"but I know we’ll meet again some sunny day" by @jasmine-sea
◇ Teen & Up Audiences | Disablities | Mild Violence/Character Death | Anxieties | Alejandro Burromuerto/Noah Mudaliar | Heather | Justin | Owen
This fic is one of the best interpretations of Alejandro's disability I've ever read. It's careful, considerate, and made with love. Also the banter between Heather, Justin and Alejandro is so good, and again, jasmine-sea delivers on the dynamic of Alenoah!!!! Seriously go read this. I love it!
my belief that percy didn't genuinely like umbridge is moreso based on my characterisation of percy, and I was wondering if you (our resident text analysis pro) had anything on the textual side? or any thoughts? for me, anything 'positive' per see that percy says about umbridge is said in the context of professionalism - even his letter to ron, which he may have been aware could have been read by umbridge (considering we know umbridge read harry's letters later on, her screening his best friend's letters isn't a stretch). I don't see someone like percy gelling with someone like umbridge - percy likes rules and respects authority. he isn't cruel. umbridge is, fundamentally. feel free to disagree though!
I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to respond! 😭 But thank you for the title of resident text analysis pro! That's very sweet. 🥰
There's nothing in canon to really tell us what Percy thought vs. what he said, so it's all based on headcanons.
I personally think that as soon as Percy realized that Umbridge was cruel, then he definitely disliked her. Percy fully believes in doing the right thing and protecting the little guy, and Umbridge is literally the opposite.
However, we have keep in mind that Percy didn't know that right away. Umbridge's behavior wasn't public knowledge, and it's not like Percy's younger siblings were writing to tell him what was happening at Hogwarts. Fudge wouldn't have told him either, because he would have wanted plausible deniability; if Umbridge's cruelty comes to light in the media, then of course he didn't know what was happening.
So prior to Percy learning the truth, I do think he could have liked and respected her (or who she pretended to be, anyway).
At the beginning of Book 5, Percy & Umbridge are both present during Harry's trial for using magic outside of school. During this time, it becomes clear that Umbridge does not like Dumbledore and is insulted by his accusations against the Ministry of Magic (even if she addressed it in a polite way):
“I’m sure I must have misunderstood you, Professor Dumbledore,” she said with a simper that left her big, round eyes as cold as ever. “So silly of me. But it sounded for a teensy moment as though you were suggesting that the Ministry of Magic had ordered an attack on this boy!”
She gave a silvery laugh that made the hairs on the back of Harry’s neck stand up. A few other members of the Wizengamot laughed with her. It could not have been plainer that not one of them was really amused.
“If it is true that the dementors are taking orders only from the Ministry of Magic, and it is also true that two dementors attacked Harry and his cousin a week ago, then it follows logically that somebody at the Ministry might have ordered the attacks,” said Dumbledore politely.
Percy did not trust Dumbledore either (for good reason), believed in the Ministry of Magic (or at least wanted to), and would have appreciated the way she handled it so calmly instead of being brash and unprofessional.
In addition to that, Umbridge is very eloquent and talks a good game:
“The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the Wizarding community must be passed down through the generations lest we lose them forever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be guarded, replenished, and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching.”
“Every headmaster and headmistress of Hogwarts has brought something new to the weighty task of governing this historic school, and that is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress’s sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering. A balance, then, between old and new, between permanence and change, between tradition and innovation . . .”
“. . . because some changes will be for the better, while others will come, in the fullness of time, to be recognized as errors of judgment. Meanwhile, some old habits will be retained, and rightly so, whereas others, outmoded and outworn, must be abandoned. Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited.”
All of that sounds good - she wants to focus on education, revise and improve Hogwarts' curriculum (which is lacking, particularly in consistency), and fix a broken system to restore order (because she knows that Dumbledore is an incompetent Headmaster; see linked post above).
Percy would definitely be in agreement with all of those things (and understandably so).
Plus, it's clear that Umbridge is not going to let people like Harry get away with whatever they want (which Dumbledore did, along with showing blatant and ridiculous favoritism toward him). Percy absolutely despises unearned favoritism; he wants power and recognition, but he fully believes he has to work for it. To Percy, Harry getting treated like an exception to every rule is no different than when it happens with people like the Malfoys, and he would be all for getting rid of that.
We obviously know that Umbridge's methods were awful and she was pure evil, but Percy didn't know that initially; he just knew that her self-proclaimed "goals" were things that actually did need to be done. Of course, as soon as the truth came out, Percy was likely horrified that he ever said anything positive about her!
Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.
tagged by @foodsies4me & @mirrorofliterature, no pressure tagging @pearwaldorf @loquaciousquark @twistedsinews @junemermaid @msviolacea and anyone else who would like to blame me!
Most Hits: i am for you, my Shadowhunters Malec epistolary fluff!fic WIP that ISTG I am going to finish... someday.
Second Most Kudos: i cannot touch because they are too near with is a parabatai bond fic from Magnus' POV that I am very very fond of (which has very steadily worked its way up the kudos statistics, it's been fun to watch.)
Third Most Comments: shy sweet eagerly my most dear a ficlet collection of Malec & Lightwood Sibling Feels (mostly fluff & prompt fills)
Fourth Most Bookmarks is i am for you again 😅 so uh... Fourth Most subscriptions instead gets me: kisses are a better fate than wisdom
A Malec Series Of Firsts, which is probably closer to a proper vignette series than just a ficlet collection, since they're in order and may eventually even get more and go somewhere conclusion-y. Hopefully.
Fifth Most Words is Not Shadowhunters! It is in the middle of a Sebastian Vael/Bethany Hawke series that started on the Dragon Age Kink!Meme way back when kink meme's were still a thing: Improbable.
And I know I'm now supposed to jump to the thing with the least words, but that's a DA one-shot I've talked about before, so I am INSTEAD going to do the Sixth Oldest Thing because that's the only stat I haven't touched on and I'm enjoying the countdown too much:
Corolla, an earthborn!Shepard (Mass Effect) prequel, about the street!gang nerd before the marine happened who can already feel the gestalt of a real team; thus proving how she'll hold hers together through apocalypses in the future.
I feel what you feel (and my heart got equally broken)
Summary: Alec snorted, too exhausted for fear. Of course. He really played himself. Asmodeus wouldn’t leave now, not when he had his claws in such a rich source of pain as Alec, not until he drained that source entirely dry. “You don’t care about Magnus’ wellbeing. You just want more pain, more fuel.”
Asmodeus’ crooked smile was all the confirmation Alec needed. “Poor child of Raziel. So naïve. This is only the beginning.” He closed the distance between them, crouching by Alec and leaning in close. “You know,” he said, “I received something very interesting along with Magnus’ powers. I think it’s only fair that I share it with you.”
Or,
A bigger and more dangerous deal is made.
Pairing: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel, A different deal, Asmodeus is the worst, self-sacrificing idiots
It was my first time attending the Malec Secret Santa, and I’m very satisfied with the result! This story is a gift to @mirrorofliterature, and was beta-ed by @silver-latin-and-salt. I hope you all enjoy!
The original post is here.
You can also read here: ao3
“Mama!”
Alec blinked as the child ran past him, into the arms of a young woman with a warm, beautiful, and eerily familiar smile.
Alec watched, trying to place the woman’s resemblance, as she took the boy onto her lap and embraced him. She began to sing, the unfamiliar language spinning a lullaby.
Whatever the words meant, they only made the kid smile wider, beaming happiness.
