight in the eye. “There. It’s done. Now you’re stuck with me.”
You look at him in annoyance only to spot an acne scar on his forehead you’ve never seen before. Your hand reaches out to touch it gently.
He pushes your hand away. “Now are you gonna be good and let me take care of you?”
Cheeks flushed and arms crossed, you pout. “Depends.” You reply. “Are you gonna make me tea?”
“All the tea in the world, your grace.”
“Then I guess I’ll behave.”
He grins, gums and all, and pats your head. “Get some rest. I’ll be back with your tea in a second.”
You watch him leave the room. You immediately miss him.
5.
Your best friend is gonna be so proud of you. You could hear their voice right now, all giggly and gushy. Even you were hyped.
You were on a date.
Not just any date, a date with Min Yoongi.
You weren’t fully convinced this was real life.
It had been a good night so far. You had hung out at his studio and listened to him rant about pitches and notes and beats. He was under the pretense of “teaching” you but you had gotten lost. Mostly because when he talked about music, he talked really fast, and also partly because he had a new perfume on and he smelled like vanilla and lavender.
Not that you would ever admit that to anyone.
After that, you went out to eat and instead ended up walking for two hours, too caught up in talking to notice you had long since passed the restaurant and ended up getting horribly lost.
Now you were back in the comfort of your home, arguing about how long to cook popcorn and scrolling through movies to watch.
It was definitely up there as one of your favorite nights ever.
“No horror movies.” He immediately states, reaching over to pull your legs onto his lap.
You pause on a classic, Star Wars, feeling in that kind of mood, only to see him grimace in the corner of your eye. You start to scroll again.
“What do you wanna watch?” You ask.
He looks at you, long and hard, and you wonder if he heard you properly. He opens his mouth before you can ask again though.
“Star Wars?”
Your surprise and excitement is not easy to hide. “Really?!”
He smiles. “Yeah.”
He falls asleep twenty minutes in but he does so with his fingers laced in yours, so you don’t mind.
6.
He has a hard time believing you’re real.
He’s always been a cautious person, always on his guard. Not trusting people is one of his flaws and he didn’t really care enough to put any effort into changing that. Then you came along, all kindness and beauty and hope, and he couldn’t help become immediately accepting of you.
Yeah. Sometimes he didn’t quite think you were real, that you were his.
Times like now, when you walk into his studio without him asking you, coffee and food in hand. You wanted to see him, you said. You liked to make sure he was healthy, you said. It’s no big deal, you said.
“It’s two sugars, right?” You say.
He kisses you before he fully realizes what he is doing.
Your lips are stupidly soft, he thinks, and you taste better than he had ever dreamed of. He can feel your breath against his cheek and you hair beneath his fingers and wow he thinks you are quite possibly the greatest thing in the universe.
You pull away and he winces.
“Sorry.” He feels the need to make sure you’re okay, to backtrack because you didn’t give him the clearest green light and he might have just messed up everything. “I just…”
There’s a pause and he’s a little startled by it.
“I just really like you.”
Your smile is small but your eyes are bright. “I really like you too, Yoongi.”
He kisses you again, just because he can.
7.
There’s something so strange about silence, how it’s never truly there. There’s always something, a car driving past, birds in the trees, water dripping onto the pavement, your heart beating…
Right now it’s only your breaths and Yoongi’s sobs.
You know anxiety well, well enough to understand it looks different on every person, which always makes it so hard to comfort someone because your methods are different to theirs and the last thing you want to do is make it worse.
So the both of you just sit there. Not touching but close enough that as soon as you get the signal you’re going to smother him in cuddles and kisses until he gives you one of his gummy smiles.
You love his smile so much.
You love him, even when he’s scared to feel the same.
“I’ll still be here when you’re ready.” Your voice is quiet but his back still tenses in surprise, in trepidation. “And if you’re never ready, that’s okay too. I’m gonna stay until you ask me to leave.”
A tear rolls down his cheek and lands on his hand.
“I don’t want you to leave.” He states.
“Then I won’t.”
He gives you the signal and you spend the rest of the night wrapped in his warmth.
8.
He loves his job. He truly, honestly does. Loves it so much, he could never even picture himself doing anything else.
There are parts of it he hates, though.
Like now, when the guilt and pain sits heavily in his chest because your face on his phone screen just isn’t enough and he misses you so so so much.
He can tell your only laughing like this to make him feel better, but it only serves to make him worse.
He cuts you off without fully realizing. “I miss you.”
You sigh, slightly agitated, more saddened. “I miss you too.”
“Come visit me. You’ll love this city.”
“I can’t, Yoon. It’s too much money.”
“There’s a botanical garden, and an old record shop, and one of those escape rooms we can do together…”
“That sounds lovely, Yoongi, and I really want to see you. I’m sorry.”
“I’ll buy you a ticket.”
You freeze, and Yoongi almost thinks the call cut off.
Then you move and you’re yelling. “Yoongi! No! You can't do that! It’s too much money and I won’t be able to pay you back and -”
“Too late. I texted my manager. He’s organizing it right now.”
“Yoongi!”
“I miss you.”
You smile again. For the first time since he left, he does too.
“Thank you.” You whisper.
Deep down he knows he would buy you an entire plane if he felt it necessary.
9.
The jacket is leather and black and it fits him perfectly. He’s a little confused, to be honest, doesn’t know why or how it was sitting on his bed, neatly folded with a note saying “I was thinking of you.”
Namjoon has a habit of buying ill-fitting clothes and donating them to Yoongi, but the leader doesn’t like leather so it couldn’t be him.
Jimin is a generous sweetheart but his notes are always signed with his name and a heart, ensuring that he would get full credit and praise, and this note had no such signature.
The jacket doesn’t feel expensive, nice and comfortable and sturdy, sure, but not high-end-tear-jerking-wallet-breaking expensive. So that rules out both Taehyung and Hoseok.
And then Yoongi’s mind drifts to you.
Sweet, beautiful, kind you. Who gives more than you receive, who kisses him on the cheek everytime he walks through your door, who makes his heart feel like it’s going to launch out his chest like a high-speed rocket. You.
He texts you with a message that reads: “is leather in style now?”
You reply with a simple wink emoji.
If anyone says he squealed, he will kill them.
10.
It’s midnight and you’re so exhausted. You had finally wrangled your boyfriend into bed. Tearing him away from his computer was a hard task, near impossible, but you managed it. You always did when his health was concerned.
He feels warm against your body and you can hear his heartbeat when you press your head harder into his chest. His arms are wrapped tightly around your waist, his breathing is ticking your neck, and everything just feels overwhelmingly right.
hello my loves, happy wednesday! here’s some yoongi filth because….it’s good for the soul :) also looking back on my masterlist it’s just been way too long lol <3 hope you all enjoy this smutty piece of “f*** you back to sleep” filth :))))
warnings: sleepy grinding, dirty talk, hand and blowjobs occur, mouth fucking???, cum swallowing, fingering, there’s lots of marking, nipple play, sex does eventually occur i promise
word count: 3.3k
Yoongi, for the life of him, could not fall asleep.
It’d been hours now of nearly constant tossing and turning, leaving you to readjust every time he moved behind you, the man mumbling a quiet apology in case he’d woken you up. Which he had. Several times.
“Yoongi,” you mumbled, “put the heating pad on if your back is bothering you.” You reminded him, as he was fresh off of a world tour and still dealing with the repercussions that come with it.
“It’s okay, angel. My back is okay.” He soothed into your neck, the lack of sleepiness in his tone causing you to frown.
“Just can’t sleep?” You inquired, the man humming before he puffed a breath out through his nose.
“Time zones.” He explained simply, you nodding in understanding as your hand automatically reached up to the crown of his head, scratching your fingernails against his scalp in an attempt to soothe him a bit in his journey to slumber.
“Missed you. Missed this.” He mumbled in reference to your position, kissing your shoulder softly as you hummed in response.
“Me too.” You agreed, tilting your head backward to look at the man’s wide awake eyes in the dark.
