#miscarriage vent

[lifeless-lavender]

“You’re so different than when I knew you last”

I have felt grief like no other since then. I have felt my baby girl die. I don’t know how to keep living anymore. I can’t tell anyone because nobody knew she existed so I sat on the floor on my bathroom in agony, both physical and mental and felt my precious girl leave where it was supposed to be safe for her. I don’t know how to live for her.

So yes. Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe I’m not the person I was a year ago. How the fuck would I be??

[lifeless-lavender]

Did I want a child? No. Did I intend on getting pregnant? Not at all. But that doesn’t mean that I wanted to miscarry. I didn’t know what I was going to do, and I wasn’t ready for a child, but I miss them, I miss that I didn’t get a decision and I hold that grief with me daily. It’s so hard to live life when I have felt life die inside of me

[lifeless-lavender]

My little girl would around a year old today. I never found out a due date, but end of January and start of feb is around 9 months. My little girl would be a year old. She is a year old, without me.