#mod ess

[dear-systems]

This is going to sound like an invitation for discourse but I promise it's not, I'm just trying to figure the best course of action for me and my sys. Is it racist or cultural appropriation if a nonwhite headmate uses their name (/while fronting) when the body is white?

the way we see it, it really depends. if the nonwhite headmate is a fictive- like camilo or dolores from encanto, natsuki or sayori from DDLC, etc- then yes, they keep their name. because that's their name, yknow? and they can use it while fronting. but if the person is brain-made or just thinks those names are "cool" or smth, then no! fictives keep their names, anyone else does not.

hope this helped!!

[weekly-fairytail-events]

Remember guys, Ultear Week is January 10th - 16th 2021!

Prompts:

10th - Family

11th - Busy Schedule

12th - Accidents Happen

13th - Intense Emotions

14th - Impulsive Choice

15th - Having Fun

16th - Relaxation Time

[nyoho-its-gyjo]

“Hey Johnny! I’m sure there’s a lot of people who would love to ask us some questions!” “Oh? If you think so, Gyro...”

multi muse/mun blog for Gyro Zeppeli and Johnny Joestar!

~ask box is open!~

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: unconsensual sex? CSA

Not in a crisis or anything, just looking for reassurance maybe or someone to listen? I'm a bit scared because I know I need help but my mother simply won't do anything about what I've told her. When I was younger I told her a certain guy touched me while I slept several times. I left out the actual unconsensual sex part because I was embarrassed about it happening for so long and me not knowing it was wrong at first and then just not knowing what to do about it when I found out it was bad. My mother never even did anything about the touching and I'm a bit too anxious about the whole ordeal to tell anyone else because they'll have to report it and I don't think I can . I just wish someone would have noticed when I was younger and helped me because now I'm too scared to say or do anything about it and it's been almost two months since the last time it happened and I think my mental health is only declining at this point. I don't need advice, I think it'll just be pointless to suggest I tell someone. I know I won't do it but I feel so stuck and alone right now.

~Sami

Hi Sami,

I’m so sorry that guy did those things to you. And I’m so sorry that your mother never did anything about it when you told her. 

I understand being embarrassed, but there is nothing wrong with not knowing it was wrong or not knowing what to do when you found out that it was bad. Those are both normal things that a lot of people go through, unfortunately.

It’s never too late to tell someone, but if you don’t feel you can tell someone around you, that’s okay. Telling us here is good. I’m listening, and I’m here for you. I promise that you are not alone, and I guarantee that there are other people reading this who have been through similar things to what you went through.

It sucks a lot that what you’ve been through makes you so anxious. It’s valid and okay to feel that way. Again, I promise that you are not alone.

- Mod Ess

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: csa, cocsa, hypersexuality

Im lost and need validation. I'm working on my therapist with a lot these past few months, and my mom's been working with me to help rediscover lost memories. She reminded me that I was hypersexual as a child, knew about sex since age 3, and even tried to perform a sex act on a waiter as a greeting. I performed cocsa on a childhood friend, and my brothers friends did cocsa on me. But I'm having old memories of my grandfather resurface after he died, alongside emotional flashbacks and physical ones.

My mom recently told me that my problems are actually stemming from an assault I experienced as a teenager, because I was "fine until then". It really stings hearing that from your support, and she knows about how I was as a kid and yet still can't believe I could have been assaulted. What can I do to support myself in this phase of denial? I know something happened, but my mom keeps pushing it aside.

Hi Anon,

I’m sorry your mom isn’t believing or supporting you. I do believe you. I’m sure something did happen. The old memories you’re having resurface along side flashbacks obviously fit with that. Also, hypersexuality and the related acts your mom reminded you that you did as a child sound like the kind of things that children who have been through csa sometimes do.

Do you have other friends who know about what you have been through, or you think would be supportive if you told them about it? Maybe they could help and support you. 

Also, you could and should practice self-care - maybe spend some time reading books or watching shows you enjoy, or have some nice warm baths, or fill your place with scents you enjoy (from candles, aroma therapy, cooking or any other way you can produce them). There are a thousand ways you could practice self-care. Think about what might make you feel comforted and better, that you can do for yourself. Getting support from others is great, and helpful, but taking care of yourself can also do so much to help you get through things.

I’m so sorry you went through something as a child, and that your mom is making it harder by denying it happened.

I believe you.

- Mod Ess

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hey there, I was wondering if you had advice or resources on how to start setting boundaries. I honestly end up in a lot of situations where I am uncomfortable or feel unheard, and part of it definitely stems from my inability to set boundaries or talk about how I feel. I need to start therapy again so I plan to talk about it but idk when I’ll have my appointment so I was hoping for a place to start

Hi Anon,

That sounds really difficult. Boundaries can be hard, especially if people have pushed or ignored them in the past.

One resource I found helpful was this page on setting and enforcing boundaries: (link).

As for talking about how you feel, I know it’s hard but try to remember that most people (I hope - obviously I don’t know who you’re around) do care what you’re feeling and would listen, but it’s hard for them to do it if you don’t tell them anything. Try to approach it from the mindset of if you had a friend who had something important to say. Would you listen if they told you they had something they needed to say? I expect you would. If you found out later (from another source) that they didn’t tell you anything, and you could have been helpful, would you wish they had felt able to talk to you?