Another blink, and the woman now lay bleeding on the bed, a dagger blossoming from her stomach. The boy gave a desperate scream, answered only by the furious shouts of a portly man who burst into the bedroom seconds later.
Realization settled over Alec as the boy turned on the man and hit him with an all-consuming ball of fire.
Magnus.
~*~
“I’ll restore both. His magic and his immortality.” Asmodeus smiled, his golden eyes flickering dangerously, and Alec had the unsettling feeling of being eyed as prey. ”However, there is a price for each. Despite how intertwined the two usually are, it is possible to have magic and not be immortal. Or, to be condemned to an eternity as a useless mundane. So, what do you choose, Nephilim?”
Alec willed his blank mask of an expression not to waver. A selfish part of him couldn’t help but wonder if Magnus would be okay with his magic alone, sacrificing only his immortality. Just for a moment, he dared to imagine it – a life with Magnus at his side, one where they could grow old together. No more fights about that damn box. No more fear of the pain Alec knew he’d leave behind when Magnus outlived him.
But even in the face of that temptation, Alec knew better. Fifty, sixty, seventy years were more than enough for a mortal like Alec, but for an immortal to be reduced to that… It wasn’t only the lack of magic tormenting Magnus, driving him to frenetic desperation and last night’s breakdown. Magnus didn’t want to grow old. He wanted to stay.
And who was Alec to deny him that?
“Both,” Alec said with a fearless fire in his eyes, although his insides couldn’t be colder. “What’s your price?”
“End your relationship.”
Alec blinked, taking several seconds to process that. “What?”
“You are the source of all his suffering. You make him vulnerable, weak. You are a disgrace to Magnus. With you, he can never reach his full potential.” Asmodeus punctuated each ’you’, a hammer slamming into Alec’s defenses. “You are not enough for my son. You never will be.”
Alec felt his lips tremble. He knew that, but… “You’re wrong. We love each other.” His voice was quieter now. “I wouldn’t just abandon him.”
“Then I’m afraid you’re going to be the death of him.”
“Magnus will never agree to it.”
“Don’t give him a choice. In fact, Magnus can never know about our little arrangement, or else our deal is off. Break his heart to save his life.”
That sparked something, and Alec frowned. “I’m the one making a deal, here. I should be the only one paying the price. Magnus has already suffered enough.”
“You’re right; but as I said, it’ll be double the price if you want me to return his magic and his immortality. The end of your relationship is but half of what I require – your part in our bargain will cover the rest.”
“And what is it you want from me?”
“Your pain. Your heart so irreparably broken, that your soul will also shatter.” Asmodeus’ voice was cold, though not enough to hide the entirety of his amusement. ”Tell me, Nephilim… do you know what fuels Edom? What fuels any of the hellish realms? How my kind feast on your petty mortal feelings? Anger, envy, lust, jealousy – those are delicious appetizers, to be sure. But sadness? Sorrow? Misery? Ah, the main dish.” He breathed deeply, a self-satisfied smile on his face and cat-eyes taking on a cruel shine. “You, Lightwood, will make a sumptuous banquet.”
And Alec felt only numbness. He always knew that this would be a dangerous game to play – the moment he had decided to talk to Asmodeus, all the possible scenarios had begun to unravel in his mind. He was prepared for the worst.
After all, what could be worse than letting Magnus go?
“Deal.”
~*~
Alec watched as Magnus laughed, chasing after the mundane girl and sweeping her up off her feet, spinning her round until she practically squealed with delight. Magnus was recognizable now, his face sculpted into his familiar adult features, but he still looked so… young, so carefree. He and the young woman turned to face each other, and then they were kissing, and Alec had to close his eyes, unable to face what he’d lost.
When he opened them again, he was standing in a cemetery. Magnus was a few feet away, hand placed gently on a headstone, head bowed.
As he turned to leave, Alec caught sight of his face, and almost shuddered to see the heartbreak etched there.
~*~
What have I done?
Alec punched the alley wall for the fifth time, his skin breaking and blood dripping from his knuckles. He could hear ugly sobs, and it took him a good few seconds to realize that they were coming from him. Good, he thought. Drive the pain out. Out. Out.
He still felt his heart clenching and it was suffocating him.
He broke Magnus’ heart.
He broke his own heart.
He needed to get out.
Another sob. Stop. Stop. Please, someone make it stop.
“Magnus, I’m sorry.”
He cried hard, falling to his knees. Magnus’ pained expression seemed imprinted under his eyelids. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was his lover’s despair, all he could hear were his pleas. Fuck, he made Magnus beg. He wanted so much to go back and take Magnus in his arms, tell him that it was a mistake and that he didn’t care if Magnus still had that ‘spark’ or not. He loved Magnus for who he was, not what he had. Magic or not, immortal or not, he loved Magnus Bane for his heart.
A heart that Alec had destroyed.
“I fulfilled my part of our deal,” a voice echoed behind him. “Magnus has his magic and immortality back.”
“Fine. Go. What more do you want? I’ve already paid you,” Alec growled, feeling too weak to get up, but turning enough to glare at the Prince of Edom.
“You did,” Asmodeus nodded slowly, tilting his head a little as hard cat-eyes returned Alec’s glare, familiar but foreign. Asmodeus was incapable of the warmth and love in Magnus’ eyes, would always be a world away from that sort of kindness and beauty. “You broke Magnus’ heart. You hurt my boy. I cannot let that go unpunished.”
Alec snorted, too exhausted for fear. Of course. He really played himself. Asmodeus wouldn’t leave now, not when he had his claws in such a rich source of pain as Alec, not until he drained that source entirely dry. “You don’t care about Magnus’ wellbeing. You just want more pain, more fuel.”
Asmodeus’ crooked smile was all the confirmation Alec needed. “Poor child of Raziel. So naïve. This is only the beginning.” He closed the distance between them, crouching by Alec and leaning in close. “You know,” he said, “I received something very interesting along with Magnus’ powers. I think it’s only fair that I share it with you.”
And then he was grabbing at Alec’s face, his neck, holding him still as dark red magic swirled around him, filling his vision.
Darkness engulfed Alec’s mind. Asmodeus was already gone.
~*~
Magnus was attempting to play the charango, the same one that Alec had often seen lying around the loft, and failing miserably. A man beside him – Imasu, Magnus had called him – just laughed, stilling Magnus’ hands with a flirtatious smile. Magnus met his gaze, his eyes so full of love and devotion it almost hurt.
–
“Live with you?” Imasu shook his head, all the fondness gone. “Never. It was fun for a while, but you are too clingy. Too much for me. I'm tired now. Goodbye, Magnus.”
Imasu walked out, never looking back.
Never seeing the broken look on Magnus’ face.
~*~
Something felt… wrong.
Magnus wasn’t buying Asmodeus’ ‘paternal love’ as the sole reason that he was somehow able to enter this realm and offer Magnus his magic back. And as desperate as he’d been, as grateful as he was to feel his magic again, he would never trade his freedom. Going back to Edom with his father was a fate worse than death, and one that Magnus wasn’t nearly foolish enough to accept.
So as soon as he had his magic back, Magnus had fled. He was done making deals with the devil.
Now that he had his powers back, he could go anywhere. He didn’t have a home, a job or a lover anchoring him to New York. Perhaps it was about time to go away for good. He could try Rome, Venice or Bangkok. It didn’t matter. He just… needed to leave.