You watched as he leaned up off of his pillow to press his lips to yours, closing his eyes in bliss at the simple connection he had craved for so long while overseas.
Slowly your lips melded together, a low hum coming from the back of Yoongi’s throat as he leaned further into you, deepening the kiss with a stroke of his tongue along your lip.
“Hm, I can tire you out. Be happy to, actually.” You said against his lips, smirking a bit at the way he clutched your hip tighter at your tone.
Your chest swelled with pride at the broken gasp coming from his mouth when you pushed your ass back on him, his hand locking your hip in place with all the willpower he possibly could.
“I don’t want to keep you up, babe.” He protested weakly, you chuckling before pressing a chaste kiss to his pout.
“You sure about that?” You raised your eyebrows knowingly, Yoongi smirking at your persistence before gasping when you wiggled your ass against him again.
This time, his hand cupped your ass cheek and fondled the soft tissue there instead of locking your movements down, rolling it in his palm before sneakily sticking his pinky finger underneath the hem of your shorts to slip between your pantie-covered folds.
You gasped as his fingertip nudged your clit over the fabric, the man purposefully wiggling his digit around to add stimulation to the bud.
“Is that a yes?” You breathed out, Yoongi chuckling at his affect on you as he swiftly nodded.
“Yeah, baby.” He verbally confirmed, chuckling to himself as you suddenly shifted up on your knees and flipped your body over to straddle his lap, Yoongi’s eyes shining up at you in the dark.
His hands traveled every inch of you as you dipped your head down to kiss at his neck, a deep hum of approval vibrating his adam’s apple when you opened your mouth against the skin.
“Fuck, I love when you’re on top.” He groaned, his hands cementing on your hips to roll you down against his growing bulge.
Despite loving you on top of him, he loved still holding the control, his hands on your hips and feet planted on the mattress ready to buck up against you at any moment.
“I know.” You chuckled, Yoongi swatting at your hip at your cockiness as you lifted your hips from his lap.
Tucking your fingers underneath the waistband of his shorts and boxers, you swiftly pulled them down his thighs, Yoongi raising his hips to aid you with a slanted grin.
Leaning down to grasp his half-hard length, you dutifully pumped your hand up and down his shaft, pace slow as you watched in awe of him beginning to get more worked up.
His bottom lip was sucked into his mouth, eyelids shutting on their own accord as a sharp inhale stuttered in his throat when your thumb swiped over his sensitive tip.
“What do you want, hm?” You asked, the man making a grumbling noise from the back of his throat as he bucked his hips up into your hand.
“I’d take anything right now, honestly.” He admitted, making you laugh a bit at the desperation in his tone he didn’t even attempt to hide.
Leaving one last kiss to his pout, you shuffled down his torso, hearing the man’s breath catch as he noticed the all too familiar rhythm in which you fumbled down so that your face hovered above his cock.
Your hand continued it’s motions on his ever hardening dick, the moans and quiet whimpers falling to your ears causing heat to flush down between your legs as you sat between his own.
With a twist of your hand on his base, his fingers gripped the sheets with white knuckles, stretching his neck as he tilted his head back in bliss.
Dipping down to place your mouth on him, you chuckled when your boyfriend immediately gasped at the feeling of your wet mouth on his hot cock, rolling his head to the side when you traced your tongue along the bulging veins running down it.
Yoongi clutched at the sheets as you suckled on his tip, tracing the underside of the leaking head with your tongue and making his eyes roll back into his head.
“F-fuuuuck.” He breathed out as you took him farther into your mouth, eyes squinted open to watch as you began to bob your head up and down on him.
His hands moved from the bed to your hair, gripping handfuls of your strands and controlling your pace on him as he mumbled praises into the air.
Sucking and slobbering over his length, you took him deep until your throat gave out, letting him thrust into your mouth as he pleased with a grunt above you.
“Babe, I’m gonna cum.” He warned, you encouraging him with a flick of your tongue against his tip, making his mouth gape open as he shot his heavy load down your throat.
As his length softened a bit in your mouth, you let it easily slip off your tongue, sitting up to swipe at your mouth with the back of your hand before shuffling back up Yoongi’s body.
“Oh my god.” He sighed, smiling a bit as you giggled atop him at his state.
His hair was only slightly damp with sweat, face flushed and eyes hazy yet ablaze with desire. The sheets below him were rumpled from where he’d been gripping them, his hair distressed because of all his writhing around on the pillow below him. All because of your mouth.
“I fucking love your mouth.” He verbally confirmed, making you chuckle again before leaning into his all too tempting pout.
When you felt his hand pushing at the hem of your shorts, you reached down to grip his wrist, guiding it away with a slight smile as he pulled back to pull his brows at you.
“Tonight’s about you, baby. Let me put you to sleep.” You chuckled, Yoongi rolling his eyes as he moved his hand back to slip underneath your shorts.
“I’m not buying that shit. I wanna feel you.” He mumbled, your mouth parting against his as he slipped his finger between your folds, guiding it up to concentrate on your clit.
“Y-yoon, you don’t have t-to- fuck,” you bit down onto your lip when his finger moved down to meet your entrance, throbbing with need and want for the man as he felt around between your legs.
“Fuck, you’re so wet.” He commented, his tone laced with astoundment as he traced your leaking, clenching entrance.
Letting a choked gasp escape you when he sunk not one but two fingers into you, you whined his name as he suckled lightly on your jaw, surely marking the area as moans of his name echoed around the bedroom.
Lacing your fingers through Yoongi’s hair, you lost yourself in the pleasure he provided you, grinding your hips down onto his two pointed fingers and groaning when he added a third.
You threw your head back as Yoongi continued dutifully pumping into your entrance, curling his fingers to brush against all the right spots as well as running his other hand under your shirt and up your stomach to fondle your bare breasts.
Your whimpers let him know to up his antics, attempting to suck at your nipple before groaning in frustration at the fabric blocking him from doing so.
Wordlessly, he gripped the hem of your shirt and ripped it up over your head, tossing it across the room and leaning forward to suck on your peaked bud. Hard.
“Oh my god, Yoongi.”
“Mm,” he hummed in reply, vibration creating an electric hum in your nipple before the sensation was intensified by him biting down a bit to close his teeth around the hardened bud.
With a gasp, you clenched around his fingers at the unexpected action, causing Yoongi to groan as he picked up the pace of his thrusting appendages up into your entrance.
You shivered as his thumb reached back to circle over your clit, whining his name in warning as you leaned your forehead down onto his shoulder.
“I’m gonna-”
“Do it.” The man ordered, coaxing your orgasm out of you by slowly circling his finger over your swelling clit, your release coating his hand as he slowly pumped his fingers into you, carefully riding your high out with you.
Neither of you spoke as you waited for your breaths to even out, Yoongi occupying himself by slipping his fingers out of you and bringing them up into his mouth to suck your juices from.
Once you had caught your breath, you lifted your head from Yoongi’s skin, breathing out another sigh as his eyes twinkled back at you.
Although it was dark in there, you could still feel every touch of him on your body, including the hand stationed at your thigh and the other reaching up to pinch your chin between his thumb and pointer finger to guide your mouth back to his.
Both sets of hands were messily pushing your shorts and underwear off your legs, his fingers aiding you in lifting off his hips to toss the garments somewhere off the edge of the mattress as you never disconnected from his lips.
Following his slight shifting movements across the mattress as he reached into the drawer in the nightstand, you giggled against his lips as he cursed at the drawer being so far away, the sounds increasing as he rolled the both of you over so that he was closer to the little table.
“Thought you loved when I was on top.” You raised your eyebrows in amusement, the man chuckling with a nod as he reached his arm back behind him, tugging the drawer open and letting his fingers scramble around the interior for a condom packet.
“Oh I do, I really do,” he smiled, “but stay just like this, baby.” He directed, making you hum before doing as you were told, confused as you were facing away from Yoongi, rolled onto your side as if you were spooning to go back to sleep.
