Apr 23, 2016
My ‘research methylation and biochemistry’ and ‘drink coffee’ on a Saturday night music. No, I’m not lonely.
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My ‘research methylation and biochemistry’ and ‘drink coffee’ on a Saturday night music. No, I’m not lonely.
Im not allowed to say "I'm sorry" anymore because apparently that's very common among abuse victims, so I'm walking around saying "I'm apologetic!" constantly. Moral of the story: work around things, you can get it done.
Sometimes when I'm in that "I'll do what the fuck I want" mood I nearly turn off my computer when it's updating because fuck you and your DO NOT TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER.
#mentalhealth problems suck. You can stop taking your medication and.... "feel the effects" which means hospital in most cases or take your meds which makes some symptoms worse (mainly the voices) and to make things better YOU TAKE MORE MEDS. Something is wrong here. No, I'm not doing well. I'm sick of this. I don't want to do this anymore.
Rant, medications.
medications suck. I need them but I’m thinking of stopping them because of the horrible side effects.The side effects make me want to do things I know I shouldn’t be thinking about. I’ve gained so much weight, when I eat healthy, when i do eat. And when I do eat my suicidal feelings get so much fucking worse I don’t know how I manage to get through each day.
And I’ve got a friend who really needs me atm so i really need to be ready to be there for him but seriously I just can’t get myself together...
I think therefore I worry about every little thing I say and do for way way much longer than I should.
Sitting in my room basically just feeling sorry for myself and the way my life has chosen to go at the moment, when my bff rings with the worst news I can imagine. It could drag me down further and make me totally relapse. But no, it’s going to make me STRONGER because if I want to do anything at the moment, I want to be there for him. For them. For everyone but me.
Doing something for me doesn’t interest me right now. But doing something for those I love, those I adore, that’s a totally different story.
Yeah, everyone’s drinking because they just finished work for the week, I’m drinking because I just survived a bad dissociation and paranoia episode. (Thank you Lorazepam and Calvin.)