After wandering around the city for a while, lost in thought, he stopped by Pandemonium – empty at this time of the day – and decided to take one last look around the establishment. When he took it on, it had quickly become his pride and joy, but now it had been some time since he was last inside. He’d hired one of his most reliable Warlock friends to manage it, because he hadn’t had the time whilst he was dealing with the Shadowhunters’ mess.
He wanted to regret that, but… he couldn’t.
Just as he turned to leave, he received a fire message from Jace.
Do you know where Alec is? His phone is dead, and he’s not answering fire messages.
I can feel that something’s wrong.
Magnus scoffed. Why should he know where Alec was, now? The Shadowhunter had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with Magnus anymore.
He opened a portal, ready to leave, to go somewhere – anywhere – far away; but something prickled at the edge of his mind, and he paused, frowning.
Just days ago, Alec was desperate to not let him go, saying he couldn’t live without him.
Then, he broke up with him.
And then, mere hours later, Asmodeus suddenly appeared and gave his magic back, claiming it was out of love. A pathetic excuse.
…Though not the only pathetic excuse Magnus had heard recently.
I have this meeting I can’t miss. Clave business.
Oh.
Oh.
“Damn it. If you did what I think you did, I’ll kill you, Alexander.”
~*~
Etta was beautiful, and Magnus was clearly head over heels for her. They danced together every night, talked about stars and dreams, about magic and music. She was another Mundane, but she had the Sight and accepted Magnus’ heritage. She loved and desired him.
He looked at her like his heart had finally found a home.
–
The arguments started because it became clear that even with all his magic, Magnus could never give Etta what she most wanted.
A baby.
She didn’t want to adopt, and didn’t want to spend a childless, finite lifetime with someone who was frozen in time. Desperate, he offered her immortality by his side. They’d find a way.
She refused.
Eventually, she left.
Again, Magnus was too much.
(And all Alec wanted was to hold him, to comfort him, to tell him it wasn’t true.)
~*~
Magnus portalled directly into the Ops Center, where Jace was pacing anxiously. He didn’t notice Magnus until he was practically right in front of him, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.
“There you are. Izzy is forging a new Glorious to free Clary from Jonathan, and I need to go to her. Angels above know what that lunatic will make her do. But Alec isn’t here, and if I go to another unsanctioned mission, he will put me into ichor duty for one year.” Jace snorted, spinning his stele between his fingers.
Magnus rolled his eyes and let out a deep exhale, trying to find his last dregs of non-existent patience. “Much as it would seem that what the Head of this Institute does is no longer my concern, I do need to discuss something with him. Have you already tried tracking him?”
“Yeah, but it’s not working – that’s why I sent you that fire message.” Jace lifted one brow. “What’s going on? Did you two fight again?”
“It’s none of your business,” Magnus said curtly. “But I need to know something. Did Alexander have a meeting with some Clave envoy yesterday?”
“No, not as far as I know. He left soon after you did, then came back later so we could track down the Drevak demons. I don’t know where he went, but when he got back, he… he seemed off.”
“What do you mean?”
Jace eyed Magnus a little suspiciously. “Look, if you are angry at him and it’s not int—“
“Just tell me, Herondale.” Magnus snapped, impatient. For some reason, the uneasiness inside him only grew. He felt like he was running out of time, though what the deadline was he didn’t know.
Jace took a deep breath, fidgeting a little. “He… he said something strange. He asked me, if I had a chance to free Clary from Jonathan, but as a consequence couldn’t never see her again, would I take the chance? I said no, and I wanted to ask him more about it, but he seemed really tense and didn’t say anything else.”
Magnus closed his eyes. God, this was a nightmare.
“Asmodeus.” Magnus opened his eyes to see Isabelle walking towards them, a mixture of distress and frustration written across her features. “I see your magic is back.” She pointed with her chin at the red sparkles mindlessly floating around Magnus’ fingers. He hadn’t even noticed. “I promised him to not tell anyone, but I guess you figured it out?” Magnus nodded. “Good. It’s not my place to tell you the details, but since Alec has now disappeared…” She sighed, worry and fatigue making her look older than her years. “I’m worried.”
“He made a deal with Asmodeus, didn’t he?” Magnus asked, already knowing the answer, but dreading it anyway.
“He what?” Jace almost shouted, but Izzy only sighed again.
“He did. Asmodeus promised to give your magic back if Alec broke up with you. He mentioned that there was a little more to it, but he wouldn’t tell me that part.”
“Wait, he broke up with Magnus? After trying to propose at that failed dinner?”
“What?” Magnus’ jaw dropped and Izzy elbowed Jace, shushing him.
Alec was going to propose?
Magnus’ magic flared, but he rapidly took control of it. He was so angry. Angry with himself. Angry with Asmodeus. Angry with the world. But mostly, angry with Alexander for being a self-sacrificing idiot.
Magnus took a deep breath – going around in these circles, getting angry and revealing things, wasn’t going to help. He forced a false mask of calm over his demeanour, but didn’t try to hide his dangerous smile. “Alright. You two focus on Clary. It seems I have some business to attend to.” He waved a hand dismissively, turning halfway on his heels and opening a portal.
“What about Alec?”
“Oh, rest assured, I’m going to find that parabaidiot of yours.” Magnus’ cheerful tone did little to hide the ominous undertone. “But first, I have something to take care of.”
He had a Greater Demon to banish.
~*~
The war was at its peak. In a place of such desolation, it was wildly unlikely that a romance would blossom, and yet here they were.
Magnus was talking to a man Alec recognized immediately from the photograph in Magnus’ box. George. A brave soldier. Magnus was clearly smitten.
But of course, as always, Magnus wasn’t the first option for anyone. George chose the war. He hugged Magnus goodbye and left.
Abandoned again.
People had a tendency to walk away from him.
Alec hated the resemblance.
~*~
“Goodbye, father.”
Magnus closed the portal, a bittersweet echo in the air. He did it. He was finally free from his father’s claws.
He didn’t feel happy, though. Not because he had some kind of childish hope that his father could really love him, but because there was still a lingering feeling of darkness that kept sweetly whispering how monstrous he was. His mother killed herself because of him. He killed his stepfather. He sent his father to Limbo forever.
He didn’t deserve a family.
But… he had a new one, right? Catarina, Madzie and Raphael. Clary, Simon and the Lightwoods.
Alexander.
Magnus grabbed the omamori charm still hidden in his pocket. He hadn’t had the heart to throw it away, even when Alec had crushed his heart.
He was just about to go fetch something of Alexander’s to track him when another fire message arrived.
Alicante fell. Demons destroying everything. People are dying.
Magnus frowned. Okay, that was a problem, but… was it his problem? After everything the Clave had done, did they really expect his help?
Then his cellphone pinged. It was a message from Isabelle.
We found Alec. He’s in Alicante.
“…Fuck.”
Magnus opened another portal, because apparently, Alicante had just become his problem.
He sighed. He always knew that these damn Nephilim would be the death of him.
~*~
If Alec weren’t so exhausted, he would have screamed with frustration and pain. How many love stories had he seen? How many people had he witnessed breaking Magnus’ heart? He’d long since lost track, because it was already dozens – mundanes, warlocks, werewolves, vampires, seelie, djinn…
Somehow, he’d forgotten that the worst was yet to come, until she appeared.
Camille.
In the beginning, she was sweet. Caring. Offered everything that Magnus yearned for.
The poison is never bitter in small doses.
“Who will love you?”
“Poor little Warlock. So naïve.”
“You are insufferable, Magnus. Too much. Honestly, you’re lucky to have me – who else would take you?”