You couldn’t help but rub your thighs together as your heart pounded in anticipation, the sounds of the foil packet ripping open and the barrier being rolled onto Yoongi’s cock increasing your excitement as you eagerly pushed your ass back against him.
“Please.” You exhaled, your boyfriend quickly catching your plea with another kiss to your shoulder, tracing his hand down your thigh to grip at it.
Yoongi smiled as you stretched your leg out behind you, aiding him in propping your thigh atop his hip bone so that he could easily access the throbbing area between your legs.
You let a moan slip past your lips as he nudged his head through your entrance, pushing himself farther into you with a buck of his hips as he let out a groan into your skin.
“F-fuck.” He stuttered as you pushed your hips down onto him, effectively grinding him farther inside of you as you let a pleasured sigh past your lips.
He started off relatively slow, the calm air in the room causing him to want to savor the moment.
Savor all the times he couldn’t do this over the past seven months, all the times he had to rely on Skype calls to get him through the ache of missing you. All the times he couldn’t simply reach over and hold you, let alone be so intimate with you.
“Yoon,” you turned your head back to him, “kiss me.” You breathed, the man immediately responding by leaning up on his elbow, cupping your jaw to bring your face closer to him in your position.
With your lips on his, he finally felt like he was home.
“Harder.” You whimpered against his plush pout, making him growl a bit in his throat at your tone before thrusting into you at a faster pace than before.
His hips continued jolting into yours, the sound of skin slapping skin all to be heard in the room except for your own individual little noises either muffled into each other’s skin or the pillows below your heads.
Moaning when you began rocking your hips along with his movements, he clutched you a bit tighter to him, arms wrapped around your torso holding you close and making sure he hit all the right spots inside of you.
“Fuck, yeah. Grind on me, baby.” He rasped, his tone displaying how worked up he was getting at your movements, causing you to circle back on him faster as you felt his cock twitch inside of you.
“Y-yoongi. I w-want- uhnn,”
You gripped the duvet tighter as Yoongi wrapped his arm around you to draw dizzying circles over your swollen bud, chest stuttering at the sensation before you whined his name again.
“Wanna see you cum.” You barely got out through your breathy moans, the man groaning at the lewdness of your words before gently pulling his cock out of you.
The movement created a wet squelch to resonate beneath the sheets, your boyfriend cursing around your name at the noise.
Quickly shifting up off your side to a seated position, you nudged Yoongi’s shoulder with tired fingers, pushing him flat down onto the mattress in order to clamber atop his waist.
Dipping down to press your lips to his chapped pout, you traced your hand along his length, touching his tip to his abdomen to hold his erection linear beneath your pussy.
His moans vibrated your lips as you began rocking over him, your juices soaking his cock further as he gasped, muttering something about how filthy you were before inserting his tongue into your mouth.
In return, Yoongi’s fingers came up to twist and pull at your nipples, stalling your actions momentarily as you clenched your eyes shut at the combination of his attention to your breast and the way your clit continually rubbed over every vein and ridge of his dick.
“Stop that, baby. I need to feel you.” Yoongi breathed, urging you to lift up as he took control of his throbbing cock and lined himself up with your entrance, you nearly sinking down on him before you paused.
“What?” Yoongi asked at your sudden slowed pace, concern laced in his singular word as he knit his eyebrows up at you.
“Back on top.” You grinned, the man smiling back at you before pinching at the flesh of your hip.
“I thought something was wrong, you dummy.” He tutted, you giggling in response before placing your lips back on his, the covered tip of Yoongi’s cock prodding at your entrance as you let a content sigh out onto his bottom lip.
“I promise you, everything is so fucking right.” You said, echoing your boyfriend’s moan as he thrusted up into you, planting his feet flat on the mattress for a stronger push into your cavern.
“I missed you.” He repeated his earlier words through a grunt, hands tightening on your hips with each of his movements up into your pussy.
The slaps of skin were what punctuated his thrusts up into you, along with his small whimpering exhales of breath accompanying them.
“I know,” you chuckled breathlessly, “I know you did.”
It was evident by the twitching of his cock inside of you, his balls raising up beneath your ass to spill his incoming second load as he bit down on his lip below you.
At his wrecked facial expression, you clamped tighter around him, leaving the poor man breathless and choking for air as your walls put him in a vice grip.
“Oh my god, I’m gonna cum.” He gritted his teeth, his breaths emptying out onto the shell of your ear as you chased your own impending release as well.
“Yoon,” you cried out, feeling the tension in the pit of your stomach explode once again as he fastened his pace, his tip bumping against your sensitive walls as he held your hip bone for support.
With a moan of your name, Yoongi released into the condom, stalling inside of your pussy before continuing at a steady pace to ensure your release.
“Cum for me, baby, come on.” He breathed, opening his mouth on your pulse point and tipping you over the edge when you felt his hand come up to your chest to tweak at your nipple.
Opening your mouth in a silent scream, you felt your second orgasm come on, left breathless as Yoongi bit down on his lip at your walls squeezing his cock.
You could barely keep your eyes open as you felt your boyfriend pull out, letting your slightly sore legs give out with a pat pat to your thigh.
You giggled slightly at the action, briefly feeling Yoongi shift you over to lay beside him. The feeling of his weight shifting off the bed had you peeking your bleary eyes open, watching as his pale skin moved across the room along with a rolling plastic sound, as well as a shuffling in the bag lining the garbage bin across the room.
Eyes following his naked body as he crawled back onto the mattress, you smiled sleepily at him, the man returning the look as he traced his hand over your hair.
“I brought your shirt back in case you get cold, okay? I’ll put it on your table.” He said, planting a kiss to your forehead before tossing the clothing item in his other hand onto the table beside you.
“Mm, thank you.” You mumbled tiredly, pursing your lips out to prompt him to press another kiss to your pout.
Tracing your palm over his forehead to slide his hair back from his damp skin, you studied his sleepy eyes, much less wide awake than before your escapades.
“Did I tire you out?” You chuckled softly, the man smirking a bit as he nodded in answer to you.
“Absolutely.” He mumbled, laying his arm out for you to crawl into his side, resting your head on his chest as he dropped a kiss to your slightly sweaty scalp.
“Good. Thas’ my job.” You spoke into his skin, the haziness that your brain was feeling becoming apparent as Yoongi chuckled at you.
“Love you.” He said, rubbing at your shoulder as your fingers sifted through the hair above his ears.
“I love you, too. Goodnight, Yoon.” You soothed, the man letting another exhale escape his nose before speaking his last words of the night before he at last fell into slumber.
Summary: Yoongi will go to the ends of the earth, ever persistent for what he wants. That’s something that you learn from him.
Word Count: 7k
Warnings: Death mention, Alcohol, Yoongi is persistent
A/N: Y’all have no clue what I went through to post this. But here’s August’s piece for the clownracha monthly prompt. The classic, age old college AU. It’s unedited and the pacing is wonky, but I’m really proud of it. Let me know what you think!
This fanfiction and the header attached are property of @/hobi-is-golden, reposting on any platform without explicit permission is prohibited
You were sat down at the piano in the practice room you used to use all the time, the same piano you’d been sat down at for the past forty-five minutes. Your fingers ran the length of the keys, not hard enough to make a sound but just enough to feel each one, every bump and ridge. You used to frequent the university music rooms, you’d composed most of your songs at this very piano. Sitting in front of it now felt like returning to a childhood home that someone else had lived in. It felt right, but a little tighter now, smaller and more rundown than you remembered. It was marked with traces of other people who had loved it when you hadn’t. It didn’t have the same shining draw that it had before, but it brought you comfort like none you’d felt in the past year. You sighed. Had it honestly been that long since you’d played? You missed it, but no matter how hard you tried, your fingers would freeze and your voice would get stuck.
But that was a year ago, and you craved the way it felt to create something from the depths of your soul. You took another deep breath, steadying your trembling nerves. What if you’d lost your ability to make music altogether? What if you’d forgotten how to play piano? Or if your voice had completely forgotten how to sing?