Give your friends/family a chance to listen to you.

A lot of people have trouble setting boundaries, and a lot of people have anxiety about talking about how they feel. You are not alone. Your worries are valid. But I hope this helps.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hey! so first i wanted to mention that this isn't about any mods on here! this was actually an interaction that took place off tumblr completely, so please don't worry about this being directed to anyone. this is kind of a vent, as well as seeking validation and maybe future advice for dealing with this type of thing since atm i'm very upset. anyway. i get frustrated when people act like they want to help, but don't provide people with any examples, resources, or steps they can take, (1/4)

and just give vague answers. this influencer finished her degree in psychology and was taking answers from people seeking help with things like trauma and certain disorders. her replies are always things like "welcome abundance" and "help yourself flourish" and other things that frankly sound like nonsense to me because i don't even fully understand what she means in the first place? she never recommends any actual self-help activities or coping strategies. i finally mentioned it, (2/4)

i thought she might just ignore it but basically i just said that the way she replies to survivors is confusing without providing people with examples on what kinds of things they can do. and then she said that that's supposedly infringing on her privacy? she is recovered, so maybe she thought i was saying she needs examples from her personal recovery struggles, but no, i meant just giving people suggestions for steps they can take instead of speaking in riddles and cute little buzzwords. (3/4)

anyway now she feels her privacy was 'attacked' and the interaction just left me feeling bad. i don't wanna dwell on it much but i feel like i just don't 'get' how to recover and that maybe there is something wrong with my mindset but i can't figure it out 'cause i'm not 'spiritually enlightened' enough or whatever. i also don't have money to spend on all the trips and selfcare stuff she buys herself or the support of a bunch of fans/friends either so idk why i even try. (4/4) - from, Cherry 🍒

i just sent in a few asks and signed off with the nickname Cherry/cherry emoji since i wasn't sure which nicknames are already taken, please tag me as one of those in your reply if that makes things easier, thanks for your time and patience! and sorry if i sounded negative in the asks but like i mentioned i'm feeling upset over the situation right now (venting my feelings did inspire me to finally unfollow the girl though) thanks, you all are awesome

---

Hi Cherry,

I don’t blame you at all for getting frustrated at that influencer, I think I would be too. They sound seriously unhelpful. It seems kind of like toxic positivity except more... vague?

Recovery is definitely possible, but it doesn’t sound like that influencer can be much help there. I don’t think your mindset or “spiritual enlightenment” level is a problem here so much as this person just... not giving real advice by the sound of it.

I don’t get how her “privacy” was attacked, it feels more like a way for her to turn your comment around and make you the villain, and get sympathy. I’m happy to hear you unfollowed her, because it doesn’t sound like she was good for you.

I guess her advice must be helpful to some people, but I don’t get it either. If someone’s advice is “you need to spend more money” - I’d take it with a grain of salt.

And thank you for the compliment to us!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, i think i need some validation. my parents are the kind of people who like to yell and criticize small things i do, and i feel like my self esteem suffers a lot from that. however, i recently found a tiktok parodying these kind of parents' mannerisms and criticisms and i realized a lot of people in my city, who has the same ethnicity as me, they usually have similar type of parents, to the point there are stereotypes about parents of my ethnicity. i now feel like i'm too sensitive and overly entitled because it seems like my peers with the same ethnicity don't resent their parents or get scared of them or anything like that. at most, they're just annoyed and can easily brush things off, unlike me, who get so affected whenever i get scolded, or even worse, yelled at. not to mention, there seem to be this trend of people mocking teenagers who express their feelings as "these kids wanna be oppresed so bad" and "they're just in their edgy phase" and i don't know, i just feel so conflicted about whether my upbringing is even that bad? everyone else seem to see it as normal so now i kinda feel like i'm someone who "wanna be oppressed so badly" or something like that, even though i'm not even a minor and i do think my upbringing has made me less able to socialize with my peers. like, on one hand, i know it affects me real bad, but on the other hand, i keep thinking whether i'm just faking, you know? i think the root problem is that while my peers do experience similar scoldings, their parents also made it clear that they love their kids, while my parents don't really do that? but i don't know, i still feel like i'm weak for not being able to handle simple yellings

---

Hi Anon,

First, just because something terrible is done by a lot of parents, that doesn’t make it somehow not terrible. In years past, lots of parenting practices were considered normal that we now understand were traumatizing.

Second, it sounds like it isn’t just about the yelling your parents do. The fact that they don’t make you feel loved is a different problem, and a big one. And it isn’t okay. Have you ever communicated to them about that? If not, do you think they would listen if you did talk to them about it?

It doesn’t sound like you “want to be oppressed” - and frankly, most times people say that about others without actually knowing what they might be going through. I don’t think you’re “just faking” - your parents are upsetting you, and it’s completely reasonable to feel that. It doesn’t make you weak or anything like that.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Your feelings are valid and I don’t blame you at all for being affected by what they do.

- Mod Ess