Alec wanted to throw up, watching how Camille manipulated Magnus, forcing his compliance when that wasn’t enough. She broke him in a way nobody deserved.
She put the last brick on Magnus’ well-crafted walls, and Alec watched his heart get locked away.
~*~
Another explosion of flames and ichor, and another demon dead. Alec hadn’t stopped since breaking free of the memories, getting back to the Institute just in time to hear about the fall of Alicante – and worse, that his siblings were there.
With barely a thought, he geared up, reaching for his bow and quiver.
Correction: Magnus’ bow and quiver. Perhaps the last thing from Magnus he would ever get.
He felt hollow, numb, soulless. How could he feel otherwise, when he had caused such pain to the most beautiful soul in existence?
He’d failed Magnus, just as he eventually failed everyone. Asmodeus was right. Magnus was better off without him.
But there was only one thing he could do now, and that was fight. One by one – or five by five – he shot demons down, his arrows flying fast and true even as a voice at the back of his mind whispered that it was useless. With the rift still open, more would just keep coming. Still, if he could buy time for his people to escape, he would do his damned best, even if it killed him.
He was a soldier above all else. Emotions would only distract him from that duty.
“Alexander?”
No.
That voice.
He slowly turned around, losing what little color he still had on his pale face.
“No. You can’t be here. You… You…” His voice broke, and he shook his head in denial.
“I can’t be anywhere else.” Magnus stepped closer, his voice and posture soft.
“No. You don’t understand. I… I’m terrible for you. I hurt you. I…” Alec’s voice broke again, even more painfully. “I don’t deserve you.”
“I get to decide that, and I say you are deserving. More than anyone, Alexander.” Magnus took another step, but Alec retreated, like a scared animal.
Unwanted tears blurred Alec’s vision for a moment, and as soon as he blinked them away, instinct took over – an Edomi demon was launching itself in Magnus’ direction, and Alec could see that Magnus was in completely the wrong position to defend himself.
Alec made his decision in a split-second, throwing himself over Magnus as a shield.
~*~
He didn’t want to see more. It was too much to bear.
And if he’d thought that Camille would be the most difficult to watch… oh, how wrong he was. Asmodeus had left the worst as a sort of ‘grand finale’.
Alec himself.
He watched himself turning Magnus away. Rejecting him with angry words. Lying, letting the Clave manipulate him once more.
He hurt Magnus so many times. He wasn’t better than any of his past lovers. Maybe he was the worst.
Because if Magnus thought he was too much, then Alec knew that he himself was not enough, could never be enough for Magnus.
He watched himself break up with Magnus, heard his own words again, heard Magnus’ pleas again. He saw the despair in his lover’s eyes, wracking his whole body.
He did that.
Alec finally screamed.
~*~
“No! No, no, no—” Magnus begged, and how Alec hated that familiar kind of agony tinting his voice, but he couldn’t do anything. The world faded for a while and he felt himself falling.
But the impact never came.
Instead, he was being held by the only pair of arms that really mattered. He tried to speak, but only blood came out of his mouth, choking him. The demon had torn a deep hole in his abdomen, the bleeding too severe for Magnus’ magic to heal – not on his own, not in this state.
“Stay with me, Alec. Come on. Stay with me.”
Those words again. Oh God, no.
“Sor…ry…” Alec whispered, tears and blood mixing together, liquid hopelessness trailing down his cool skin.
~*~
Alec opened his eyes to reality.
It wasn’t dark anymore, so he could only guess that he was gone for hours.
He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe properly – but he also couldn’t stop crying. It was too much, witnessing in less than a day what Magnus had suffered over centuries.
How had he endured all that? How, despite everything, had he remained kind and generous, good and benevolent?
How… How could so many people have hurt him?
How could Alec have hurt him?
He howled, and Asmodeus was there to collect each drop of anguish, of pain, of heartbreak – he absorbed it all, smiling with cruel satisfaction, before disappearing again to Magnus’ loft. His son would be back from the Institute anytime now, and Asmodeus would be ready to take him to their rightful home.
~*~
“I know about the deal. And why you did what you did. It’s okay, I don’t—“ Magnus was still trying to infuse his healing magic into Alec’s wound, to no avail, when he saw that Alec’s eyes had closed. “Alec? Alexander!” Magnus tapped Alec’s cheek, desperately looking for a sign of consciousness.
Alec blinked slowly, dazed. He didn’t understand. Why was Magnus trying to save him?
“Don’t you… hate… me?”
“What-? Of course not. Alexander, I love you. I’d never, ever, hate you. Even though I’m angry that you made a deal with my father, I’d never hate you.”
“I…” Alec licked his chapped and dry lips, tasting the metallic tang of blood. “I only… wanted to… help you. ‘ake you hap-py. Your… magic-”
“I know, I know. Please, don’t talk anymore. We will have plenty of time after this to talk it out, I promise. Just… just rest, okay? Don’t go away. Stay here.”
“I love… you.” And this was his ultimate truth – even when he still felt his heart shattered, bleeding with the rest of his body. He needed to tell Magnus that, even if it were for the last time, even if he never opened his eyes again. “Lo…ve… ‘u…” He breathed, welcoming the darkness once more.
“I love you too, Alexander,” Magnus cradled Alec’s body as close as possible, doing his best to not break down. Alec was alive. He could feel his heartbeat. He couldn’t panic, or else he would lose Alec for good.
“Alec!”
Jace, Isabelle and Clary came running up to them.
They bore more bad news. Jonathan had destroyed the Morgenstern sword.
Alicante was doomed.
Glancing at Alexander, Magnus felt his heart clench even more, if that were possible. His Shadowhunter seemed as if he had given up the will to fight for his life. He forced more healing spell into the wound, turning over a plan in his mind.
“My father told me about a way to increase my power.”
“Enough to close the rift?” asked Clary.
“Potentially, yes. The strength I would need to pull it off can only come from one place.”
“Edom?” Izzy prompted. Magnus only nodded.
“You know, if you weren’t a 400-and-something-year-old Warlock, I’d kick your ass. Actually, I could still do that, except that my brother wouldn’t forgive me.”
Magnus turned to Izzy with wide eyes, dumbfounded. She looked like a woman at the end of her patience.
“You and Alec are ridiculous. Always making these stupid decisions for the sake of others, for the sake of the world, but never choosing yourselves. If you go to Edom, you know that you won’t be able to come back. Then my stupid brother will most likely raise another hell just to get you back. We have no demon blood, so we wouldn’t survive in Edom – which just means that Alec would do something even more stupid to get there, like… I don’t know, trying to turn into a Vampire? Something idiotic like that.”
Magnus’ jaw fell slightly, and for the first time in years, he was truly speechless.
“Magnus… Alec won’t make it without you. He is giving up.” Jace was palming his parabatai rune, clearly in pain. “Please. He’ll only stay if you stay.”
“You…” Magnus huffed, reluctantly amused. “You are all impossible.” Really, these Nephilim would be the death of him. “Okay. There is something else I could try.”
Something that could’ve helped before, if it wasn’t for Lorenzo’s threat.
Magnus pulled away from healing Alec, flicking his wrist and summoning a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote his message, creating another twenty copies with a wave of his hand, and sending them off. All of them flared immediately, flying off in different directions.
It was time to call in all his favors - this time, way out of Lorenzo’s jurisdiction.
~*~
It has been five months since the last time he was at Pandemonium during its ‘closed’ hours. That day, he had decided to leave New York – maybe for good. Now, he wanted nothing more to stay.