You tentatively played a few notes, your fingers falling back into the rhythm they’d always had, albeit a little clumsier than they had been before. You pulled your hand away once the notes had rung out and shook your head. It was time to grow up, your friends had told you, to take the reins back into your own hands and take a step back towards the thing you’d loved most in your life.
Once you began playing again, the anxiety melted away. The only thing you could hear was the melody you played, the curling, rising notes of your voice, and the heartbeat in your chest that pumped in time. Aside from the occasional stumble of your fingers, the song came to you as naturally as it ever had. The melody finished, and you pulled your hand away once more. You were shaking, just a little, and you heaved a sigh. The rush was subsiding, giving way to a tightness in your throat.
It had been a long time since you’d felt so alive, or so sick for that matter. You gathered your things, tucking all of your books and schoolwork back into your bag. One song was enough for today, and you would have to be meeting your friends soon anyways. You slung the bag’s strap over your shoulder, slipping out the door and into the hall, flicking the light off on your way out.
“Hey, your voice is amazing.” A voice said as you were closing the door behind you. You startled, pressing a hand over your heart and gaping at the man in front of you.
“Jesus, dude, you scared the shit outta me.” You hissed. The guy in front of you smiled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Sorry, I just heard you singing and I wanted to tell you how impressive it is.” He said. Your stomach dropped, and your palms became clammy. You clenched your fists tighter. “What’s your name?”
“You heard that?” You repeated back to him. He nodded slowly.
“Is that an original? I’d love to hear more of it.” It was your turn to nod this time, bobbing your head dumbly as you tried to process what he’d said. Nobody had heard you sing in so long, you’d made sure of that. And now this stranger was praising you for it.
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” You said, moving to step past him. Hoseok wouldn’t be out of his dance team practice for a few more minutes, so you had more than enough time to meet him, but you couldn’t stand still and have this conversation. Not now.
“Wait, sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy. I was just really hoping to talk to you for a second.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. You made a silent reminder to file a complaint about the lack of soundproofing in the practice rooms.
“Right, but you know what they say, stranger danger and whatever. So I think I should probably…” You nodded towards the end of the hall. He chuckled, appearing to be at a loss for words.
“Yeah, strangers. Well, I’m Min Yoongi. I usually hang around here…in case you change your mind. I’d really like to hear more of your music.”
“Listen, you've got it wrong. I’m not a musician, I’m studying film. I was just hanging around, killing time, you know?” You honestly felt sort of bad, he genuinely looked like he was stepping out of his comfort zone talking to you like this. You smiled, though it was a little bit forced.
“Y/N, there you are! Come on,” Hoseok called from the end of the hall, waving for you to hurry up. You nodded.
“I’m really sorry for wasting your time,” You told the stranger. “I’ll see you around.”
You jogged off to meet Hobi at the end of the hall, looking back over your shoulder to where the boy – Yoongi – was still looking at you.
“What was that about?” Hoseok asked. You shook your head at him.
“It’s nothing. He, uh, he heard me playing the piano.”
There was a long silence with nothing but your footsteps and the breathing between the two of you to fill the air.
“How do you feel?” He asked, carefully choosing his words. You knew what he meant, though.
“Guilty I think.” You answered. He nodded like he’d been expecting that. You didn’t ask why, and he didn’t push you to talk about it any further.
Yoongi was left baffled, and a bit dejected actually. He didn’t have any idea who you were, just the sound of your voice taking over his every thought, and the name your friend had called to you. He didn’t have high hopes of seeing you again, the university was fairly large after all, and he didn’t know where to begin. But there was one person who just might.
Jin tapped a long finger against his chin as he thought. They were in the campus library where Yoongi’s most trusted friend worked during the school months. Jin turned back towards the books he was shelving.
“You said she’s a film major?” He asked. Yoongi nodded. Seokjin was something of a prince around the campus, handsome, intelligent, and well-off financially. Not to mention he was earning a business degree that was guaranteed to get him someplace in the future. Still, none of that measured up to his sense of humor and his unwavering loyalty in Yoongi’s eyes. Jin was the sort of man he could understand envying.
His friend took a moment to think, passing the book he held back and forth between his hands. Yoongi’s body mimicked the motion, anxiously shifting his weight from foot to foot.
“Y/N Y/L/N, film major. She’s the same age as us I think, friends with the captain of the dance team. You know, the cute one with the smile.” Jin told him, waving a hand through the air.
“So you know her?”
“Well,” He put the book back where it belonged. “Not exactly. But I know her friend, which is essentially the same thing.”
Yoongi didn’t agree with that actually, but he wasn’t as good with people as Jin, so maybe it was true.
“Come to the dance competition with me this weekend. I’m sure she’ll be there,” Jin said. Yoongi hesitated, then laughed.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s called stalking,” He pointed out. Jin rolled his eyes.
“It’s called killing two birds with one stone. Relax, will you? Don’t you want to hear her sing again?”
The question made him stop again. Of course he did, her voice was keeping him up at night writing a song that only she could do justice. But surely he was being creepy to even consider this, tracking her down like he was. Still, something in him was begging him to try.
Dance competitions were, as a general statement, not your favorite environments. It was always loud before the performances began, and there were always too many people for your liking, but you hadn’t missed a single one since Hoseok had joined the dance team in high school. You and Namjoon took your seats, already eagerly awaiting the beginning of the performances and flipping through the program that they’d been giving out. Some of these teams were incredible, having gone to nationals the year prior, but you knew Hoseok had been whipping the boys into shape, literally and metaphorically.
The lights were beginning to dim, and an announcement was called asking everyone to return to their seats for the first performance of the night. A bright voice caught your attention from the other side of Namjoon, and you looked up to see a handsome boy pointing to the seats next to you. With him was Yoongi, and your heart leaped into your throat. You were really banking on never seeing him again, but here he was only a couple of days later. You looked away.
“Are those seats taken?”
Namjoon spared you a glance, and you weren’t sure if he noticed your panicked expression or not, but he shook his head. You half hoped the stranger would sit by you, putting a little bit extra space between you and Yoongi and consequently sparing you the awkwardness, but luck was simply not on your side. Yoongi sat to your right, his friend on the other side of him. You met Yoongi’s eye, and he gave you a small smile. You smiled back, never more grateful for dancers to take the stage.
Even during the breaks, you managed to escape conversation, slipping away to the bathroom or grabbing a snack. Anything to put some distance between you and Yoongi, and you almost felt bad just because of the defeated look on his face. But soon enough the competition was over, and Hoseok had led his team to a thrilling victory, earning them a spot at nationals. You were headed back to congratulate him with Namjoon hot on your heels before the other pair even had an opportunity to stand up.
When you saw Hoseok, you shouted his name, nearly bowling him over with the force behind your hug. He wrapped his arms around you, lifting your feet off the ground. You wiggled out of his arms with a grin.
“We, you’re all sweaty,” You complained, wiping his sweat off of you as best as you could.
“You do this every single time,” He said, rolling his eyes. You grinned even wider.
“And it’s true every single time.” You said, poking at his chest. “Good job out there, twinkle toes.”
“Thanks, little canary.” He said, but his attention was drawn away by someone else. You let the name sink in. Little canary, he hadn’t used that for you in so long that it almost felt foreign, but you felt a bubble of pride rise in your chest. You looked over to see the two people you’d been trying to escape greeting your best friend. You looked to Namjoon for an explanation, but he looked just as baffled as you were.
“Jin, what the hell are you doing here?” Hoseok seemed to brighten even more, though you weren’t sure how that was actually possible. Leave it to Hobi to be friends with anyone and everyone.
“I came to see you win. I figured I’d come to say congratulations while I was here,” The man - Jin - told him, and you fake gagged at the absolute flirtation in his voice which made Namjoon and Yoongi laugh. For some reason, the sound of Yoongi’s laugh made your heart flutter in your chest. Annoying.
