Apr 23, 2016
My ‘research methylation and biochemistry’ and ‘drink coffee’ on a Saturday night music. No, I’m not lonely.
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My ‘research methylation and biochemistry’ and ‘drink coffee’ on a Saturday night music. No, I’m not lonely.
For once I wish I’d get a letter in the mail or an email or even a concise tweet “Hey Dom, relapse ahead. Prepare yourself.” There, didn’t even need 140 characters.
It would make life so much fucking easier.
fuck you ptsd.
i can’t do this anymore. I have so many plans but they look further and further away. I try to socialize and I just can’t handle it sometimes. “What do you do?” is a loaded question because I answer honestly “nothing right now” (except dominatrix on the weekends for extra cash- LOL @ my bestie Mike) but am thinking “spend all day trying not to cry, self harm or worse, spend all my energy getting up the strength to eat and drink, spend alot of time weighing up whether i should take my meds and deal with the side effects, or not take them and fall into my illness so i become numb, just slowly rot from the inside out.” But yeah, “nothing right now” is my answer, and I’ve got to think that adding RIGHT NOW means something, it means if I have a future it will be filled with all the wonderful things I want to do and I can change my answer to “well, actually”. But at the moment, fuck you ptsd.
I’m sorry for the rant but I haven’t been to neurofeedback in a little while and I think I’m really feeling it, I think this little time without it proves that it’s doing something, that it’s worth the money and the time and the tiredness and the gunk in my hair.
You can't even go down to your local park at night and just cry anymore, what kind of a world are we living in??
I hate still hearing whispers like "that was a man" "omg that was a man". I'm like seriously? All I noticed was her cute outfit and absolutely rocking shoes. That freaking rocked.
Money can’t buy me love, sure.
If it could I’d only be able to afford an ugly, STD ridden, unfunny, racist love who eventually leaves me so I’m cool with that.
'Remember it's the end of a chapter, not the end of your book.' BUT IVE FINISHED ALL THE CHAPTERS AND IT SAYS THE END. PRETTY SURE ITS THE END OF MY BOOK.
There's no feeling like the warmth of your laptop being the only thing keeping you warm, the battery slowly dying, and your charger being rooms away.