Thanks to the combined forces of eighteen warlocks, they’d had enough power to close the rift above Alicante. And the delight of having Shadowhunters owe a huge debt to the Warlock community? Well, it was a delicious bonus.
Catarina had focused on saving Alec’s life, while Magnus had led the spell needed to close the rift. Izzy, Clary, Jace, and other Shadowhunters ran interference, keeping the demons away from the Warlocks while they worked.
Some days later, the danger Jonathan imposed also met its end.
They could finally breathe and rest.
They took turns to get days off. First Izzy with Simon, then Jace and Clary – and finally, Magnus took Alec as far away as he could.
They had a very long (and very overdue) talk about everything – Magnus’ magic, his terrible coping mechanisms, Alec’s deal with Asmodeus, their relationship, communication.
There were a lot of tears. Hugs. Kisses. Reassurances.
Sex.
And if they stayed a bit longer away from New York, well – nobody dared to say anything.
Now, Magnus was at Pandemonium once more, reminiscing about everything that happened since that very first night, when Alec, Jace, Isabelle and Clary had stormed into his life.
Distracted as he was, he barely registered an arrow flying over his shoulder.
Immediately, he called upon his magic, ready to fight – but when he turned around, what he saw made his heart beat faster in an entirely different way, his magic flickering out again.
Alec was there, bow in hand, standing at the stairs leading to the upper floor.
Exactly like that night. Exactly like when he had killed that Circle member, and saved Magnus’ life.
Giving Magnus a crooked smile, Alec climbed down the stairs and put aside his bow.
“You know, it always made me happy that you were my ‘first’ everything. My first kiss, my first relationship, my first ‘I love you’, my first – er – sexual partner.” At that, an adorable pink colored Alec’s cheeks and neck. “I wasn’t yours, but that never worried me. Once, Jace told me that it only ‘counted’ when we have this kind of experience with the one we truly love. He says that it’s only when he had his first kiss with Clary that he felt whole.”
“Oh? I never took him for the romantic type.”
Alec shrugged, trying to not grin. He finally got closer to Magnus and kissed him sweetly, just a slow and lingering slide of lips.
“I asked you to come here today because this,” he gestured to the club, “is our first place. Where our lives got intertwined. So… there isn’t a better place to ask you for another first.”
He took a small velvet box from his jacket pocket and opened it, revealing the Lightwood ring. Licking his lips, he braced himself and looked at Magnus.
Really looked.
And it was intense enough for Magnus to drop his glamour, as the realization of what was about to happen crashed down on his mind. Big, warm, golden cat-eyes looked back at Alec, full of adoration.
“Magnus, will you give me the honor of being my first, my only love, for the time we get to share? Magnus Bane, will you marry me?”
And in all Magnus’ centuries, saying a simple, three-letter word had never seemed so peaceful, so easy.
hello! I was wondering if you had any tips acquiring a beta. I just noticed the beta for my two large wips deleted her socials including our method of communication which has left me grasping for straws (the only shadowhunters group chat I was in was also deleted). thanks in advance!
oh no! I'm sorry to hear that! I wish I had any good advice but the sad truth is that I rarely ever use a beta so I'm basically useless here. I guess if I was going to go about it I'd make a social media post or ask around on discord.
does anyone have any advice for finding a beta reader?
Happy Holidays! This is my gift for volunteer_of_hufflepuff <3 It's not Christmas-ish, but I tried to use elements you like~ So, I hope you like this!!
Read on AO3
*****
I feel what you feel (and my heart got equally broken)
“Mama!”
Alec blinked as the child ran past him, into the arms of a young woman with a warm, beautiful, and eerily familiar smile.
Alec watched, trying to place the woman’s resemblance, as she took the boy onto her lap and embraced him. She began to sing, the unfamiliar language spinning a lullaby.
Whatever the words meant, they only made the kid smile wider, beaming happiness.
Another blink, and the woman now lay bleeding on the bed, a dagger blossoming from her stomach. The boy gave a desperate scream, answered only by the furious shouts of a portly man who burst into the bedroom seconds later.
Realization settled over Alec as the boy turned on the man and hit him with an all-consuming ball of fire.
Magnus.
~*~
“I’ll restore both. His magic and his immortality.” Asmodeus smiled, his golden eyes flickering dangerously, and Alec had the unsettling feeling of being eyed as prey. ”However, there is a price for each. Despite how intertwined the two usually are, it is possible to have magic and not be immortal. Or, to be condemned to an eternity as a useless mundane. So, what do you choose, Nephilim?”
Alec willed his blank mask of an expression not to waver. A selfish part of him couldn’t help but wonder if Magnus would be okay with his magic alone, sacrificing only his immortality. Just for a moment, he dared to imagine it – a life with Magnus at his side, one where they could grow old together. No more fights about that damn box. No more fear of the pain Alec knew he’d leave behind when Magnus outlived him.
But even in the face of that temptation, Alec knew better. Fifty, sixty, seventy years were more than enough for a mortal like Alec, but for an immortal to be reduced to that… It wasn’t only the lack of magic tormenting Magnus, driving him to frenetic desperation and last night’s breakdown. Magnus didn’t want to grow old. He wanted to stay.
And who was Alec to deny him that?
“Both,” Alec said with a fearless fire in his eyes, although his insides couldn’t be colder. “What’s your price?”
“End your relationship.”
Alec blinked, taking several seconds to process that. “What?”
“You are the source of all his suffering. You make him vulnerable, weak. You are a disgrace to Magnus. With you, he can never reach his full potential.” Asmodeus punctuated each ’you’, a hammer slamming into Alec’s defenses. “You are not enough for my son. You never will be.”
Alec felt his lips tremble. He knew that, but… “You’re wrong. We love each other.” His voice was quieter now. “I wouldn’t just abandon him.”
“Then I’m afraid you’re going to be the death of him.”
“Magnus will never agree to it.”
“Don’t give him a choice. In fact, Magnus can never know about our little arrangement, or else our deal is off. Break his heart to save his life.”
That sparked something, and Alec frowned. “I’m the one making a deal, here. I should be the only one paying the price. Magnus has already suffered enough.”
“You’re right; but as I said, it’ll be double the price if you want me to return his magic and his immortality. The end of your relationship is but half of what I require – your part in our bargain will cover the rest.”
“And what is it you want from me?”
“Your pain. Your heart so irreparably broken, that your soul will also shatter.” Asmodeus’ voice was cold, though not enough to hide the entirety of his amusement. ”Tell me, Nephilim… do you know what fuels Edom? What fuels any of the hellish realms? How my kind feast on your petty mortal feelings? Anger, envy, lust, jealousy – those are delicious appetizers, to be sure. But sadness? Sorrow? Misery? Ah, the main dish.” He breathed deeply, a self-satisfied smile on his face and cat-eyes taking on a cruel shine. “You, Lightwood, will make a sumptuous banquet.”
And Alec felt only numbness. He always knew that this would be a dangerous game to play – the moment he had decided to talk to Asmodeus, all the possible scenarios had begun to unravel in his mind. He was prepared for the worst.
After all, what could be worse than letting Magnus go?
“Deal.”
~*~
Alec watched as Magnus laughed, chasing after the mundane girl and sweeping her up off her feet, spinning her round until she practically squealed with delight. Magnus was recognizable now, his face sculpted into his familiar adult features, but he still looked so… young, so carefree. He and the young woman turned to face each other, and then they were kissing, and Alec had to close his eyes, unable to face what he’d lost.