“Good to know you were watching me,” Hoseok flirted back. Ew. You didn’t remember the name Jin from Hoseok’s stories, but you assumed they were fairly well acquainted by the way their conversation was beginning to feel like something to be shared behind closed doors. “Actually, some of us were gonna go out for drinks after we get cleaned up. You should come with us. Your friend too.”
“For fucks sake,” You grumbled to yourself. Why couldn’t anything go your way? Was this your punishment? Your friends looked at you, but you just smiled tightly and shook your head. You weren’t really in the habit of making enemies in the name of personal grievances.
“Yeah, sure. Where should we meet up?” Jin asked. Yoongi didn’t look overly enthused at the prospect you noticed, or maybe he’d just checked out of the conversation entirely. It was hard to say when he was staring straight at you.
“I’ll text you an address, meet us there at nine?” Hobi asked. The two guests agreed and finally went their own way. You didn’t say much as all three of you returned to your apartment building. You split away from the boys, heading to your apartment and throwing yourself into getting ready for a night out.
You wondered as you did your makeup if you were being unfair. You’d developed a less than sunny disposition over the past year or so, and a distrust of…well, pretty much everyone. Your boys had been trying to get you to open up and let your walls come down, but it was slow going. Still, you thought you were beginning to see light filtering in through the cracks, and that scared you.
Once you were all made up, you headed to the boys’ apartment one floor above you, herding the two out to get a cab. The ride was the most peaceful part of the night, and that was gone the second you made it to the club Hoseok always chose. It was as loud as you remembered it being the last time you’d been. When you found Yoongi and Jin, they were already mingling with the other members of the Bangtan University dance team.
You greeted the younger boys with squeezes to their arms or affectionate ruffles of their hair, already relaxing at the familiarity of having your juniors around. They were good kids, you were grateful to watch them grow into young men.
You raised your hand in greeting to the newcomers, more of a peace offering than a friendly gesture. Yoongi was a friend of a friend (or rather the friend of a friend’s friend, but that was a bit wordy wasn’t it? You digress) and besides poking at a sore spot that he couldn’t possibly know existed, he hadn’t done anything wrong. So being hostile towards him wasn’t fair, even if it was instinct, but he had a long way to go before you’d call him a friend.
“Everyone’s here, we should do shots!” Jungkook said. You knew it was his favorite way to start off a night out with your friend group, so you seconded it which earned a loud complaint from Namjoon.
Jungkook headed for the bar, and Jin agreed to go with him, Tae following close behind. While they were gone, attention shifted to Hoseok again, as it usually did when there was a lull in the conversation. He was good at getting the ball rolling again.
“So,” You began. “How long have you and Jin known each other?”
There were a few excited agreements, everyone wanting to know more about this stranger and how he’d come to be invited to an oh-so-sacred night out. Hobi laughed.
“We met last semester, remember the study group I was in? Jin works in the library so he’d talk to us sometimes. That’s all, we’re just friends.”
“Right, just friends,” Joon laughed. “Because all friends have to emphasize that unprompted.”
“Let him have fun, hyung,” Jimin teased. “When’s the last time he was this relaxed.”
And you did have to agree with that statement. As much as you enjoyed teasing your friends about their love lives and the way they flirted, you were relieved to see him as happy and laid back as he was now.
The night went on like that, everyone loosened up with a couple of drinks in their systems and music pulsing through them like a heartbeat. You were grateful for your ability to hold your liquor by a few hours later in the night. You sipped your whiskey, looking around for your friends. You’d lost the youngest three among the crows, but you could see Jin and Hoseok, though you half wished you couldn’t with the way they were dancing pressed up against each other. It was just you, Namjoon, and Yoongi left at your table, and you were keeping to yourself more than you usually would have. You caught your name leaving Namjoon’s mouth, and you quickly pushed yourself to stand up.
“Gonna get some water, be right back.” You said. The boys nodded and you bobbed and weaved through the crowd of intoxicated strangers on your way back to the bar. You ordered your water, sitting down on one of the stools. You had a paper to finish tomorrow, and as much as you wanted to stay intoxicated, a hangover was the friend of no student.
“Can I get a water too?” A voice asked beside you. You didn’t have to look up to know it was Yoongi, which only served to irritate you. You didn’t want to recognize his voice, or his laugh, not even his pretty fucking face. You weren’t being fair, but life wasn’t fair, and you were even more unbearable with a couple of drinks in your system.
“What, are you stalking me now?” You asked, sipping your water. Yoongi didn’t respond, but he looked a bit taken aback by the hostility.
“I’m sorry if I did something wrong, I didn’t mean to make an enemy.” He said finally, tracing the rim of his water glass.
“Right. I wouldn’t say enemy, I’m just not sure why you’re following me around.” You took another drink.
“I was serious when I told you your voice was impressive. I write music, I’m studying production, and I really think you could help me make this song I’m working on better.” He said. The proposal sounded rehearsed, and you truly did feel bad for turning him down.
“I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to find someone else. I quit music.” You forced a smile despite the pain that saying those words brought.
“Please, I can’t stop thinking about-”
“Stop it. I really don’t mean to disrespect you, but I really can’t just…start singing again. You seem great, really, but you don’t know me, or my past. So please, just understand that I can’t sing for you.” You stood up, and Yoongi sighed, following your lead in getting to his feet.
“Then don’t sing. I won’t ask you to, just help me make something amazing. Give me your opinions, that’s all I ask. I can tell you have good taste, I just need your mind.” He gave it one last try, looking more passionate than you’d seen him before. You weren’t sure what to do with someone who loved the thing you’d cut out of your life just as much as you once had. Maybe as you still did. “Just think about it, text me when you’ve made up your mind.”
He handed you a napkin, his number scribbled on it. You stared at it, half wondering if he carried a pen everywhere he went.
“Right, I think I’m gonna head home. Could you let my friends know for me?” You folded the napkin, tucking it into the pocket of your jeans. Yoongi nodded, and you smiled. This time it was genuine. This guy was persistent, and normally that would irritate you. But with him, it was endearing. You had to admire that level of perseverance.
“So what are you gonna do?” Hoseok asked as you pondered the napkin you’d been given. You shrugged, poking at your meal, chasing a grain of rice back and forth across the plate. It was your weekly lunch with the boys, all of you just discussing the ups and downs of your week.
“I’m not…a musician anymore,” You said. Your friends both shifted in their seats around the table. You raised an eyebrow at them.
“It’s just that you’ve put so much distance between you and your music. You’re miserable, it’s like being friends with a zombie,” Hoseok explained, and rather bluntly at that. Your jaw dropped, but Namjoon interrupted before you spoke You settled instead for shoving a bite of food into your mouth.
“We don’t mean that you should dive headfirst back into it. But punishing yourself like this is killing you, and we can’t just stand by and watch you anymore.” Namjoon sighed and reached out to lay a hand over yours. You tried not to fidget away from the touch, feeling a bit put off with the attention on you. “Don’t you think it’s been long enough?”
There was a creeping sense of panic that had you becoming a bit sick to your stomach. You laid your free hand against your stomach
“How could it be enough?” You asked, looking desperately between the two of them. You were aching for an answer, hoping the two of them could make it all easier.
“Just try. You have to forgive yourself eventually. Please text him,” Namjoon tried again.
This time, you didn’t have it in you to argue. So you nodded and tried to ignore the bitter taste of self-loathing lingering in the back of your throat.
Sending the text was nerve-wracking, almost as much as receiving one back. I’m not going to sing you’d told him, but I’ll listen to what you’re working on. You regretted giving in right up until the moment Yoongi was welcoming you into his dorm room.
The space was small, a two-person dorm that appeared to be occupied by someone else as well, but who you weren’t sure. There were traces of Yoongi all across the small shared living space, posters, and pictures of him and his friends. There were a few notebooks here and there, and textbooks sitting out on the table by the small couch. All in all the space was fairly near. You wondered if he always kept the dorm clean or if he’d made it up just for you.
“Come on, my setup is in my room,” He told you. You nodded, following him into his bedroom. Honestly, there wasn’t anything particularly outstanding about his room besides the setup he had at his desk. His workspace rivaled the mini recording studio in your university’s music wing.