When he opened them again, he was standing in a cemetery. Magnus was a few feet away, hand placed gently on a headstone, head bowed.
As he turned to leave, Alec caught sight of his face, and almost shuddered to see the heartbreak etched there.
~*~
What have I done?
Alec punched the alley wall for the fifth time, his skin breaking and blood dripping from his knuckles. He could hear ugly sobs, and it took him a good few seconds to realize that they were coming from him. Good, he thought. Drive the pain out. Out. Out.
He still felt his heart clenching and it was suffocating him.
He broke Magnus’ heart.
He broke his own heart.
He needed to get out.
Another sob. Stop. Stop. Please, someone make it stop.
“Magnus, I’m sorry.”
He cried hard, falling to his knees. Magnus’ pained expression seemed imprinted under his eyelids. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was his lover’s despair, all he could hear were his pleas. Fuck, he made Magnus beg. He wanted so much to go back and take Magnus in his arms, tell him that it was a mistake and that he didn’t care if Magnus still had that ‘spark’ or not. He loved Magnus for who he was, not what he had. Magic or not, immortal or not, he loved Magnus Bane for his heart.
A heart that Alec had destroyed.
“I fulfilled my part of our deal,” a voice echoed behind him. “Magnus has his magic and immortality back.”
“Fine. Go. What more do you want? I’ve already paid you,” Alec growled, feeling too weak to get up, but turning enough to glare at the Prince of Edom.
“You did,” Asmodeus nodded slowly, tilting his head a little as hard cat-eyes returned Alec’s glare, familiar but foreign. Asmodeus was incapable of the warmth and love in Magnus’ eyes, would always be a world away from that sort of kindness and beauty. “You broke Magnus’ heart. You hurt my boy. I cannot let that go unpunished.”
Alec snorted, too exhausted for fear. Of course. He really played himself. Asmodeus wouldn’t leave now, not when he had his claws in such a rich source of pain as Alec, not until he drained that source entirely dry. “You don’t care about Magnus’ wellbeing. You just want more pain, more fuel.”
Asmodeus’ crooked smile was all the confirmation Alec needed. “Poor child of Raziel. So naïve. This is only the beginning.” He closed the distance between them, crouching by Alec and leaning in close. “You know,” he said, “I received something very interesting along with Magnus’ powers. I think it’s only fair that I share it with you.”
And then he was grabbing at Alec’s face, his neck, holding him still as dark red magic swirled around him, filling his vision.
Darkness engulfed Alec’s mind. Asmodeus was already gone.
~*~
Magnus was attempting to play the charango, the same one that Alec had often seen lying around the loft, and failing miserably. A man beside him – Imasu, Magnus had called him – just laughed, stilling Magnus’ hands with a flirtatious smile. Magnus met his gaze, his eyes so full of love and devotion it almost hurt.
–--
“Live with you?” Imasu shook his head, all the fondness gone. “Never. It was fun for a while, but you are too clingy. Too much for me. I'm tired now. Goodbye, Magnus.”
Imasu walked out, never looking back.
Never seeing the broken look on Magnus’ face.
~*~
Something felt… wrong.
Magnus wasn’t buying Asmodeus’ ‘paternal love’ as the sole reason that he was somehow able to enter this realm and offer Magnus his magic back. And as desperate as he’d been, as grateful as he was to feel his magic again, he would never trade his freedom. Going back to Edom with his father was a fate worse than death, and one that Magnus wasn’t nearly foolish enough to accept.
So as soon as he had his magic back, Magnus had fled. He was done making deals with the devil.
Now that he had his powers back, he could go anywhere. He didn’t have a home, a job or a lover anchoring him to New York. Perhaps it was about time to go away for good. He could try Rome, Venice or Bangkok. It didn’t matter. He just… needed to leave.
After wandering around the city for a while, lost in thought, he stopped by Pandemonium – empty at this time of the day – and decided to take one last look around the establishment. When he took it on, it had quickly become his pride and joy, but now it had been some time since he was last inside. He’d hired one of his most reliable Warlock friends to manage it, because he hadn’t had the time whilst he was dealing with the Shadowhunters’ mess.
He wanted to regret that, but… he couldn’t.
Just as he turned to leave, he received a fire message from Jace.
Do you know where Alec is? His phone is dead, and he’s not answering fire messages.
I can feel that something’s wrong.
Magnus scoffed. Why should he know where Alec was, now? The Shadowhunter had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with Magnus anymore.
He opened a portal, ready to leave, to go somewhere – anywhere – far away; but something prickled at the edge of his mind, and he paused, frowning.
Just days ago, Alec was desperate to not let him go, saying he couldn’t live without him.
Then, he broke up with him.
And then, mere hours later, Asmodeus suddenly appeared and gave his magic back, claiming it was out of love. A pathetic excuse.
…Though not the only pathetic excuse Magnus had heard recently.
I have this meeting I can’t miss. Clave business.
Oh.
Oh.
“Damn it. If you did what I think you did, I’ll kill you, Alexander.”
~*~
Etta was beautiful, and Magnus was clearly head over heels for her. They danced together every night, talked about stars and dreams, about magic and music. She was another Mundane, but she had the Sight and accepted Magnus’ heritage. She loved and desired him.
He looked at her like his heart had finally found a home.
–--
The arguments started because it became clear that even with all his magic, Magnus could never give Etta what she most wanted.
A baby.
She didn’t want to adopt, and didn’t want to spend a childless, finite lifetime with someone who was frozen in time. Desperate, he offered her immortality by his side. They’d find a way.
She refused.
Eventually, she left.
Again, Magnus was too much.
(And all Alec wanted was to hold him, to comfort him, to tell him it wasn’t true.)
~*~
Magnus portalled directly into the Ops Center, where Jace was pacing anxiously. He didn’t notice Magnus until he was practically right in front of him, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.
“There you are. Izzy is forging a new Glorious to free Clary from Jonathan, and I need to go to her. Angels above know what that lunatic will make her do. But Alec isn’t here, and if I go to another unsanctioned mission, he will put me into ichor duty for one year.” Jace snorted, spinning his stele between his fingers.
Magnus rolled his eyes and let out a deep exhale, trying to find his last dregs of non-existent patience. “Much as it would seem that what the Head of this Institute does is no longer my concern, I do need to discuss something with him. Have you already tried tracking him?”
“Yeah, but it’s not working – that’s why I sent you that fire message.” Jace lifted one brow. “What’s going on? Did you two fight again?”
“It’s none of your business,” Magnus said curtly. “But I need to know something. Did Alexander have a meeting with some Clave envoy yesterday?”
“No, not as far as I know. He left soon after you did, then came back later so we could track down the Drevak demons. I don’t know where he went, but when he got back, he… he seemed off.”
“What do you mean?”
Jace eyed Magnus a little suspiciously. “Look, if you are angry at him and it’s not int—“
“Just tell me, Herondale.” Magnus snapped, impatient. For some reason, the uneasiness inside him only grew. He felt like he was running out of time, though what the deadline was he didn’t know.
Jace took a deep breath, fidgeting a little. “He… he said something strange. He asked me, if I had a chance to free Clary from Jonathan, but as a consequence couldn’t never see her again, would I take the chance? I said no, and I wanted to ask him more about it, but he seemed really tense and didn’t say anything else.”
Magnus closed his eyes. God, this was a nightmare.
“Asmodeus.” Magnus opened his eyes to see Isabelle walking towards them, a mixture of distress and frustration written across her features. “I see your magic is back.” She pointed with her chin at the red sparkles mindlessly floating around Magnus’ fingers. He hadn’t even noticed. “I promised him to not tell anyone, but I guess you figured it out?” Magnus nodded. “Good. It’s not my place to tell you the details, but since Alec has now disappeared…” She sighed, worry and fatigue making her look older than her years. “I’m worried.”
“He made a deal with Asmodeus, didn’t he?” Magnus asked, already knowing the answer, but dreading it anyway.
“He what?” Jace almost shouted, but Izzy only sighed again.
“He did. Asmodeus promised to give your magic back if Alec broke up with you. He mentioned that there was a little more to it, but he wouldn’t tell me that part.”
“Wait, he broke up with Magnus? After trying to propose at that failed dinner?”
“What?” Magnus’ jaw dropped and Izzy elbowed Jace, shushing him.
Alec was going to propose?
Magnus’ magic flared, but he rapidly took control of it. He was so angry. Angry with himself. Angry with Asmodeus. Angry with the world. But mostly, angry with Alexander for being a self-sacrificing idiot.
Magnus took a deep breath – going around in these circles, getting angry and revealing things, wasn’t going to help. He forced a false mask of calm over his demeanour, but didn’t try to hide his dangerous smile. “Alright. You two focus on Clary. It seems I have some business to attend to.” He waved a hand dismissively, turning halfway on his heels and opening a portal.
“What about Alec?”
“Oh, rest assured, I’m going to find that parabaidiot of yours.” Magnus’ cheerful tone did little to hide the ominous undertone. “But first, I have something to take care of.”
He had a Greater Demon to banish.
~*~
The war was at its peak. In a place of such desolation, it was wildly unlikely that a romance would blossom, and yet here they were.
Magnus was talking to a man Alec recognized immediately from the photograph in Magnus’ box. George. A brave soldier. Magnus was clearly smitten.
But of course, as always, Magnus wasn’t the first option for anyone. George chose the war. He hugged Magnus goodbye and left.
Abandoned again.
People had a tendency to walk away from him.
Alec hated the resemblance.
~*~
“Goodbye, father.”
Magnus closed the portal, a bittersweet echo in the air. He did it. He was finally free from his father’s claws.
He didn’t feel happy, though. Not because he had some kind of childish hope that his father could really love him, but because there was still a lingering feeling of darkness that kept sweetly whispering how monstrous he was. His mother killed herself because of him. He killed his stepfather. He sent his father to Limbo forever.
He didn’t deserve a family.
But… he had a new one, right? Catarina, Madzie and Raphael. Clary, Simon and the Lightwoods.
Alexander.
Magnus grabbed the omamori charm still hidden in his pocket. He hadn’t had the heart to throw it away, even when Alec had crushed his heart.
He was just about to go fetch something of Alexander’s to track him when another fire message arrived.
Alicante fell. Demons destroying everything. People are dying.
Magnus frowned. Okay, that was a problem, but… was it his problem? After everything the Clave had done, did they really expect his help?
Then his cellphone pinged. It was a message from Isabelle.
We found Alec. He’s in Alicante.
“…Fuck.”
Magnus opened another portal, because apparently, Alicante had just become his problem.
He sighed. He always knew that these damn Nephilim would be the death of him.
~*~
If Alec weren’t so exhausted, he would have screamed with frustration and pain. How many love stories had he seen? How many people had he witnessed breaking Magnus’ heart? He’d long since lost track, because it was already dozens – mundanes, warlocks, werewolves, vampires, seelie, djinn…
Somehow, he’d forgotten that the worst was yet to come, until she appeared.
Camille.
In the beginning, she was sweet. Caring. Offered everything that Magnus yearned for.
The poison is never bitter in small doses.
“Who will love you?”
“Poor little Warlock. So naïve.”
“You are insufferable, Magnus. Too much. Honestly, you’re lucky to have me – who else would take you?”
Alec wanted to throw up, watching how Camille manipulated Magnus, forcing his compliance when that wasn’t enough. She broke him in a way nobody deserved.
She put the last brick on Magnus’ well-crafted walls, and Alec watched his heart get locked away.
~*~
Another explosion of flames and ichor, and another demon dead. Alec hadn’t stopped since breaking free of the memories, getting back to the Institute just in time to hear about the fall of Alicante – and worse, that his siblings were there.
With barely a thought, he geared up, reaching for his bow and quiver.
Correction: Magnus’ bow and quiver. Perhaps the last thing from Magnus he would ever get.
He felt hollow, numb, soulless. How could he feel otherwise, when he had caused such pain to the most beautiful soul in existence?
He’d failed Magnus, just as he eventually failed everyone. Asmodeus was right. Magnus was better off without him.
But there was only one thing he could do now, and that was fight. One by one – or five by five – he shot demons down, his arrows flying fast and true even as a voice at the back of his mind whispered that it was useless. With the rift still open, more would just keep coming. Still, if he could buy time for his people to escape, he would do his damned best, even if it killed him.
He was a soldier above all else. Emotions would only distract him from that duty.
“Alexander?”
No.
That voice.
He slowly turned around, losing what little color he still had on his pale face.
“No. You can’t be here. You… You…” His voice broke, and he shook his head in denial.
“I can’t be anywhere else.” Magnus stepped closer, his voice and posture soft.
“No. You don’t understand. I… I’m terrible for you. I hurt you. I…” Alec’s voice broke again, even more painfully. “I don’t deserve you.”
“I get to decide that, and I say you are deserving. More than anyone, Alexander.” Magnus took another step, but Alec retreated, like a scared animal.
Unwanted tears blurred Alec’s vision for a moment, and as soon as he blinked them away, instinct took over – an Edomi demon was launching itself in Magnus’ direction, and Alec could see that Magnus was in completely the wrong position to defend himself.
Alec made his decision in a split-second, throwing himself over Magnus as a shield.
~*~
He didn’t want to see more. It was too much to bear.
And if he’d thought that Camille would be the most difficult to watch… oh, how wrong he was. Asmodeus had left the worst as a sort of ‘grand finale’.
Alec himself.
He watched himself turning Magnus away. Rejecting him with angry words. Lying, letting the Clave manipulate him once more.
He hurt Magnus so many times. He wasn’t better than any of his past lovers. Maybe he was the worst.
Because if Magnus thought he was too much, then Alec knew that he himself was not enough, could never be enough for Magnus.
He watched himself break up with Magnus, heard his own words again, heard Magnus’ pleas again. He saw the despair in his lover’s eyes, wracking his whole body.
He did that.
Alec finally screamed.
~*~
“No! No, no, no—” Magnus begged, and how Alec hated that familiar kind of agony tinting his voice, but he couldn’t do anything. The world faded for a while and he felt himself falling.
But the impact never came.
Instead, he was being held by the only pair of arms that really mattered. He tried to speak, but only blood came out of his mouth, choking him. The demon had torn a deep hole in his abdomen, the bleeding too severe for Magnus’ magic to heal – not on his own, not in this state.
“Stay with me, Alec. Come on. Stay with me.”
Those words again. Oh God, no.
“Sor…ry…” Alec whispered, tears and blood mixing together, liquid hopelessness trailing down his cool skin.
~*~
Alec opened his eyes to reality.
It wasn’t dark anymore, so he could only guess that he was gone for hours.
He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe properly – but he also couldn’t stop crying. It was too much, witnessing in less than a day what Magnus had suffered over centuries.
How had he endured all that? How, despite everything, had he remained kind and generous, good and benevolent?
How… How could so many people have hurt him?
How could Alec have hurt him?