“Wow, this is amazing. Did you do this yourself?” You asked. He nodded.
“Yeah, I started buying everything back in high school, saved up for years. It’s still not everything I’ve ever wanted, but I’m pretty happy with the results.” He told you. You nodded along as he gave you a little tour of everything.
“My mom used to have this makeshift studio in our spare room,” You said with a smile. “I’ve never really understood all this techy stuff, it's really impressive.”
Yoongi watched you admire his hard work with a bashful smile of his own. You seemed less abrasive now than you had before, more relaxed as you made yourself just small enough to share his space. He liked it.
“I could teach you if you wanted. The techy stuff, I mean. Recording, producing.” You looked at him, and he had to fight off his laughter at how your eyes burned bright at the offer.
“Yeah, that would be cool. But let me hear this song first, I have to make sure you’re legit.” You told him, half teasing.
He sat down in the desk chair that was more or less wedged between the desk and the end of his bed, clicking through a few files on the laptop he had sitting there. There wasn’t enough room to walk between the chair and the bed, barely enough room to scoot up beside him.
“You can sit there,” He motioned towards the end of the bed, and you took your seat at his right, just slightly behind him. He handed you a pair of headphones, putting on his own and waiting for you to do the same.
You watched as Yoongi sorted through files with a practiced speed. There were tons of them, some labeled with titles, some with just dates. You wondered how many songs he had tucked away in those files of his. Finally, he clicked on one.
“I haven’t finished writing up lyrics yet, so it’s mostly just the backing track.” He said, voice quiet as he focused on loading up the track. “I added a rap verse. Might cut it from the final product, I haven’t quite decided,”
The more he talked, the more anxiety built up in your stomach. Who were you to judge his music? He clearly had more knowledge than you did, and an endless passion for the process. You on the other hand, well you were rusty at best. You’d hardly given music a listen unless you were with other people. Maybe you just weren’t ready for this. You focused instead on him. The curve of his eyelashes, the slope of his nose, and the hair at the nape of his neck that had begun to curl from growing a bit too long.
“Hitting play.” He said. You closed your eyes, pushing down the nerves as the music began. It was a sweet piano melody that was reminiscent of the one you’d been playing the day you met him. It was lilting, almost playful as it went on. Over it was a muted arrangement of strings and a pulsing electronic beat. It was breathtaking.
You could only imagine how pretty it would sound with a guitar dancing around the piano melody and a soft vocal line. You were getting lost in it when the rap verse came in. You were never a fan of rap, but Yoongi’s voice was clear and smooth in contrast to the raw intensity. It gave you chills.
When the song finished, it was as if the air was sucked out of your lungs. You blinked a few times, looking over at Yoongi as he took off his headphones. You didn’t say anything for a long moment, just wrapped up in how beautiful the work in progress was.
“It’s not done yet, it’ll get better.” He said, shifting a bit uncomfortably. You wondered how often he showed people his music if he still seemed so nervous about it all. You smiled.
“It can get better than this? It’s so good, Yoongi.” You promised, resting your hand on his arm. “Seriously. I have an idea though. If I may.”
He was quick to nod, and you shifted towards him, launching immediately into what you had been thinking about while you were listening. You explained your thoughts for a guitar addition, and what you thought the vocals should sound like. It was easy to get lost in this with him, in building a song up to everything you both knew it could be, everything that you both wanted.
The time was passing by faster than you imagined it would with the both of you brainstorming lyrics. It was late in the evening when you finally noticed the time, your stomach starting to ache with hunger and your brain running dry.
“Hey, it’s late, I should head out.” You said after a minute. Yoongi looked up from the notebook he’d been working in, a look of disappointment flashing over his features. You tried not to think too much about it.
“Yeah, okay. Thanks for helping me with this. It’s coming out really great.” He told you. You shrugged off the compliment.
“It’s nothing. Text me if you wanna get together again. Maybe we can grab food and work on those lyrics sometime.” You told him, gathering your things and shoving them back into your bag. Leaving was hard, and that made you worry, but it was also hard to worry with Yoongi around. He had a way of easing your mind now that you were giving him the opportunity.
A week or so had passed, and with neither of you managing time to meet up in person, phone calls and facetime calls had become a common occurrence between you and him. Usually just for a few minutes, bouncing lyric ideas or little melodies off of each other.
It had become so commonplace that your friends had grown used to you sneaking off to answer his calls. Which is what you’d just finished doing now, returning to the boys’ sitting area where everyone was hanging out.
“Have a good talk with your boyfriend?” Jimin teased. You rolled your eyes, flopping onto the couch between Namjoon and Jungkook.
“He’s not my boyfriend. And I did have a nice talk, thank you very fucking much.” You glared at the younger boy, but he didn’t say anything in response. You’d grown accustomed to the teasing from them over how much time you spent with Yoongi. It had taken you months to warm up to the younger members of the Bantan dance team, so for a complete stranger to waltz into your life and take up your time was unheard of.
You, on the other hand, made a conscious effort not to think about it. You didn’t like new people, and you weren’t a big fan of change in any setting, let alone one that could bring emotional distress. But Yoongi was harmless, he was a good person with a heart of gold, and all he was doing was giving you the inspiration that you’d thought was gone for good. Namjoon always said that despite their teasing, Yoongi was good for you.
“So how’s the song coming?” Hoseok asked as the teasing and cruel giggles died down. Your eyes shifted to look at him, then at the other boys who were watching you attentively. You didn’t often talk about the fact that you two were working on a song together, you had avoided the topic of music quite successfully up until this moment and you were not exactly grateful to be dragged back into speaking of it.
“It’s going well. Lyrics are slow going, but I think that’s because he wants me to take the lead,” You said, shifting uncomfortably. You knew full well that the boys just wanted you to do what was best for you, but that didn’t mean that it was easy, or that it always felt good. Especially when you were looking back on it and not living it actively.
“That’s good. You should play it for us when you finish it!” Jungkook said, playfully nudging your arm. He was a good kid, you were lucky he was there. Sometimes it felt like he and Namjoon were the glue that held the group together in tense moments like this when all you wanted to do was kick Hoseok in the head hard enough to knock him unconscious. You didn’t assault your best friend.
“Yeah, maybe. I’m not sure, that’s up to him I guess.” You said, shrugging it off.
“That’s true, but you should still ask him. Maybe you guys can perform it,”
Hoseok again. Sticking his nose where it didn’t fucking belong and pushing buttons he had no right. You huffed.
“Yeah, probably not.” You said. “I hate to cut things short, but I have some homework to do, so I think I should head out.”
You watched as everyone argued that you should stay, and you caught Taehyung sending a glare in Hoseok’s direction. You knew you weren’t being as level-headed as you would have liked to be, but you couldn’t help it. Hoseok knew better than anyone what you’d been dealing with, he’d watched the life drain from your eyes, and now he was putting you on the spot in front of all your friends.
“Sorry boys, I’ll see you later okay?” You said, grabbing your bag and heading for the door. You weren’t trying to leave on bad terms, but you figured it was best to distance yourself before you said something you didn’t mean.
You made your goodbye quick, slipping out the door and speed walking towards the stairs. Damn apartment building with its damn broken elevator. You had almost made it when you heard your name. You turned begrudgingly.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that back there.” Hoseok said, his hands shoved in his pockets. You scoffed.
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have.” You agreed. There was a long pause, neither of you knowing where to go from there. “I’ll get over it. But it was inconsiderate and I needed some space. So I’ll text you later.”
He nodded, and you gave him a pressed smile before turning to head back home. You hated leaving him like this, leaving on bad terms always made your stomach churn with anxiety.
“Hoseok?” You waited for him to look up at you again. “I love you.”
He smiled, and you smiled back.
You were home a few minutes, restless and frustrated. You loved Hoseok, and you would be fine. You’d been friends for so long and you came out of every confrontation just as close as you always were. But it was irritating to have him poke your sore spots and embarrass you in front of your friends. And you felt even worse that you were mad about it.