He howled, and Asmodeus was there to collect each drop of anguish, of pain, of heartbreak – he absorbed it all, smiling with cruel satisfaction, before disappearing again to Magnus’ loft. His son would be back from the Institute anytime now, and Asmodeus would be ready to take him to their rightful home.
~*~
“I know about the deal. And why you did what you did. It’s okay, I don’t—“ Magnus was still trying to infuse his healing magic into Alec’s wound, to no avail, when he saw that Alec’s eyes had closed. “Alec? Alexander!” Magnus tapped Alec’s cheek, desperately looking for a sign of consciousness.
Alec blinked slowly, dazed. He didn’t understand. Why was Magnus trying to save him?
“Don’t you… hate… me?”
“What-? Of course not. Alexander, I love you. I’d never, ever, hate you. Even though I’m angry that you made a deal with my father, I’d never hate you.”
“I…” Alec licked his chapped and dry lips, tasting the metallic tang of blood. “I only… wanted to… help you. ‘ake you hap-py. Your… magic-”
“I know, I know. Please, don’t talk anymore. We will have plenty of time after this to talk it out, I promise. Just… just rest, okay? Don’t go away. Stay here.”
“I love… you.” And this was his ultimate truth – even when he still felt his heart shattered, bleeding with the rest of his body. He needed to tell Magnus that, even if it were for the last time, even if he never opened his eyes again. “Lo…ve… ‘u…” He breathed, welcoming the darkness once more.
“I love you too, Alexander,” Magnus cradled Alec’s body as close as possible, doing his best to not break down. Alec was alive. He could feel his heartbeat. He couldn’t panic, or else he would lose Alec for good.
“Alec!”
Jace, Isabelle and Clary came running up to them.
They bore more bad news. Jonathan had destroyed the Morgenstern sword.
Alicante was doomed.
Glancing at Alexander, Magnus felt his heart clench even more, if that were possible. His Shadowhunter seemed as if he had given up the will to fight for his life. He forced more healing spell into the wound, turning over a plan in his mind.
“My father told me about a way to increase my power.”
“Enough to close the rift?” asked Clary.
“Potentially, yes. The strength I would need to pull it off can only come from one place.”
“Edom?” Izzy prompted. Magnus only nodded.
“You know, if you weren’t a 400-and-something-year-old Warlock, I’d kick your ass. Actually, I could still do that, except that my brother wouldn’t forgive me.”
Magnus turned to Izzy with wide eyes, dumbfounded. She looked like a woman at the end of her patience.
“You and Alec are ridiculous. Always making these stupid decisions for the sake of others, for the sake of the world, but never choosing yourselves. If you go to Edom, you know that you won’t be able to come back. Then my stupid brother will most likely raise another hell just to get you back. We have no demon blood, so we wouldn’t survive in Edom – which just means that Alec would do something even more stupid to get there, like… I don’t know, trying to turn into a Vampire? Something idiotic like that.”
Magnus’ jaw fell slightly, and for the first time in years, he was truly speechless.
“Magnus… Alec won’t make it without you. He is giving up.” Jace was palming his parabatai rune, clearly in pain. “Please. He’ll only stay if you stay.”
“You…” Magnus huffed, reluctantly amused. “You are all impossible.” Really, these Nephilim would be the death of him. “Okay. There is something else I could try.”
Something that could’ve helped before, if it wasn’t for Lorenzo’s threat.
Magnus pulled away from healing Alec, flicking his wrist and summoning a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote his message, creating another twenty copies with a wave of his hand, and sending them off. All of them flared immediately, flying off in different directions.
It was time to call in all his favors - this time, way out of Lorenzo’s jurisdiction.
~*~
It has been five months since the last time he was at Pandemonium during its ‘closed’ hours. That day, he had decided to leave New York – maybe for good. Now, he wanted nothing more to stay.
Thanks to the combined forces of eighteen warlocks, they’d had enough power to close the rift above Alicante. And the delight of having Shadowhunters owe a huge debt to the Warlock community? Well, it was a delicious bonus.
Catarina had focused on saving Alec’s life, while Magnus had led the spell needed to close the rift. Izzy, Clary, Jace, and other Shadowhunters ran interference, keeping the demons away from the Warlocks while they worked.
Some days later, the danger Jonathan imposed also met its end.
They could finally breathe and rest.
They took turns to get days off. First Izzy with Simon, then Jace and Clary – and finally, Magnus took Alec as far away as he could.
They had a very long (and very overdue) talk about everything – Magnus’ magic, his terrible coping mechanisms, Alec’s deal with Asmodeus, their relationship, communication.
There were a lot of tears. Hugs. Kisses. Reassurances.
Sex.
And if they stayed a bit longer away from New York, well – nobody dared to say anything.
Now, Magnus was at Pandemonium once more, reminiscing about everything that happened since that very first night, when Alec, Jace, Isabelle and Clary had stormed into his life.
Distracted as he was, he barely registered an arrow flying over his shoulder.
Immediately, he called upon his magic, ready to fight – but when he turned around, what he saw made his heart beat faster in an entirely different way, his magic flickering out again.
Alec was there, bow in hand, standing at the stairs leading to the upper floor.
Exactly like that night. Exactly like when he had killed that Circle member, and saved Magnus’ life.
Giving Magnus a crooked smile, Alec climbed down the stairs and put aside his bow.
“You know, it always made me happy that you were my ‘first’ everything. My first kiss, my first relationship, my first ‘I love you’, my first – er – sexual partner.” At that, an adorable pink colored Alec’s cheeks and neck. “I wasn’t yours, but that never worried me. Once, Jace told me that it only ‘counted’ when we have this kind of experience with the one we truly love. He says that it’s only when he had his first kiss with Clary that he felt whole.”
“Oh? I never took him for the romantic type.”
Alec shrugged, trying to not grin. He finally got closer to Magnus and kissed him sweetly, just a slow and lingering slide of lips.
“I asked you to come here today because this,” he gestured to the club, “is our first place. Where our lives got intertwined. So… there isn’t a better place to ask you for another first.”
He took a small velvet box from his jacket pocket and opened it, revealing the Lightwood ring. Licking his lips, he braced himself and looked at Magnus.
Really looked.
And it was intense enough for Magnus to drop his glamour, as the realization of what was about to happen crashed down on his mind. Big, warm, golden cat-eyes looked back at Alec, full of adoration.
“Magnus, will you give me the honor of being my first, my only love, for the time we get to share? Magnus Bane, will you marry me?”
And in all Magnus’ centuries, saying a simple, three-letter word had never seemed so peaceful, so easy.
I just saw you reblog Will and Tessa's wedding invitation - do you think Magnus was invited and, if he was, did he go?
I’m going to preface this with the fact that it’s been ages since I read TID so I’m hoping I remember mostly how things fell between everyone at the end there, but:
Hmmmm... I think he would be invited. I know the relationship he had with Will and Tessa wasn’t the most conventional, but he definitely cares about them, more than he probably should, and I think they would extend an invitation to him as someone who made every effort to help Will out when he needed it (and I’m sure offered Tessa some warlock guidance throughout the years as well).
As far as if he would go once invited... Magnus isn’t one to turn down a good party/social event, now is he? I think he’d make an appearance, at the very least, because he does care about them and would want to show his support, even if he might think they’re rushing into things a bit, or concerned over the idea of Tessa attaching herself to a mortal, or any number of personal hold-ups I’m sure he’d have at that time regarding Shadowhunters in general. And also love in general.