You weren’t sure when you’d become so reliant on Yoongi’s presence to make you feel better, but there you stood in the middle of your bedroom with your phone in your hand, dialing his number at 9 pm on a Thursday evening. But he picked up in no time, and the tension eased from your muscles.
“Hey, what’s up?” He asked. You swallowed.
“Are you home? Can I come over?” You asked him in return. You heard shifting on his end of the line.
“Yeah, you can come over. Is everything okay?” Yoongi asked. You hummed a bit dismissively.
“I’ll be fine. I just need to…I don’t know, not be here I guess. I’ll be over soon.” You said, already hanging up so he couldn’t ask more questions. You gathered your notebooks and slipped on your shoes to head back to the dorms to see him.
The walk wasn’t long, you’d opted for the cheapest apartments just off campus, and you were grateful that Jin and Yoongi lived on the side closest to you. But the cool evening air was sobering. You ran through the lyrics you were working on, something to distract you from the emotions boiling beneath the surface that you always tried not to acknowledge.
Yoongi was waiting for you in his dorm, stretched out on the couch and scrolling on his phone. Jin wasn’t in the dorm, but you’d found that to be quite common. He sat up when you walked in, not bothering to knock - something else that had become a daily practice for the two of you.
“What happened?” He asked you.
“I had some lyric ideas, I thought that maybe we could work on it.” You said, sitting down in the space he’d made for you and opening up the notebook you’d been working in. It was true that you‘d come up with some lyrics, but mostly you just wanted to be close to him. You wondered if he could tell. But if he did notice that you were acting strangely, he didn’t say so.
“Okay, but come down to the laundry rooms with me, I have a couple of loads running, and the last time I left them unattended someone stole my favorite shirt.” He told you. You wanted to laugh, but you knew that college students were nothing if not assholes, so you agreed, gathering your things and following him downstairs through the building.
The basement where the row of washing and drying machines were lined up was cool and musty in the way that most basements were. Yoongi climbed up onto one of the machines, and you jumped up on the one beside him, making yourself as comfortable as you could be with the cold steel digging against your skin. There wasn’t any talk about your days, you just swapped feedback, constructing a few lines of the second verse while he worked on the rap verse that he’d written, trying to tweak it into the shape he wanted. You liked when he rapped, it was like you could see his entire being, like he was laying himself out bare and vulnerable before you.
“Hey, have you tried layering harmonies over the rap?” You asked him. He looked up, waiting for you to continue. “You know, like having a vocalist harmonize with this rap part here to give it more depth,” You tapped the eraser of your pencil against a few lines on his notebook.
“Would you try it with me?” He asked. You looked at him like a deer in the headlights, and he quickly followed up with a shake of his head. “You don’t have to if you’re not ready. I won’t make you.”
You nodded, looking down at your hands. It had been several weeks, and you’d never opened up to anyone about this besides your closest friends. But somehow you felt guilty keeping Yoongi in the dark. He was ever patient with you, always gentle in approaching the subject of music.
“Music was my mom’s thing. She was a music teacher, and she helped me write that song you heard me sing that day.” You told him. It was quiet aside from the chugging hum of the washing machine. You could feel him looking at you, but you didn’t look back. “And my mom died a little over a year ago. I hadn’t made music since then. I don’t deserve to.”
“Music isn’t something you have to earn.” He said carefully. You tried not to scoff.
“My mom was my favorite person in the world. She supported me through everything, no questions asked. But the night she died…” You cleared your throat in an attempt to push the lump forming there back down. “The night she died she had told me I shouldn’t go to this open mic thing going on. There were gonna be lots of scouts and people in the industry that could have helped me get a leg up, you know? And it was stupid, she wouldn’t have told me not to go if she thought it would be worthwhile.”
You sniffled, your fingers spinning your pencil to focus the nervous energy building inside of you. You hated talking about this, hated thinking about what might have gone through her head. Hating that you had done the unforgivable.
“We fought about it. We used to fight a lot, but it was never really bad. We would always make up right away and move on. But I said awful things. I told her she didn’t care about me, that she never let me chase my dreams because…” You choked back a sob. “Because she couldn’t make it so she didn’t want me to. That’s the last thing I said to her.”
You felt Yoongi’s hand land on yours, squeezing your hand and rubbing his thumb over it. You sniffled, swiping away your tears with your free hand. You cleared your throat.
“I never got to say goodbye, or that I’m sorry. So I couldn’t let myself make music again. That was something that belonged to her, and it was the reason I turned my back on her.” You said. You didn’t feel that way as much now. You’d begun to think that maybe she understood, she’d always had a knack for understanding what was going on inside your head. Maybe she’d forgiven you. Maybe she could see you now and wanted you to be as happy as you once were.
“Y/N, I’ve seen how much you love music. And your mother.” Yoongi started. If it were anyone else you would have snapped. Who was he to talk about you, or your music, and least of all your mother? But this was Yoongi, and he was good to you. “I didn’t know her, but I’m sure if she was anything like you are she wouldn’t want you to suffer for the rest of your life without the thing you love to do. If anything I think this was meant to remind you to keep chasing what you love.”
“How can I follow this when I never got closure?” You asked, half snapping. He didn’t pull away from you, he didn’t even flinch. If anything his intensity seemed to double down.
“Make this your closure. Do you really think your mom is at peace knowing that you’re beating yourself up every second of every day for loving something so deeply?” He asked. You exhaled, the pieces finally lining up.
Your mother had never wanted you to change who you were or how you felt. Not for anyone but yourself.
“No…she’d never forgive me for giving it up,” You admitted quietly. Yoongi smiled, giving your hand another squeeze before letting go. You took a deep breath.
“Then don’t give up. Make this your closure, prove to her that you’re not going to let one thing you love outweigh the other.” He told you.
You nodded, and you swore she’d smile down at you now. You wondered, though you weren’t sure what you believed about heaven and the like, if she was watching over you. If she’d brought Yoongi to you for just this reason. Maybe it was finally time to be finished suffering. You could let your music prove to her that you loved her unconditionally, that you regretted what you’d said, that you were sorry.
“Thanks, Yoongi. For everything. And especially for not giving up on me.” You told him.
“I’m not gonna ever give up on you, you don’t have to thank me for that.” He told you before sliding his notebook your way. “So, about those harmonies you mentioned.”
AN - ok guys be nice this is the first time ive seriously tried to write in years, lmk what you think! ill try to post the next part next week if i can!
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The shadow man has always been there, as long you could remember. By all means you should have been terrified of him, but he’s never done anything to hurt you. In fact he seemed almost protective of you. Always keeping his distance, and yet still watching over you. You rarely see him in full. Most of the time you can tell he’s there by the flash of darkness on the edge of your vision, and the feeling of being watched. Never giving you the chance to get a good look at him.
There’s been no interaction other than the one-sided conversations you’ve whispered into the void hoping for a response. The questions you asked in childhood, and continued to ask as you grew older were never answered. That is until now…
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In all honesty you probably should have just called a cab instead of walking home from the restaurant you waitress at. Not that it’s particularly far, just a couple blocks. It still definitely wasn’t one of your best ideas over all.
It had only taken a couple of minutes of walking in the dark, for you to pass a dark alley. Soon after passing the sketchy area you heard the tell tale sound of heavy footsteps following. You shot a quick glance behind you only to spot your follower. A tall man with a scruffy unshaven face prowling after you. His clothes were dirty and wrinkled, while his hand held a cigarette that he brought up to his mouth to puff on. When the man saw your fearful look, his mouth widened into a creepy grin that made your stomach drop.
Immediately you pick up the pace only to hear the footsteps behind you quicken as well. At this point you broke into a run, while fumbling through your pockets for your phone. Unfortunately it was too late as you hear him sprint up behind you, his fingers run through your hair only for him to grip a large chunk of it, and pull.
A loud shriek ripped from your lips as you’re forced to stop. He used this moment to pull you in towards his body, his other hand coming up hard against your mouth stopping your shout as it started. Tears started running freely down your face in tracks. You can smell the alcohol, and smoke on his breath when he presses his mouth to your ear to whisper into it.
“If you’re a real good girl,and do what I say. I won’t have to hurt you too b-“ With a loud choked noise he is both cut off, and ripped from your back. Immediately you are dropped to your hands and knees, the gravel tearing through your pants and into the skin.
You stay there on the ground for a moment shocked, the tears continuing on their path down your face. It takes another moment for you to shakily turn over to look at your attacker.
There laying on the sidewalk before you was the man, on top of him sat your shadowy savior. One dark limb clutched onto the front of the man's shirt harshly, the other was delivering a flurry of blows to his face. A quiet fearful noise sounded in the back of your throat at the sight. The shadow seemed to flinch, and stop at the sound of the noise. After a moment he gave one more forceful punch to the man's jaw, surely putting him out for a while.
Without turning to face you the shadow man dropped your attacker, and stood up. His hand dropped to his side dripping blood onto the concrete below. Then the shadow seemed to hunch over, and curl into itself slightly. He sort of turned, or maybe glanced at you before turning away. It was quick like he was almost scared to look at you? Slowly he started to just walk away from your form huddled on the ground, but this time you wouldn't let him leave.
“Hey! Hey wait!” You shouted at the retreating shadow as you scrambled to your feet. The sound of your voice brings him to a stop once more. He turned towards you, but stood his ground as you started towards him.
The closer you got to him the clearer his form got. He went from a sort of a wispy figure with blurred edges to a human shaped dark spot with defined edges, and just barely perceivable features. Honestly you couldn’t really tell what he looked like, but when he had turned you were able to see the outline of his face. You could see the slope of his nose, the rise of his cheekbones, and the flop of hair on his forehead ending just over where his eyes would be. The edges of his face are slightly visible, but shadowed. As you edged closer staring at him, his shoulders slumped inwards as his head hung.
“Um… thank you for helping me.” You stuttered out, pulling at your sleeves a bit. With that his shoulders relaxed significantly.
“Oh, of course.” He said almost as a whisper. The shadow’s voice was low, and gentle. “I’m sorry for scaring you.” With a bow he turned once more to walk away. You had mere moments to decide what to do.
“Wait, don't go! I’m not scared of you.” The words seemed to come out of your mouth before you even had a chance to think about it. The shadow froze with a small gasp. “I, um, I was wondering if you would walk me home?” You asked quietly, trying to do anything to get him to stay just a little longer.
A pregnant pause passed causing you to start questioning yourself. Were you wrong about him? Does he want nothing to do with you? The thoughts rushed through your head, too many worries passing through.
With one smooth motion he turned to the side giving you another view of his profile. He stared off into nothing before he turned his head to you, seemingly considering you for a moment before speaking. It took only one question from him to both get rid of your fears, and break your heart.
“You’re not afraid?” He spoke the three words so delicately. Like he was hopeful, but didn't quite believe them. Just the fact that he seemed to think you would be lying was shocking. He’d followed you like, well like a shadow since you were small, and he had never tried anything. He’d never crossed any lines, or boundaries. You’d even attempted to talk to him on several occasions.
“No!” It had come out of your mouth in a rush surprising you before you continued. “I mean you did protect me.” You provided then looked back down. eyes sweeping past your dirty work shirt, and jeans with the knees ripped out from your fall. Down to the ground, where your sight stayed. What you didn't know was that while you were inspecting the cracks in the pavement, the shadow in front of you was staring at you in shock. It took so long for him to snap out of it, the worries started to come back.
Did he not actually want to help you? Was he stuck with you or something? What if he hated you…
“I’ll walk you home,” he said finally. Your eyes snapped back up to the shadow’s obscured face. “But we should go before he wakes up.” He muttered with a head jerk towards the unconscious man behind you.
You quickly agree, and start back on your way home. The shadow circled around you, placing himself between you and the road. This time you would go home with your shadow next to you instead of trailing behind. Several moments of silence stretched between you till you decided to break it.
“So do you have a name?” You ask with a side glance towards him.
“Oh uh, yeah. It’s Min Yoongi.” He responded slowly. His deep voice was a bit gravely, and still a bit strange for you to hear.
“Min Yoongi.” You repeated, testing it out. It’s nice to finally have a name for him. “That’s a nice name, I like it!” You decided with a smile. His steps stuttered again for a second before he stepped into stride with you once more.
“You do?” Yoongi questioned quietly, his head turned towards you as you walked. As his head turns you can see the edges of his features again. It’s strange there's little to no reflection of light that shone down on him from the streetlamps that passed above you every so often as you walked. He was just a human shaped void, walking and talking in time with you. The gentle slope of his face, and the hair that moved on his forehead when he moved his head, was a dark spot next to you. His hand reached and tugged a bit on what you assumed to be his ear.
“Of course,” You replied with a smile. It’s a little odd to only be able to partially perceive him. Without facial features, and expressions, it was difficult for you to be sure how he felt about it.
You two quickly settled down into a silence once more, it wasn't awkward though, more companionable then anything. It was another block before you voiced another thought that had occurred to you over the years.
“Can other people see you?” you asked him, suddenly breaking the silence. You looked down at the passing cement below, before glancing at him next to you through the corner of your eyes.
Yoongi made a deep humming noise before responding.
“A few…” he finally admitted. His hand reached up again to scratch at the area round where his right ear would be.
You considered this new information for a moment before continuing your line of questioning. It was about time you asked what you really wanted to know.
“Why did you hide from me for so long?” you asked in a rush. “I mean I thought I was crazy, I would see you out of the corner of my eye, then you’d just be gone. Sometimes I’d spot you, and call out to you, only for you to disappear again.” Now that you knew he wasn't some hallucination that your mind came up with out of boredom or loneliness, you wanted to know why.
“Honestly I thought you'd be terrified of me.”Yoongi responded simply with a shrug before continuing. “I didn’t want to frighten you so I tried to keep you from seeing me, not that it worked too well. You’re too curious for your own good.”
You let out a little laugh and a scoff at the slight jab. A quick glance around let you know that you were close to the walkway leading to the large brick building your little apartment was in. Who knows how long Yoongi’ll allow you to see him, or ask him things. It’s time for the big one, the obvious question you had skirted around.
“So, what are you?”
It was the question he’d expected from the very start of the conversation. It was also a question he’d asked himself in the mirror many times over the years.
“I’m not actually sure…” came the mildly confused answer. Yoongi sounded so unsure, that as you came to the steps leading up to your apartment, you just stopped and turned to him. It took another moment for him to continue.
“I was human, but it’s been a while since then,” he put his hands out like he was examining them for a moment. “ A friend of mine thinks I’m some sort of Specter, or well a shadow of myself.”
None of that really answered what you’d asked in your opinion, but at this point you’d take what you could get.
“Well you're here, so I’ll just go..” Yoongi muttered pointing off in the direction you’d just come from. He then started on his way down the sidewalk, only to stop when you called out to him for the last time that night.
“Will you come back??” You blurted out. “I mean will you let me see you again?” You couldn’t help but ask. When faced with the possibility of answering some of the biggest questions of your life, you just had to know.
A low noise came from Yoongi as he appeared to consider you and your question. Then all at once the shadow seemed to make up his mind. He quickly turned to face you fully.
“As long as you want me to, I’ll come back to you.” Then with a short bow of his head Yoongi quickly walked off to join the rest of the shadows in the dark street.
It took several moments for you to collect your thoughts enough to walk into the small lobby of your apartment building. Questions raced through your heads a million miles a minute as you got into the elevator and hit the third floor button.
Honestly all you wanted to do was lay down. The adrenaline and wonder of your attack and encounter was starting to wear off. Immediately after locking your front door, you walked into the one bedroom in your apartment and plopped face down on the bed.
There was a full argument with yourself on whether you truly needed to get changed for bed. After changing into your comfiest pajamas, it was bedtime.
